All the FMLs

By Anonymous - 28/03/2015 04:39 - United States - Madison

Today, my pyromaniac sister somehow got her hands on my dad's lighter and set my bed sheets on fire. My dad said I must have provoked her, and that she can't be blamed for her mental condition. So now I'm grounded, and she has a new doll house to calm her down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 759

You deserved it 2 437

Working here sucks

By people suck - 28/03/2015 04:16 - United States - Oakland

Today, while at work, a customer refused to speak louder, despite me asking her to do it several times. As a result, I took her order incorrectly. The customer then finally decided to raise her voice, but only to yell at me about my poor listening skills. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 401

You deserved it 2 525

By BirthdayBoy - 28/03/2015 03:42 - United States - Madison

Today, I was uninvited from my own birthday party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 020

You deserved it 3 151

By biblepain - 28/03/2015 02:12 - United States - Tucson

Today, I met my girlfriend's parents for the first time. Within minutes, they said I needed to leave. Their reason? Apparently, I was mocking her dad's speech impediment. I also have one but they wouldn't believe me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 322

You deserved it 2 226

By ironwoman23 - 28/03/2015 00:23 - United States - East Alton

Today, I discovered that when my mom can't sleep, she comes into my room and reads my text messages. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 101

You deserved it 3 276

ironwoman23 tells us more.

ironwoman23 10

Saturday 28 March 2015 15:12

I do have a password! She makes me give it to her. Now I know why.. And to those asking I found out by waking up to her next to me on my phone, then quickly running out of my room

By Bonecrusher - 27/03/2015 22:50 - United States - Sonoma

Today, I was trying out for a position as pitcher for my college baseball team. I threw the ball as hard as I could, and then collapsed to the ground in agony from a dislocated shoulder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 426

You deserved it 5 355

Bad timing

By screwedupfuck - 27/03/2015 21:19 - United States - Lowell

Today, I was at a big meeting at work. The CEO was reaming the hell out of us for our recent poor profits, when I accidentally let rip a vile fart. I was then subjected to a 10 minute tirade of abuse for "trying to be a funny man", and told that whatever small chance I had for a promotion is now gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 481

You deserved it 6 093

By anon - 27/03/2015 20:09 - United States - San Francisco

Today, while getting ready for a job interview, I sneezed while brushing my teeth, splattering toothpaste everywhere and ruining my brand new dress. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 951

You deserved it 4 788

By njh - 27/03/2015 13:29 - Ireland

Today, my 3-year-old son said to me, "Fuck a duck, Daddy." I have no idea where he heard this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 357

You deserved it 3 616

By struckbystarzz - 27/03/2015 13:12 - United States - Taunton

Today, my stomach started to hurt. When I got home, my parents had company over, which I had to rush past to use the bathroom. After being in the bathroom for about 3 minutes, my mother yells to me from the other room, in front of the guests, "Are you OK in there?" I'm 27. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 558

You deserved it 4 090

By mareecasellafml - 27/03/2015 09:51 - Australia - Belrose

Today, I handed out 20 resumes to a variety of stores. To my delight, I got a phone call the same day. Unfortunately, they weren't calling about a job, they were informing me on my resume it says, "I have a dick." All thanks to my boyfriend, who thought it would be hilarious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 445

You deserved it 4 258

By Anonyme - 27/03/2015 09:50 - France - Laill

Today, when I woke up, I got into the bath that my boyfriend had prepared for me. I particularly appreciated its smell, so I asked him what he'd used. "I couldn't find the usual bath salts you use, so I just used what I could." It's official, I've taken a Alka-Seltzer flavored bath. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 830

You deserved it 3 488

By xorenae - 27/03/2015 08:38 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I had an interview for an office job. As a requirement, I had to show up dressed for the job. My friend has worked there for years and told me it was casual dress. I wore jeans and a blouse. Everyone else had on business suits. Obviously my friend doesn't know what casual means. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 054

You deserved it 7 990

By Anonymous - 27/03/2015 08:17 - Canada - North Vancouver

Today, I was told at my babysitting job that I can't bring my toddler with me. My employer is my best friend. Now I have to find a babysitter for my kid if I want to babysit hers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 947

You deserved it 2 913

By elizacandle - 27/03/2015 06:58 - United States

Today, I stopped by my local bar to maybe meet some new people. I sat in between two groups. Within a minute both groups got up and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 686

You deserved it 3 186

elizacandle tells us more.

elizacandle 29

Sunday 29 March 2015 12:21

OP Here ...well to a lot of you, Thanks for your sympathy! This was supposed to be an emphasis on how hard it is to talk to people in the real world! This actually happened and u sat at a spot that was empty, I didn't squeeze anywhere. it was likely coincidental but it did feel lonely when the half of the seating area became empty at once. gets lonely pretty quick.

By an anon - 27/03/2015 05:31 - United States - San Francisco

Today, some well-meaning soul told me to just pray my depression away, which would be about as effective as praying away a knife in my shin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 061

You deserved it 3 836

By comfort_ - 27/03/2015 03:28 - United States - Dalton

Today, I managed to take an entire shower without realizing my socks were on. I washed my feet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 565

You deserved it 10 201

By Anonymous - 26/03/2015 18:36 - United States - Silverdale

Today, I tore my ACL while doing physical therapy that's supposed to keep me from tearing my ACL. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 008

You deserved it 2 652

By cherokeems - 26/03/2015 17:44 - United States - Harriman

Today, my girlfriend of a month told me that the only thing keeping her from swallowing a bottle of pills is being in a relationship with me, because she doesn't handle breakups well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 602

You deserved it 3 039

By Anonymous - 26/03/2015 13:20 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my school had to make an official announcement that students were not permitted to go home due to Zayn Malik leaving One Direction because so many girls were claiming they couldn't focus on school with such a dramatic event occurring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 521

You deserved it 3 648

By Anonymous - 26/03/2015 10:16

Today, after days of looking for it, I finally found the ring my boyfriend gave to me. It was on my roommate's finger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 681

You deserved it 2 742

By Akoni - 26/03/2015 09:53 - United States - Riverside

Today, I was talking about an essay I'd written for a class that was due to be turned in online days ago. I thought mine was well written and I'd even finished it a couple of days early so I wouldn't forget about it. After a few minutes of talking and feeling proud, I realized that I forgot to turn it in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 451

You deserved it 9 204

Akoni tells us more.

Akoni 18

Saturday 28 March 2015 5:09

I don't know if this will show up as an OP blue comment since I've never done this, but yes. I'm the OP haha. So yeah I finished the paper before it was due but I didn't turn it in because I wanted to read it over again the next day just in case. Little did I know I would forget about it completely. (I was busy studying for a bio test and quiz all weekend) I finally realized I didn't turn it in about 4 days after it was due online. I talked to my prof. and he said it should be okay. Keyword "should." He hasn't graded it yet so I don't know if he took points off. Anyways, yes I deserved it haha.

By sexybelly - 26/03/2015 08:35 - Australia - Parramatta

Today, I was asked when my baby is due. My baby was due 6 months ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 890

You deserved it 4 629

By Anasztaizia - 26/03/2015 06:58 - United States - Burnsville

Today, I was told by my boyfriend's parents to never come back to his house again, and was given a lecture about rule breaking. Apparently, curfew is midnight, and he isn't allowed to have girls over. This didn't sound so unreasonable until I remembered that we're both almost 30. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 964

You deserved it 4 002

Anasztaizia tells us more.

Anasztaizia 3

Thursday 26 March 2015 22:54

OP here! #51, you are both correct and incorrect. It IS actually his place, but he bought it off his parents. TL;DR: when they decided it was time to downsize, he bought their house off them, but they haven't moved out yet. The mentality of it still being their house, their rules (which I agree is sensible) hasn't quite left their heads yet.

By anonymous - 26/03/2015 03:43 - United States

Today, I slept through my alarm because it was drowned out by humming. My humming, in my sleep. Even my body is against me waking up on time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 915

You deserved it 2 941