Miscellaneous: Today, the only reason I have toilet paper is because someone... - FML

Nearly

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57

You deserved it 5

27/09/2021 06:27

Today, I have to get up and go to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57

You deserved it 105

Spicy

Spicy

Nice try, though

By Anonymous - 16/10/2021 20:00

Spicy

Today, I bought a $100 Victoria's Secret gift card for an ex who I still have a thing for, only to find out she started dating someone else a week ago. I just realized I bought lingerie for her to wear for someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36

You deserved it 270

Unfriended

By thethrowawayplace - 15/10/2021 17:00

Spicy

Today, my friend was watching a black guy getting yelled at by the cops on TV. He then decided to yell, "Wow, ni***** really don't know how to behave!" When I didn't react, he yelled it over and over, until I slunk into my room. He knows I'm part black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 716

You deserved it 123

05/11/2015 21:24

Today, the only reason I have toilet paper is because someone decided to teepee my driveway and left an entire roll behind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 816

You deserved it 2 046

Late term

Walk the line

But there's panic on the streets of Carlisle

22/12/2016 00:56

Today, my mom was out of the house, so I decided to make her a gift. I went into the garage for supplies and somehow ended up locking myself in for the next 2 hours. Not only that, but I cut my hand with the rusty paperclip I used to try to pick the lock. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 489

You deserved it 1 614

09/03/2019 22:00

Today, we were taking a bio quiz and I understood the subject, so the people sitting behind me asked me to help them out. Being a kind fellow classmate, I did. When the teacher got suspicious, she asked the class, "How are all of you getting the same answers?" everyone pointed directly at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 132

You deserved it 3 231

Stumped

By uneek14 - 23/06/2009 14:19

Today, while reading some chemistry notes, I came across the term "solid water". Completely stumped, I asked myself, "What the hell is solid water?" Then I heard my little cousin say, "Ice." I'm a 4th year science major in university. He still checks the closet for monsters. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 765

You deserved it 84 534

07/01/2012 19:47

Today, I found out that the only two people I've had feelings for in years are both dating each other. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 986

You deserved it 4 061

Glittery letters

By Anonymous - 27/01/2020 18:00

Today, I found out my husband had bought my 1-year-old daughter a shirt that says "Birth Control Fail" in pink glittery letters. He even took her out in it while I was at work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 110

You deserved it 421

Packaging

By Anonymous - 01/09/2020 17:01

Today, I was cleaning up after my mom visited with her dogs. She'd left a little pill-jar on the kitchen counter. Had she forgotten her medicine? It made a weird, soft sound when I shaked it. I opened the lid to shake some pills into my hand, only it wasn't pills. It was two fat ticks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 370

You deserved it 207

05/10/2013 17:51

Today, I was reminded that while I have a nice waist, bum and boobs, I'm unspeakably ugly. I was walking down the street when a guy wolf-whistled from behind me, and when I turned around, he visibly recoiled in disgust. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 033

You deserved it 4 300

Generosity

By Anonymous - 22/08/2020 20:04

Today, my granny died. My aunt wants to throw away all her books and furniture. When I offered to take care of selling it, or giving it away, like granny would have wanted, my aunt said she would let me "keep a percentage" of the few bucks I’d get for my troubles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 409

You deserved it 109

07/10/2016 20:22

Today, the cat climbed up to the spice shelf while I was cooking. As I looked up and told him to leave, he tipped over a chili container which coated my face with chili powder. The bloody pain in my eyes then made me knock over a pot of boiling water. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 865

You deserved it 1 138

18/10/2016 05:19

Today, I'm still reeling over the unexpected loss of my co-worker. I also received a notification that my workload would be increased to more than twice what is was before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 248

You deserved it 958

Thanks for the support

By Anonymous - 31/10/2020 02:01

Today, I revealed to my parents that I'm planning on opening a food truck in the next few months. They both laughed in my face and said I'll never make any money. I've been working on this for 3 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 042

You deserved it 119

17/12/2010 09:48

Today, after a week of insomnia, I finally managed to fall asleep. Thirty minutes later, my friends decided to bang on my door, yelling at me to wake up and party with them. I'm now wide awake and hallucinating from lack of sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 954

You deserved it 3 956

02/03/2009 14:22

Today, I was meeting friends for dinner at an Indian restaurant. I was waiting for the group to arrive and our table to be ready. An Indian man approached me smiling, so I said "We're not ready for our table yet". Then I realized it was my friend's boyfriend who I've met several times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 060

You deserved it 67 954

12/07/2012 19:23

Spicy

Today, while making out with my boyfriend, I realized he was opening his mouth wide a lot. At first, I thought he was trying to French-kiss me. He was actually yawning through the whole thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 794

You deserved it 4 880

20/08/2017 20:00

Today, I was told to put away the new toilet paper rolls. I reached in the package only for my hand to get wet, and then noticed the yellow liquid at the bottom. My cat used it as a litter box. At least, I hope it was my cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 405

You deserved it 372

12/12/2012 06:45

Today, it's been 13 months since I've been living in the States. I've been called a Nazi, asked if we have electricity in Germany, and been made fun of the way I speak with my "German accent", the list goes on. I'm not even German, I'm Danish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 404

You deserved it 2 854

She plays tricks on me

By Anonymous - 02/12/2019 18:00

Spicy

Today, I had dinner at my girlfriend's house with her parents. Everything was going great, until after dinner when her dad pulled me aside and told me he'd heard us having sex. I was out of town all weekend for a baseball tournament. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 430

You deserved it 180

Epic

By Anonymous - 25/04/2021 08:00

Today, I ended up missing all my Zoom classes because I had the audacity to stay up all night and build an epic Minecraft fortress. And then I accidentally deleted it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 234

You deserved it 2 181

Freaked out

By scarredforlife - 03/10/2015 01:13

Today, after taking my little niece out onto the balcony of her family's new apartment to enjoy the view, we watched as a man jaywalked across the street down below and was run over by a car. My niece is pretty much traumatized for life now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 319

You deserved it 1 623

Desperate times, desperate, dumb measures

By WTFiswrongwithme - 03/03/2020 00:01

Today, I was so desperate for human interaction that I asked a deaf girl in my class if she liked music. I actually signed it to her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 123

You deserved it 854

09/08/2012 19:51

Today, I was at the mall, when a guy started screaming at his buddy for sleeping with his sister. It was pretty hilarious, so when he stormed off, I mockingly yelled, "Pussy!" He then whirled around and beat the absolute hell out of his friend. Now I feel like I'm going to reincarnate as a turd. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 306

You deserved it 54 344

17/04/2018 01:30

Today, my husband and I were getting busy on the living room couch when my mother-in-law stopped by and let herself in with a key we didn’t know she had. She then demanded an apology like it was all our fault and stormed out. I still don’t know why she came by. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 768

You deserved it 367

06/03/2015 03:19

Today, my mother walked in on me watching porn. As punishment, she sat down and made me watch the rest of it with her as she gave play-by-play commentary. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 762

You deserved it 22 191

04/03/2017 22:00

Today, I stayed home from work, feeling ill. Come lunch time, I made myself some ramen noodles, thinking that the broth would feel good on my throat. Too bad I sneezed while carrying the bowl, dumping the boiling hot broth all down my front. The skin on my boob peeled away like tissue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 426

You deserved it 561

19/09/2009 21:04

Today, after being a stay-at-home mom and picking up after my kids for the past 15 years, I got a job rejection letter saying I wasn't qualified. It was a housekeeping position. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 540

You deserved it 4 520

27/11/2012 18:05

Today, I've now worked on Thanksgiving, Black Friday, the weekend after that, and two days this week. My husband and son have had all that time off, and yet I've still ended up having to clean the dishes and the house after them on all of these days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 303

You deserved it 5 646

30/11/2018 12:00

Today, I finally got up the nerve to leave my boyfriend. We have no spark and quite honestly, it's been really awkward. I planned to tell him when he came in, and I did. After all was said and done, he handed me the roses and new puppy he had bought for me, a puppy that I had been saving up to get. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 144

You deserved it 1 279

26/11/2015 20:24

Today, my dad went to a hardware store to replace the broken shower head in my bathroom. He got the cheapest shower head he could find, and so when I took a shower, the shower head burst out and hit me square in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 349

You deserved it 2 117

13/05/2010 06:01

Today, my mom decided our whole family is going on a diet. Why? Because the vet told us our dog is overweight, and she "didn't want Twix to suffer alone." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 649

You deserved it 4 815

01/05/2012 23:43

Today, I was in a gas station bathroom attempting to buy a condom from the machine on the wall. A woman who smelled of cat piss walked in, and I got embarrassed so I fled into a stall. She then started a conversation with me about "the good old days" from the next stall over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 832

You deserved it 3 677

Honesty doesn't pay

By Hayls5 - 04/07/2009 02:19

Today, I was driving with a friend when we saw a wallet in the middle of his neighborhood road. When we picked it up, we saw it was loaded with cash. We drove to the man's house to return the wallet, and when we handed it to him he told us, "I would give you a reward but I don't have any cash." FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 142

You deserved it 5 992

30/07/2010 06:38

Today, my girlfriend and I went on vacation. We flew 2000 miles, got off the plane, got our bags and stood outside the airport for our ride. She looks at me and says, "I can't do this anymore." So, she broke up with me and flew back home. Now I'm on vacation alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 105

You deserved it 4 002

Creepy

By Anonymous - 03/01/2016 09:41

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend told me I sound like a squeaky toy during sex, and asked if I could get it under control because it creeps him out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 994

You deserved it 4 516

14/09/2010 07:57

Today, while at dinner with my current boyfriend, my ex walked in with his new girlfriend. The waiter put them at the table next to ours, and the two of them had a front row seat to me spilling an entire guacamole salad on my lap out of nervousness. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 231

You deserved it 6 892

02/09/2011 22:02

Today, my child-hating friend who vowed never to have any no matter what, announced that she's pregnant. I've had three IVF cycles, spent $90k in fertility treatments, and still can't conceive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 557

You deserved it 4 799

Man vs Boy

By Anonymous - 17/02/2018 19:00

Today, it was my first day at a new gym, which cost a fortune. Some skinny teen who had clearly never lifted in his life dropped a weight while I was stretching and broke my ankle. Money down the drain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 884

You deserved it 281

No sex for you

By oops - 03/07/2021 13:59

Spicy

Today, I gave my mom a shirt as a birthday present. Apparently, she already had the exact same shirt, so asked me for the receipt so she could return it and get a different one. When she read the receipt, she grounded me. I forgot I bought a box of condoms when I bought the shirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 489

You deserved it 809

22/12/2014 06:25

Today, since it's company policy, I had to go to the back of my small store to retrieve an item for a customer, even though I was working by myself. I came back to find that since she couldn't get into the cash register, she found and stole my purse instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 333

You deserved it 3 412

08/05/2012 17:57

Today, I was shopping at Walmart, when I saw a really good deal on some bacon. Before I could take any, a huge-ass woman stormed over, kicked my cart down the aisle, and snatched every single packet for herself. And I actually got upset over this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 169

You deserved it 3 596

16/10/2013 17:37

Today, I found out my handwriting is so bad that people think I write in Arabic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 326

You deserved it 10 380

Add a comment - Reply to : #

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

Send a private message

Friday 6 November 2015 7:42

There are two things in my house I make sure I NEVER run out of: 1) toilet paper, and 2) Oreos. Priorities.

mermaidkeels 26

Friday 6 November 2015 7:33

Use it wisely if it's the only toilet paper you have.

Comments

Send a private message

Friday 6 November 2015 7:32

Early Christmas gift ? Haha FYL

mermaidkeels 26

Friday 6 November 2015 7:33

Use it wisely if it's the only toilet paper you have.

Send a private message

Friday 6 November 2015 7:33

That's pretty shitty.

Lalala579121 27

Send a private message

Friday 6 November 2015 8:08

That would be pretty disgusting if OP was using dirty toilet paper.

Send a private message

Friday 6 November 2015 20:55

Now when you say dirty do you mean used as well or just like some dirt on it? Cause if there is just some dirt on it I would use it, especially if thats all I had.

bigmusclebro 20

Send a private message

Friday 6 November 2015 7:33

I realize the error in my mistakes as I now have no toilet paper. Would you be so kind as to roll my rolls back to me? That would be greatly appreciated!

Send a private message

Friday 6 November 2015 7:35

Well look at the bright side. You got free toilet paper!

Send a private message

Friday 6 November 2015 7:39

Call it a win win situation. You get free toilet paper and your ass is now clean. Be glad they didn't break into your place.

Oppression_fml 19

Send a private message

Friday 6 November 2015 7:39

Making the best out of a bad situation(s) keeping holding in OP.

Send a private message

Friday 6 November 2015 7:41

maybe next time someone will throw eggs at your house - then you can have a nice breakfast!

Lalala579121 27

Send a private message

Friday 6 November 2015 8:09

I really hope the "in" was intentional and not a typo.

Send a private message

Friday 6 November 2015 7:42

There are two things in my house I make sure I NEVER run out of: 1) toilet paper, and 2) Oreos. Priorities.

americanafrican 32

Send a private message

Friday 6 November 2015 10:56

Priorities. Doc has em right

Send a private message

Friday 6 November 2015 7:44

Not to be that guy, but when I was growing up, we used to wipe our asses with newspaper because toilet paper was a luxury. So considered yourself blessed !

Send a private message

Friday 6 November 2015 7:54

I would buy toilet paper for you OP. hope you can make that one last for a while, no one should have to go without