Love, Relationships, Weird, Relatable, Awkward and Jealousy: Be more jealous!

Be more jealous!

By Anonymous - 20/11/2021 19:58 - United States

Today, my boyfriend was telling me a story about his ex-wife. Just normal day-to-day stuff. He then got mad at me because I wasn’t mad that he was talking about his ex. I told him that I understood he had a life before me, and it wasn’t a big deal. Apparently, he wants a jealous immature brat. Sorry? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 218

You deserved it 90

Love Relationships Weird Relatable Awkward Jealousy

Stop talking!

Bat out of Hell

Damn kids!

By seriousdubsteplover - 30/10/2009 05:08 - Australia

Today, when going to fill up the kettle, I noticed a bad smell and pieces of something coming out of the tap. Turns out there was a dead snake in my water supply. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 565

You deserved it 2 154

By missmcfarty - 01/04/2016 01:42 - Australia - Townsville

Today, I found out that my CEO knows my name, when she followed me into the bathroom and called it out in a disgusted tone when I farted so loudly, she could hear it from four stalls over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 290

You deserved it 2 663

By Anonymous - 12/02/2017 08:00 - United States

Today, I ordered some food to get delivered. When I opened the bag a fly flew out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 033

You deserved it 538

By Newly Minted Canuck - 22/04/2017 20:00

Today, my daughter found a hair baked into the crust of her pizza. Grossed out, she put it down the garbage disposal, but I told her to dig it out so we could get a refund. After dinner, she came looking for the saved pizza crust. I was baffled about where it was until I realized I'd eaten it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 255

You deserved it 4 566

By Grounded - 03/11/2011 09:18 - United States

Today, my parents told me that they've been having a contest to see who could punish me the most this week. So far, my mom is in the lead by kicking me out of the car near railroad tracks, and making me walk the 4 miles home in the freezing rain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 879

You deserved it 3 337

By Anonymous - 23/05/2015 14:50 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, my father passed away. I called my boss to let him know about the situation. His only response before hanging up: "Shit, dude. Well, I'll see you in the morning, these reports won't write themselves." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 698

You deserved it 1 983

By solitaire - 20/07/2013 08:14 - United States - Enumclaw

Today, I was playing solitaire when an achievement popped up on my phone. "You have just completed your 1000th game of solitaire!" Never felt so alone in my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 109

You deserved it 8 206

By Anonymous - 19/05/2016 13:48 - United States - Schnecksville

Today, I found out that my "girlfriend" is only with me for free transportation. She even has my contact saved as the car emoji. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 719

You deserved it 1 346

By really - 26/03/2017 00:00

Today, a customer left their shopping cart behind their car and backed into it. She then came inside and threatened to sue me personally for not sending someone to collect it from where she left it. After 5 minutes of her yelling, I finally got a word in edgeways: I don't work there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 189

You deserved it 341

Egg mode

By Anonymous - 22/11/2020 22:58

Today, I found out my husband had a Pornhub account where he photoshops himself to look like a girl. The worst part is that I noticed he wore some of my maternity clothes in the pictures. I guess they were the only ones big enough to fit him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 969

You deserved it 150

Classic FML

By cpmolly - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Omaha

Today, I was waiting in line with my boyfriend behind me. I decided to hold his hand and rub his chest while we waited. Then I heard a female voice behind me that said, "Ma'am, please don't touch me." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 491

You deserved it 17 386

What? Why? How?

By naas1201 - 03/03/2021 02:01

Today, a girl told me, "You're so cute, like a monkey." I seriously don't know if it's a compliment or if I'm being insulted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 739

You deserved it 82

By jamisbetter - 11/04/2015 12:34 - United Kingdom

Today, I got headbutted for saying that Nutella is overrated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 827

You deserved it 18 931

By sdgsfvbkuhkj - 17/04/2011 23:18 - United States

Today, I started my first day of work at my new job. They had a section in the parking lot for employees only, so I parked there. Apparently, my boss didn't recognize my car, and had it towed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 573

You deserved it 3 097

By blindsparrow - 18/11/2014 05:35 - United States - Dublin

Today, I went out to get milk from the garage fridge for my mom. The moment I stepped out, my foot settled on the neighbor's boa, who likes to escape. After my mom finally opened the door to my frantic shouting, she spotted the snake, slammed the door, and locked both of us outside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 303

You deserved it 2 927

By ur_life_dus_suck - 21/01/2016 13:08 - United States - Wayne

Today, my mom celebrated a year's sobriety by having a couple of beers with her boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 170

You deserved it 1 686

By jeph23 - 11/09/2009 20:11 - United States

Today, after picking up my 6 year old from school, he says, "Drew said his dad could beat you up." I told him that he needs to respect his own father more and stand up for me! I get home, look up his class roster and low and behold, Drew's dad beat me up in Jr. High. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 232

You deserved it 19 126

By Kyrstin Budd - 13/04/2017 12:00

Today, I noticed a lady at work staring at me very intently. When she realized she had my attention, she made a sweeping gesture over her head and said, "Hair is like Trump!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 808

You deserved it 492

By oh, shit...... - 02/02/2016 20:27 - Denmark - Bagsv?rd

Today, I was at the gym. At the end of my workout, I realised I lost the bundle of keys I had in my pocket that contained the key to my locker with all my stuff. I panic and start looking for them. After an hour of desperate searching, I find them thrown in the bottom of the public toilet. Thanks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 340

You deserved it 1 964

By confused_cashier - 12/06/2016 01:34 - United States - Herndon

Today, while working as a cashier at a fast food restaurant, a customer asked me how many chicken nuggets were in our 6 count chicken nuggets. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 230

You deserved it 1 433

#Childfree

By ChildFree - 20/04/2015 23:55 - Saudi Arabia - Riyadh

Today, my mother-in-law asked me when my fiancé and I were going to start having children. When I told her we weren't planning on having any, she went on a tirade about how selfish and cold I am for denying her precious grandchildren. Now she hates me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 522

You deserved it 4 565

By hungry - 13/10/2013 05:23 - United States

Today, I heard that there was supposed to be a huge blizzard heading our way, so I went out to stock up on groceries. After spending $600 on food, I drove home and packed most of it into the fridge and freezer just in time for our power to go out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 557

You deserved it 26 488

By TheFlash - 22/06/2009 01:15 - United States

Today, I was down at Disney World. Me and my buddy decided to take our pictures in a photobooth. While in the tiny space, I thought it'd be funny to flash the camera. A women barged in as soon as I did so, screaming "You know there's an outside video feed, right!?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 365

You deserved it 65 447

Great work, son

By firestar772 - 12/06/2013 06:21 - United States - Santa Barbara

Today, I went to pick up my 6-year-old son from his friend's house. They were having a great time, and he didn't want to leave. So, while I wasn't looking, he superglued both his hands to their kitchen table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 739

You deserved it 5 453

By Anonymous - 12/10/2012 02:56 - United States

Today, I learned that scorpions can apparently hold their breath for hours, and that doing so makes them angry. I found this out when I removed a scorpion from the bottom of my pool and found that it was not entirely drowned. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 576

You deserved it 2 628

By Anonymous - 02/03/2012 05:35 - United States

Today, my family made a fake boyfriend for me on Facebook, since it's been so long since I had one. I accepted the relationship request to try and trick people into thinking I actually had a boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 827

You deserved it 29 391

By Anonymous - 11/05/2015 17:08 - Denmark - Randers

Today, my 18-year-old boyfriend freaked out and kept asking me if I was sure I wouldn't get pregnant, because I forgot to take my birth control pill last night. We didn't actually have sex; he apparently thought me simply missing the pill would magically get me pregnant. The hell? FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 617

You deserved it 5 977

By daughter - 05/08/2012 07:49 - United States - Kailua

Today, since I'm still recovering from my surgery and can't drive, my daughter drove me to the doctor. When I was done and walked outside, she was nowhere to be seen. Then I got a text: "Sorry, I forgot I have to be somewhere." The closest bus stop to our house is miles away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 726

You deserved it 2 358

By Anonymous - 17/07/2012 08:00 - United States - North Pole

Today, my husband and I stopped at a scenic overlook on top of a mountain. I looked down and noticed several small shells and excitedly called him over. I said, "I can't believe I found fossils here!" The moment it came out of my mouth, I realized they were pistachio shells. So did he. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 277

You deserved it 25 271

By Anonymous - 04/10/2009 02:56 - United States

Today, I was trying on dresses in a stall that requires an employee of the store to have a key to open. After I took off one dress to go to another, an employee quickly opens my door, to give the stall to someone else. The entire store could see me in my granny panties and bra. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 980

You deserved it 6 517

By ohsosad - 23/11/2010 06:25 - United States

Today, I was asked out by a guy who is doing community service because he was caught peeping through windows. I was tempted to say yes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 076

You deserved it 26 582

By Anonymous - 13/07/2011 05:02 - United States

Today, my girlfriend, who is very self conscious about her body, finally decided to have sex with me. She told me to wait a few minutes, so I did. I stripped and turned around to find her in a one-piece swimsuit, with a hole cut out of the crotch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 81 554

You deserved it 8 485

By itsnotthatIhatecharity - 26/08/2017 23:15

Today, I found out that because I, like many others, don't read the terms and conditions, I accidentally donated £200 to a charity because of a non-refundable payment on a volunteering trip. It's my parents' money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 005

You deserved it 3 074

By dajfleasd - 25/07/2009 22:22 - United States

Today, I was getting ready for a date. I spent extra time getting ready in the shower, making sure I was all shaved. I was shaving my upper lip to make sure I didn't have a mustache. I cut my lip really badly, leaving the most noticable razor cut on my face for my date. I'm a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 000

You deserved it 27 677

By Username - 06/10/2010 21:59 - France

Today, I was telling my boyfriend about how self conscious I am and how I obsess about my weight. He said, "Don't be ridiculous, you don't need to lose that much weight." FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 990

You deserved it 28 650

By StupidNurse - 26/01/2012 21:57 - Germany

Today, I cut my finger with a knife while cooking. I work in a hospital and have to use hand disinfectant at least every twenty minutes. It hurts badly. I have to work for eight hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 695

You deserved it 4 221

Because of him

By whytho - 19/11/2019 03:00

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend. I also found out I have an STD. I was clean before we dated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 353

You deserved it 343

By Anonymous - 15/09/2017 06:00

Today, while fingering my girlfriend in the dark, I tried to be sexy and licked my fingers. After we turned the lights back on, we realized that her period had come early. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 470

You deserved it 2 087

By Anonymous - 08/08/2009 09:42 - United Kingdom

Today, I flew my girlfriend to Paris for our one year anniversary. Little did I know that instead of going up the Eiffel Tower and over looking the most romantic city she would rather spend it in bed with a French man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 198

You deserved it 4 920

By apparentlytoougly - 27/03/2013 07:29 - United States - Garden Grove

Today, a customer came up to me and asked if I knew where the make-up aisle was. I pointed him in the right direction but he just gasped and said, "Oh so you DO know where it is!" and walked away, roaring with laughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 485

You deserved it 3 831

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Top comments

Doom_Kitty 8

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Sunday 21 November 2021 5:14

Never be sorry for acting respectfull and smart. Well done. Your bf should learn that jalousy has nothing to do with love. It's kinda difficult but doable, i've been there. Good luck!

Brightside86 28

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Sunday 21 November 2021 7:48

I think it's easy to learn the wrong lesson in relationships. I've definitely had dramatic/jealous girlfriends and once you find one that is emotionally/mentally stable and acts like a adult it's a pretty amazing thing that can really surprise you.

Comments

Doom_Kitty 8

Send a private message

Sunday 21 November 2021 5:14

Never be sorry for acting respectfull and smart. Well done. Your bf should learn that jalousy has nothing to do with love. It's kinda difficult but doable, i've been there. Good luck!

RichardPencil 30

Send a private message

Sunday 21 November 2021 6:13

You should say, "I'm waiting for the part where she did or said something horrible." "If she's not going be the villain of your stories, keep that shit to yourself!"