Today, I found out that my new boyfriend is a "Men's Rights Activist".... - FML

By not my bf anymore - 5/11/2015 21:15 - United States

Today, I found out that my new boyfriend is a "Men's Rights Activist". FML

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Understandable

KoBabe

Great guy

By fmlgrl - 30/7/2012 06:59 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I went to a corner store to re-stock my chocolate stash. A guy from work walked in to see me and the cashier arguing about the amount of candy I was trying to buy with a jar of pennies. He took one look at me and said, "That time of the month, eh?" FML

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By eyesightfail - 21/11/2009 23:02 - United States

Today, I saw a squirrel beside a tree. Thinking it was cute, I stepped closer, picked up a pine cone and tried to lure it to come closer. After about two minutes of silently squatting on someone's lawn holding a pine cone, I realized the squirrel was dead. FML

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By zenithbelana - 10/1/2010 07:01 - United States

Today, two weeks after reporting our car was broken into, the police showed up to our flat. They came to inform us that our car was was broken into. We explained that we knew this and reported it weeks ago. Apparently, it was broken into again, and set on fire this time. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/3/2020 17:00

Worth a shot

Today, I told the guy I've been in love with for a year how I felt. He replied, "There will never be an us, but you can send nudes if you like." FML

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By wrongnumber - 14/1/2011 08:37 - United States

Today, someone posted online a listing for a bicycle for sale, and accidentally put my phone number instead of their own. I have received more calls in one day than I have from friends and family in a week. FML

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By EyupItsLucas - 24/3/2020 13:35

Directed by Alfred Hitchcock

Today, there’s been birds nesting in my wall since mid winter. They’ve recently started scratching at the wall as if they wanted to get through. This morning, they made their entrance. FML

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By faux ma - 29/4/2012 03:06 - United States - Winter Park

Today, I told the hairdresser that my kid had cut my hair. I don't have kids. I was just really drunk. FML

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By ohray - 11/12/2014 16:09 - Turkey - Kibris

Today, I popped into the shower hoping to come out all warm and clean. Something was very wrong with the pipes, and I came out smelling like sewage instead. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/4/2011 14:19 - United States

Today, just a few minutes after I got to work, my usually laconic boss came into my office and said, "Pack your stuff and get the f*ck out." Apparently, half my department was being downsized. Thinking it was an April Fool's, I burst out laughing and told him how funny the prank was. He wasn't kidding. FML

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By Brea - 1/2/2011 18:50 - United States

Today, I wanted to annoy my sister by playing the air horn app on my iPhone. I forgot that I had headphones in. Let's just say I quickly had to change my underwear. FML

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By Lost5dollars - 8/8/2017 14:00 - United States - Worcester

Today, I woke up to a bunch of missed calls from a number I didn't know. I had called an Uber in my sleep. They charged a cancellation fee. FML

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By Charlotte - 28/9/2009 04:03 - United States

Today, I arrived at work at 8, and business was abnormally slow, but we assumed it would pick up. Few hours later, we had not had a single customer. As I walk out of the restaurant, I realize the open sign has been off all day. FML

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By colts609380 - 17/5/2012 21:07 - United States - Corona

Today, I finally gained the nerve to ask out the girl of my dreams. She responded by saying, "You need to lower your standards." FML

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By SmittyJA24 - 20/5/2014 02:38 - United States - Lewiston

Today, my idiot sister had to have her aged dog put down, then she posts on MY Facebook page, "RIP, Buddy, we'll miss you." My adult children and most of my friends thought I died. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/11/2010 10:05 - United Kingdom

Today, I was accused of shop-lifting by an old lady in a supermarket. Having proven myself innocent, I tried to storm off to show my displeasure at the situation. In my haste to make a dramatic exit, I tried to go out of the entrance and walked straight into the automatic door. FML

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By highlycontagious - 22/2/2009 09:45 - United States

Today, while walking through the fragrance area in a shopping center a women behind me asked; "Excuse me miss, would you like to sample our new fragrance line." I'm a 19 year old male. I turned around expecting her to correct herself. She didn't. FML

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By apparentlynotengaged - 4/7/2019 11:00 - Ireland - Dublin

Today, my fiancé won't tell people we're engaged because his mother doesn't approve, and he doesn't want to upset her. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/8/2011 01:47 - United States

Today, I was getting intimate with my boyfriend for the first time. He was so nervous, he broke down in tears after failing to unclasp my bra after multiple fumbling attempts. Mood? Ruined. FML

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By Starfucks - 17/12/2015 02:55 - United States - Bensalem

Today, I was in Starbucks with my daughter when she noticed a travel cup she liked. She picked one up and asked for it, but I said no because it was expensive. She angrily slammed it back into its stand and in the process, knocked over a display of ceramic mugs. I had to pay for each broken mug. FML

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By Edgarillo - 14/2/2013 07:59 - Vietnam - Ho Chi Minh City

Today, my hairdresser apologised because he couldn't distinguish the hair from the back of my head from the hair from my back. FML

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By Al - 5/8/2009 04:13 - United States

Today, I was leaving the mall. I Instinctively hit the unlock button on my car keys from across the parking lot. Little did I know I was making it a whole lot easier for the guy breaking into my car. FML

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By Pizzaguy - 2/8/2012 16:22 - United States - Dundee

Today, I got a call from my manager saying that I won't need to work this weekend. Too bad I already cancelled a family vacation because he threatened to fire me if I didn't work this weekend. FML

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By Laurita - 18/8/2017 04:30

Today, we started building our dream house. Next to my parents-in-law. FML

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By Noname - 24/2/2009 23:00 - United States

Today, I got up early and really put some extra effort into my appearance to catch the eye of a cute guy at work. I walked in and the woman that sits in the desk beside me looks over and says, "wow, are you sick? You're not looking too good." FML

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By janesays - 24/2/2010 07:45 - United States

Today, my 2 year old had a large booger blocking his nose so I pulled it out. I was on the phone and absentmindedly rolling it around between my thumb and pointer finger. I put it in my mouth and crushed it between my teeth for a solid minute before I remembered what it was. FML

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By Jammy238 - 1/2/2010 05:27 - France

Today, I was taking my dogs for a walk, then it started to rain, and the wind went mad. I ran for cover in the trees near a bridge, slipped and fell into a river. I was soaking wet and my boots were full of water. Then to get back out of the river, I had to use stinging nettles as hand holds. FML

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By Sabraynay - 28/9/2011 06:47

Today, my mom instructed me to never scream when being attacked by a rapist. Apparently it would only anger him, causing him to chop my boobs off and superglue my eyes shut. FML

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By HillaryAngelic - 22/7/2013 07:09 - United States - Flint

Today, after a church service, a man approached me as I was walking to my car. He had tears in his eyes and politely asked if I would pray with him. He asked if we could hold hands. As I reached out to hold his hands, the bitch snatched my purse and ran. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/8/2010 13:24 - United States

Today, I went to the drive-through and ordered 5 cheeseburgers. I told the cashier that some of them were for my girlfriend. I don't have a girlfriend, and I ate all of them by myself. FML

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By Dragoness11 - 3/5/2019 03:00 - United Kingdom

Today, at a cheap restaurant, my dad asked me if I wanted a straw. I declined, saying I wanted to do my bit for the environment and not waste plastic when I'm fine without. He grabbed three and dropped them on the sticky table, "just in case." FML

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By spinster - 16/9/2015 02:10 - United States - Lubbock

Today, as I was creeping on social media, I realized that literally everyone I've ever dated is either happily married, engaged, or in a relationship. My last date was at the beginning of the summer. FML

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By dentinpalevo - 29/12/2010 07:29 - Cyprus

Today, it's my first day-off for the holidays. Today is also the day they decided to start building a house next to mine. I can't sleep beyond 7 am. FML

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By pi_power_15 - 11/8/2015 03:25 - United States - Spring Grove

Today, my football practice ended early due to severe weather. Not only had I misplaced my phone earlier in the day, both my parents thought the other had picked me up. I was in the rain for an hour and a half. FML

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By TheoBuckner - 21/1/2010 03:31 - United States

Today, I found out that I was being laid off via an email that wasn't even spell checked. FML

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By outsmartedbykids - 28/5/2014 16:28 - United States - Lake Mills

Today, I was at a buffet with my kids and husband. As my boys got up to get more food, I told them they'd better come back with something green on their plate. They both came back with mint ice cream and got a high-five from my husband. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/4/2018 19:00

Today, my wife sent me a text expressing her "love and thinking to the future with you, Chad". Too bad my name isn't Chad. FML

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By snoozer - 23/3/2009 06:12 - United States

Today, I received two withdrawl grades in school for droping the classes due to a kidney infection that kept me in the hospital. I wrote a petition to the dean asking to remove the grades. He replied to send a doctor's note. I did this, and he said that I was faking and the note was forged. FML

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By Divorcemenow - 17/7/2009 22:02 - United States

Today, I awoke to my husband donning a gorilla mask in the middle of the night. My kids have been staying in a tent out back for the past few nights, and have complained of a "monster" scaring them. I told them that it was their imagination. My husband says he gets a kick out of it. FML

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By Suicidal - 20/12/2009 22:40 - Australia

Today, I had a mental breakdown after going through severe depression for several years. I told my boyfriend that everybody thinks I'm useless, to which he replied, "No you're not. You cook me good dinners." FML

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By JackOLantern - 13/7/2009 20:16 - Satellite Provider

Today, I proposed to a girl I'd been in love with for 6 years. I filled the balcony of the building where I'd first laid eyes on her with innumerable roses and, under the starlit sky, I did it. She later posted on facebook 'OMG. This geek I knew from high school did the FUNNIEST thing today'. FML

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Top comments

By sbrideau | 14

#6454910 - Friday 6 November 2015 7:31

Well with today's double standards...

By WHTrunner | 4

#6454907 - Friday 6 November 2015 7:29

We need a voice.

COMMENTS

By WHTrunner | 4

#6454907 - Friday 6 November 2015 7:29

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

By Lyndria | 15

#6454909 - Friday 6 November 2015 7:31

Judging by your user name and the fact you dumped him, I take it you are a third wave neo-feminist man hater?

By sbrideau | 14

#6454910 - Friday 6 November 2015 7:31

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

By gosh_mate | 30

#6454911 - Friday 6 November 2015 7:32

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

By bigmusclebro | 20

#6454912 - Friday 6 November 2015 7:32

Screw men! They're just a bunch of anti-women, socialist, Marxist, communist, inhumane peasants who deserve to be euthanized after giving women their seed!

By DeathofCareBear | 21

#6454913 - Friday 6 November 2015 7:32

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

By J352SAURUS | 30

#6454920 - Friday 6 November 2015 7:35

Why is he not your boyfriend anymore? Wow.

By suckceed | 17

#6454923 - Friday 6 November 2015 7:36

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

By nash1991 | 20

#6454924 - Friday 6 November 2015 7:37

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

By Ciela | 22

#7480261 - Wednesday 5 July 2017 17:52

I don't see the problem