Miscellaneous: Today, my dad forgot it's my birthday. When I told him about...

By mydadforgetsme - United States - Philadelphia

Today, my dad forgot it's my birthday. When I told him about it, he accused me of lying and threatened to ground me for a week. FML

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Miscellaneous

Season finale

The smell detective is on the case

In my day…

By Human fly - Canada - Maple Ridge

Today, I put up one of those hanging fly catchers in my room due to the unsettling amount of flies in the house. I remarked how stupid flies were to land on them. Within an hour, I got up and walked straight into it. FML

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25064

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By Noname - United States

Today, I went to Tiffany's to exchange a bracelet my boyfriend had given me for our year anniversary. It was the first gift that he actually spent money on me for. The sales lady then told me that the bracelet was not a real Tiffany's item. FML

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53683

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was on a double date at a restaurant with two friends of mine and a guy I really liked. Things started getting really quiet so I decided to start talking to make things a little bit less awkward even though I was eating. I ended up spitting a piece of chicken across the table. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17212

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By ihatewalmart - United States

Today, while at work, I witnessed a kid empty his bladder all over the floor. His mother walked over, looked at me, said "yep... that just happened" and dragged him away. I'm a 30-year-old man, four credits shy of a Master's, stuck cleaning up piss at a dead-end job. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27844

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By satanlovesme - United States

Today, I had a dentist appointment. While waiting, I pulled out my Cosmo magazine to entertain myself. The woman sitting across from me points and tells me I'm reading "Satan's Manual." I told her I don't believe in Satan. She said, "You'll know he's real when you become his bitch!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

56732

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By ihpgolj - United States

Today, I was riding my bike down a road I know is quite hazardous. Having almost been hit in the same spot the day before, I rode across the intersection very satisfied without having been injured. Until I crashed into the guy front of me and flipped over my handlebars. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11839

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By Username - United States

Today, I found out that you need to clean your car more often when you find a mouldy burrito under the back seat. FML

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6134

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By Ohgodmother - Australia - Hobart

Today, in public, one of my mom's friends asked me how on earth did I get so tall, my mom happily scampered to my side and shrieked: 'TWO YEARS OF BREAST MILK'. FML

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44307

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By lifesucks4me - United States

Today, I'm playing basketball with my little brother. After jokingly blocking his shot, he turns to me and says "You're a bitch." He's 6. After asking where he heard that word, he responded with "Daddy calls you that when you're not around." FML

I agree, your life sucks

160612

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By blegh - United States

Today, I fell going down the stairs to the subway platform during rush hour. Someone was kind enough to help me up and someone else was kind enough to steal my iPhone which had fallen out of my pocket and landed nearby. FML

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37186

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By PsychoSarah - United States

Today, I got fired from my job. I caught a customer taking pictures up my skirt, and my boss fired me for calling the police and "making a big deal out of it". FML

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45532

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By xoothc08 - United States

Today, I came back from college and visited my parents house. There was a new family portrait hung over the mantel of my parents and 2 sisters. My mom had always wanted one but always postponed it. It was dated the day after I left for college. FML

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60117

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By fear - 17/12/2020 00:02 - United States - Denver

CIA-level batshittery

Today, an angry customer from my old job and punched me in the face before screaming; “You thought you’d seen the last of me?” I moved seven states over and she followed me here just to do that. FML

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1081

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By caroline - Germany

Today, I decided it was time to have "the talk" with my daughter, after I found a thong in the washing machine. She denied it was hers and pointed out how it was too big to fit her. I ended up having a very different talk with my son. FML

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29230

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By applesmama - United States

Today, my daughter spoke her first words. Her dad had been practicing with her for weeks in secret. She crawled to me and said, "I poop." FML

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30383

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By Username

Today, a snow storm rolled into my small town, leaving my car stuck under 3 feet of snow. I called my boss to tell her I couldn't drive to work. Her reply? "Walk." FML

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33291

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I got a missed call from my dad, who hasn't talked to me in months and has vowed not to have anything to do with me. I called him back excitedly and apologized for missing his call, and we had a 20-second conversation about how his phone accidentally dialed my number. FML

I agree, your life sucks

67015

You deserved it

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By Brittany - United States - Kerrville

Today, I failed my driving test. I rammed into the parallel parking poles, ran a stop sign, and stopped at a cross intersection. My instructor called me an idiot. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7262

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By Surfinbird09 - United Kingdom

Today, I asked a girl I liked for her number, but she claimed she had a broken phone and was getting a new one for Christmas. Unhinged, I go home and go onto Facebook. First thing I see is her status: "Why is no one answering my calls?" FML

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30660

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By bad surprise - United States

Today, I went to surprise my boyfriend in the shower. I opened the door and there was a giant shit in the open toilet. I pretended I was looking for my hairbrush. FML

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34099

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By drakx88 - United States

Today, it was my final meeting with my psychologist who was helping me with my bipolar disorder. I just found out that he committed suicide. FML

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132653

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By Anonymous - United States - Belleville

Today, I came home from the minimum-wage job I suffer through to support my now ex-boyfriend's ailing music career. It seems his time management skills suck almost as badly as his music, because I found him in my bedroom, licking whipped cream off my step-sister. FML

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36707

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By zamwow - United States - Ridgefield Park

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. Just as he was about to finish, he pulled out and came in his hand. He then flicked his hand towards my face and yelled, "Sha-ZAM!" FML

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60634

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By misTreated - United States

Today, I was spelling T-R-E-A-T to my fiancé so that the dog wouldn't understand what I was talking about. Turns out, neither could my fiancé. FML

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32889

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By skmusic - Canada

Today, the phone rang so I went to answer it. No one was there. A minute later the phone rang again and no one answered so I assumed it was a telemarketer or a prank so I started swearing uncontrollably in rage. Turns out it was my crush calling to ask me out, but she was too nervous to ask. FML

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21232

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By dude - United States

Today, I was walking downtown when a bum approached me for some change. I planned to give a couple dollars but after pulling out my wallet exposing my cash, the bum beat me unconscious. The bum is a 5'0" tall woman; I'm a 6'2" male out $200. FML

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By Millar - Australia - Carlton North

Today, I witnessed a postal worker with an important parcel stopping before knocking on my door, shrugging, getting back in his van, and driving away. I couldn't get the door open quickly enough before he left. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2802

You deserved it

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By danmarino - United States

Today, these kids in my math class told me to ask this girl if I could lick her clit. I basically yelled, "What's a clit?" Everyone looked at me. I'm a senior in high school, no one has yet to explain it to me. I had to google it when I got home. FML

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39676

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By weak - United States - Columbus

Today, I was helping my wife bring in the groceries. She was able to carry 4 bags and a jug of milk. I was struggling with 2 bags. FML

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37300

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By CollegeGirl - United States

Today, I did my laundry in my dorm. After dragging 2 hampers down 4 flights of stairs, my ID card with money on it was rejected. After dragging it back upstairs, I scrounged up enough quarters from friends. 30 minutes after finally starting my laundry, I realized I forgot to add detergent. FML

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26704

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By Tor - United States

Today, I was in class and felt a sharp pain in my stomach. I began to scream and cry because the pain was horrible, so the teacher called 911. After being rushed to the hospital, I was told that "I had gas cramps and would be fine." My whole class was listening on speakerphone to make sure I was ok. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48688

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I overheard my mom telling my younger sister not to use my razors because she "doesn't know what I may have." FML

I agree, your life sucks

29900

You deserved it

4957

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By Anthony - France

Today, on a train, a little boy and girl come up to me and ask how babies are made. Already pretty uncomfortable with their question, their mother suddenly appears and says, "Go on, tell them!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

24077

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - 3/11/2020 17:06

Couch potato

Today, I'm so out of shape that my arm ached after lifting chips out of a Lays bag. FML

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290

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By totalloss - United States - Pompano Beach

Today, I had to sit between my parents in the car as they argued with one another for a whole hour over whether or not a thumb is a finger. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24253

You deserved it

2127

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By Anonymous

Today, I am starting a new job. Only problem is, I haven't been told what my duties are, who my line manager is or who to ask if I need help. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9671

You deserved it

906

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By Lizofsmeg - United States

Today, I was at my new boyfriend's flat. As I came out of the toilet he walked over, took my hand, looked at me and whispered, "You washed your hands. Good." in an extremely creepy manner. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23121

You deserved it

3201

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By Queensland - Australia

Today, I woke up to find "Fuck you, Harry" painted on my car. Harry's my neighbour. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40009

You deserved it

2562

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By Noname - United States

Today, I finally got the courage to tell my best friend that I've had a crush on him since our junior year. Since I couldn't see him I shot him a text. His response: "Yeah I know. I've tried kind of ignoring it." FML

I agree, your life sucks

80463

You deserved it

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By liquidknight - United States

Today, while trying to change my visiting cousin's opinion about our state being "redneck and white trash", we stumbled upon a proposal/celebration in a Walmart. So much for changing her opinion. FML

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21830

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Top comments

By cutycat136 | 28

#6453773 - Thursday 5 November 2015 1:35

Get out your birth certificate and a list of whatever you want. He's going to have to make up for that one somehow op.

By arano | 29

#6453754 - Thursday 5 November 2015 1:29

Just remember to forget his birthday. When he says something, tell him he's obviously too old for birthdays.

COMMENTS

By juicy_extasy | 25

#6453751 - Thursday 5 November 2015 1:29

Did he also try to make you apologise for being born?!

By kyrisonfusion | 22

#6453753 - Thursday 5 November 2015 1:29

Why would you even need to lie about your birthday??

Mauskau | 35

#6453789 - Thursday 5 November 2015 1:50

Umm, free stuff, being noticed for a change (likely in OP's situation), free stuff.

Iwannarock1 | 19

#6453983 - Thursday 5 November 2015 8:07

Sounds like it's time to move out.

Annelmeye | 13

#6454120 - Thursday 5 November 2015 12:20

OP probably can't do that.

Um_bye | 21

#6454737 - Friday 6 November 2015 2:53

I don't get things on my birthday ?

By arano | 29

#6453754 - Thursday 5 November 2015 1:29

Just remember to forget his birthday. When he says something, tell him he's obviously too old for birthdays.

tayfray7 | 10

#6453903 - Thursday 5 November 2015 4:59

One must be very talented to remember to forget something. O_O

Shadowpartner | 11

#6454618 - Friday 6 November 2015 0:11

As talented as Shakira, I'd say

By MasterTron | 24

#6453756 - Thursday 5 November 2015 1:30

Sounds like someone's going senile

By brenton490 | 19

#6453762 - Thursday 5 November 2015 1:30

So no free cake?

By anniemeece | 23

#6453766 - Thursday 5 November 2015 1:31

Happy birthday!

By brendejafulable | 41

#6453771 - Thursday 5 November 2015 1:34

maybe a prank.

By unanimousangel | 9

#6453772 - Thursday 5 November 2015 1:35

Well we see who's the favorite haha

By cutycat136 | 28

#6453773 - Thursday 5 November 2015 1:35

Get out your birth certificate and a list of whatever you want. He's going to have to make up for that one somehow op.

By bbackensto | 17

#6453774 - Thursday 5 November 2015 1:36

Father of the year award goes to.....

Not your dad.
Sorry OP, happy birthday!