By brerj09 - 27/07/2016 06:41 - United States

Spicy
Today, my husband told me he's just "not interested" in having sex anymore. FML
I agree, your life sucks 18 167
You deserved it 1 730

brerj09 tells us more.

Ok so I feel like I need to clarify a few things. I'm 21 and my husband is 27. We have been married less than a year. He has gone to the doctor about this before. His testosterone levels are within the normal range but just barely. He doesn't have ED. And it's not that I'm bad in bed... He has a very low sex drive. I have a normal sex drive. If he had his way we'd have sex like once a month. I'm not happy with that. Things were getting better but then he dropped this bomb on me last night. He isn't interesting in having sex and he's doesn't want to do anything to change that. And I'm abnormal because I want to have sex. We are going to be seeing a marriage counselor....

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I can't believe that people are saying to leave him. Switch the genders here and it wouldn't even have been featured. Anyway hopefully you guys can sort this out because love is still more important

This has got to be the blandest FML in a long time. Sorry about his attitude, but I really need more info to pass any judgment here...

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...... Sorry OP

dump his as!!

sex is not the only thing important in marriage

Its good he was honest with you even though its upsetting, hopefully you got your sex life issues settled (:

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Yes because we all know love is all about sex and nothing else, seriously if you continue to have that mentality you're going to have a sad and pathetic love life.

No one is saying that love is all about sex. Having experienced this issue myself. I can assure you, first hand. It DOES take a toll on the partner that does still crave the physical parts. It completely RUINS your self confidence and self esteem. Not to mention. (And, hopefully this isn't the case for the OP) But, after my husband told me that. I found out that yes. He actually does still have SOME kind of sex drive. ENOUGH for porn and online chatting and flirting. Just not enough to please his wife. It can mentally destroy the person being denied that physical intimacy...... I honestly believe there is no right or wrong answer as to where does the relationship go when one partner no longer wants sex, whether it's only that they do not want the spouse, or they truly have no sex drive at all. It depends on each specific person involved. And. Each couple. The ONLY advice I would give is to have a LONG, HONEST, RAW discussion about each parties feelings on the matter. How much each party wants to stay involved in the relationship. And, possible solutions. MAYBE the husband needs some medical advice. It could be a hormone imbalance or low testosterone. Or a side effect of certain medication, in which case maybe trying a new medication would help. Or depending on varies factors possibly just need to speak with a Dr about getting a little blue pill for a quick fix. Anyway. I really hope this advice helps. I hate that you are going through this. Hope everything works out for the best.

so you're telling me there reason for marriage is only for sex and that " it's going to be very frustrating for you." you call that a reason for divorce. you know you can still love someone. I don't think you are supposed to give relationship advice with that mentality

You're one of those retards who thinks that sex is the only part of the relationship. It's not even the main part of the relationship it's the icing on the cake.

And you are misinterpreting me I am asexual myself so sex not important to me in a relationship, love is, I only said what I said because I have had this happen to me having been In relationships with many a sexual person who has gotten frustrated and ended up resenting me au was just trying to give op advice from personal experience but well done on the assumptions

And you are misinterpreting me I am asexual myself so sex not important to me in a relationship, love is, I only said what I said because I have had this happen to me having been In relationships with many a sexual person who has gotten frustrated and ended up resenting me au was just trying to give op advice from personal experience but well done on the assumptions

But you're lumping OP in with your own experiences. They might not have the same problems as you.

I know that but I can't give the OP advice on any other kind of situation hence the "sorry this happened bit.

You realize the husband finding out he's asexual might not even be the case. The older men grow the lower their sex drive goes.

He husband is 27 that's pretty young to be having this lack of libido

This has got to be the blandest FML in a long time. Sorry about his attitude, but I really need more info to pass any judgment here...

For real everybody on here is gonna be saying you need to leave him, he's just not worth it if he can't find the need to have sex or something stupid. He could be in his 70s for all we know, or he could have ED. So many possibilities.

I've seen only one person who suggested she should leave him, the rest is providing solutions or suggestions on how to work through the problem.

surprising honestly. Maybe FML's audience aged a bit. 9gaggers would have a field day trolling on any posts related to sex

As someone with permanent impotence, there is a HELL of a big difference between not wanting to have sex and not being able to. My libido is also reduced, but not absent. SSRIs can make life possible but also very "soft".

Well if this is what you wanted in marriage other than true love, that's your fault

No it isn't, true love and sex can go hand in hand. For many people, (not saying everyone), sex is a big part of a healthy relationship, and there's nothing wrong with that. Sex is often an essential way that people connect to their partner, it's one of the most intimate things a person can do with their SO and one of the ways they show they love each other. To say that isn't important (for some people), and that wanting sex along with love is wrong, that isn't fair, sex is natural, to want sex with your partner isn't something that should be condemned.

Beautifully written. I am a VERY sexual person. I was trying to come up with the words myself to explain to everyone it's not that sex is the only important thing. But, for some people. No sex, may as well be sentencing them to death. That was how I felt anyway.

This actually happens often, and doesn't mean he doesn't love you anymore. If you do still have a sexual need and both of you want to stay in this marriage, discuss something along the lines of a sexual partner outside the marriage. If he doesn't want you to have that, but can't provide either... choose between a sexless life or leaving him, but there's so many alternatives for this kind of problem. (Interesting Book: "The new I do" by Susan Pease Gadoua & Vicki Larson)

Time to talk, honey.

it could be a low testosterone problem. i know guys in their early 30s that have that issue

I can attest to that, I stopped making any really useful amount of testosterone in my early 20's and have been giving myself weekly IM injections ever since. It seriously affected my libido, energy, sleep, mood, weight, etc.

Could he be depressed? That can cause a loss of libido. Ask him about seeing a doctor, not necessarily for the sex loss but for the other side effects of depression if you suspect he is depressed.

Many females do this to men. Which still isn't cool, but perhaps try looking to see ways men have dealt with it (preferably without cheating). Good luck, OP.