Love: Today, my parents finally invited my boyfriend over for dinner....

By lovecrisis247 - 19/12/2010 07:46 - United States

Today, my parents finally invited my boyfriend over for dinner. Everything was going great until my mother asked him his profession. He stuffed his mouth full of lasagna, snorted, and then responded, "I clean shit for a living." FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 088

You deserved it 25 432

Love

Compromises

You BARBARIAN!

The I in LGBTQA+

By Anonymous - 08/01/2011 03:09 - United States

Today, I went to the OBGYN for my annual, and noticed they now supplied babywipes. After 3 seconds of "cleaning", the intense burning started. Turns out they were antibacterial bleach wipes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 026

You deserved it 32 290

By mystery - 17/06/2012 02:08 - United States - Phoenix

Today, I found out my wife is pregnant. She hadn't even called me; I saw the news on my Facebook news feed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 646

You deserved it 2 375

By JulesBlues - 31/07/2019 20:00 - Germany

Today, we had the hottest day ever recorded in Germany. Well, at least this means I won't need a hot water bottle to keep my feet from freezing, right? Wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 379

You deserved it 153

By brokeforever - 18/03/2015 22:23 - Latvia - Riga

Today, I found out how much those tiny dogs cost when my German Shepherd ate one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 535

You deserved it 12 259

By skrillexblewme - 02/08/2012 16:30 - United States

Today, as I sat down in the plane, I realized that for the next seven hours I would be sitting next to a priest who refused to stop praying aloud, and an old man who wanted to tell me the story of how the toothpick came to be. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 975

You deserved it 2 415

Lookin' good

By Sleeping Beauty - 19/12/2015 19:20 - United States - Jamestown

Today, I took a nap on the couch. Apparently, my wife decided to put makeup all over my face as I slept. She didn't tell me until after I went to the gas station to grab some beer. Looks like I will have to find a new place to buy beer from now on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 996

You deserved it 3 757

Are you a wizard?

By elaine - 02/02/2021 21:01 - United States - Denver

Today, I tried to prove a point to my six-year-old son who refuses to drink water from the kitchen sink in favor of from the bathroom faucet. I filled up two cups, one with the kitchen water and another with the bathroom water, thinking he wouldn’t tell the difference. He gagged on the kitchen water. FML

I agree, your life sucks 326

You deserved it 835

Freaked out

By scarredforlife - 03/10/2015 01:13 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, after taking my little niece out onto the balcony of her family's new apartment to enjoy the view, we watched as a man jaywalked across the street down below and was run over by a car. My niece is pretty much traumatized for life now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 324

You deserved it 1 624

By deadandwasted - 20/02/2010 08:20 - United States

Today, I halted a cab. It was 12 degrees and snowing outside. When I went to get in, a man shoved me away and I slipped on ice into dirty snow slush, and he stole my cab. As it drove off, the man flipped me off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 484

You deserved it 2 432

By Rotarius - 23/08/2012 18:09 - Canada - Toronto

Today, instead of staying home, I took an hour-long bus ride in the middle of the night to my girlfriend's place because on the phone she said, "I desperately need your body right now". It turned out she was just cold. She is also on her period. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 880

You deserved it 36 836

By latenightbite - 16/03/2010 23:17 - United States

Today, I found out why my roommate and best friend comes home late three nights a week. She goes to get drunk with some guy, then goes back to his house to hook up. Who is this guy? The guy I've been dating for three years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 083

You deserved it 3 078

By Anonymous - 19/09/2009 04:55 - United States

Today, I went back home. My drunk mother was screaming at my drunk step-dad about a fight that happened four years ago. My little sister was looking in the mirror practicing her "orgasm face" while the neighbors were dancing outside, coked out and naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 86 118

You deserved it 5 358

By CircleBruise - 08/06/2010 23:58 - United States

Today, I was playing my guitar and singing on the street corner. I did earn money, when some guy threw a quarter out of his car window for me. It hit me in the face. I now have a circle shaped bruise under my eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 355

You deserved it 5 861

By mile high clubber - 14/07/2013 10:41 - United States - Bensalem

Today, while on the airplane, the cute girl next to me and I instantly hit it off. When I excused myself to the bathroom, I must have given her the wrong impression. She wanted to join the mile high club; I just wanted to take a crap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 036

You deserved it 13 645

By why mom - 02/08/2016 23:52

Today, my straight, white, Christian stepmother greeted my black friend with, "Hey my n****a!" He hasn't talked to me since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 354

You deserved it 1 364

By Victoria - 12/07/2016 14:10

Today, my mother still refuses to acknowledge my son as her grandson, all because I had a C-section, which she says is unnatural and against God's will. I only had the C-section in the first place for health reasons. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 556

You deserved it 1 161

By luvlessbootycall - 24/07/2010 05:23 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of three months texted me saying he loves me. I excitedly started texting back, "I love you too." Before I even got done, he messaged again saying, "Can you send a pic of your tits to me now?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 638

You deserved it 6 854

By overdriven07 - 01/09/2009 15:07 - United States

Today, my landlord asked to borrow my truck to move some furniture. When she returned it, I noticed she had filled the gas tank up. I thanked her for doing so, and she handed me the receipt and said "just add it to next month's rent". FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 796

You deserved it 3 505

By Anonymous - 18/06/2014 19:06 - United States - Lake Wales

Today, we had a guy come into the hospital with a carrot stuck deep in his anus. I've heard all kinds of ridiculous cover stories, but his took the cake; he claimed the phone rang while he was showering and he slipped onto a box of vegetables. Guess who had to extract the carrot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 422

You deserved it 5 012

By blackandblue - 02/11/2010 16:26 - United States

Today, I was waiting for a friend to pick me up. It was after dark and I was nervous, so when he pulled up I immediately jumped in the car. The young girl in the driver's seat started freaking out, screaming and punching me in the face repeatedly. I'd accidentally gotten in the wrong car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 344

You deserved it 28 727

Gotcha!

By Anonymous - 02/07/2016 13:39 - United States - Revere

Today, my brother set me up on a blind date. I've been single for years and he said she was a perfect match for me, so I was excited. Turned out the fucker was playing a prank. The girl was my sister, who was just as surprised as I was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 360

You deserved it 1 095

By TurtleTeacher - 14/10/2011 06:09 - United States

Today, my students took my glasses, hid them from me, and called me a turtle when I squinted my eyes trying to look for them. This carried on for about 25 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 835

You deserved it 4 038

By so pray to ariel about it, dipshits - 30/11/2012 19:29 - United Kingdom - Edinburgh

Today, two of my friends condemned me for being "narrow-minded", because I couldn't help but laugh at the thought that someone would believe mermaids actually exist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 140

You deserved it 5 127

By Anonymous - 15/05/2019 03:10

Today, I was playing beer pong at a party and managed to get the ball in a cup. I jumped a little bit in excitement and somehow managed to fracture my foot while doing so. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 430

You deserved it 332

Sick board!

By Anonymous - 21/04/2021 20:00 - Canada - Toronto

Today, it was my first time trying to longboard. I ended up going down a steep hill and didn’t know to how stop. I wound up in the hospital with a fractured knee and bruises all over from trying to stop myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 444

You deserved it 670

By Anonymous - 11/10/2010 00:57 - United States

Today, while on my run, I was attacked by my neighbor's new dog. It apparently didn't like me running past their house and broke free from its chain. I now have stitches and was just told that I'm probably being taken to court for the emotional distress I caused her and the dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 648

You deserved it 2 778

By xXshitface4uXx - 25/07/2014 22:46 - New Zealand - Rotorua

Today, my dad asked me how I would feel about going on an all-expenses-paid, month-long holiday to the Caribbean. I was ecstatic and broke into tears of joy, saying I'd love it. He replied, "Yeah, me too. Shame it ain't happening!" then left for work, laughing his arse off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 766

You deserved it 9 085

TMI FML

By Anonymous - 03/08/2014 17:36 - Sweden - Kristianstad

Today, while I was waiting for the train, a woman sat next to me. Her dog jumped up between us and I started petting it. She took this to mean we were now close enough for her to tell me in detail about her experience so far going through the menopause. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 029

You deserved it 4 415

Get Lucky, sound of the summer

By ashamed - 25/11/2015 15:50 - United States - Buffalo

Today, my neighbor called me a lucky bastard and said he heard me getting my wife off last night. I was too ashamed to admit the sounds he was referring to were from my 17-year-old daughter after a wasp flew through her bedroom window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 850

You deserved it 2 363

By sleepysophie - 19/10/2013 15:04 - United States - Helena

Today, I slept over at my friend's house. Her dad made breakfast for us. While fixing a plate, my friend said, "Careful, my dad clips his nails in the kitchen." She said it with a sarcastic, joking tone, and laughed afterwards. While eating, I found a toenail in my food. Her response? "I told you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 539

You deserved it 5 545

By Loser - 17/03/2010 04:41 - Canada

Today, I got into a fight with the dryer over a plastic toy car. My hand is bleeding and numb, three of my nails are broken and I have a bruise on my chin. The plastic car is still stuck in the now broken dryer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 712

You deserved it 25 949

Taking liberties

By Bernie - 07/09/2021 14:01 - United States

Today, my live-in mother-in-law gave away the family dog because it’s "one less mouth to feed." Last week, she "accidentally" threw away the mail, thinking it was junk mail. No matter how hard I try to convince my wife to kick her out, she tells me, "But that’s my mother, though." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 268

You deserved it 136

By Anonymous - 12/11/2018 18:00

Today, my brother threw a mug at my head and threatened to stab anybody who came at him because I woke him up for school. I called the police after threats were thrown at my mom, who then lied to them and said I overreacted. I'm currently getting the silent treatment from my family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 209

You deserved it 404

By you would - 04/03/2009 05:15 - United States

Today, my wife told me that she wanted a divorce. It is also my 39th birthday today. For my birthday present, she gave me a subscription to match.com. FML

I agree, your life sucks 140 757

You deserved it 7 626

By Anonymous - 13/03/2016 08:25 - Australia - Aspley

Today, for my birthday my friend bought me a book on how to lose weight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 307

You deserved it 3 371

By teejayrn - 18/12/2012 10:03

Today, I saw my daughter dusting her furniture with the white handkerchief I gave her as a wedding present. It's been in our family for 4 generations. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 903

You deserved it 5 728

By Anonymous - 06/12/2011 06:45 - United Kingdom

Today, I found that when a hot girl asks you whether you have a girlfriend, saying, "I got 99 problems but a bitch ain't one" is not the best way to proceed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 030

You deserved it 75 788

Sticky

By Anonymous - 13/11/2021 06:00 - Australia - Sydney

Today, while at work, I was driving a manual car for the third time ever. I managed to stall it and jolt forward, bumping the horn at the same time in front of a group of people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 618

You deserved it 192

Bad boy

By feelgood - 29/07/2013 05:08 - United States

Today, I woke up on the last day of my vacation at the beach to find that my dog had chewed a hole in the wall of my rented house, 2 hours before the owner arrived to check for any damage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 497

You deserved it 6 744

By Anonymous - 18/07/2012 16:09 - United Kingdom - Darlington

Today, I had the contraceptive implant removed from my arm after having had it in for three years. I was one of the unlucky people whose body sticks to it. It took half an hour to cut and pull a tiny little stick out of my arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 395

You deserved it 2 702

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Top comments

DocBastard 38

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Sunday 19 December 2010 16:40

He snorted lasagna? Damn, I think you have bigger problems than his table manners.

dbomb88 0

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Sunday 19 December 2010 16:35

he sounds very entheuastic about his work..

zombieglamour_fml 0

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Sunday 19 December 2010 16:34

What a great first impression. :

sugarr0babby0 0

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Sunday 19 December 2010 16:44

agreed.

I_iz_B_a_troll 23

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Sunday 19 December 2010 17:38

is your boyfriend the doo doo man? he's my idol!

LightningLadyy 0

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Sunday 19 December 2010 18:30

Just beautiful... :P

HarvestTheSorrow 0

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Monday 20 December 2010 7:09

Well, that's just shitty I guess...

GTmustang07 0

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Monday 20 December 2010 7:25

your fault for dating a dude without any manners

sarahbella101 7

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Tuesday 19 July 2011 9:44

this one still has yet to be hoisebroken and properly trained.

dbomb88 0

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Sunday 19 December 2010 16:35

he sounds very entheuastic about his work..

Nader_fml 0

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Monday 20 December 2010 8:41

Could be cleaning the lasagna. Zing!

Jaydos 0

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Monday 20 December 2010 9:05

No, just no ^^

UpsidedownKayak 9

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Sunday 19 December 2010 16:37

Someone has to clean it. That sucks he doesn't have table manners.

talldude4u 3

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Sunday 19 December 2010 16:37

Well, that's one way to say it.

tnt227 4

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Sunday 19 December 2010 16:37

Sounds like a keeper.

DocBastard 38

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Sunday 19 December 2010 16:40

He snorted lasagna? Damn, I think you have bigger problems than his table manners.

wisericky 12

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Sunday 19 December 2010 18:29

i wish i could snort lasagna and save it for later in my nose :P

minidonut54 0

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Monday 25 April 2011 14:51

he stuffed lasagna in his mouth AND then snorted. you stupid?

iEnvade 2

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Friday 10 June 2011 15:34

70 - They were obviously joking.. You stupid?

Jewelofagal 2

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Sunday 19 December 2010 16:42

You can't be surprised. You've dated him long enough to refer to him as your "boyfriend". Surely that means you've witnessed his poor table manners and poor conversational skills before this dinner. YDI to actually bringing home this swine to meet your family. Take a little more pride in yourself and just say "no" to uncouth associations.