Love: Today, I attended my best friend's wedding. Instead of throwing...

By hairstylistprobs - 23/06/2015 03:13 - United States

Today, I attended my best friend's wedding. Instead of throwing her bouquet, she turned around and handed it to me. I was the only single lady out of 150 guests. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 300

You deserved it 2 631

Love

Own it

Broken heart

Selfish tit

By Anonymous - 19/07/2015 18:02 - United States - Greensburg

Today, I had lunch with an old friend I've had a crush on for years. We're both single, so I figured it to be kind of like a date. Until he started talking about how he told his brother last night that we would never be a thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 140

You deserved it 2 726

Doing it on the company dime

By Anonymous - 13/11/2021 17:00

Today, at work, I hooked up with a gorgeous customer in a storage shed. Somehow all my coworkers knew within five minutes, so there’s that, but my direct manager now won’t even look at me because apparently he fancied me himself, but didn’t realise I was a lesbian. FML

I agree, your life sucks 472

You deserved it 1 360

By Anonymous - 12/11/2013 23:56 - United States - Westminster

Today, working as a cashier, I had a customer come through and ask to purchase a bag of ice. I asked, "Eight pound or twenty pound?", referring to the clearly marked weight of the bags. He replied, "What's the difference?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 228

You deserved it 3 256

Is it not your baby as well?

By Anonymous - 06/03/2021 05:03

Today, I'm starting to realize my wife's baby loves me more than my wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 600

You deserved it 140

By OptMouse - 14/04/2015 11:50 - Denmark - Lyngby

Today, my supervisor forced me to bring the image of a failed simulation to the group meeting, because he thought it looked funny. So did the others and it's now going on our webpage. I have to provide a scientific description of how I made a mistake in my code. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 675

You deserved it 2 783

By pleasedontyellatme - 20/10/2016 15:19

Today, my parents finally took me driving after months of me having my permit. I got yelled at for asking questions. I only needed to know which way they wanted me to turn on the next street after they told me to turn, but not which way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 011

You deserved it 713

By hero to zero - 04/07/2011 16:09 - United States

Today, my girlfriend's ex punched me so hard in the face, I couldn't see straight. But I got up anyway. I lunged at him, and nailed him in the jaw. Turns out I'd in fact just knocked out my girlfriend the on-looker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 055

You deserved it 15 133

By stephiew - 14/07/2011 03:15 - United States

Today, I got a nose bleed in the ladies bathroom. An old lady comes out of a stall and says, "Oh, your nose is bleeding. Well I shit my pants. I'm sure it'll come out in the wash." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 624

You deserved it 2 515

Bodyshaming

By Anonymous - 09/12/2020 13:02 - United Kingdom - Milton Keynes

Today, my coworker doesn't want to go to lunch with me anymore, after I lost a load of weight in lockdown and she's still "overweight." Apparently, I've "changed, and not the same person." FML

I agree, your life sucks 681

You deserved it 55

By CollegeKid - 27/10/2015 10:28 - United States - Urbana

Today, I found out all six classes I'm taking have finals on the same day. This is my first semester in college. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 187

You deserved it 2 332

By SocialAnxietySucks - 26/03/2014 03:31 - United States - Houghton

Today, the clock in the study lounge was off, so I was half-an-hour late to class. I was too embarrassed to walk in late, so I sat for the next half-hour with my ear against the door trying to hear the lecture. People stopped to ask if there was something wrong with me. Yeah, probably. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 235

You deserved it 11 893

By Nadaz - 05/04/2012 11:29 - United States - Charlotte

Today, while talking to my girlfriend, the subject of Darth Vader came up. That's when she asked me, "Aren't Darth Vader and Luke Skywalker the same person?" I don't know what's worse, the fact that she asked me that, or the fact that I got upset over her lack of Star Wars knowledge. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 270

You deserved it 13 527

By TheDumper - 21/06/2012 10:02 - United States - Chandler

Today, and for the last week, I've resorted to driving myself to the nearest corner store to take my daily dump. I'm doing this because I recently moved in with my boyfriend, and I'm afraid he'll be disgusted at how often I clog the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 183

You deserved it 29 997

Practical

By Abused - 13/10/2010 08:36 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend used my love handles as ACTUAL love handles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 826

You deserved it 20 054

By TrueStories - 13/04/2009 06:11 - United States

Today, I went to a football sleepover with all of my teammates. I felt something near the bottom of my sleeping bag, and I pulled it up with my foot. My entire team watched me pull out a red thong. My parents had been on a camping trip the week before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 195

You deserved it 4 111

By Nicoli - 10/11/2011 18:22 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of five years was in a bad car crash, and ended up with a concussion. He didn't remember me. At all. But he remembered his other girlfriend he had cheated on me with for two months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 834

You deserved it 3 967

You wanker!

By Anonymous - 06/10/2019 22:00

Today, my brother arrived at the cabin we’re staying at on a trip. He insisted he got the bed I chose. My father responded, "You wouldn’t want the bed if you knew what he did in it last night." I laughed until I realized there's a mirror where he could've easily seen "what I did last night." FML

I agree, your life sucks 880

You deserved it 1 805

By 3023-dang - 15/10/2012 20:27 - United States

Today, I found out that my girlfriend is four months pregnant. She can't wait for us to be parents. I guess she forgot that I haven't seen her in 7 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 938

You deserved it 2 578

By waltzy777 - 26/04/2009 08:12 - United States

Today, we were having a family get together at my house. Because of this, i had to mow our lawn to make sure it looked nice. I got a little bored and decided it would be funny to cut a rather large penis into my yard. right when i finished, i ran out of gas. My 83 year old grandmother saw. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 588

You deserved it 82 935

By Anonymous - 25/04/2015 07:30 - Canada - Delta

Today, I found out the name on my driver's license is incorrect. I don't know what's worse: the fact the government can't even copy a goddamn name correctly, or that it took me three months to notice, when a cop nearly arrested me for carrying a "fake" license. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 468

You deserved it 4 862

By Baby eater - 20/05/2014 00:00 - United States - Clarksville

Today, I told my 4-year-old neighbor that I'm pregnant. His response was to attack me with a stick "for swallowing a baby." Three people had to pull him off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 396

You deserved it 5 812

By WHAT A NICE GUY YOU ARE, SIR SHITSPAWN!!!1! - 09/08/2013 22:13 - United States

Today, this weird kid in class asked me on a date. He claims to be a werewolf. His excuse for not being able to turn into one? A "rare disease." His excuse for everyone rejecting him? "Friend-zoning bitches." I was the last resort even for a jackoff "nice guy" werewolf. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 347

You deserved it 3 697

By Anonymous - 19/09/2011 14:39 - United States

Today, I got kicked in the crotch. It popped my cherry. I lost my virginity to a shoe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 427

You deserved it 6 181

Thanks, auntie

By itwasmyfavoriteshirt - 16/08/2012 19:28 - United States - Bentonville

Today, my aunt borrowed my favorite shirt. Don't worry, she returned it. Complete with jizz stains. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 012

You deserved it 3 669

By ITSnotFUNNYtoMEass - 25/05/2009 08:54 - United States

Today, my mom talked about how it's interesting how there's so many different size of penises. She also told me that since she's doing hormone therapy she's able to orgasm a LOT more. We were stuck in stop and go traffic for 3 hours. When I turned on the radio, she turned it off and talked more. FML

I agree, your life sucks 92 020

You deserved it 5 493

By Anonymous - 18/10/2014 14:53 - United States - Pekin

Today, I was at a football game with my boyfriend. I said my hands were getting cold, hoping he'd hold them. He replied, "Uh, they make pockets for a reason..." and physically showed me how to put my hands in my pockets. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 145

You deserved it 7 841

Bad hair day

By Andrew7847 - 22/04/2012 05:24 - United States - Fort Worth

Today, I discovered I have really bad dandruff. I learned this when I went indoor mini golfing and my whole upper body lit up like a Christmas tree underneath the black light. Among my friends I'm now known as the abominable snowman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 096

You deserved it 4 422

Keep it down

By rattlingfloorboards - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, a Karate dojo opened under my apartment. It's like living in a Bruce Lee movie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 088

You deserved it 3 331

By Bethany - 28/08/2012 21:22 - United States - Cable

Today, yet again, I was getting intimate with my shower head. Some complete genius decided to flush the toilet downstairs halfway through, which sent scalding-hot water all up in my privates. I've yet to find a comfortable sitting position. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 358

You deserved it 43 009

Childish

By jade - 11/01/2022 17:01

Today, I was talking to a guy when he pointed behind me and said, “Hey, what’s that?” I looked behind me and he burst out laughing, saying he “can’t believe I’m so stupid that I still fall for that old trick.” We were having a conversation, not a physical fight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 798

You deserved it 113

Long road ahead

By Anonymous - 14/01/2021 20:01

Today, I came out to one of my best friends as non-binary, and told him (with their permission) that some of our friends were trans. He told us that we were all idiots and refuses to accept us. We've known him since 3rd grade. FML

I agree, your life sucks 865

You deserved it 540

By swimfaned - 09/01/2015 11:43 - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because she's afraid of my ex-wife. This is the third one in a row to use that very reason. The judge still won't accept my pleas for a restraining order. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 156

You deserved it 2 687

Cheap labor

By franzia - 25/09/2021 14:00

Today, I got broken up with, after renovating her family's apartment over the last 9 months. She even waited until I'd hung the last lights, whose shipment was delayed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 157

You deserved it 70

By sad_gay - 16/04/2009 08:40 - United States

Today, I went to a bar with two guys I was interested in. The first I'd been trying to go out with all semester. The second I had gone to dinner with and he seemed nice. I was the designated driver. They drank too much and, on the way home, hooked up in the back seat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 108 088

You deserved it 16 958

By facepalm - 27/02/2009 08:39 - Singapore

Today, I was having phone sex with my boyfriend. About halfway through he went really quiet and started breathing heavily. I thought he was about to climax until I discovered he had fallen asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 569

You deserved it 15 124

Rollercoaster

By thathoe - 12/11/2021 19:00 - United States - Cloquet

Today, I found I’m pregnant. I hooked up with my ex when my now boyfriend and I had broken up for a week. My ex doesn’t want kids. It’s most likely my ex's kid. My boyfriend has now proposed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 304

You deserved it 2 401

By Username - 22/04/2011 14:42

Today, I have a new boss. She claims to be a professional Angry Birds player. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 062

You deserved it 5 219

Ménage à nope

By 3somer - 20/08/2017 04:29

Today, I received a text from the woman with whom my boyfriend and I recently had a threesome. After years of fantasizing, I finally experienced what it was like to be with another girl. Now we also get to experience what it's like to have gonorrhea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 856

You deserved it 4 827

Masterchef 2020

By Reggie - 28/10/2020 13:58 - United States - Tahlequah

Today, I went to make chilli and instead of just using 3 cups of water like the recipe called for, I ended up using 3 quarts somehow. Now I have a pot of hot and spicy meat water. FML

I agree, your life sucks 407

You deserved it 1 190

By fmfl - 17/11/2009 21:19 - United States

Today, I found a gift card under my bed that I lost a few months ago for $400 to a store that went out of business last week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 196

You deserved it 13 103

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Top comments

Dangerousreaper 13

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Tuesday 23 June 2015 10:38

You may be single, but at least you now have a free bouquet with none of the effort of wrestling over it

Selphis 20

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Tuesday 23 June 2015 10:38

Well... at least you got the bouquet...

Selphis 20

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Tuesday 23 June 2015 10:38

Well... at least you got the bouquet...

Dangerousreaper 13

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Tuesday 23 June 2015 10:38

You may be single, but at least you now have a free bouquet with none of the effort of wrestling over it

DoWT 11

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Tuesday 23 June 2015 10:39

So who got the panties then?

MonstreBelle 28

Tuesday 23 June 2015 11:16

The groom

frostedfoster 15

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Tuesday 23 June 2015 12:38

Correct me if I'm mistaken... It may be deferent where you are.. Up here is the garter belt that gets tossed to the guys.. Not the bride's panties... If I was getting married I can't say I'd like the thought of some guy I know having my now wife's underwear in his pocket...

tabbycat2007 22

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Tuesday 23 June 2015 12:58

21 that's what they've done at every wedding I've ever been to. I've never seen panties thrown before....

wantmeasandwich 26

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Tuesday 23 June 2015 14:49

Or...#3 was trying to joke. But I'm probably wrong.

Brandi_Faith 33

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Wednesday 24 June 2015 7:13

That's hilarious! The thought of the bride taking her undies off where everyone can see, the groom throwing it to the groomsmen, all the groomsmen fighting for dirty panties, and then some guy pocketing them, just makes me laugh! So dirty, gross and funny at the same time. Lol.

Marshallino 21

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Tuesday 23 June 2015 10:40

So? Do not rush into getting married just because of that.

milehigh52 22

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Tuesday 23 June 2015 10:46

you are right. OP should look on the bright side, around 50% of marriages fail and a lot of the times it's because people rush into marriage. By the time of OP's wedding I predict that quite a few of these married women will be single again.

JohnTheDonJuan 11

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Tuesday 23 June 2015 13:12

#8 You must be a real hit at parties...

laden_swallow09 34

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Tuesday 23 June 2015 16:23

What, a healthy dose of reality too much for your body to take, 24?

JohnTheDonJuan 11

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Tuesday 23 June 2015 18:18

No, I can handle reality just fine. I just think that pointing out the 50% failure rate is a little disheartening to see on every wedding fml.

Jenniesaurus 14

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Tuesday 23 June 2015 10:41

Assuming you meant only single lady and not only single person, and you're straight/bi, look on the bright side! At least that means you've got no competition when it comes to the cute guys!

drunkturtle 14

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Tuesday 23 June 2015 10:44

Not much of a competition now is it Hey at least you got the bouquet! I'm sure your perfect match is right around the corner

meggyzzz 15

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Tuesday 23 June 2015 10:45

"Now put your hands up!"

MeanBeagle 22

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Tuesday 23 June 2015 13:49

ooOo oh oh I see what you did there

Captain_Debilos_fml 13

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Tuesday 23 June 2015 10:49

marriage is a prison, don't follow her example

lexos 16

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Tuesday 23 June 2015 15:02

You have to say yes to get married going to prison is not something you choice to do.

DocBastard 38

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Tuesday 23 June 2015 17:07

Captain_Debilos - Just because you had an awful experience with marriage, doesn't mean everyone does. I've been married for well over a decade and it was the best decision I've ever made. It helps that Mrs. Bastard is the best person I've ever met. When done the right way, marriage can work out just fine.

chuka81 27

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Tuesday 23 June 2015 10:56

At what point do you just give and realize that you'd probably die alone.

lexos 16

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Tuesday 23 June 2015 15:04

It's never to late to find someone. My aunt lost her husband a few years ago and is now living together with her new boyfriend. She almost 70

randomcritic 14

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Tuesday 23 June 2015 18:10

Every human being dies alone. And even elderly couples who stay partnered typically pass one at a time. To be alone is to be alive and life can only be what you make of it. There are far worse fates out there.