By meltingturtle - 02/08/2016 03:25

Today, I was talking with my girlfriend. We both have family issues, so we'd agreed to open up to each other today. Turns out I'm dating my cousin. FML
I agree, your life sucks 19 159
You deserved it 1 874

meltingturtle tells us more.

OP here. Here's your follow up. My mom and her brother had a rocky relationship. She moved to the west coast some twenty years ago, and never talks about my uncle. I know of him, but never met him due to problems between them. I moved out of state for college, and met my girlfriend there. I'd only been told I had a cousin once, pretty much in passing. My gf and I were both talking, and she mentioned how her dad, named David, was bipolar and had several issues. I asked if she had any aunts or anything cause that sounded a hell of a lot like my estranged uncle my mom hardly talks about. She was all, 'yeah, but my dad never talks about her. Her name is Emily or something I think?' And I was like 'o shit that's my mom'. It was super awkward. I'd known my uncle had a daughter, and she knew her aunt had two. Thing is, I'm a trans boy who goes by a completely name, so we never really figured it out until now. Hope it makes more sense to y'all now.

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Hey, at least you have a lot in common with each other!

Some things are better left unsaid

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Hey, at least you have a lot in common with each other!

So, I realize this clearly wasn't on purpose but why did your parents not tell you? or hers? if she knew why didn't someone else?

"Family issues" may mean they aren't in contact with their parents, possibly the parents were neglectful or abusive.

They could have not met the family yet. New relationships, live far away...

She likely didn't know, my guess is that one of them described crazy uncle Charlie, then the other described Grandma Maureen, and the realization started dawning on both of them...

Some things are better left unsaid

Well at least now you know. Imagine if you guys had gotten married and found out only after. F both of your lives though.

Seeing as how you didn't know you were cousins beforehand, I would assume you're distant cousins, or at least have a bit of generational gap in the family tree. Depending on how distant your familial association is, it's not all bad. Even the most famous of people have dated/married their cousins. If your cousin is in fact, your aunt/uncle's child, I hope you didn't fuck your cousin.

First cousins... And no, I haven't, thank God.

So wait what happened after you guys found that out?

There was a really long, awkward pause and we both kinda stared at each other. After forever we kinda discussed our plan for the future

As noted elsewhere, it's legal to marry your 1st cousin in almost 40% of states in the US. It wouldn't be that uncommon for them to be together, especially if they didn't know each other growing up. Studies have shown than most children who grow up together (even if they're unrelated) aren't as likely to be attracted to one another in adulthood (the theory is that we evolved in that manner to avoid a limited gene pool). If the OP is trans and children aren't going to be an issue and they didn't know each other growing up, then there really isn't anything to be concerned with.

Just because your family is like that, doesn't mean everyone's is. Maybe OP's parents and his girlfriend's parents had some drama and they'd never introduced their kids

I honestly wouldn't let it make a difference in my relationship at this point, if you love each other and you've been together a while then just carry on as you were... Edit- Perhaps adopt if it comes to that

actually I've researched a bit and having a kid with your cousins doesn't really add much risk at all, you can go from like 10% to 11% of birth defect or something like that, it's really accepted in our society but, according to genetics, it's not really important, it doesn't really matter much.

On a one time basis, it doesn't make a difference really. It's continual inbreeding that is really problematic.

Yeah, I think it's also a way bigger deal if you have a relationship between a parent and child or brother and sister. Since cousins only have half your genetic make up, it's not such a big deal. Also, is your uncle a half brother perhaps? If that's the case you're even more distantly related.

Genetically speaking, 10% is actually a really big number...

That was the standard amount, going from 10 to 11 isn't a huge deal.

That took a turn for the worst.

Is your name a play on turtleREDneck?

Yet again-"Family issues" may mean they aren't in contact with their parents, possibly the parents were neglectful or abusive