Today, I have an ear infection. I was resting outside when my...

By BoboCracker - 29/7/2016 23:03 - United States - Laguna Hills

Today, I have an ear infection. I was resting outside when my young neighbor flew his RC plane right into my ear. FML

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BoboCracker tells us more :

Op here, thanks for the funny comments, I'm here to clear up a few things. No, the whole plane didn't go into my ear, the nose got stuck and broke off. I eventually pulled it out, but it still hurt like hell.

Health

This ain't working out

What did I do?

Property law

By story of my life. - 21/2/2009 14:33 - Switzerland

Today, at a party I told this guy that I really liked his pirate costume. Turns out he wasn't wearing a costume, his eye was shot out with a BB gun. This explains the eye patch. FML

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By "Growlithe1395" - 11/3/2017 16:00

Today, I finally got my hands on a Nintendo Switch. While unboxing it, I left the room to get a pair of scissors. When I came back, most of the box contents were missing and my little brother was standing there. It has been about 5 hours and I still haven't been able to find anything. FML

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By anon - 16/12/2015 15:28 - Australia - Salisbury

Today, my daughter asked me if we could adopt a child. I said no, since we can't afford to support another child. She then asked me if she could just adopt another dad instead. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/9/2020 05:01 - Italy

Statistics

Today, I found out that my 7 friends, with a total of 23 past boyfriends in 11 years, have had 0 orgasms during sex. As someone whose sex ed was basically porn, it felt like finding out Santa wasn't real, but worse. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/7/2020 02:02

Higher standards

Today, my mom fought with me again for missing an "important" 4th of July family barbecue. I was working until the morning, finishing grad school applications. There are always family events, and also apparently my brother missing the same barbecue to party with friends is perfectly fine. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/11/2011 07:06 - United States

Today, it was so cold that I had to put slippers over my slippers. FML

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By ninja breakup? - 11/10/2018 14:00

Today, my boyfriend of six years came home wearing a ninja suit. When I asked why, he said "These are my breakup clothes. I'm breaking up with you." He then screamed, threw a plastic shuriken at me and ran away. It hit me in the breast. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/5/2015 09:11 - United Kingdom - Aberdeen

Today, my boyfriend decided to suddenly stop in the middle of sex, just as I was actually starting to enjoy myself, just to bear hug me and exclaim, "Crikey, she's angry!" in the voice of Steve Irwin. He laughed so hard at his own joke that he went soft and couldn't continue. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/1/2010 00:57 - Australia

Today, my father decided to tell me in detail when and how he lost his virginity. He even told me what position it was and who this girl was. I will never look at him in the same way again. He also made his hands "have sex". FML

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By thanks gramps - 19/4/2013 07:27 - Canada - Whitehorse

Today, I posted a video of a dance I choreographed on Facebook. I got a notification a few hours later telling me that my grandpa had also shared it. His caption? "My granddaughter dances like a gay baboon and this dance sucks balls. Throw grapes at her." Thanks grandpa. FML

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By well damn - 29/2/2016 22:17 - United States - Columbus

Today, I helped my mom put away my baby sister's clothes. She's only a week old and has around 60 outfits. I have 4. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/1/2016 09:41 - Switzerland - Ruschlikon

Today, my boyfriend told me I sound like a squeaky toy during sex, and asked if I could get it under control because it creeps him out. FML

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By khaelian - 11/11/2010 16:53 - United States

Today, the highlight of my day was that the gas station I work at finally got a new mop head. FML

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By Jong - 10/3/2009 02:35 - United States

Today, I arrived at work only to be arrested and accused of stealing over $8000 from my job. 5 hours later at the police station, the discovery was made that the actual thief had an employee ID one digit different than mine. He works at another location over 1200 miles away. FML

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By anon - 31/1/2011 22:46 - United States

Today, my girlfriend finally got a Facebook account. Too bad she doesn't know the difference between a wall post and a message. She just described how much she enjoyed our sex last night, in great detail. My mom liked it. FML

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By barbieissocute - 1/2/2016 03:27 - United States - Elizabethtown

Today, I flipped out with happiness over the new Barbies. I want to buy one. I'm almost 26. FML

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By Nola - 27/4/2017 12:00

Today, I watched my mother pull her pants down and, using her hands, feel her butt crack to check if she'd had had an accident. She then pulled her pants up, went into the kitchen and touched stuff in the refrigerator. FML

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By ClothesHorse - 12/10/2012 19:00 - United States - Houston

Today, I was kicked out of a job interview at a clothing store for "not dressing appropriately" for the occasion. I'd purchased my outfit from the same store just two days prior with my last $100. FML

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By Broke - 4/12/2013 08:27 - United States - The Colony

Today, I went to an ATM to see how much money I had in my account. I put the card in. It never gave it back. FML

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By Marty - 24/8/2011 17:14 - United States

Today, I've gotten the most calls of my life. Turns out the idiot who changed the sign on my local Pizza Hut put up the wrong phone number. My phone number. I've already received 16 calls. FML

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By technical - 31/3/2015 02:50 - United States - Mount Vernon

Today, I had to explain to someone that all beverages, except plain water, actually have calories. They weren't too happy that their milkshake diet was over before it began. FML

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By pandaface - 18/2/2011 09:39 - United Kingdom

Today, to wipe his crack, my boyfriend is still using a newspaper that I left there when he first started refusing to buy toilet paper. FML

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By Curly - 9/1/2013 00:26 - United States - Ashburn

Today, my wife has the flu, while I have strep throat. We have a two-year-old toddler and have no clue as to who's more contagious and who should take care of her as to not get her sick. Yay for the entire day of surgical masks and Sesame Street. FML

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By Jfly25 - 23/1/2018 01:30

Today, while on my way to work, I had a tire blowout. I got the car towed and borrowed my mom’s so that I could still get to work. Her car seized and died on the expressway ramp. It’s not in any tow truck’s jurisdiction. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/4/2012 01:55 - United States - Darien

Today, I was walking down the street, when an aging lady bumped into me and fell over. I helped her up and she thanked me for being "such a nice young man". It was only an hour later as I was in line at the store that I realized she had pickpocketed me of my wallet. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/12/2016 09:19

Today, I saw a bike locked to a short bollard, making it very easy to steal. Being as nice as I am, I stayed, hoping the owner would come soon and no one else would take it. Then the guy who bullied me in highschool showed up, asked me what I was doing, laughed at me, took the bike, and left. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/10/2016 04:32

Today, my boyfriend of nearly six months broke up with me. Over text. In a group chat. With the new girl he wanted to date. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/12/2013 07:55

Today, I realized how bad my depression has gotten when I caught myself fantasizing about suicide while having sex with my husband. FML

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By :/ - 4/2/2013 00:26 - Netherlands - Nijkerk

Today, my mom accused me of stealing money from her purse. Being totally innocent, I reminded her that the only other person with access to it is her boyfriend. She said she trusts him because she loves him. They've been dating for 2 months. I've been her daughter for 25 years. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/8/2019 04:04

Today, while at work, I was trying to locate the source of the really bad BO wafting around, when I realized I'd forgotten to put on deodorant this morning. I have 5 hours of shame left to go. FML

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By Foot In Mouth - 5/2/2009 22:56 - United States

Today, my anatomy teacher was putting together a skeleton model for class. He had misplaced the leg bone, so I thoughtfully asked, "What's the matter, lose a leg?" Unfortunately, there's nothing thoughtful about asking that question to a guy with an amputated leg. FML

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By prego - 24/8/2010 16:01 - Canada

Today, because I am pregnant with a weak bladder, I woke up with morning sickness and had to decide very quickly whether I wanted to vomit or pee in the toilet. I now have to clean the chunks off the wall. FML

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By Please go home - 5/4/2019 00:00

Today, has been the third week my boyfriend's best friend has been sleeping on our bedroom floor because he doesn't want to face the consequences of his actions back at his parents' place. My boyfriend sees no problem with this, and says he can stay and live off us as long as he wants. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/7/2010 06:38 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I went on vacation. We flew 2000 miles, got off the plane, got our bags and stood outside the airport for our ride. She looks at me and says, "I can't do this anymore." So, she broke up with me and flew back home. Now I'm on vacation alone. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/8/2011 06:54 - United States

Today, my boyfriend decided to use glow-in-the-dark body paint to make an arrow on his stomach pointing down. I guess he thought he'd "spice up" the way he always demands a blow job before sex. FML

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By why - 17/8/2013 14:18 - United States - Lexington

Today, we were having a family dinner with my boyfriend's parents and mine. In the kitchen, when we were getting the food ready, he proposed. I screamed. My dad thought he was hurting me, came in and tased him in the leg. FML

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By nowhereman1990 - 3/8/2010 04:23 - Venezuela

Today, I heard on a local radio a song I wrote almost 2 years ago. Apparently, after my family and I moved away, my former band found a new guitar player, and that song is now the first single of their debut LP. FML

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By IDIOT - 28/3/2014 20:11 - United States

Today, a would-be customer practically kicked my store door in, then got pissed and started throwing around insults after I told him that we were still closed, hence the closed sign. He claimed the sign was "confusing". FML

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By shadowmuppet - 31/3/2017 20:00 - United States - Bronx

Today, I learned the joy of getting a brand new leather jacket and then watching my date drunkenly throw up all over my arm. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/9/2014 05:04 - United Kingdom - Bristol

Today, a customer told me that there was no way he was paying for his shopping. He then walked off. As it turns out, the customer IS always right. FML

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Top comments

By awspinks77 | 7

#6661509 - Saturday 30 July 2016 20:02

That's one small ass RC plane if it fit in your ear.

By BoboCracker | 21

#6661735 - Sunday 31 July 2016 2:25

Op here, thanks for the funny comments, I'm here to clear up a few things.

No, the whole plane didn't go into my ear, the nose got stuck and broke off. I eventually pulled it out, but it still hurt like hell.