All the FMLs

By _Domster_46 - 04/05/2015 15:39 - United States - Novi

Today, my little sister came up to me holding up my phone. It wouldn't be so bad if she hadn't dropped it in the toilet first. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 038

You deserved it 2 613

_Domster_46 tells us more.

_Domster_46 16

Tuesday 5 May 2015 2:37

Hi, OP here, to answer some of your questions she is 4 years old, and I did try putting it in a bag of rice glad to say it is working now!

By FMe - 04/05/2015 14:49 - United Kingdom

Today, I got yelled at for 'letting' my muddy dog jump on my cousin's wedding dress as she was getting ready. I don't own a dog and haven't since I was a kid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 799

You deserved it 2 409

By double trouble - 04/05/2015 04:04

Today, I found my bike that was stolen a week ago in front of someone's house. Now this wouldn't have been a problem if my husband didn't steal it to go meet with his girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 909

You deserved it 2 572

By umyuck - 03/05/2015 16:55 - United States - Norfolk

Today, I noticed my shower drain wasn't draining well. I cleaned it out, thinking it was just a rat's nest of hair. Wrong. It was an actual dead rat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 515

You deserved it 2 525

By Anonymous - 03/05/2015 07:42 - United States - Annapolis

Today, I pulled a piece of dental floss out of my ass. How it got there is one of life's great mysteries. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 451

You deserved it 5 076

By Anonymous - 03/05/2015 05:58 - Finland

Today, our new boss banned coffee from the workplace, comparing caffeine to hard drugs. His comparison may not be wrong; after two hours, I couldn't take it any more, and in between fantasising about his cold-blooded murder, I begged to be allowed just one last cup. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 489

You deserved it 5 068

By Jbheller - 03/05/2015 00:08 - United States - Mountain Top

Today, after resigning from my current job, I was let go from the new job I hadn't even started yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 379

You deserved it 3 129

By Upside-Down Sleeper. - 02/05/2015 21:59 - United States - Pasadena

Today, I went to the yearly town carnival with my friends. I hadn't slept well the night before and when I got onto the scariest ride, I somehow fell half asleep. I woke up upside down and ended up peeing myself in terror. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 795

You deserved it 5 393

By gross - 02/05/2015 18:39 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, I changed my toothbrush because the bristles were wearing down. My brother later asked me why I changed his toothbrush. Apparently we've been sharing the same one for the past several weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 065

You deserved it 3 984

By Eternal Servitude - 02/05/2015 16:54 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my mom decided to have a get together at my house while I was at work. When I came home, she pulled me aside and asked me to pretend to be her maid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 443

You deserved it 2 379

By coolster5000 - 02/05/2015 16:36 - Canada - St. John's

Today, I clogged the toilet in the one-man bathroom at the corner store, with a line of about 5 people waiting outside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 636

You deserved it 4 795

coolster5000 tells us more.

coolster5000 22

Saturday 9 May 2015 5:57

OP here, I find all of your "shitty situation" comments very unoriginal;) but funny all the same. I ended up just telling them I went in and found the toilet like that, but I'm not sure they believed me whatsoever.

By Anonymous - 02/05/2015 09:59 - United States - Broken Arrow

Today, I was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes. My mom's reaction was, I shit you not, to tell me to "walk it off". FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 166

You deserved it 2 677

By tumblrinas_at_work - 02/05/2015 08:04 - United States - Woodland Hills

Today, I had to go to a boring, never-ending "sensitivity training" session, all because my douchebag coworker filed a complaint against me last week after I apologized for being tardy. Apparently I was insulting people with mental disorders. Or as she put it, "differently-abled" people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 822

You deserved it 2 993

By Anonymous - 02/05/2015 02:22 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I lost my virginity to the girl of my dreams. I could tell she really enjoyed it, because she muttered "Well, that was disappointing." afterwards, then got dressed, said she'd made a huge mistake, and asked me not to call her again. Yep, total stud. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 066

You deserved it 4 146

By I'm just sick, really - 02/05/2015 00:33 - United States - Springfield

Today, I felt sick to my stomach, so I told my mother I didn't want to eat dinner. She started accusing me of being anorexic, so I ate a little bit anyway to make her stop. I then threw up, only for her to take it as confirmation that I have an eating disorder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 356

You deserved it 2 466

By blemarooney - 01/05/2015 23:34 - Ireland - Dublin

Today, I failed a major exam. It wasn't because I didn't prepare for it, though. I failed because somebody sneezed during it and I said "bless you." Apparently, that's classed as cheating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 172

You deserved it 3 673

blemarooney tells us more.

blemarooney 13

Sunday 3 May 2015 18:02

Hi OP here. Thanks for all the supportive comments. I got my mum to go in and complain to my school but they kept insisting that 'rules are rules.' So maybe bless you secretly means the answer is C but I will certainly never bless anybody when they sneeze in the middle of an exam again.

By wtf - 01/05/2015 22:57 - United States - Elkhart

Today, my husband wants me to apologize for getting angry when his father told me I'm getting so fat that I look like a whale. I'm not fat, I'm just 8 months pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 279

You deserved it 3 212

By RavingLunatic - 01/05/2015 22:17 - United States - Gilbert

Today, I desperately needed to let off some steam at work, so I went outside and screamed obscenities at the top of my lungs, before heading back inside. The police then showed up to investigate complaints of a "raving lunatic" in the area. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 297

You deserved it 24 827

By Anonymous - 01/05/2015 20:41 - United Kingdom - Oundle

Today, in the middle of the supermarket, my 7 year old son asked me what a cocksucker is and why his mum always calls me that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 411

You deserved it 3 654

By Anonymous - 01/05/2015 20:02 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, a drunk man started yelling at the lamppost outside my house, demanding to be let inside, all while my neighbors watched. That man is my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 384

You deserved it 2 472

By Anonymous - 01/05/2015 15:25

Today, my dad got over his aversion to tight pants, giving everyone at the DMV a good look at his package in skin-tight blue jeans. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 496

You deserved it 2 409

By Forever alone - 01/05/2015 14:24 - United States - Lincoln

Today, I told my friends I was kissed by a girl. They said "Yeah, probably by your mom." The sad thing is, they were right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 719

You deserved it 12 519

By why? - 01/05/2015 13:41 - United States

Today, I was supposed to light candles at my aunt's wedding. I accidentally lit the groom on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 006

You deserved it 6 471

By PharmSlave - 01/05/2015 06:12 - United States - Marysville

Today, my boss told me I ask too many questions and that's why they cut my hours in half. Officially, I'm a "Pharmacy Technician in Training", which means I'm trying to teach myself how to do the job without killing someone. All from on the job experience and an outdated textbook. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 063

You deserved it 2 600

By Crombinator - 01/05/2015 05:30 - United States - Estacada

Today, my roommate was making a waterproof iPhone case and decided to use my phone to test it out. It didn't work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 426

You deserved it 4 042

By nerderer - 30/04/2015 18:48 - United States - Duluth

Today, after frantically searching my house and office and calling every place I'd visited in the last 24 hours, I finally found my phone in my fridge. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 862

You deserved it 6 849

By henrylikestreats - 30/04/2015 18:04 - United States - Mayer

Today, I realized that my new haircut makes me look like a movie star. Not Scarlett Johansson, no. I look like Lord Farquaad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 706

You deserved it 4 654

henrylikestreats tells us more.

henrylikestreats 22

Friday 1 May 2015 4:51

All of these puns have me in tears, I swear. I am currently growing out my hair after cutting it all off to be donated. It has gone through every awkward stage imaginable, including the constantly-in-my-eyes stage, the is-it-long-enough-for-a-ponytail stage, and, of course, the mullet. After a few weeks of dealing with the mullet, I decided to cut it, and that is how I ended up with this mess. I have heard Shrek quotes everywhere I have gone since and I can't stop laughing at myself. Thank you for making my night, everybody.