Miscellaneous: Today, I had to explain to my 35-year-old husband that "Honda"... - FML

Nearly

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57

You deserved it 5

27/09/2021 06:27

Today, I have to get up and go to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57

You deserved it 105

Spicy

Spicy

Nice try, though

By Anonymous - 16/10/2021 20:00

Spicy

Today, I bought a $100 Victoria's Secret gift card for an ex who I still have a thing for, only to find out she started dating someone else a week ago. I just realized I bought lingerie for her to wear for someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41

You deserved it 304

Unfriended

By thethrowawayplace - 15/10/2021 17:00

Spicy

Today, my friend was watching a black guy getting yelled at by the cops on TV. He then decided to yell, "Wow, ni***** really don't know how to behave!" When I didn't react, he yelled it over and over, until I slunk into my room. He knows I'm part black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 719

You deserved it 125

06/11/2015 04:38

Today, I had to explain to my 35-year-old husband that "Honda" and "Hyundai" are two separate car companies, not to two different pronunciations of the same one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 130

You deserved it 2 135

Late term

Broken heart

Vulture

07/03/2010 02:38

Spicy

Today, I went to Starbucks to use the bathroom. After I knocked on the door, and turned the handle, this little old lady rips the door open and goes "I WAS TAKING A DUMP. YOU WANNA COME IN AND WIPE MY SHIT? DO YOU?!" and then continued to ask me the same question for five minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 754

You deserved it 4 504

29/08/2015 23:01

Spicy

Today, my brother said he was cleaning his room. When I walked in, he was giving my cousin a blowjob. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 536

You deserved it 3 030

Right in the snowglobes

By Anonymous - 29/09/2020 13:02

Today, my sister kicked me in the balls just before I went into the bathroom, as she wanted to use the shower first. Later, when I came out of the bathroom, she kneed me this time in the same spot because apparently I always make a mess in the bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 121

You deserved it 156

Holy shit

By embarrassed - 04/01/2016 17:58

Today, I was in church. During the prayer, I moved my foot and it pressed against the automatic button on my umbrella causing it to suddenly open. As if that wasn't bad enough, I screamed simultaneously at the shock. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 963

You deserved it 3 367

07/10/2015 22:07

Today, my roommate confided in me that she hadn't been taking showers while at school because she was afraid of being in the shower when the fire alarm goes off. She goes home once every month, and will only shower there. I have to live with her for the rest of the year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 845

You deserved it 1 681

25/04/2014 23:45

Today, I was out drinking with some colleagues, when one started ranting about some pretty sensitive subjects. There were some Latino guys nearby, and as soon as he said "I'm not racist, but..." I tried to casually get the hell out of there. We all got the crap beaten out of us anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 445

You deserved it 6 859

Happy Feet

By Anonymous - 12/10/2019 00:01

Today, an old lady rear ended my car the light. Her explanation was, "It's a new car, and when I take my foot off the break, it just rolls forward all on its own! I don't know what's wrong with it!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 669

You deserved it 92

07/07/2012 07:26

Today, I went to my regular pharmacist of three months, and since I've always seen him on a crutch, I asked him how his leg was. His response: "Still missing". FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 438

You deserved it 6 979

09/07/2015 06:21

Today, I was observing a children's class as a part of a training program. The teacher asked me to take one kid to the nurse's office because she wasn't feeling well. As soon as we step outside, I slip and fall down, taking the little girl with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 190

You deserved it 2 935

06/01/2012 22:13

Today, I saw a naked man for the first time in my life. It was the nude model in my art class. I was forced to draw wrinkles and fat rolls in places I didn't even know existed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 577

You deserved it 5 233

02/07/2009 04:13

Today, I had to take a leak, so I went into a porta-john. I noticed another man's hand under the door with a cell phone. Angered, I aimed my stream at his hand and phone. He tilted the porta-john over in response. It was full. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 730

You deserved it 23 345

04/10/2014 05:43

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to have a quickie in the car. We had left a window open so it wasn't too hot, and I was holding onto the edge of the window, fingers hanging over. In the midst of it all, my boyfriend managed to close the window by hitting the button. My finger is broken. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 940

You deserved it 12 381

26/01/2018 19:00

Today, I watched my husband pick his dead foot skin and say, "That's a keeper!" before putting it in his mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 573

You deserved it 457

13/06/2012 23:50

Today, I was chatting to a co-worker, upon whom I have a serious crush. It was going really well, until he said "irregardless", as if it's actually a proper word. This grammatical abomination really ticks me off, and I actually had to fight back the urge to beat some damn sense into him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 252

You deserved it 34 700

16/08/2010 01:40

Spicy

Today, I broke up with my girlfriend due to the fact that she's been cheating on me with my best friend for the past year. She said I was overreacting, and to grow a pair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 870

You deserved it 3 856

27/07/2016 16:38

Today, my boyfriend and I are looking at places to stay to meet for the first time. I figured renting a small vacation apartment would be ideal because he's not able to help pay because he isn't working and I'm not rich. He's telling me he can only be comfortable in 4 star hotels. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 910

You deserved it 2 292

17/03/2012 15:53

Today, I was so bored that I spent two hours researching the history of spoons. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 368

You deserved it 7 789

09/06/2011 23:02

Today, my new iPhone was stolen from my school locker. After canceling my service, sobbing, having my mom yell at the secretary for their lack of security and finally agreeing to change to a private school, I found it in the corner of my locker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 029

You deserved it 81 138

26/12/2013 12:08

Today, I watched "Time of the Doctor" and I'm pretty sure my love of Doctor Who slithered out through my ear and shamefully lodged itself in the darkest corner of the room, crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 506

You deserved it 8 809

Mind-boggling logistics

By Anika - 23/06/2021 18:00

Today, I found out my boyfriend has been cheating on me. He married someone, and got another girl pregnant. We were together for 8 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 023

You deserved it 97

02/03/2017 22:00

Today, while I was doing my job as a groundskeeper, a couple of kids wearing MAGA hats threw garbage and rocks at me, then told me to "go back where you came from". I'm American, but I guess my beard makes me look like an immigrant or something, as this isn't the first time this has happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 106

You deserved it 1 010

07/07/2011 12:19

Today, it's my birthday. I got a phone call from my high school bully, to remind me that he'll always be able to find me and do whatever he wants to me. He does this every year. I turn 34 today. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 014

You deserved it 7 062

08/09/2015 19:12

Today, I found out I wasn't cool enough to be invited to a college party that happened last night. The one in charge of inviting people was my girlfriend of two years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 186

You deserved it 2 090

02/09/2009 11:19

Spicy

Today, I thought it would be sexy to surprise my boyfriend by hiding in the closet naked and pouncing on him as he came to get his pants. I never got to the pouncing. Apparently my boyfriend has heightened reflexes so instead I got slapped hard across the face. My ear is still ringing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 356

You deserved it 47 380

09/08/2012 19:33

Today, I discovered the crunching noise your foot will make if you accidentally drop a cement block on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 193

You deserved it 3 001

08/09/2009 22:10

Today, in Chem, I was chosen to hold the fire extinguisher just in case something happened while showing how to blow up a dangerous chemical. My teacher told me to spray if anything got out of control. He lit the fire and I freaked out and sprayed it. The entire wing of my school was evacuted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 111

You deserved it 45 250

14/07/2014 09:56

Today, my wooden floor gave me a splinter on the bottom of my foot. I don't have the flexibility nor the eyesight to find it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 272

You deserved it 7 037

Suitcase mystery

By BaggedDown - 08/05/2014 01:25

Spicy

Today, I retrieved the wrong luggage from an airport carousel. I'm now the owner of two water-bras, a false beard, a bag of cat litter, and some anal beads. I'm afraid to get in touch with the original owner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 964

You deserved it 6 314

22/09/2013 21:40

Today, my boss made me play golf with some executives of a company we're hoping to secure a business deal with, despite me having no golf training. My first swing ended up with me being rushed to the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 196

You deserved it 4 846

28/05/2010 23:51

Today, I went out to eat to celebrate getting over the stomach flu. I hadn't eaten solid food in over a week, so I was really excited and ordered my favorite dish. It gave me food poisoning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 808

You deserved it 4 759

02/12/2011 17:06

Today, my mom bought me pepper spray in case anyone tried to "mess" with me. I put it in my purse. Later, a guy snatched my purse before I even had the chance to take out the pepper spray. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 060

You deserved it 4 137

Midlife crisis

By Anonymous - 12/12/2020 20:04

Today, the woman I've been dating for a while told me she wants to, "go back to day one of the relationship and just be friends first," but doesn’t want to break up or lose me, all because she’s having a midlife crisis. I was going to propose to her next month, I've already bought the ring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 019

You deserved it 84

30/08/2009 20:17

Today, my friend and I were making sandwiches at his house. His family's dog wandered over just as I dropped a large chunk of cheddar on the floor. The dog snatched it up and ran away with it. I yelled after it, jokingly, that I hoped it would choke and die. It did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 093

You deserved it 54 502

17/01/2016 07:26

Today, I found out that the only reason I'm alive is because my dad beat the living shit out of my mom to stop her getting an abortion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 188

You deserved it 1 867

02/12/2016 06:55

Today, my boyfriend told me, with complete confidence, that he's selected "drug dealer" as his career of choice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 057

You deserved it 1 108

27/11/2009 21:39

Spicy

Today, I found out that my wife had an affair with our marriage counselor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 444

You deserved it 3 242

25/07/2009 00:55

Today, my auto-repairman told me my heavy mass of keys was bad for the ignition switch and suggested I separate my house and car keys. I began to carry my car keys and lock the house keys in my glovebox. My car was stolen. I now have car keys but no car and a house with no house key. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 353

You deserved it 14 940

03/04/2009 18:40

Today, my mom and sister both told me that they don't like when I come visit with my boyfriend. They love my boyfriend and think he's great, it's me they have a problem with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 928

You deserved it 4 830

29/09/2013 17:23

Today, a girl who's in charge of a group project that I get graded on, asked if Bill Gates was a Founding Father. She was totally serious. I'm screwed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 320

You deserved it 2 863

Not so anal retentive then…

By Anonymous - 03/02/2017 22:00

Today, after finally breaking up with my controlling girlfriend, she took a shit in my socks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 278

You deserved it 718

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Top comments

KK3137 31

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Friday 6 November 2015 10:25

Well, that Audi be annoying.

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Friday 6 November 2015 10:28

Well I don't really blame him. I did think that too when I was about 5 years old.

Comments

KK3137 31

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Friday 6 November 2015 10:25

Well, that Audi be annoying.

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Friday 6 November 2015 14:17

STOP we can't aford anymore bad puns!

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Friday 6 November 2015 16:27

"aford", guys. A FORD.

Lalala579121 27

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Friday 6 November 2015 22:30

We'd better get outta dodge before this gets any worse.

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Saturday 7 November 2015 19:59

I'll take my Kias and go.

Shadowpartner 11

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Monday 9 November 2015 10:24

B-but I love holden on to a good pun comment!

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Friday 6 November 2015 10:27

That's hilarious actually.

EclipseCandy6 24

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Friday 6 November 2015 10:27

Men always claim ignorance when they get the wrong thing!

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Friday 6 November 2015 10:40

And women don't?

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Friday 6 November 2015 10:28

Ex-husband I hope!

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Friday 6 November 2015 10:33

If you think this is divorce worthy.. good luck on your future relationships..

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Friday 6 November 2015 11:10

Hoping 4 was sarcastic.

Dave_Davington 33

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Friday 6 November 2015 11:38

Sarcasm would be reasonable, but then again, considering how much FML commenters love to call for break up/divorce over the most trivial bullshit, it could well be genuine.

Hop6e 22

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Friday 6 November 2015 12:37

Seriously? If you think this is what people divorce over I'd like to know what you think people should stay for...

NonScaryPumkin 22

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Friday 6 November 2015 14:12

I'm so bad with car models that this is something I just learned thanks to FML. Saving me from embarrassment if I ever have to use Hyundai in a conversation or when/if I try to get my own car. Thanks FML for saving a life

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Friday 6 November 2015 20:38

First thing I thought too! With this being FML, I believe this IS the "go too" response.

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Friday 6 November 2015 10:28

Well I don't really blame him. I did think that too when I was about 5 years old.

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Friday 6 November 2015 21:07

Well when one is mentioned, i automatically think of the other. I never heard of hyundai until years back and i honestly thought honda just changed their name. Seems silly but there can be worse mistakes

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Saturday 7 November 2015 19:32

man card revoked

amileah13 26

Friday 6 November 2015 10:30

*says quietly* Different spelling too... Maybe he was thinking that Honda was American? And Hyundai foreign?

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Friday 6 November 2015 15:04

Both are Asian brands. Americans say "Hyundai" as "hoon-dye" instead of "hi-un-dye" so that could be what caused the confusion.

hopsinlove17 26

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Friday 6 November 2015 15:52

It's pronounced hun-day like sundae(:

DoomedGemini 37

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Friday 6 November 2015 18:37

Honda is also actually pronounced different in Japan I believe, it's not really unreasonable.

imabat 14

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Friday 6 November 2015 19:53

even still they're both imports. I'd actually be more ashamed if that's what he was thinking.

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Friday 6 November 2015 23:26

"Hyundai" is Japanese and is pronounced "Hyoon-dye" over there. Us Westerners tend to pronounce it "Hun-day."

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Friday 6 November 2015 23:31

Hyundai is Korean, my bad. I've no idea about Korean pronunciation. Sorry for wasting your time.

Ladisa 28

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Saturday 7 November 2015 2:18

#59, Hyundai is indeed Korean. 현대 would be properly transliterated as Hyeondae or Hyundae. However, I have no English example to compare the pronunciation to.

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Friday 6 November 2015 10:36

Wow. And I thought my husband not being able to drive my stick shift was bad. No, that wasn't an innuendo.

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Friday 6 November 2015 16:00

Would be one hot innuendo

A07 48

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Friday 6 November 2015 10:39

Waiting to see how someone justifies divorce on this fml

americanafrican 32

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Friday 6 November 2015 10:52

Someone already tried to say divorce. Amazing what people will end relationships for

rhiannonleesarah 14

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Friday 6 November 2015 10:54

Considering Honda is Japanese and Hyundai is Korean they are totally the same company. #sarcasm

Lalala579121 27

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Friday 6 November 2015 23:55

Because clearly people who know this little about cars would still know what nationality they are, right?

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Friday 6 November 2015 11:37

This is such a fun misunderstanding.