Work: Today, I worked from home to actually be able to concentrate... - FML

By PhD student - Sweden - Stockholm

Today, I worked from home to actually be able to concentrate and make a presentation about my project. My boss then sends me a long email about how he wants us to work in the office, and how important it is for team building, giving me feelings of guilt for actually getting some work done. FML

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There's no helping some people

Walk on the wild side

Instadrama

By Anonymous - Australia - Canberra

Today, after the topic of grandkids came up yet again, my fiancé confessed that we've been having trouble conceiving. Later, I overheard his mum telling him to take my engagement ring back to the store and get a refund, because apparently I'm not worth marrying if I can't give him kids. FML

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By Gollumapparently - 13/1/2021 05:01

My precious

Today, my friend and I took an online quiz to find out what character from Lord of the Rings we look like. She got Arwen. I got Gollum. FML

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By anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, my daughter admitted to me that the only reason she's nice to me is because I give her money. She's six. FML

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By Lazyuser2849 - United States - Arlington

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. To this, she said, "You need to meet more people."FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Toronto

Today, I folded a stack of 2,500 brochures for the new exhibit we're putting on at the museum where I work. As I was finishing up, I got an email. The dates have just been changed, so all the brochures have to be reprinted and refolded. FML

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By wellcrap - United States - Carrollton

Today, I walked into a really fancy hotel bathroom. I spoke to the attendant and gave her my purse and coat while I used the toilet. When I came out, she was gone. The receptionist informed me they didn't have a bathroom attendant. FML

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By Kaji - France

Today, I sent a text message to my girlfriend telling her how much I wanted to make love to her tonight. I've just realized I sent it to her brother. FML

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By BlazefireSaber - United States - Norfolk

Today, I'm sitting in the ER with a broken finger, all because I beat my little brother in a Wii game. He ran over and twisted my finger, saying, "Now how are you going to beat me, cunt?" FML

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By popeye - United States

Today, I was trying to take the cap off a can of spray cooking oil. It was really stuck so I pulled extra hard. It flew off and I punched myself in the head. I also sprayed myself in the eye with it. The lump on my forehead and my swollen shut eye make me look like Popeye, but I'm a girl. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I went to Sunday school for the first time. The priest assured us we could ask him anything, so I did. When class ended the priest pulled me and my mom aside and asked her to stop bringing me to Sunday school until "she learns not to question the bible and accept what she is told". FML

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By JD. - 31/1/2021 23:01

Trashy

Today, the office I clean as a janitor left some candies with a note saying, "Take as many as you like." I was flattered and felt like I was finally being recognized for my years of hard work. Later, I found the same candy with a single bite taken out of it in the trash, along with the rest they'd spat out. FML

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By ThreeWeeksWithoutSex - United States - San Francisco

Today, my daughter fell asleep early, so my husband and I decided to get frisky. He passed out mid blow job. FML

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By Xia - United States

Today, I spilled a half bottle of superglue on my hands. I also found out that cold water only makes it harden faster. FML

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By Faktafem

Alexa, play "People = Shit" by Slipknot

Today, I went to use one of the toilets at work, where once again someone had not flushed their poo. I work at an institute for higher education, and this happens on a weekly basis, even during the summer when no students are around. FML

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By itwasathtebottomofmycoffeemug - United States - Santa Cruz

Today, I found out my son has a new hobby after seeing a picture on the internet: putting realistic-looking stickers of spiders at the bottom of my coffee mugs. My wife was scared half to death this morning after downing a cup of coffee and then glancing the cup's bottom. FML

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By me! - 25/3/2021 17:01

Shiny shiny

Today, my 8-year-old daughter came home from school, saying she had gotten engaged and was wearing a ring. It looked real. Later that night, I got a call saying that their son had given my daughter his grandma's engagement ring. My daughter actually said no to the engagement, but still took the ring, FML

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By Aginsafa - United States

Today, at work my boss told me I have been late, under-productive, and using up a lot of sick days. He says my job is on the line. My reason for barely showing up at work: I've been on maternity leave for 6 weeks. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I volunteered to help out at an elementary school. I accidentally elbowed a little girl in the face while playing tag. And an hour later, a little boy flew out of his swing because I accidentally pushed him too hard. They're both siblings and are my child psychology instructor's kids. FML

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By Now What - United States - South Otselic

Today, my boyfriend told me he only loves me sometimes. He explained what days he chooses to love me and what days he doesn't want to. I told him that's not how it works. He disagreed. He's 27. He still doesn't understand why this is a problem. FML

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By our kids will be derps - Canada - Nelson

Today, my boyfriend found an empty snail shell. I tried messing with him by saying the snail had turned into a slug, like caterpillars turn into butterflies. He quickly replied, "Yeah I know. I'm not a tard, babe." and said he'd been taught all that and more back in school. What the hell? FML

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By dtmfa - United States

Today, I spent the night with my guy, whom I hadn't seen in ages. In the middle of sex, he answered his phone, told me to be quiet, talked to the girl on the other end about how boring his day was, then left the room to finish talking to her. When he came back he asked if I felt like swallowing. FML

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By Me - United States

Today, we got our family pictures back from the printers. I complained to my mom about the ones she picked. "Oh don't worry," she said. "I had them photoshop out your gut." I was talking about my smile. FML

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By Anza - United Kingdom

Today, my mum told me that my sister's little kiddie swing wouldn't hold my weight. I told her she was being stupid, and went on anyway. A broken ankle and two pins in my elbow later, I'm willing to accept this. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, it's my birthday. I have gotten three calls all day. The first one was my fiancé, saying he wanted his ring back. The second one was my best friend, confessing to me that she had been sleeping with my fiancé for the past three months. The third was the dentist's office singing me a happy birthday. FML

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By Albert - 26/4/2020 17:00

Useless

Today, I used up the last of my deodorant for a business meeting on Zoom. FML

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By Michelle - New Zealand

Today, I decided to quit smoking. During my lunch break, I tried to ash a KitKat bar that was in my hand after I took a bite. FML

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By Annomymous - United States - Clarkston

Today, my asshat roommate tricked me into eating a weed brownie. I thought it was his terrible attempt at baking regular brownies until it kicked in at college. I was so high, I started giggling like a schoolgirl when my instructor said "Dickens". Now everyone thinks I'm a retard. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out there is such a thing as eyebrow dandruff, and that I have it. FML

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By Missy - Australia

Today, my parents had a fight as to which one of them is the most cultured. As a result, they've begun writing my chore lists in a variety of languages. If I don't do them, I'm grounded. I only speak English. FML

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By loon - France

Today, the girl I'm secretly in love with, whom I was talking to on MSN, told me she'd "brb in 10, no wait 20, oh make that 30 min" depending on her boyfriend's stamina. FML

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By Idiot on the bus

Today, I saw a beautiful girl on the bus. Struck up a good conversation, walked with her all the way to my office. Forgot to ask her name and number. This is the second time I've done this. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Littleton

Today, my 14-year-old sister came into the bathroom while I was in it. When she saw me, she said sorry and left. Little did I know, she took my electric toothbrush to masturbate. FML

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By sick - United States

Today, I went to the coffee shop for my usual morning latte before class. When I got my drink, I asked again to make sure it was soy. The barista assured me it was. It wasn't. I'm ridiculously lactose intolerant and just spent six hours throwing up because she was too lazy to correct her mistake. FML

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By Court - United States

Today, my best friend had set me up on a blind date. The guy demonstrated at length that he could do different cartoon voices such as Donald Duck, Droopy and many others the entire time. Oh, and he also kept wanting to talk about his farts. FML

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By Bloody Nose - United States - Saint Louis

Today, I had the longest, bloodiest, bloody nose ever when I was at work. I got blood on a few materials as I was running to the restroom. I work in a food factory, so everything had to be sanitized and thrown out. Now management wants me to pay for everything we had to throw out. FML

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By NotBridezilla - United States - Klamath Falls

Today, after waiting 3 months until my friend's wedding was done being celebrated, I announced my engagement. My newlywed friend bitched me out for "stealing" all of the attention and being selfish. FML

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By LaurahLunatic - United States

Today, I realized that my cat has been laid more times than me. FML

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By Ekh0es - 11/4/2021 15:30 - United States - Garfield

Sensual moment

Today, I was giving a friend a neck rub when she started to breathe heavily. I figured she was getting into it, so I started kissing her neck. She then turned around and said, "Tell my roommate I'm having an asthma attack." FML

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By snowman - United States

Today, right before a huge snowstorm hit our area, I broke up with my girlfriend. In her fury, she decided to grab my car keys and roll down all four windows in my car. I now have 2 feet of half melted snow in my backseat. FML

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By - France

Today, on her Facebook profile, my ex erased all the pictures where we were together, add her new boyfriend to her friends and changed her status to "I'm so happy". FML

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Top comments

By nzhx | 23

#6533602 - Wednesday 10 February 2016 19:09

I understand his issue with it, but maybe if you explained the situation to your boss he wouldn't mind you working from home on occasion. Either way, good luck with your presentation, OP.

By NYM88 | 26

#6533591 - Wednesday 10 February 2016 19:05

You just can't please some people unfortunately.

COMMENTS

By expertsmilee | 26

#6533580 - Wednesday 10 February 2016 18:55

He put the duck in productivity, cuz the dude sounds like a quack at being a boss.

Reply

Obito_Uchiha651 | 17

#6533646 - Wednesday 10 February 2016 19:58

The word duck is not in productivity

Reply

expertsmilee | 26

#6533670 - Wednesday 10 February 2016 20:36

It sure is, just ain't spelled the same way.

Reply

teentee401 | 36

#6533715 - Wednesday 10 February 2016 22:03

If it's spelled different it ceases to be the same word. Duc is not a word.

Reply

norpedo | 16

#6533754 - Wednesday 10 February 2016 23:06

I thought this was funny, I'm sorry you got down voted so much

Reply

expertsmilee | 26

#6534116 - Thursday 11 February 2016 10:08

:P

By saidoh_fml | 26

#6533583 - Wednesday 10 February 2016 18:58

It's sad that some bosses are still so old school, and I don't see how your working from home once is bad for team building. I don't know what I would do if I couldn't work from home.

Reply

pabj208 | 23

#6533617 - Wednesday 10 February 2016 19:32

YDI because you should have cleared it with your boss first. Simples.

By NonScaryPumkin | 22

#6533587 - Wednesday 10 February 2016 19:01

Well, maybe if you go in and he sees how less efficient you are then maybe he will be able to understand why for you it's best to work at home.

Reply

Sandman366 | 6

#6533709 - Wednesday 10 February 2016 21:57

"Yes sir, I understand all of that, sir. I just thought I should actually get some work done, sir."

By nonsensical | 26

#6533588 - Wednesday 10 February 2016 19:01

Maybe just finish what you're doing at home and after that just do everything at work? If your boss asks, just say you finished all of it before you saw the email! He can't really complain about you doing a good job with your work!

By TweetAnne | 13

#6533589 - Wednesday 10 February 2016 19:01

Wish I could work from home so I wouldn't have to deal with some of the idiots.

I don't see a problem where you work as long as the job gets done. Obviously don't make it an every day thing, but if you stay home every once in a while to rev up your productivity then why not.

By Bravewolf | 15

#6533590 - Wednesday 10 February 2016 19:03

I would just ignore him, do what gives you the most productivity and try to explain it to him.

Reply

Cyrus00 | 41

#6533690 - Wednesday 10 February 2016 21:22

Yeah because ignoring your boss is a great idea....

Try and explain it to him by all means but I wouldn't ignore him.

Reply

mwali02 | 32

#6533965 - Thursday 11 February 2016 4:04

I think OP still wants to complete this PhD... It's a lot easier when your supervisor doesn't hate you. So sorry about your situation OP... Proceed with caution on this one!

By NYM88 | 26

#6533591 - Wednesday 10 February 2016 19:05

You just can't please some people unfortunately.

By M3DO | 24

#6533592 - Wednesday 10 February 2016 19:05

Don't feel guilty if your co-workers are idiots, but he probably wants to increase the chemistry between workers by communicating more.

By nzhx | 23

#6533602 - Wednesday 10 February 2016 19:09

I understand his issue with it, but maybe if you explained the situation to your boss he wouldn't mind you working from home on occasion. Either way, good luck with your presentation, OP.

By crudeandrudeguy | 29

#6533607 - Wednesday 10 February 2016 19:15

You could try telling him that when you're at the office you're getting paid to accomplish nothing but that may not be in your best interest