By mydadforgetsme - United States - Philadelphia Today, my dad forgot it's my birthday. When I told him about it, he accused me of lying and threatened to ground me for a week. FML I agree, your life sucks 23583 You deserved it 1446 49 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Human fly - Canada - Maple Ridge Today, I put up one of those hanging fly catchers in my room due to the unsettling amount of flies in the house. I remarked how stupid flies were to land on them. Within an hour, I got up and walked straight into it. FML I agree, your life sucks 25064 You deserved it 46370 59 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Noname - United States Today, I went to Tiffany's to exchange a bracelet my boyfriend had given me for our year anniversary. It was the first gift that he actually spent money on me for. The sales lady then told me that the bracelet was not a real Tiffany's item. FML I agree, your life sucks 53683 You deserved it 21193 109 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I was on a double date at a restaurant with two friends of mine and a guy I really liked. Things started getting really quiet so I decided to start talking to make things a little bit less awkward even though I was eating. I ended up spitting a piece of chicken across the table. FML I agree, your life sucks 17212 You deserved it 44976 83 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By ihatewalmart - United States Today, while at work, I witnessed a kid empty his bladder all over the floor. His mother walked over, looked at me, said "yep... that just happened" and dragged him away. I'm a 30-year-old man, four credits shy of a Master's, stuck cleaning up piss at a dead-end job. FML I agree, your life sucks 27844 You deserved it 3168 122 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By satanlovesme - United States Today, I had a dentist appointment. While waiting, I pulled out my Cosmo magazine to entertain myself. The woman sitting across from me points and tells me I'm reading "Satan's Manual." I told her I don't believe in Satan. She said, "You'll know he's real when you become his bitch!" FML I agree, your life sucks 56732 You deserved it 8320 162 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By ihpgolj - United States Today, I was riding my bike down a road I know is quite hazardous. Having almost been hit in the same spot the day before, I rode across the intersection very satisfied without having been injured. Until I crashed into the guy front of me and flipped over my handlebars. FML I agree, your life sucks 11839 You deserved it 43857 38 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Username - United States Today, I found out that you need to clean your car more often when you find a mouldy burrito under the back seat. FML I agree, your life sucks 6134 You deserved it 34896 68 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Ohgodmother - Australia - Hobart Today, in public, one of my mom's friends asked me how on earth did I get so tall, my mom happily scampered to my side and shrieked: 'TWO YEARS OF BREAST MILK'. FML I agree, your life sucks 44307 You deserved it 3977 62 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By lifesucks4me - United States Today, I'm playing basketball with my little brother. After jokingly blocking his shot, he turns to me and says "You're a bitch." He's 6. After asking where he heard that word, he responded with "Daddy calls you that when you're not around." FML I agree, your life sucks 160612 You deserved it 13731 87 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By blegh - United States Today, I fell going down the stairs to the subway platform during rush hour. Someone was kind enough to help me up and someone else was kind enough to steal my iPhone which had fallen out of my pocket and landed nearby. FML I agree, your life sucks 37186 You deserved it 3820 106 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By PsychoSarah - United States Today, I got fired from my job. I caught a customer taking pictures up my skirt, and my boss fired me for calling the police and "making a big deal out of it". FML I agree, your life sucks 45532 You deserved it 7235 285 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By xoothc08 - United States Today, I came back from college and visited my parents house. There was a new family portrait hung over the mantel of my parents and 2 sisters. My mom had always wanted one but always postponed it. It was dated the day after I left for college. FML I agree, your life sucks 60117 You deserved it 2658 40 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By fear - 17/12/2020 00:02 - United States - Denver CIA-level batshittery Today, an angry customer from my old job and punched me in the face before screaming; “You thought you’d seen the last of me?” I moved seven states over and she followed me here just to do that. FML I agree, your life sucks 1081 You deserved it 76 11 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By caroline - Germany Today, I decided it was time to have "the talk" with my daughter, after I found a thong in the washing machine. She denied it was hers and pointed out how it was too big to fit her. I ended up having a very different talk with my son. FML I agree, your life sucks 29230 You deserved it 2915 116 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By applesmama - United States Today, my daughter spoke her first words. Her dad had been practicing with her for weeks in secret. She crawled to me and said, "I poop." FML I agree, your life sucks 30383 You deserved it 4660 86 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Username Today, a snow storm rolled into my small town, leaving my car stuck under 3 feet of snow. I called my boss to tell her I couldn't drive to work. Her reply? "Walk." FML I agree, your life sucks 33291 You deserved it 5867 151 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I got a missed call from my dad, who hasn't talked to me in months and has vowed not to have anything to do with me. I called him back excitedly and apologized for missing his call, and we had a 20-second conversation about how his phone accidentally dialed my number. FML I agree, your life sucks 67015 You deserved it 3518 115 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Brittany - United States - Kerrville Today, I failed my driving test. I rammed into the parallel parking poles, ran a stop sign, and stopped at a cross intersection. My instructor called me an idiot. FML I agree, your life sucks 7262 You deserved it 56375 221 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Surfinbird09 - United Kingdom Today, I asked a girl I liked for her number, but she claimed she had a broken phone and was getting a new one for Christmas. Unhinged, I go home and go onto Facebook. First thing I see is her status: "Why is no one answering my calls?" FML I agree, your life sucks 30660 You deserved it 4044 150 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By bad surprise - United States Today, I went to surprise my boyfriend in the shower. I opened the door and there was a giant shit in the open toilet. I pretended I was looking for my hairbrush. FML I agree, your life sucks 34099 You deserved it 7508 48 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By drakx88 - United States Today, it was my final meeting with my psychologist who was helping me with my bipolar disorder. I just found out that he committed suicide. FML I agree, your life sucks 132653 You deserved it 6529 169 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Belleville Today, I came home from the minimum-wage job I suffer through to support my now ex-boyfriend's ailing music career. It seems his time management skills suck almost as badly as his music, because I found him in my bedroom, licking whipped cream off my step-sister. FML I agree, your life sucks 36707 You deserved it 4533 158 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By zamwow - United States - Ridgefield Park Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. Just as he was about to finish, he pulled out and came in his hand. He then flicked his hand towards my face and yelled, "Sha-ZAM!" FML I agree, your life sucks 60634 You deserved it 8840 154 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By misTreated - United States Today, I was spelling T-R-E-A-T to my fiancé so that the dog wouldn't understand what I was talking about. Turns out, neither could my fiancé. FML I agree, your life sucks 32889 You deserved it 5536 103 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By skmusic - Canada Today, the phone rang so I went to answer it. No one was there. A minute later the phone rang again and no one answered so I assumed it was a telemarketer or a prank so I started swearing uncontrollably in rage. Turns out it was my crush calling to ask me out, but she was too nervous to ask. FML I agree, your life sucks 21232 You deserved it 74968 131 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By dude - United States Today, I was walking downtown when a bum approached me for some change. I planned to give a couple dollars but after pulling out my wallet exposing my cash, the bum beat me unconscious. The bum is a 5'0" tall woman; I'm a 6'2" male out $200. FML I agree, your life sucks 68050 You deserved it 34201 213 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Millar - Australia - Carlton North Today, I witnessed a postal worker with an important parcel stopping before knocking on my door, shrugging, getting back in his van, and driving away. I couldn't get the door open quickly enough before he left. FML I agree, your life sucks 2802 You deserved it 163 12 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By danmarino - United States Today, these kids in my math class told me to ask this girl if I could lick her clit. I basically yelled, "What's a clit?" Everyone looked at me. I'm a senior in high school, no one has yet to explain it to me. I had to google it when I got home. FML I agree, your life sucks 39676 You deserved it 83540 226 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By weak - United States - Columbus Today, I was helping my wife bring in the groceries. She was able to carry 4 bags and a jug of milk. I was struggling with 2 bags. FML I agree, your life sucks 37300 You deserved it 22504 145 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By CollegeGirl - United States Today, I did my laundry in my dorm. After dragging 2 hampers down 4 flights of stairs, my ID card with money on it was rejected. After dragging it back upstairs, I scrounged up enough quarters from friends. 30 minutes after finally starting my laundry, I realized I forgot to add detergent. FML I agree, your life sucks 26704 You deserved it 48786 52 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Tor - United States Today, I was in class and felt a sharp pain in my stomach. I began to scream and cry because the pain was horrible, so the teacher called 911. After being rushed to the hospital, I was told that "I had gas cramps and would be fine." My whole class was listening on speakerphone to make sure I was ok. FML I agree, your life sucks 48688 You deserved it 12877 141 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I overheard my mom telling my younger sister not to use my razors because she "doesn't know what I may have." FML I agree, your life sucks 29900 You deserved it 4957 120 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anthony - France Today, on a train, a little boy and girl come up to me and ask how babies are made. Already pretty uncomfortable with their question, their mother suddenly appears and says, "Go on, tell them!" FML I agree, your life sucks 24077 You deserved it 1643 3 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 3/11/2020 17:06 Couch potato Today, I'm so out of shape that my arm ached after lifting chips out of a Lays bag. FML I agree, your life sucks 290 You deserved it 1065 7 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By totalloss - United States - Pompano Beach Today, I had to sit between my parents in the car as they argued with one another for a whole hour over whether or not a thumb is a finger. FML I agree, your life sucks 24253 You deserved it 2127 89 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous Today, I am starting a new job. Only problem is, I haven't been told what my duties are, who my line manager is or who to ask if I need help. FML I agree, your life sucks 9671 You deserved it 906 26 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Lizofsmeg - United States Today, I was at my new boyfriend's flat. As I came out of the toilet he walked over, took my hand, looked at me and whispered, "You washed your hands. Good." in an extremely creepy manner. FML I agree, your life sucks 23121 You deserved it 3201 131 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Queensland - Australia Today, I woke up to find "Fuck you, Harry" painted on my car. Harry's my neighbour. FML I agree, your life sucks 40009 You deserved it 2562 73 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Noname - United States Today, I finally got the courage to tell my best friend that I've had a crush on him since our junior year. Since I couldn't see him I shot him a text. His response: "Yeah I know. I've tried kind of ignoring it." FML I agree, your life sucks 80463 You deserved it 7749 101 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By liquidknight - United States Today, while trying to change my visiting cousin's opinion about our state being "redneck and white trash", we stumbled upon a proposal/celebration in a Walmart. So much for changing her opinion. FML I agree, your life sucks 21830 You deserved it 3957 169 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By cutycat136 | 28 #6453773 - Thursday 5 November 2015 1:35 Get out your birth certificate and a list of whatever you want. He's going to have to make up for that one somehow op. Send a private message 163 6 Reply
By arano | 29 #6453754 - Thursday 5 November 2015 1:29 Just remember to forget his birthday. When he says something, tell him he's obviously too old for birthdays. Send a private message 147 6 Reply
By juicy_extasy | 25 #6453751 - Thursday 5 November 2015 1:29 Did he also try to make you apologise for being born?! Send a private message 35 19 Reply
By kyrisonfusion | 22 #6453753 - Thursday 5 November 2015 1:29 Why would you even need to lie about your birthday?? Send a private message 13 16 Reply
Reply Mauskau | 35 #6453789 - Thursday 5 November 2015 1:50 Umm, free stuff, being noticed for a change (likely in OP's situation), free stuff. Send a private message 30 2 Reply
Reply Iwannarock1 | 19 #6453983 - Thursday 5 November 2015 8:07 Sounds like it's time to move out. Send a private message 0 4 Reply
Reply Annelmeye | 13 #6454120 - Thursday 5 November 2015 12:20 OP probably can't do that. Send a private message 0 1 Reply
Reply Um_bye | 21 #6454737 - Friday 6 November 2015 2:53 I don't get things on my birthday ? Send a private message 0 2 Reply
By arano | 29 #6453754 - Thursday 5 November 2015 1:29 Just remember to forget his birthday. When he says something, tell him he's obviously too old for birthdays. Send a private message 147 6 Reply
Reply tayfray7 | 10 #6453903 - Thursday 5 November 2015 4:59 One must be very talented to remember to forget something. O_O Send a private message 16 1 Reply
Reply Shadowpartner | 11 #6454618 - Friday 6 November 2015 0:11 As talented as Shakira, I'd say Send a private message 0 1 Reply
By MasterTron | 24 #6453756 - Thursday 5 November 2015 1:30 Sounds like someone's going senile Send a private message 0 17 Reply
By brenton490 | 19 #6453762 - Thursday 5 November 2015 1:30 So no free cake? Send a private message 3 15 Reply
By anniemeece | 23 #6453766 - Thursday 5 November 2015 1:31 Happy birthday! Send a private message 34 6 Reply
By brendejafulable | 41 #6453771 - Thursday 5 November 2015 1:34 maybe a prank. Send a private message 1 13 Reply
By unanimousangel | 9 #6453772 - Thursday 5 November 2015 1:35 Well we see who's the favorite haha Send a private message 1 12 Reply
By cutycat136 | 28 #6453773 - Thursday 5 November 2015 1:35 Get out your birth certificate and a list of whatever you want. He's going to have to make up for that one somehow op. Send a private message 163 6 Reply
By bbackensto | 17 #6453774 - Thursday 5 November 2015 1:36 Father of the year award goes to..... Not your dad. Sorry OP, happy birthday! Send a private message 15 5 Reply
Today, my dad asked my mom to flash him. He didn't forget I was in the room, he just couldn't be bothered to wait. My mom obliged. FML I agree, your life sucks 473 You deserved it 67 3 Comments
Today, like every other day for the past two weeks, my husband was not in the mood for sex. He told me this while masturbating. FML I agree, your life sucks 657 You deserved it 81 8 Comments