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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I got called a f***ing b**ch by one of my students. I teach kindergarten. FML

#10851356
179 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49338) - you deserved it (6951)

On 05/29/2010 at 10:36pm - work - by love_today - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I wasn't feeling well, so I took my temperature with a thermometer from my sister's bathroom. I later found out that I actually used my sister's rectal thermometer. At least I don't have a fever. FML

#10842466
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29162) - you deserved it (9212)

On 05/29/2010 at 2:20pm - health - by asstomouth - Sent from mobile version

Today, I decided to take a nap before a big job interview at 6. I set two alarm clocks to make sure I didn't miss it, but I woke up at 5:59. As I'm scrambling in a panic to get out the door, my mom says calmly, "I took your alarm clocks out of your room because you looked really tired today." FML

#10841820
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41854) - you deserved it (3392)

On 05/29/2010 at 1:39pm - misc - by thanksmum (woman) - Germany (Berlin)

Today, someone switched my hairspray with bug spray when I didn't notice. I used it. FML

#10838070
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25255) - you deserved it (6310)

On 05/29/2010 at 9:16am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Malaysia (Selangor)

Today, a bee landed on my leg. I didn't realize it was there until my friend yelled out, "Bee!" kicked me in the leg, and ran off. I fell to the ground screaming and clutching my leg. She missed the bee and it still stung me. FML

#10837564
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29714) - you deserved it (2681)

On 05/29/2010 at 8:11am - misc - by hulagirl1217 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I had a weird dream I woke up on the bathroom floor at my local gym. Turns out it wasn't a dream, and I passed out from "overworking myself". I was on the treadmill for under 5 minutes, walking. FML

#10834271
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27219) - you deserved it (14047)

On 05/29/2010 at 1:28am - misc - by crashingdown - Australia (South Australia)

Today, I was making out with my boyfriend. It was going well until our braces got caught. Out of pain, I tried to pull away, which made my eyes water. Then I sneezed in his mouth. FML

#10832830
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38028) - you deserved it (8071)

On 05/29/2010 at 12:14am - health - by fmlpanda (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was expecting a very important work call. Today was also the day I got insuppressible diarrhea. As I was running to the washroom, the phone rang. I didn't make it to the washroom or the phone. FML

#10832589
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29479) - you deserved it (3356)

On 05/29/2010 at 12:04am - health - by phonesnshit (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I went out to eat to celebrate getting over the stomach flu. I hadn't eaten solid food in over a week, so I was really excited and ordered my favorite dish. It gave me food poisoning. FML

#10827596
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35961) - you deserved it (4519)

On 05/28/2010 at 7:51pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, both my parents were at work so I was home alone. My boyfriend had wanted to surprise me and take me out to lunch. He found me dancing on my kitchen table singing "Like a Virgin" at the top of my lungs. FML

#10823884
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11573) - you deserved it (31683)

On 05/28/2010 at 4:37pm - misc - by crazygirl10 - United States

Today, while running late to my sister's wedding and rushing to get ready, I accidentally grabbed my travel size shaving cream can in place of my body spray, and quickly drew a blue foaming line across my rental tux. FML

#10821429
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29244) - you deserved it (13313)

On 05/28/2010 at 2:07pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Alabama)

Today, I tested the new taps in the shower, with my head. Yep, they're strong enough. FML

#10817967
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9745) - you deserved it (24703)

On 05/28/2010 at 9:18am - misc - by gahdamnit - Australia (Victoria)



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