Today, it's been 3 days since I moved into my new house. I'm already known as the neighborhood racist, after some dicksplash thought it'd be funny to tape a sign to my door overnight that said: "DO NOT RING IF YOU ARE A NEGRO AND/OR JEW." FML
Today, I was at a restaurant where the host is an attractive guy with only one arm. I was with my family, so I didn't want to be too obvious when checking him out. It seems like I was, though, because he came over and told me it was rude to stare at his arm. FML
Today, I told my boyfriend that I love him. He replied by telling me to fuck off. FML
Today, my girlfriend told me that once you love somebody you can never truly fall "out of love" with them. She wasn't talking about me, she was talking about her ex. FML
Today, a guest at the hotel I work at started shouting at me. Apparently the street vendor selling sunglasses outside the hotel sold her a pair of 'genuine' Ray Bans for $5. She wanted me to phone the police because she realized two days later they were fake. FML
Today, I told my parents I'm pregnant. I got a long lecture from my mom about using protection. It would have been fine hearing all that, but I'm turning 22, I moved out a few years ago, have a full time job with great benefits, and am getting married next summer. FML
Today, I sent the girl I like flowers, only to have her later post a picture of them online, saying, "Ha! When losers send you flowers." FML
Today, I was at my best friend's wedding. As she threw the bouquet, I was punched in the face by another bridesmaid. Later, as I was explaining what had happened, I punched myself in the face. FML
Today, the man that I have a crush on finally touched me. This would have been great, if not for the fact that it was to roll me on my side while I was having a seizure. FML
Today, my fiancé heard I was having a rotten day at work. He stopped by the flower shop and bought me a lovely rose which I put right next to my work station. That is until a giant wasp flew out and stung me. I still have a swollen arm hours later. FML
Today, after not being able to sleep for two hours because my boyfriend wouldn't stop talking, he fell asleep and I was left wide awake. I listened to him snore for another three hours and only got a couple of hours sleep. He's not working today, but I am. FML
Today, I decided to break up with my boyfriend. The main reason being that he doesn't value my time, and fails to see how canceling at the last minute is rude and a major inconvenience. I wanted to be respectful enough by breaking things off face to face. He cancelled, at the last minute. FML
Today, my boyfriend called me while I was at work. He sounded very excited and told me he had a surprise for me. He doesn't usually do this kind of thing, so I was excited. When I came home, I found him naked, with "Bone Appetite" written right above his penis. FML
Today, after finally spending the night with my longtime crush, it's as if I can still feel her fingers caressing my hair. But wait, no, that's just the head lice she gave me. FML
Today, I was informed, after being broken up with, that my girlfriend's father only set her up with me so that she would have more motivation to shower on a regular basis. He actually yelled at me for being broken up with. FML
Today, I got into a fight with my mom because she believes that my fiancé is "irresponsible" and "immature". I stormed out and drove back home. There, I walked in on my fiancé and his friends. They were in a heated and almost violent argument over which CSI is the best. The wedding's next month. FML
Today, I overheard my soon to be step-daughter telling her friend on the phone that she hopes that mine and her father's wedding is just a big joke, and that he isn't really going to go through with it. I just dropped five grand on a dress and venue. She's in for a surprise. FML
Today, at my sister's wedding, she and I had a plan that she would purposely throw the bouquet to my girlfriend, then I would propose in front of everyone. When the bouquet landed in my girlfriend's lap, she screamed, "Ew, no way" and threw it to someone else. FML
Today, I attended my best friend's wedding. Instead of throwing her bouquet, she turned around and handed it to me. I was the only single lady out of 150 guests. FML
Today, my boyfriend introduced me to his friends as his "sex partner." FML
Today, I took a nap. My boyfriend took this opportunity to go over to his "beautiful" and "amazing" ex-girlfriend's house to help her clean out her pool. I told him I didn't think that was appropriate. He told me I don't value relationships and didn't come home tonight. FML
Today, I was on a date with a girl and everything was going great. As I took her back to her house and walked her to her door, I leaned in for a kiss. She seemed to really enjoy it, so I went for another but as I leaned in again, I sneezed uncontrollably, shooting her face with saliva and snot. FML
Today, I realized I'm pregnant by a man who won't even accept my Facebook friend request. FML
Today, my boyfriend came to my work, at a drive thru, in my car, and then got mad at me because I wouldn't give him free food. In his anger, he put my car in reverse and backed out of line very quickly, only to smash into a paying customer. FML
Today, my girlfriend gave me my first ever blowjob and she surprised me by deciding to swallow. Or so I thought. When she came up to kiss me, she spat my man-milk into my mouth and almost pissed herself laughing when I freaked out and nearly threw up. FML
Today, after weeks of my crazy girlfriend avoiding me because she knew I wanted to break up with her, I had no option but to do it by text. She told all my friends, who now think I'm a coward who isn't man enough to break up in person. They didn't even ask for my side of the story. FML
Today, I heard my sister screaming from the basement, "Don't you hit me, you asshole!" Knowing her boyfriend was over, I ran downstairs with my baseball bat, ready to smash the fucker hitting my sister. Turns out they were just playing Mario Kart and he rammed her off the edge of a bridge. FML
Today, a cute guy asked me if I was single. When I said yes, he said "Yeah, you look like the type", and walked away. FML
Today, my ex-boyfriend dumped sand into the crankcase of my truck and then filled it to the top with water after I dumped him for being immature and not respecting my things. FML
Today, my boyfriend told his friends he was dating me. We've been together for a year and a half. His friends didn't even know I existed before. FML
Myyrh tells us more.
Myyrh 8
Yaaaaaay it got publiiiished ! :D Hi everyone, OP here =) Time for explainations ! We've been in a long distance relationship for one year and a half. So when he came to my place, I made him meet my family and friends because I was so happy to be with him, but when I came to his place, I never met anyone beside his brothers and parents (I still haven't met one of his brothers who lives far away from both my place and my bf's place). My bf lives in a small village, his friends live somewhere else and so we could not randomly run into them either. At first it pissed me off that he didn't want to tell anyone (even our friends who knew both of us), but then he started to be ok with it and to tell everyone how lucky he was to have me. He told his very close friends though, but the other ones never knew about me. For those who say I should find someone else : before meeting me he was with a girl during 5 years and that time his family didn't know about her, on Facebook he was even acting like "if you know a cute girl, intoduce her to me, you know I'm single" etc, whereas I managed to make him remove the "single" from his profile page (now there is nothing, it's not written "in a relationship" either but at least, other girls won't see he's "single" anymore) and I was the first girlfriend he ever brought back home and introduced to his family. So I'm kind of a big deal ;) Tha main reason he didn't want to tell his friends is because he doens't like people to know about his private life, but also because he is tired of people gossiping. Also I never insisted too much on meeting his friends because I am really really really shy and was ok with not having to meet people I didn't know but who had known my bf for years. By the way, his friends were mad at him for not telling them for one and a half year, but he said it was his choice and he was ok with it. And finally, I was not really complaining, but people here had the same reaction as some of my friends, and I thought it was an... original situation ! =) So, there you go !
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