Love and Health: The Little Sperm That Could

The Little Sperm That Could

By Anonymous - 24/08/2017 16:00

Today, I found out I'm three weeks pregnant with a guy I've been dating for a month. I'm on the pill and we even used a condom. This baby must be some kind of superhuman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 704

You deserved it 885

Love Health

Age difference

Unfair

Great support, mom

It's all in the timing

By laststand11 - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff

Today, my mom used, "Happy Thanksgiving break" and, "We sold your car" in the same sentence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 987

You deserved it 2 479

By Kristat - 01/04/2012 04:32 - United States

Today, because I was the only manager scheduled, I went into work despite feeling sick to my stomach. While sitting down with a customer, I got the urge to throw up and tried to hold it back. Instead I vomited in my mouth, instinctively swallowed and started choking in front of the customer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 712

You deserved it 3 369

By Kris - 07/08/2011 20:37 - China

Today, at my workplace, a TV was installed just above my register at work which plays the same mind-numbingly awful 13 second ad on loop for the duration of our latest sale. The sale lasts for what are going to be three very long weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 274

You deserved it 2 742

Halitosis

By Anonymous - 13/10/2021 20:00

Today, my boyfriend and I were making out when I asked him to go brush his teeth, since his breath stank. He went back to playing video games. FML

I agree, your life sucks 801

You deserved it 242

By Jay - 10/04/2009 14:41 - Germany

Today, my mate came over wanting me to listen to a new music cd he got. It was by some unknown band, and at the end he asked me what I thought, and I said it was ok, but the lead singer couldn't sing even if his life depended on it. Turns out my mate's the lead singer, and it was his own band. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 173

You deserved it 42 940

Mystery unwanted gift

By Anonymous - 04/05/2021 07:59 - Australia - Bendigo

Today, I came back from school camp and really had to go to the toilet. I ran to the nearest one, which was by the principal's office. After I finished, I tried to flush the button. Turns out the water was turned off so it wouldn't flush. I bolted. The principal is now stuck with my unwanted present. FML

I agree, your life sucks 720

You deserved it 127

Whut?

By what did you say? - 15/06/2016 13:25

Today, I went for a job interview. The woman interviewing me had such a thick accent that I had to keep asking her to repeat herself. She got so frustrated that she ended the interview super early. I don't think I got the job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 495

You deserved it 1 173

By LittleSprout - 21/03/2017 04:00 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I was buying veggies with my five-year-old. She saw some brussel sprouts and begged me to buy them. I thought there was no way she'd like them, but I do, so I got them. Later, she was sitting on the couch eating them raw like candy. I have a weird kid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 780

You deserved it 1 181

By Username - 20/08/2011 09:20 - United States

Today, the girl of my dreams that I've been dating for months called me. Apparently she's been having recurring nightmares of me cheating on her. She dumped me "just in case." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 370

You deserved it 2 664

Nice guy

By Catherine - 13/05/2021 11:01

Today, I announced to my boyfriend of 5 years that I was pregnant. He gave me an ultimatum. Either I "get rid of it" because he’s "not ready to be a dad" or he’ll "put me out on the streets." I’m unemployed and have nowhere to go if I keep it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 280

You deserved it 312

By Anonymous - 10/12/2009 17:35 - United States

Today, my math TA showed the class how one of her "dumb" students answered a test question. Everyone laughed as she wrote out the students answer, including myself, until I looked down at my answer sheet and saw that I submitted an identical answer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 910

You deserved it 29 887

By fffmmll - 21/03/2011 16:58 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend called my vagina "Chewbacca". FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 908

You deserved it 56 136

By chappedchap - 07/03/2016 22:47 - Kuwait - Kuwait

Today, we were notified that our office will be relocated. Employees can tag along but their wages will not be adjusted accordingly. The cost of living at the new place is way higher. I have to finish my contract and really can't afford to not have a job right now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 596

You deserved it 1 229

By a-non - 02/02/2009 15:57 - United States

Today, I realized that the dog humping my leg was the most action I've gotten in months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 984

You deserved it 8 188

By Wilson - 04/10/2018 22:00

Today, I fractured my tibia, fibula, and tore a tendon in my ankle. How? You might ask. By stepping in a hole at soccer practice. Now I’ll be out for the entire season with months of rehab. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 588

You deserved it 196

By Anonymous - 27/11/2010 14:48 - United States

Today, while making love to my boyfriend, my sister called my cell phone. Not wanting to face the consequences of not answering, I had a long conversation with her. My boyfriend kept going. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 248

You deserved it 43 866

Father and son time

By Loco - 09/08/2021 07:01

Today, every time I play on my PS4, my father does nothing but pester me about, "wasting my time on that garbage" and insists that I watch soap operas with him instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 867

You deserved it 74

By hey-ooo - 28/10/2009 01:15 - United States

Today, I was sitting in the cafeteria with my friends when I suddenly passed out due to my hypoglycemia. When I woke up, I discovered that I was still in the same spot and my friends had abandoned me to go to class. Also, my stuff was stolen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 738

You deserved it 2 831

By Anonymous - 28/07/2009 22:27 - United States

Today, I was supposed to hear back from a major scholarship competition. After months of waiting, during which my parents were convinced I had won, I discovered that my entry had never been received. Apparently the woman I had confirmed with had had a long day, and lied so that she could go home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 835

You deserved it 2 852

By stillyoung - 02/11/2010 06:50 - Australia

Today, I discovered that the upside of losing weight is that men have started hitting on me. The downside? They're all twice my age. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 642

You deserved it 4 387

By jsw029 - 26/02/2009 04:51 - United States

Today, I met a guy at a bar and we went back to my room. We start having sex and about 30 seconds in he stops and says it's not right - he likes me too much for a one night stand. He gives me his number, a kiss on the cheek and leaves. Turns out he already came. I call his phone - wrong number. FML

I agree, your life sucks 83 831

You deserved it 20 826

By worsethanzombies - 23/11/2009 16:40 - Spain

Today, my car crashed and the only refuge was at a nearby house, the resident of which was a crazy psycho. Now replace "crazy psycho" with "crazy ex-girlfriend who won't help you unless you compose a poem about how much you love her." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 037

You deserved it 4 857

Poker face

By therealducktape - 20/08/2010 22:03 - France

Today, I got back from a two-week holiday only to discover my dog missing. After looking for him at animal shelters and putting up missing pet signs, my roommate admitted he lost him in a game of drunk poker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 795

You deserved it 3 529

By unknown - 02/11/2013 21:10 - Canada - Courtenay

Today, I sat down with my daughter to have the sex talk, because she recently started seeing a guy. I mentioned at one point how disappointed I would be if she got pregnant. She went wide-eyed and asked, "Didn't mom tell you?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 151

You deserved it 6 811

By MarieAmber18 - 28/05/2015 18:05 - United States - Pasadena

Today, I found out that the reason why my boyfriend has been denying me sex isn't because he is scared of someone walking in on us. It's because his blow-up doll pleasures him more than I do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 788

You deserved it 6 030

By lovelife - 27/09/2010 13:09 - United States

Today, I was robbed of five bucks by a vending machine that said "Enjoy Life!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 872

You deserved it 3 759

By Emily - 21/08/2011 04:54 - United States

Today, I finally lost my virginity. In my boyfriend's racecar bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 679

You deserved it 42 520

By Pusillanimous - 19/07/2009 05:12 - United States

Today, I was waiting in line with a friend, and she poked my stomach and said, "I wish I had your stomach." I asked her why. She said, "Boys wouldn't flirt with me." FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 233

You deserved it 5 425

By Jograd - 25/09/2012 17:13 - Australia - Sydney

Today, my roommate decided to turn off all appliances in the house to "save" electricity. This included the refrigerator. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 774

You deserved it 1 672

Kinky Crab

By Robert Herrin - 14/08/2018 18:30

Today, I fell asleep with my hermit crab on my bed and woke up to him pinching my nipple. FML

I agree, your life sucks 979

You deserved it 2 012

By backtosquareone - 04/10/2011 05:22 - Asia/Pacific Region

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend. Devastated, he withered onto the floor into an inconsolable wreck in front of dozens of people. The ribbon of embarrassment that went down my spine was too much for me to handle, so I had to tell him I was "only joking." FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 797

You deserved it 44 010

By father-in-nope - 21/07/2015 15:17 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my boyfriend's dad helped me put coolant in my car. When I said I wished I could do something in return, he told me to get an abortion so I wouldn't "ruin" his son's life. When I told my boyfriend, he didn't believe me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 386

You deserved it 2 741

By patch91 - 05/04/2011 02:03

Today, I got in a car accident on the way to work. I received an abusive phone call from my boss saying he shouldn't have to cover my lazy ass. I was driving to cover his shift because he was too drunk to show up to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 828

You deserved it 3 163

That backfired

By Alexander D. - 14/07/2012 00:48 - United States

Today, I was fired for telling a customer's kid to shut his mouth. As revenge, I sent the CEO a picture I acquired months ago of my boss drunkenly pissing on a cow. He wrote that it was the funniest thing he had ever seen, and that I am "clearly an insufferable killjoy; a total liability to the company." FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 647

You deserved it 37 065

By mmvv - 08/02/2010 05:41 - United States

Today, I found out the hard way that my boyfriend occasionally wets the bed. He's 25 and we're moving in together next month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 359

You deserved it 3 827

Salad days

By Anonymous - 19/01/2017 08:28

Today, I saw a customer open a bottle of salad dressing, taste it, then put it back on the shelf. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 537

You deserved it 764

By jessi - 02/12/2011 13:22 - United States

Today, I told my son he couldn't have a toy. He threw a fit, looked me in the eye, and screamed, "Daddy's right! You are a bitch!" The whole store was watching. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 063

You deserved it 6 643

By MexyBoy - 13/08/2009 05:23 - United States

Today, my girlfriend of 8 months and I broke up. We decided to give back everything we ever bought for each other. I gave her the stuff she bought me and when I asked for my stuff she said she'd sold it and spent the money on herself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 769

You deserved it 6 573

Nice to see you

By meeee - 13/02/2021 23:01

Today, I saw my 89-year-old grandmother naked. She just moved in with us and apparently, she has an "open door policy." FML

I agree, your life sucks 827

You deserved it 80

By Anonymous - 19/09/2015 02:08 - United States - Seattle

Today, I asked my girlfriend why she's been avoiding kissing me lately. Apparently she had a dream that one of my teeth caught on her braces, and all of her teeth got pulled out like a string of pearls. It seems unlikely she will be un-scarred any time soon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 604

You deserved it 1 708

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Top comments

Dave_Davington 33

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Thursday 24 August 2017 16:25

What the fuck does that have to do with anything? Yes, I know you're just being a judgemental, puritan prick, but I'd love to hear you try and explain why people deserve to have their lives ruined because they fucked their partner before you decided it's okay.

Stevie Laurel 18

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Thursday 24 August 2017 16:14

This is literally my worst nightmare holy crap

GhostFox 33

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Sunday 13 August 2017 8:42

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HalfLit 17

Thursday 24 August 2017 16:05

Hey, unplanned kids are always the coolest ones lol.

FMLDUDE14 4

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Thursday 24 August 2017 20:26

well I feel special now ?

Rammer3500 23

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Thursday 24 August 2017 16:08

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Dave_Davington 33

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Thursday 24 August 2017 16:25

sambmjmdjj 9

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Thursday 24 August 2017 20:42

having a child doesn't"ruin your life"

neversurrender96 11

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Thursday 24 August 2017 16:32

Yes because we are in the Middle Ages where sex and reproduction are one in the same. Quick! banish that woman to the woods she is having her period...

inappropes 31

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Thursday 24 August 2017 16:59

You seem like you need to go to THE DEREK ZOOLANDER CENTER FOR KIDS WHO CAN'T READ GOOD!

Dave_Davington 33

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Thursday 24 August 2017 17:18

I can't. The Center needs to be at least... Three times as big before I can fit inside it.

Bingo_Bango 13

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Thursday 24 August 2017 18:38

Well, I'll be damned! How dare she give in to her completely natural biological urges that hundreds of thousands of years of evolution have built into us for the survival of our species. And was still careful enough to use 2 methods of contraception. Damn her to hell! She can come party with me and Jimi Hendrix down there, we'll have a great time!

FMLDUDE14 4

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Thursday 24 August 2017 20:26

unfortunately that's pretty normal nowdays ?

Dave_Davington 33

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Thursday 24 August 2017 20:36

I don't know. Is it?

Bingo_Bango 13

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Friday 25 August 2017 0:07

Unfortunately? And no, not nowadays. Heard of the sexual revolution of the swinging 60's? Our parents and grandparents were a lot more loose than they'd have you believe, until the right wring again suppressed us and forced their guilt from a religion that we didn't all believe in or subscribe to. Living in a time of guilt free acid, tits out, love and rock n roll kinda sounds neato compared to the cheeto orange fundamentalist ruining all of our fun and rights again! (I'm not even American but he's inspired them to get back on their soap boxes in my country too..) Sorry for the spicy rant, but I get sick of seeing women get belittled on here all the time for simply having sex, by jealous men who would if they could get any.

Stevie Laurel 18

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Thursday 24 August 2017 16:14

This is literally my worst nightmare holy crap

EnvyMe33 26

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Thursday 24 August 2017 16:15

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hunterseal 18

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Thursday 24 August 2017 16:21

Eh sounds like a RomCom. But it's okay, you have to think and process what you are going to do now. It's never the right time to have a kid but if you want it (or don't ) it's your choice. Best of luck

RichardPencil 30

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Thursday 24 August 2017 16:51

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Liongoddess8 18

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Thursday 24 August 2017 17:35

Why have so many people used the laughing reaction face? I honestly don't understand what's supposed to be funny about an accidental pregnancy, when the OP clearly doesn't want a child at this point in her life.

zobara 29

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Sunday 27 August 2017 17:32

I don't know why the others choose it, but I did becauce of the last sentence.

Lillysar91 20

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Thursday 24 August 2017 18:08

Although very rare this CAN happen! No contraception is 100% effective and a woman can get pregnant even on the pill and with the use of a condom. You still have options if you do not want this baby. It's not too late at three weeks (depending on where you live of course) but I can understand this is a very difficult situation.

wawa_sxm 15

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Thursday 24 August 2017 19:50

On the pill yes, but a condom? unless someone made tiny holes in it you must have realised it broke. Its a condom a physical barrier. The only reason its not 100% is because of user error

Nova Solarius 10

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Thursday 24 August 2017 19:54

Ever heard of faulty products?

Suaria 37

Saturday 26 August 2017 22:26

The pill is less effective if you don't take it around the same time everyday. It's possible the OP may have forgotten to take the pill one day or was a couple of hours late. She also may have started birth control when they started dating and it takes a month for bc pills to be effective. It's also possible that the condom broke or had tiny holes in it. It's very rare but it's still possible to get pregnant from two forms of birth control.