Miscellaneous: Today, my boyfriend discovered that if you mix beer, an axe,...

By ncbb5 - 04/11/2015 18:57

Today, my boyfriend discovered that if you mix beer, an axe, shotgun shells and bad judgment, you get a rather expensive hospital stay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 616

You deserved it 2 807

ncbb5 tells us more.

ncbb5 18

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Thursday 5 November 2015 14:51

Hey, op here. I was supposed to spend the day with my boyfriend but I got called to work. I told him don't do anything stupid. We know how that turned out. Anyway he's fine now just whining like a baby.

Miscellaneous

Age difference

You tried

Keep up!

By Lilly - 02/10/2013 12:43 - United States - Conway

Today, I was on a dinner date with a guy I really like. I guess I was on my phone too much because halfway through the date he sent me a text saying how much my half of the bill would be. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 661

You deserved it 124 049

By ohmyx3 - 30/04/2009 02:09 - United States

Today, I was at my boyfriend's house.I've been a vegetarian for 4 years, and his mother made lasagna with meat in it. After telling her I don't eat meat, my boyfriend's father says "we know whose meat she does eat." My boyfriend, his mother, and I were standing right there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 75 045

You deserved it 9 875

By Stupid - 18/09/2013 08:46 - United States - Lake Saint Louis

Today, I thought that an ingenious way to protest against high tuition prices would be to steal a box of soymilk from my university dining hall. The box exploded in my backpack. Not only did I lose all my soymilk, I now have replace my $120 calculator. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 857

You deserved it 67 932

By lrn2spel, teach - 12/12/2013 18:00 - United States - Mogadore

Today, I got back the essay I wrote about how my country's education system is fucked. At one point, I made a spelling mistake. My teacher wrote a note about it, basically calling me illiterate and telling me to pay attention in school instead of whining about it. She misspelled "school". FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 575

You deserved it 4 510

By hgirl - 28/01/2009 21:58 - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me he watched True Life I'm Pregnant. Now I know why we haven't been having sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 412

You deserved it 3 299

By ssjin93 - 24/11/2009 00:07 - United States

Today, I received two letters, one from my mom, other from my dad, about how much they missed me with me not being around them. I called my mom, feeling sad. She didn't sound sad at all. She asked me which letter was better. My parents were competing each other which letter would be more moving. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 187

You deserved it 2 395

By stupidquestionsstupidpeople - 30/04/2013 03:32 - United States - Chicago Heights

Today, I met one of my favorite web-comic artists. As I purchased a shirt from their booth he asked, "What size?" I stupidly asked "How big is a small?" He chuckled, "It's small" and chuckled some more. So much for keeping it cool. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 418

You deserved it 7 778

Thrashing

By bad sleeper - 19/05/2021 08:00 - United States

Today, I asked my boyfriend why he never wants to sleepover anymore. He said he loves me, but that sleeping next to me is like sleeping next to someone reenacting the crucifixion while being mauled to death by squirrels. So much for cuddling through the night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 800

You deserved it 173

Classic switcheroo

By Anonymous - 05/01/2021 11:01

Today, I had a movie date planned with a guy. After a polite exchange, we were interrupted by a phone call from his colleague saying they had an emergency that needed his attention. He excused himself to take the call, telling me he wouldn't be long. He drove off and blocked my number the moment he stepped out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 062

You deserved it 102

By Funnymann - 22/01/2010 20:51 - United States

Today, I woke up with my face sharpied. I live alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 333

You deserved it 3 877

Gratitude

By Anonymous - 28/11/2020 02:02

Today, I brought my girlfriend flowers. All she managed to do was to say it’s been a year since you brought me flowers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 704

You deserved it 301

Asshat

By Anonymous - 04/09/2019 14:00 - New Zealand

Today, my hours at work were slashed due to company wide cut backs. The only coworker unaffected was the asshat who stole my promotion after I'd trained them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 726

You deserved it 195

By Anonymous - 13/07/2011 13:31 - United States

Today, at a family reunion, my dad announced to everyone that I'd finally started my menstrual cycle. My grandmother started sobbing hysterically. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 252

You deserved it 3 084

By frownyface - 14/01/2012 17:32 - United States

Today, my family and I were burning our Christmas tree. For a laugh, my dad jokingly pushed me toward the fire. I tripped, and my doctor says the burns are probably going to scar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 497

You deserved it 3 175

A Dog's Love = Priceless

By Sudokori - 29/08/2017 20:00

Today, I bought a lottery ticket. Two hours ago, I found out that the ticket was worth $100. Five minutes ago, I found my dog eating it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 317

You deserved it 625

Run!

By Anonymous - 08/10/2021 11:00 - Australia - Vermont

Today, I have come to the conclusion that my fiancé is the most selfish person I know. I can't talk to him about it, because the conversation will just turn on how I'm the worst person he knows. I don't know what to do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 796

You deserved it 304

By RootalyTootToot - 29/06/2018 15:00

Today, after slipping on my stairs and spraining my ankle, I got a brace and crutches at urgent care. When I went to get into my car, my crutch slipped on some paper and I fell. I crawled back into urgent care, only to learn that my sprained ankle is now broken in 2 places. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 276

You deserved it 245

By Upfront - 06/04/2016 05:19 - United States - Denver

Today, I confronted my very passive-aggressive roommate about taking out the trash. With a smug smile, she insisted that I should write her a letter if I want to argue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 028

You deserved it 1 474

By Anonymous - 03/04/2009 02:33 - United States

Today, I saw a lesbian couple walking through the mall. One of the ladies walked up to me in the middle of the busy mall and started screaming at me about how rude it is to stare, and how we are all equal- straight or not. I was only staring because I'm a lesbian too, and they were hot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 186 983

You deserved it 29 813

By stillAvirgin:( - 20/06/2011 01:46 - United States

Today, I purchased an app to track my period. When my mother asked me why I got it, I told her I was going to use it so I knew when to not go on a date because I don't want to be uncomfortable during a long movie. She slapped me in the face and called me a dirty prostitute and a liar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 738

You deserved it 9 090

By Anonymous - 26/10/2010 13:50 - United Kingdom

Today, I was told that all the data on my laptop is unrecoverable after my hard drive crashed. I have been charged £300 for them to tell me this. Feeling sorry for myself, I wrapped myself up in a blanket and turned on my fan radiator as it's so cold... and promptly set my carpet on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 719

You deserved it 3 880

By Anonymous - 14/09/2010 02:56 - United States

Today, I had a conference with my dad, my counselor, and my history and English teachers because my dad was "concerned" about my grades in those two classes. We talked for a while and it was going well, then my counselor asked what I wanted to study in college. I said I wanted to be a teacher. He laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 737

You deserved it 4 657

By life// - 08/01/2013 23:56 - Canada - Fort Mcmurray

Today, I was walking my dog when he decided that he was too lazy to continue walking. It ended up with me looking like a crazy dog lady carrying my medium-sized dog home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 595

You deserved it 5 172

By Username - 01/07/2010 04:55 - France

Today, I found out that while getting your hair cut, you should say 'yes' or 'no', instead of nodding your head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 428

You deserved it 59 439

By BbyDelight - 27/04/2009 03:39 - Canada

Today, it was my mom's birthday. I decided to get her a Willow Tree statue of a woman fairy holding a heart. After dinner, I presented my gift. My mother asked me how much it was. I replied, $30. She threw me a dirty look, shoved the present in my direction, and told me to return it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 731

You deserved it 8 612

Unloved

By dan - 13/08/2020 17:01

Today, I found out that all of the times my mom told me that she was busy out of town wasn’t due to work, it was that she was going on vacations with her boyfriend and his kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 517

You deserved it 101

By aylla - 06/01/2012 17:51 - Canada

Today, I was diagnosed with vertigo. It's like being perpetually drunk, but without any of the fun bits. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 893

You deserved it 2 390

By emily - 23/06/2019 06:45

Today, I learned in my child development class that lying in toddlers is a sign of intelligence. I clearly remember that I didn’t even understand the concept of lying until I was 6 years-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 226

You deserved it 189

By melly - 14/12/2010 19:10 - United States

Today, my boss went out for a few hours. My coworkers saw this as an opportunity to take a 2 hour lunch without getting caught. I stayed at the office to answer the phone, while streaming videos which is a big no no. My boss came back early and caught me, they're all still taking lunch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 444

You deserved it 10 653

Foot-in-mouth syndrome

By Anonymous - 26/05/2010 12:03 - United States

Today, I was talking to this guy I liked at work. He was flirting with me, and everything was going great, I was so happy, until he started talking non-stop about the extent of his foot fetish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 128

You deserved it 5 615

The joys of pregnancy

By Anonymous - 26/11/2021 15:59 - United States - Wausau

Today, while 9 months pregnant, i was sleeping soundly for once, cuddling with my cat, having a nice dream… until I woke up choking on acid reflux, peed the bed, peed on the carpet and all over myself trying to get to the bathroom. This is not the first time this has happened. At least I didn't puke this time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 019

You deserved it 134

Almost there

By Anonymous - 20/06/2020 05:05

Today, I paid 100$ for a trash service to pick up my broken couch. Minutes later, I got an email from someone finally replying to my ad for a free couch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 402

You deserved it 171

By embaressed - 20/09/2010 02:13 - United States

Today, I came home to find my drunken father sitting on our front lawn. He had a blanket, lit candle, and was singing with his eyes closed. He told me he believed he was Buddha from watching the history channel. Meanwhile, cars were driving by our house beeping, and yelling "praise the lord!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 382

You deserved it 2 897

By LostInSunday - 15/08/2016 08:11

Today, I accidentally slapped myself in the face with my belt when I pulled it from my belt loops too quickly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 219

You deserved it 2 773

By malcolmXXX - 14/10/2015 02:01 - United States - Savannah

Today, a girl I've liked for the longest time kept asking me to reveal my "deepest secret" in exchange for hers. Thinking this was flirting, I told her my secret was that I liked her. Her secret was that she was a "lesbian and just had to tell somebody." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 272

You deserved it 2 340

By Lindsey Taul - 22/12/2017 22:00 - United States - Granite City

Today, while driving home from work, I heard a loud crash immediately followed by the sound of wind and shifting glass over my head. My sunroof exploded for no perceptible reason 5 days before Christmas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 153

You deserved it 279

By itsjustemcee - 02/02/2016 03:23 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of three years and I went to visit my 85 year-old grandmother at the hospital. While I went to the restroom, she apparently told him about a guy I was seeing on the side. I have no idea who she's talking about and my boyfriend refuses to talk to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 508

You deserved it 1 602

By Dumped - 22/12/2009 07:57 - United States

Today, I was going on a date with my girlfriend. When I took her home, her sister came to the door. I used to date her sister and I didn't know they were related. My girlfriend realized this, then kicked me in the crotch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 016

You deserved it 11 635

Let it lie

By Anonymous - 16/11/2021 14:00

Today, I was so happy to be divorced from my asshole husband, I threw my ring off the bridge near the park where we met. As I was walking away, a diver surfaced, yelled, “I think you dropped this, miss” and threw the ring back at me. I can't catch a break today. FML

I agree, your life sucks 619

You deserved it 1 164

By Anonymous - 18/09/2009 11:08 - Iraq

Today, I was at work, finishing a presentation for my boss. Five minutes after I presented it to him, his boss walked in and asked for the same presentation I had just given. My boss presented it. His boss then turned to me and asked me "what use are you around here?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 512

You deserved it 2 862

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Top comments

iAlissa 34

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Thursday 5 November 2015 8:26

This is the most American FML I've ever read

CatLady4Lyf 30

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Thursday 5 November 2015 8:20

"Hold my beer and watch this."

Beyto7000 20

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Thursday 5 November 2015 8:19

Flirtin' with disaster.

beeferjay 34

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Thursday 5 November 2015 9:06

flirtin, more like married with children

HappyItalian 38

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Thursday 5 November 2015 8:19

Since he was drinking, why did he even have access to all of those things in the first place?

Seabass_Chan 33

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Thursday 5 November 2015 9:22

Maybe the bad judgement was OP's for not cutting him off and telling him to go to bed.

Schmavid64 13

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Thursday 5 November 2015 10:55

OP may not necessarily have been with his boyfriend at the time either and only been called from the hospital.

revolvearoundme 15

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Thursday 5 November 2015 11:34

Why would drinking make you unable to access things you own?

DoomedGemini 37

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Thursday 5 November 2015 13:25

If you do dangerous or stupid things while intoxicated, it's probably a good idea to make sure you can't get to dangerous things. Yours or not. Something similar is my mother ordered something from tv while still loopy in the hospital-twice. So now she has the rule of whoever is with her has her phone rather than her.

Shay_Shay97 23

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Thursday 5 November 2015 14:29

That's actually a really good point.

Badkarma4u 17

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Thursday 5 November 2015 17:05

The beer was probably in his fridge, the ax was probably in his garage and the shotgun shells were probably in his gun cabinet. Why wouldn't he have acess they are in his house?

HappyItalian 38

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Thursday 5 November 2015 17:46

I meant it mostly as in if I was planning on /really/ drinking, I would make sure there's nothing dangerous in my house which I could easily get to. I would either drink somewhere else or lock all of those things away.

Badkarma4u 17

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Thursday 5 November 2015 20:43

In the average persons garage, there are lawn mowers, weed trimmers, hedge trimmers, saws, axes, hatchets, hammers nails, screwdrivers and numerous power tools, and flamable liquids. In the kitchen there are all sorts of knives. Poisons, cleaning chemicals. Im pretty sure most people don't lock all those away when they want to have a few beers. Just sayin'