All the FMLs

By Paws_Cat - 20/05/2015 18:35 - United States - North Dartmouth

Today, my grandmother yelled at me for driving erratically. I was "driving" in a video game. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 882

You deserved it 2 882

Paws_Cat tells us more.

Paws_Cat 29

Friday 22 May 2015 4:46

I like how everyone assumes that I was playing Grand Theft Auto. I wasn't. Also, this got published fast! I was expecting it to be a day or something!

By Anonymous - 20/05/2015 16:17 - Cyprus - Paphos

Today, a new employee started at our office. She's about 18, barely does any work, chews gum loudly, has no manners, and happens to sit right next to me. She also threatens to report me for harassment whenever I politely ask her to not bash my chair with the back of her chair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 866

You deserved it 2 278

By Anonymous - 20/05/2015 14:43 - United Kingdom - Stockport

Today, I went indoor rock climbing. After finally making it to the top, my pants ripped on my last move. I wasn't wearing any underwear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 094

You deserved it 21 540

By boss_daughter - 20/05/2015 12:03 - United States

Today, while we were at a work party, I noticed a drunk lady in the mix. I pointed out to my boss how dumb she looked. It was his daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 586

You deserved it 14 274

By KittKatt - 20/05/2015 05:34 - United States - Lehighton

Today, my brother changed my Google+ name without asking. He has done this before and I fixed it by just changing it back. Turns out Google has a 3-time limit per year for how many times you can change your name. Now I'm stuck with "Poop" for my YouTube name for a year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 017

You deserved it 4 573

Get me out

By Anonymous - 19/05/2015 20:58 - United Kingdom - Duns

Today, I spent half-an-hour trapped inside my dog's crate. The door locked behind me as I squeezed myself inside to stroke her. After bellowing at my family in the garden for what felt like an eternity, they came through just to laugh and take pictures. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 995

You deserved it 9 363

By Anonymous - 19/05/2015 20:49 - Germany - Stuttgart

Today, after taking my crush to the train station late at night, I sat in a local park alone with my thoughts for a while. Two cops appeared out of nowhere and started searching me for drugs and weapons, asking me questions for a good 30 minutes. Not the kind of action I expected tonight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 328

You deserved it 2 602

By Anonymous - 19/05/2015 19:53 - United States - New Albany

Today, in my film class, we were watching Schindler's List. At least, we tried. The moron next to me kept interrupting the most intense scenes with a very loud, "I don't get it." Not only did she break the focus of the class, but we had to keep stopping the movie to explain it to her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 952

You deserved it 1 925

By earthlyscum - 19/05/2015 02:27 - United States - Tinley Park

Today, I woke up to my roommates "pet" snake casually lying in bed with me. I then got yelled at for screaming and scaring the snake. Apparently, it's my fault that it bit my chin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 022

You deserved it 3 683

earthlyscum tells us more.

earthlyscum 19

Tuesday 19 May 2015 22:10

**** that, I'll eat the damn thing first

By Anonymous - 19/05/2015 01:22 - Australia - Elwood

Today, I got stopped by people asking for donations for their charity services. Being who I am, I hate saying no to people, so I told them "I don't have any money, only my card." Did you know they also accept payment by card? FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 133

You deserved it 7 402

By Swabidizop - 18/05/2015 20:40 - United States - Greeley

Today, I had the most rancid fart. My dog woke up from his nap and bit me as punishment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 071

You deserved it 8 063

By Anonymous - 18/05/2015 18:41 - United Kingdom

Today, one of my idiot co-workers thought it'd be hilarious to "fix" my car while I was working. Now every time I step on the brake pedal, the horn goes off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 415

You deserved it 2 652

By colorfun - 18/05/2015 03:38 - United States - Noblesville

Today, I surprised my 7 and 1.5 year old girls with a princess dinner. I quickly realized it was a scam when the "princesses" arrived looking more suited to a bachelor party. I was able to quickly get the girls out, but have spent the evening explaining why Pocahontas was heavily tattooed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 639

You deserved it 5 087

colorfun tells us more.

colorfun 11

Tuesday 19 May 2015 0:18

It was advertised as an event for children. The guy running the event refused to pay for the professional princesses when they showed up, ready to perform. I think he intended on scamming everyone since he had the other slutty costumes on hand. The whole thing was a disaster! Police were called, parents were screaming obscenities and threats, etc. My local news station just finished running the story.

By lily_marleen - 17/05/2015 21:27 - Germany - Emskirchen

Today, I had an outdoor meeting with some important clients. It wasn't until the meeting was over that my coworker decided to inform me that I had bird poop in my hair "pretty much the entire time." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 009

You deserved it 2 131

By norpedo - 17/05/2015 19:32 - United States - Cleveland

Today, in bare consciousness, I found out what it feels like to be stabbed in the hand with an earring. How? By slamming my hand on the snooze button of my alarm and missing horribly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 041

You deserved it 6 558

By Idle_Twin - 17/05/2015 17:53 - United States - Miami

Today, I was finishing my chest workout at the gym when this really cute girl started using the machine next to me. To impress her, I tried lifting a lot of weight on the barbell. It ended up landing on my neck and she had to help me get it off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 932

You deserved it 33 425

By hobo - 17/05/2015 17:47 - Canada - Chilliwack

Today, I woke up to "we're leaving". I'm now homeless because my Dad and his girlfriend got into an argument over toilet paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 590

You deserved it 2 207

By smellynelly - 17/05/2015 16:13 - United States - Buffalo

Today, I found out the reason my co-workers have been giving me gum every day is not because of their generosity, but because everyone in the office thinks my breath smells. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 872

You deserved it 11 416

Happiest place on Earth

By creepedoutmom - 17/05/2015 16:08 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I took my family to Disneyland. My husband had more fun than my five year-old daughter. He was hitting on the princesses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 620

You deserved it 3 195

By no more flips - 17/05/2015 14:05 - United States - Columbus

Today, I decided to impress my friends by doing a flip on the trampoline. What did impress them, was my lack of tears after I hit the edge of the trampoline and broke my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 789

You deserved it 7 061

By PISSED OFF - 17/05/2015 13:09 - Australia

Today, I bought an expensive video game and decided to show it off and post a photo of it on Instagram. When I got home to play it, it rejected my activation key. I then realised it was showing in the Instagram post. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 802

You deserved it 47 871

Relationship goals

By Anonymous - 17/05/2015 05:10 - United States

Today, my husband missed the toilet again. I would have been less disgusted if he'd peed this time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 526

You deserved it 2 704

By SOTS4335 - 16/05/2015 22:16 - United States - Maumelle

Today, I went to a domestic violence counseling group. I was the only male there, and I explained that my girlfriend punches me in the face in front of my kids. Everyone started laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 049

You deserved it 3 630

SOTS4335 tells us more.

SOTS4335 5

Monday 18 May 2015 4:26

OP here. Two of my sisters actually ended up beating the shit out of my now ex-girlfriend and moving me and my kids in with them. Kinda hard to defend yourself when you have muscular dystrophy and you spend most of your day in a wheelchair. But Thank GOD I'm done with that psycho-bitch. And **** those assholes at that therapy session.

By sheldon103 - 16/05/2015 17:18 - United States - Dayton

Today, not thinking and being pissed off, I threw my phone in the car, making a decent sized crack in the windshield. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 490

You deserved it 31 957

sheldon103 tells us more.

sheldon103 4

Monday 18 May 2015 2:21

I actually didn't throw it that hard, it bounced off the dash

By BananaCoconutty - 16/05/2015 16:33 - Canada - Stoney Creek

Today, I had the most excitement I have felt in the last two months when I went to a drugstore and they had my favourite bandaids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 985

You deserved it 3 751

BananaCoconutty tells us more.

BananaCoconutty 26

Sunday 17 May 2015 17:42

They were the Scooby Doo Bandaids! Lol

By JillianJuneBug - 16/05/2015 16:16 - United States - Standish

Today, I got my driver's license. My dad made multiple copies of his insurance cards for me to give to people when I inevitably hit them. Because "Let's face it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 969

You deserved it 3 586

JillianJuneBug tells us more.

JillianJuneBug 39

Sunday 17 May 2015 16:05

Lol, my dad always had this type of sense of humor. He was mostly serious about this though, so we keep the 10+ cards in the glove box.

By yif2 - 16/05/2015 11:47 - United States

Today, while mowing my backyard, I messily discovered that a family of rabbits has been living out there in the tall grass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 093

You deserved it 5 695

By nityasomaiya - 16/05/2015 05:34 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I was supporting my aunt as she gave birth. She was getting tired during the pushing stage, so I tried to encourage her by making a show of pushing as well with each contraction. I got a little too into it and accidentally gave birth to a little turd of my own. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 544

You deserved it 15 016

nityasomaiya tells us more.

nityasomaiya 46

Sunday 17 May 2015 6:50

It was just my Aunt and the Midwife in the room at the time. I think my Aunt laughing helped her push my cousin out the last little bit. The Midwife was awesome.

By Anonymous - 16/05/2015 01:17 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I caught my ex trying to slash my car tires with a knife. She actually had the balls to claim she was testing my tire pressure, before power-walking off into the distance like nothing had happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 058

You deserved it 2 751