Work: Today, my batshit crazy coworker told me that she wants to hear...

By hellolaina - United States - Blacklick

Today, my batshit crazy coworker told me that she wants to hear my skin sizzle. I'm afraid to go to work now. FML

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12202

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hellolaina tells us more :

OP here. This happened a few years ago. She's like 28 and has loose wires in her brain. I ended up quitting that job. Not because of her. I haven't seen her since.

Work

Messed up

Season finale

Nothing honey, nothing

By mortenp - United States

Today, the shy girl in my class decided to bring a cake to share with everyone, since it was her birthday. Excited about the cake, I got everybody to sing "happy birthday" for her, only to realize too late that nobody in the class know her name, myself included. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14115

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44789

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By OhWait - United States - Schenectady

Today, after six weeks of dealing with various exterminators, my roommate and I were about to toast to what we were told was a wasp-free room. That's when we noticed several much smaller wasps flying around. Not only is our wasp problem not solved, but our room is a wasp breeding ground. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22949

You deserved it

1446

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By Misterhippo - United States

Today, my best friend thought it would be funny push me off my bike. He thought it was even funnier when the paramedic accidentally dropped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48955

You deserved it

3063

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By Grubendol - United States

Today, I had a dream in which I was arguing with my mom. In the dream, she threatened to hit me, and I told her I'd do it myself. I reared back and knocked the crap out of myself. I'm awake now, and my jaw still hurts. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27542

You deserved it

5981

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By volleyballgirl12 - France

Today, my grandma told me to fuck off when I tried to help her with the dishes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33918

You deserved it

6426

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By evanescence - United States

Today, the hottest girl in the entire freshman class was telling her friend she was going to Florida for spring break. She said she would be in the same city I would and I couldnt help but say, "Oh, cool! Maybe I'll see you there!" She simply looked at me and said, "I hope not." FML

I agree, your life sucks

74220

You deserved it

9822

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By stillyoung - Australia

Today, I discovered that the upside of losing weight is that men have started hitting on me. The downside? They're all twice my age. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29621

You deserved it

4383

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Birmingham

Today, the guy I really like acknowledged my existence for the first time. Too bad it was through a text saying "lol ur a fat fukc". FML

I agree, your life sucks

40169

You deserved it

4313

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By redheadmess - 20/7/2020 02:01

Pay up

Today, my grandfather sent me a bill from when I had to live with him in foster care. I apparently owe him 62k for shampoo, food, etc. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1863

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By xxbobsan - United States

Today, I told my girlfriend I was quitting the town baseball team. She said "Great. Now we can get someone with actual talent on the team." I laughed because I thought she was joking. She then replied "What's so funny?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

47615

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By shygurl434 - United States

Today, the boy I like finally acknowledged me. He came up to me and uttered two words: "Nice pooper." FML

I agree, your life sucks

24117

You deserved it

3619

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By Blake Lawrence - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, my girlfriend decided it would be cute to leave a love letter in my car while I was at work. She left my lights on. I got a dead battery. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26731

You deserved it

2594

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By XxMe123xx - France

Today, my boyfriend decided it would be funny to record us having sex and me screaming his name. He set it as my ringtone without telling me. I had my phone volume on high as I was hanging out with my family. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39373

You deserved it

10896

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By Anonymous - Maldives - Male

Today, I overheard my wife telling my mother-in-law I was diagnosed with a learning disability earlier this week. She replied, "I always knew he was a retard. Why did you ever marry that idiot?" All my wife did was mutter "I don't know." FML

I agree, your life sucks

30862

You deserved it

2333

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By Noname - United States

Today, my fiancée "thought I should know" that she has a $125,000 student loan debt. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39308

You deserved it

4720

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By Anonymous - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I had to choke back tears as my cockslap of a brother brutally mocked me for being a 25-year-old loser who's never been kissed by a girl, while at 14 he's already lost his virginity. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31069

You deserved it

4630

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By anonymous - United States

Today, due to the dry weather, my nose became dry and began to bleed so I plugged it with toilet paper and went about my business. Forgetting about it, I later went out to smoke a cigarette. Not paying attention, I lit the toilet paper on fire as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38882

You deserved it

44986

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By Xbieblette51 - United States - Lynnwood

Today, I called my boyfriend to let him know that I'm pregnant. He instantly replied "Bullshit!", then hung up and apparently skipped town. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48752

You deserved it

6925

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By Cissy

Today, my former coworker called to ask if he could get it on with my ex-husband. The same ex I was married to for 20 years without knowing anything about his other life. I've been replaced by an overweight, middle-aged furry. FML.

I agree, your life sucks

2359

You deserved it

235

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By a genius - United States

Today, I lit a cigarette in the opposite direction of the wind. My hair blew into it, and caught on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14863

You deserved it

60168

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By Sara - 22/9/2020 07:54 - Canada

Don't feed the animals

Today, I had to clean up dirt from flipped-over flowerpot mess for the 100th time. Why? Because the neighbour won’t stop feeding the squirrels peanuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks

907

You deserved it

158

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By JJMan217 - Canada

Today, I attended a funeral. During the minute of silence, my phone went off. My ringtone is "It's good to be alive". FML

I agree, your life sucks

22349

You deserved it

58787

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By Nuts - Canada - Grimsby

Today, my daughter told me she wanted to divorce me. FML

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24566

You deserved it

3122

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By teef - Canada

Today, at the store, I heard a kid complaining about getting braces. While I was saying 'thank you' and 'bye' to the cashier, his grandma must've seen my slightly crooked teeth. She pointed and said, "Without them, your teeth will look bad like that man's!" Everyone around looked at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

64575

You deserved it

4550

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By Anonymous - Sweden - ?ngelholm

One night

Today, I woke up from putting my child to bed. Drowsy, I stumbled down to the kitchen to make a mug cookie. I read a recipe on my phone, and put a knob of butter in a cup to melt in the microwave. I put my phone in the microwave and turned it on for 30 seconds, and didn't realize until I smelt burning plastic.. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1741

You deserved it

832

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By Dumped and pregnant

Today, my ex dumped me for his ex that cheated on him. Today, I also found out I am pregnant. When I told him he said, "I’m really happy for you. I hope it all works out." FML

I agree, your life sucks

4587

You deserved it

510

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By shaggy - Canada

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend getting it on with the neighbour's daughter. As soon as he saw me, he started singing 'It Wasn't Me' by Shaggy, completely naked, still sitting with the girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks

60820

You deserved it

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By I think its dead - Canada - Brandon

Today, I met my girlfriend's parents for the first time. In the entrance way I felt a slight tugging on my jeans. Used to my Doberman tugging when he wants to play, I shoved hard with my foot. I successfully punted their Chihuahua off the ground and into the next room where it landed with a thud. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22894

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found a cup full of urine in the bathtub. No one in my family knows where it came from. This is the second time it's happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34218

You deserved it

2643

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By anonymous - United States - Ridgeland

Today, a woman left our first date just because I didn't like the same character as her on a TV show. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25069

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out everybody at work thinks I'm a lesbian because they thought my boyfriend was a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30871

You deserved it

5969

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - London

Nice outing

Today, I decided to treat my girlfriend by eating her out. After a while I thought she was going to cum, but instead she farted in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2213

You deserved it

683

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By rplovez - Canada

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me by covering my car with post-it notes that read "it's you not me." FML

I agree, your life sucks

30226

You deserved it

3998

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By JayFri - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were about to have sex in his car. He got out of the car and moved to the passenger seat with me. As he shut the door, it slammed against my fingers, breaking one of them. He then asked if we could still have sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48303

You deserved it

7207

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By unhappy - United States - San Anselmo

Today, I had my first driving lesson. I learned how to be stopped by a cop, who told me what a horrible driver I was. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23931

You deserved it

3936

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By JazzyandAlice - United States

Today, I went to babysit eight kids under the age of ten, all by myself. After five hours of Hell, the parents finally came back from the ASU game. I got paid $5. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51862

You deserved it

7114

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By gangstalicious - United States

Today, I got the cell phone bill for my family and saw that my son had gone over his limit by around 1,000 messages. Curious to see what he was talking about that much, I read the messages. Apparently, my 15 year old son is having it off more than me and my wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks

58206

You deserved it

13528

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By riptoofie - United States

Today, I found my beloved hamster, Toofie. Toofie escaped from his cage. 4 years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37900

You deserved it

4960

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By mother teresa was a cunt - United States - Cleveland

Today, I baked some brownies and after my mom ate one, I joked that I put weed in them. Turns out the placebo effect's a bitch, because she quickly started acting high as a kite. One bitch fit later, the brownies are in the trash and I'm grounded until I tell her where I bought the "weed". FML

I agree, your life sucks

24390

You deserved it

5372

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By ray - Canada

Today, I dropped my bag to run after my two-year-old who had bolted in the parking lot. Once he was in his seat, I got in and drove away. I felt two large thumps as I drove over my own iPad, cellphone and wallet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32476

You deserved it

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Top comments

By Welshite | 39

#6655346 - Friday 22 July 2016 18:23

Seared human is the best. I'll bet you pair well with a glass of red wine too.

By gracehi | 31

#6655345 - Friday 22 July 2016 18:23

It's because you're so hot, OP. You're already sizzling. She just wants to *hear* it.

COMMENTS

By gracehi | 31

#6655345 - Friday 22 July 2016 18:23

It's because you're so hot, OP. You're already sizzling. She just wants to *hear* it.

By Welshite | 39

#6655346 - Friday 22 July 2016 18:23

Seared human is the best. I'll bet you pair well with a glass of red wine too.

TheLostCauseFML | 40

#6655596 - Saturday 23 July 2016 1:52

Have you been taking notes from Hannibal Lector? "I once ate ones liver with some fava beans and a nice chianti." or however it goes. lol. Or did he take notes from you? lol

By Oh_No_Not_Him | 25

#6655355 - Friday 22 July 2016 18:28

Her surname's not Lecter by any chance?

freddygasman | 18

#6655524 - Friday 22 July 2016 23:07

Uncle Hannibal, can we have a co-worker of mine for dinner tonight?

By _Adog2645 | 24

#6655366 - Friday 22 July 2016 18:43

Uhh... You might want to report that to your boss or something

By RememberSchlitz | 9

#6655371 - Friday 22 July 2016 18:52

Go to work and don't worry about it, but do remember the Boy Scout Motto: Be Prepared.

By toolazytotype99 | 18

#6655381 - Friday 22 July 2016 19:29

Time to start carrying pepper spray to work OP

By peglegmeg9117 | 4

#6655401 - Friday 22 July 2016 19:52

best way to beat a creeper is become a bigger one towards them. I had a nasty manager that kept leering at me until i started making horribly ugly faces at him then he got disgusted lmao

By janfleury | 19

#6655407 - Friday 22 July 2016 19:56

HR time and time to start watching your back.

By runfoxierun | 5

#6655420 - Friday 22 July 2016 20:10

Hopefully you don't work where there are fryers.

By heatherrr17 | 19

#6655463 - Friday 22 July 2016 21:06

What does that even mean?!!