Work: Today, while working in childcare, we went to a farm so the kids...

By seriously! - 19/03/2013 05:00 - Australia - Sydney

Today, while working in childcare, we went to a farm so the kids could see how things worked. They started showing off prize winning cattle and when they bought out "Miss Stacey", the kids lost their shit. My name is Miss Stacey. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 214

You deserved it 3 278

Work

Our house, in the middle of our street

Assumptions

Dog hater?

By catdog - 02/01/2013 06:07 - United States - West Sacramento

Today, my neighbor went on vacation, leaving me in charge of his cat and dog. For some reason, he calls his dog "Cat" and his cat "Dog". There are two pet food containers, one labeled "Cat" and the other labeled "Dog". I have no idea which one goes to which animal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 471

You deserved it 4 511

By Anonymous - 08/11/2011 04:41 - United States

Today, I had botox injections to stop my face sweating so much. Now the sweat is almost gone, but my facial expression seems to be stuck on "baffled." FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 401

You deserved it 36 805

By Noname - 11/01/2009 19:13 - United States

Today, I got drunk and hooked up with some random chick. Later, I found out she's Facebook friends with my girlfriend. They used to be best friends when the girl was a senior. Small world. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 427

You deserved it 61 232

By zetuga - 01/04/2015 07:40 - United Kingdom - Luton

Today, my girlfriend asked me to take my belt off as the buckle was hurting her leg. I didn't have a belt on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 418

You deserved it 5 334

By Anonymous - 21/04/2009 02:24 - United States

Today, I was going home with the tomato plant I just bought in my cup holder. The smell of it was filling the car and I love the smell so I picked it up and took a wiff. A few moments later I got pulled over. Apparantly, the cop saw me sniff it and thought I was smelling a marijuana plant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 361

You deserved it 8 382

Rookie mistake

By Anonymous - 29/01/2021 05:01

Today, I drunkenly hooked up with my friend. Two weeks before Valentine's day. She expects me to buy her a present because we've known each other for a while, and apparently thinks it's more than a drunk hookup. FML

I agree, your life sucks 312

You deserved it 1 612

By Anonymous - 17/06/2018 15:00

Today, I was brutally tackled and detained by a group of people until the police arrived, because I fit the description of a wanted criminal who was featured on the news. This isn't the first time this has happened, and no style change I've tried has been able to avert it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 688

You deserved it 222

Love Story

By Anonymous - 16/12/2021 19:59

Today, I realised I may have some kind of problem, given that I masturbate daily, and sex with my wife no longer interests me because it takes too long, involves her instead of me alone, is too much hard work, and generally annoys me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 468

You deserved it 1 441

By That idiot - 28/08/2014 02:33 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, I won a goldfish at the amusement park. My little brother took him out of the bowl because he thought he was drowning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 339

You deserved it 3 613

By Tonguetied0496 - 10/12/2012 07:21 - United States - Claremont

Today, I met my girlfriend's father for the first time; he asked me to explain my interest in dating her. In a mix of me trying to say "I want to be with your daughter" and "I want to be in your daughter's life" I got confused and said, "I want to be in your daughter." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 823

You deserved it 7 378

By nomorepetbird - 06/01/2010 03:30 - United States

Today, my pet bird died. He had caught some illness and had been extremely sick for the past few days. He didn't die from the illness though. My dog ate him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 024

You deserved it 3 852

By 3peeps - 30/12/2011 07:13 - United States

Today, I came to the conclusion that I was right about thinking how much it would hurt to hit your head on a door-frame, stub your toe on a stone table leg, and then trip over your cat, who won't take it well and will probably claw your recently stubbed toe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 366

You deserved it 3 913

By Anonymous - 07/02/2016 07:49 - United States - La Mesa

Today, while working third shift alone at a gas station, I had to deal with a crazy guy tripping balls and asking me if it was okay to bring a gun into the place. I don't get paid nearly enough for this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 255

You deserved it 1 584

By violated ._. - 22/08/2013 22:45 - United States

Today, I did something I'd always wanted to do: I went swimming with dolphins. It was really fun, until I went to kiss the dolphin, and she slipped her tongue half into my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 254

You deserved it 15 333

By qwaynick - 21/12/2010 09:25

Today, my wife got her second kidney stone in a month. I gave her some pills to help with the pain. An hour later she started hallucinating, pulled down her pants and tried to pee on our couch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 965

You deserved it 6 587

By Anonymous - 13/07/2013 20:26 - Canada - Poplar Hill

Today, I announced my third pregnancy to my family. My dad's only reaction was to scoff, "Really? Stop breeding already." FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 200

You deserved it 15 784

By Anonymous - 21/10/2010 17:33 - United States

Today, I flashed my boobs at my boyfriend's boss. My boyfriend was wearing tan pants and a black sweater. His boss was wearing black pants and a tan sweater. From 100 feet away they looked the same until my boyfriend came behind me wanting to know what I was doing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 854

You deserved it 48 264

Bye bye clothes

By kmjlevesque - 03/06/2020 02:00

Today, I ran out of moving boxes so I used a few garbage bags to pack up my clothes. My new roommate decided to be helpful by putting those green garbage bags in the dumpster. It was garbage day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 580

You deserved it 275

Big booming voice issues

By Anonymous - 26/02/2021 05:01 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, like the rest of the past year, I had to hear my roommate as he works as tech support from home. The man does not have an "inside voice" but echoes across multiple floors like a tuba, as he debugs people's software issues over the phone. Talking to him about it only makes him angry… and louder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 698

You deserved it 64

Protocol

By zuko - 27/12/2020 23:01 - United States - San Jose

Today, in the store I work at, I was screamed at multiple times for not staying 6 feet away from everyone. The store is packed, and there is not even 6 feet of free space to work with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 773

You deserved it 97

By fuck you, dad - 27/09/2012 18:36 - United Kingdom - Brighton

Today, I was eating out at a restaurant with my family. My dad had drained most of our bottle of wine, so thinking he'd be a little less uptight than usual, I reached over to pour myself some. He swatted my hand away and started yelling at me for being a "degenerate drunk". FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 644

You deserved it 6 276

By bumblebee - 14/09/2009 21:30 - United Kingdom

Today, I was hanging out with a guy I liked. We sat in the gardens, me facing the path, him with his back to it. We were in deep conversation when I noticed a dog that looked exactly like mine. Then I looked up and saw a man that looked like my dad. Yes - my parents followed me on a date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 965

You deserved it 3 701

By gorgeousgirl - 12/03/2010 06:36 - United States

Today, I was called gorgeous for the first time in 4 years. By a robot. A female robot. Who was trying to sell me cosmetics. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 393

You deserved it 3 042

Not now, Dave

By shanti - 16/02/2014 17:30

Today, my husband cracked a "Rectum? Damn near killed him" joke at my grandfather's funeral. He had genuinely spoken without thinking, but his quick gasp and "Oh shit" sounded quite sarcastic. We were both kicked out. My family thinks I put him up to the whole thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 846

You deserved it 4 720

By GymBattle - 31/10/2013 23:18 - United States

Today, while I was working out, I was listening to music with my earbuds in. The Pokémon theme started playing and I begun singing along. It wasn't too long after that I remembered I was in a crowded gym on a military base. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 313

You deserved it 12 539

By Quirk - 29/10/2009 05:17 - United States

Today, in class, everyone read my Creative Writing submission. It was a touching story about the unconditional love that exists between dog and his owner. Everybody unanimously agreed that it was probably about bestiality. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 186

You deserved it 7 025

It's the final countdown

By Anonymous - 08/06/2011 04:35 - United States

Today, I found out my mom has notebooks with lists of everything she has bought for me ever since I was born. Apparently she is going to make me pay her back for all the money she spent on me once I'm an adult. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 474

You deserved it 3 861

By Anonymous - 06/08/2009 06:13 - Australia

Today, I had to call poison control because my idiot son swallowed a bunch of baking soda to "make a volcano in his tummy." FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 294

You deserved it 17 276

By imabadperson - 06/03/2010 12:24 - United States

Today, I introduced myself as a sex addict, as a joke, to break the ice while meeting new people. One of my friends took me seriously and said he was a porn addict. He told me how happy he was that he had found someone else who had the same feelings and was so happy he could confide in me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 482

You deserved it 44 093

Gratitude

By Anonymous - 23/08/2021 19:01 - United States - Chicago

Today, it's my 35th birthday. My wife greeted me naked, and with an itemized list of what's off limits. A list of what was on the menu would've been much shorter and might have had better spelling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 937

You deserved it 175

By Tampax - 30/09/2014 18:46 - Spain - Cuenca

Today, my hand was stung by a wasp. It has resulted in all my fingers being swollen and therefore much bigger than usual. I'm getting married tomorrow and there's no way I can get the ring on my finger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 215

You deserved it 3 181

Cujo 2: Electric Boogaloo

By Anonymous - 07/10/2019 22:00

Today, I was mauled by my own dog. I own a Chihuahua. FML

I agree, your life sucks 962

You deserved it 1 153

Creepy crawlies

By Cockroachphobic - 04/04/2020 14:00

Today, I found out that the small bugs I've been blowing off my pillow all year are in fact baby cockroaches. I discover this when I found two full grown ones crawling around and decided to Google it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 350

You deserved it 851

Whiner!

By mrjude - 28/10/2019 04:00

Today, my boss yelled at me, telling me that I can't answer the phone anymore. Not because I do a bad job, but because a co-worker whined about it being her job. People call her and complain about how rude she is and then ask to talk to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 687

You deserved it 99

By pampa31 - 14/12/2015 17:21 - Mexico - Tijuana

Today, while I was driving, there was a high speed car chase. The runaway managed to avoid my car but the police didn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 707

You deserved it 1 684

By Anonymous - 17/08/2018 14:30

Today, I called my boyfriend and a woman answered. Turns out, she's also his girlfriend. She broke up with me on his behalf. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 454

You deserved it 202

By Ob3nie - 14/07/2014 17:45 - United States - San Francisco

Today, me and my boyfriend decided to have some fun in my room before my parents got home. My phone started vibrating half-way through, and when I saw my mom's picture, I reflexively answered. It wasn't a phone call. It was a face time. Busted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 617

You deserved it 53 927

By Anonymous - 25/04/2019 04:00

Today, it's been a week and a half since our hot water stopped working. Our landlord said he'll get on to it "in 3 days", after having said this already a few days before. I have to wash myself with a bucket and boiled water. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 997

You deserved it 158

By lovelychris - 16/12/2012 19:15 - Brazil - S?o Paulo

Today, my "friends" set me up on a blind date with a guy who according to their description, sounded perfect in just about every way. He turned out to be my obsessive ex, and this is their idea of a funny prank. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 291

You deserved it 3 339

By frustrated - 22/01/2013 07:20 - Australia - Mittagong

Today, my mother insisted I dress very smartly in suit attire for my first job interview at a hippy-style retail store. My interviewer wore a poncho. I didn't get the job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 101

You deserved it 7 022

Add a comment - Reply to : #

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

saIty 17

Send a private message

Tuesday 19 March 2013 11:40

Hey, at least your mom has got it going on

NeatNit 32

Send a private message

Tuesday 19 March 2013 11:40

What a pretty name for a cow.

NeatNit 32

Send a private message

Tuesday 19 March 2013 11:40

What a pretty name for a cow.

perdix 29

Send a private message

Tuesday 19 March 2013 11:47

They've shown that cows with names give more milk than those who are just numbered. The shit you learn when you live in America's Dairyland!

fml121785 14

Send a private message

Tuesday 19 March 2013 13:50

I wonder if they make better tasting steaks too if they're named instead of numbered....

fordfan89 9

Send a private message

Wednesday 20 March 2013 3:40

they do!

HeartOfLead 24

Send a private message

Wednesday 20 March 2013 3:57

Is this an insult to OP?

xxBFMVAAMIWxx 18

Send a private message

Saturday 8 February 2014 12:07

I don't know, but I live in a rural town in Australia which has a lot of farms with cattle on them, and one of the preschool/childcare teachers here just happens to be called Miss Stacey. Irony, actual event or coincidence?

saIty 17

Send a private message

Tuesday 19 March 2013 11:40

Hey, at least your mom has got it going on

Eamon666 3

Send a private message

Tuesday 19 March 2013 12:00

Probably dinkleb

CareFace 16

Send a private message

Tuesday 19 March 2013 13:45

Didn't understand that reply... Tried Googling; even Google doesn't understand.

Maverick52 13

Send a private message

Tuesday 19 March 2013 13:59

I think #15 meant to say dinkleburg. If you've ever watched the fairy oddparents you'll understand.

NeatNit 32

Send a private message

Tuesday 19 March 2013 14:51

I don't get #2, which apparently I should because someone else tried to post the same thing.... And Google's not working for me for some reason.

DontClickOnMe 28

Send a private message

Tuesday 19 March 2013 15:05

37 - He's making a reference to the song Stacey's Mom. In the lyrics, it says "Stacey's mom has got it going on".

coolboy675 16

Send a private message

Tuesday 19 March 2013 16:30

Op should have a kid and name her Stacey so she could get it going on too.

pipinya 8

Send a private message

Tuesday 19 March 2013 21:44

46 - and she should name HER daughter Stacey, so the Stacey's of the future can get it goin on for generations to come

perdix 29

Send a private message

Tuesday 19 March 2013 11:43

Have you won any prizes, Miss Stacey?

DaisyDanger 7

Send a private message

Tuesday 19 March 2013 11:46

I used to show cows when I was younger and 4-H chose them for me, one year I showed a cow named Marilyn. That is my Mom's name, I had a hard time not laughing either! Just let the kids have their fun, if it is a daycare they likely just think it is ironic at their age, not a fat joke!

spazz666 18

Send a private message

Tuesday 19 March 2013 13:21

If they're in daycare I don't think they would know what irony is. I imagine a bunch of little kids pointing and shrieking "MISS STACEY THAT COW IS NAMED AFTER YOU!!!" While giggling in that annoyingly charming way only little kids can.

Docbee 11

Send a private message

Wednesday 20 March 2013 3:41

It's more coincidental than ironic.

insertnameherr 11

Send a private message

Tuesday 19 March 2013 11:46

At least your mom has got it going on. EDIT: sorry, 2 beat me to it!

Mads_1234 28

Tuesday 19 March 2013 14:45

Ooh, tough luck. May your comment RIP.

superalubba 13

Send a private message

Tuesday 19 March 2013 11:47

Maybe its a sign

Mister_Triangle 21

Send a private message

Tuesday 19 March 2013 11:47

If you work in childcare then you should realize that the kids were laughing at the shared name, not that you like a cow. They would have laughed if they saw a cucumber named Miss Stacy.