Love: Today, for the first time I sat next to a hot babe. I was feeling...

By mehdi-online - 13/10/2008 08:22

Today, for the first time I sat next to a hot babe. I was feeling nervous, nevertheless, I managed to shyly ask her phone number. It’s only when I arrived back home that I realized there was a digit missing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 666

You deserved it 17 977

Love

Age difference

But there's panic on the streets of Carlisle

Thanks Boris!

By Anonymous - 23/04/2016 02:22 - United States - Lawrenceville

Today, my boyfriend wrote me a love letter saying about how much he cares for me, how he'd die for me and how he wants to spend his life with me. What really took my breath away was the confession at the end about how he "accidentally" cheated on me with my best friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 037

You deserved it 1 583

By Anonymous - 26/08/2011 17:49 - United States

Today, I had to take my dog to the vet for him to be put to sleep. I could feel the cold, hard shaft of irony slide its way up my ass and slowly fuck me senseless with every step I took on this beautiful National Dog Day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 588

You deserved it 6 091

Sadly discontinued

By Anonymous - 05/10/2013 08:17 - United States

Today, I was grocery shopping. When I got to the frozen foods, I saw some Lean Pockets, which I haven't had in forever, so I bought a couple of boxes. Around lunch time, I was hungry and thought I could have some, until I realized why I stopped buying them: I don't have a microwave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 181

You deserved it 40 897

It's a marathon, not a sprint

By Anonymous - 27/05/2020 02:00

Today, I found out that the last girl from my graduating high school class is engaged to her boyfriend. I'm now the only guy from high school who's still single and I'm not even 30 yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 119

You deserved it 260

By spitt - 13/05/2015 02:11 - United States - Franklin

Today, after a big presentation, people sent an open invitation to dinner. When I asked which restaurant and what time, I was told that I wasn't invited. I've been here for three years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 405

You deserved it 2 481

By Anonymous - 07/11/2009 08:04 - United States

Today, I got a new job. I'm 26 and I left an amazing job to move back to be around my family. I have no choice but to take this job. I will be placing my finger in a dead turkeys ass, cutting open its stomach, and ripping out its guts. 15 per minute. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 016

You deserved it 10 742

Sad and lonely

By yikes78 - 31/05/2009 13:04 - United States

Today, I went to Macy's to buy some bras. After I paid, the old lady cashier noticed there was pen on one of the bras. By accident, I blurted out, "It's alright. No one's seeing them." The old lady nodded back in agreement. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 726

You deserved it 10 481

Great work, son

By firestar772 - 12/06/2013 06:21 - United States - Santa Barbara

Today, I went to pick up my 6-year-old son from his friend's house. They were having a great time, and he didn't want to leave. So, while I wasn't looking, he superglued both his hands to their kitchen table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 739

You deserved it 5 452

By mermaidkeels - 08/09/2016 04:54 - United States - Miami

Today, after attending lectures for months, studying for weeks, and spending hours writing a 15-page research paper, I was informed that due to technological issues during registration, I was not enrolled in the class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 860

You deserved it 1 225

By Jealousbitch - 12/04/2012 09:27 - United States - Mulberry

Today, I had to admit that my jealousy issues were becoming a problem when I almost told my boyfriend not to apply at the local McDonald's, because of the high school girls that would see him there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 728

You deserved it 33 644

By IcyWinter - 02/04/2014 08:16 - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, I had to tell my daughter that just because markers say "washable", it doesn't mean that you can draw all over our newly-painted walls. She's 15. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 559

You deserved it 6 481

By ihatemyparents - 22/01/2011 20:20 - United States

Today, my parents confiscated my iPod, because the parents' group they go to came to the conclusion that music is a gateway to anti-social behavior. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 424

You deserved it 2 720

By Baileyy - 01/03/2011 23:18 - United States

Today, while pensively thinking up my next awesome Facebook status over dinner, I finally came to the conclusion that I need to get a life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 158

You deserved it 41 144

By Anonymous - 12/11/2013 23:56 - United States - Westminster

Today, working as a cashier, I had a customer come through and ask to purchase a bag of ice. I asked, "Eight pound or twenty pound?", referring to the clearly marked weight of the bags. He replied, "What's the difference?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 225

You deserved it 3 256

By Anonymous - 08/06/2019 00:24 - United States - Santa Cruz

Today, I was babysitting my friend's 12-year-old son while his dad was having an emergency procedure at the hospital. I walked into the den to see if he wanted to go out to dinner, only to find him watching Pornhub on my iPad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 470

You deserved it 373

By A continent away - 02/09/2014 19:48 - Estonia - Tallinn

Today, the security at the airport were nice enough to remind me to take the laptop out of my bag. I wish they'd also reminded me to put it back in before I left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 931

You deserved it 13 715

By anonymous - 19/04/2012 22:33 - United States - Westwood

Today, I witnessed a car accident. Being an experienced paramedic, I rushed to the scene to see if anyone needed help. As I assessed the people involved, one of them pickpocketed me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 610

You deserved it 2 064

By GhettoBeast - 08/09/2009 04:42 - New Zealand

Today, it was the first day of my job at a kindergarten. A boy fell over in the playground, so I ran over to see if he was OK. He got up and had a huge red mark on the side of his face. Shocked, I yelled "Oh my god, your face!" Turns out it's a very large port-wine birthmark and now he won't stop crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 776

You deserved it 15 577

By Reno - 15/04/2013 16:25 - United States - Reno

Today, while trying to find my phone in the depths of the sheets on my bed, I gave my comforter a huge shake. A second later, I heard a crash. My phone had miraculously flown straight into the glass of water on my nightstand. Found it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 607

You deserved it 8 940

By ditched - 06/08/2014 03:35 - United States - Ashland

Today, I found out my co-workers don't actually like me when they changed the hangout spot after accidentally inviting me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 974

You deserved it 3 818

By Anonymous - 12/06/2012 19:01 - United States - San Diego

Today, I volunteered at a soup kitchen. During the rounds, a grisly but nice young fellow told me that I had beautiful eyes. I was quite touched; that is until he leaned in and added, "Can I have them for my collection?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 013

You deserved it 2 128

By Anonymous - 07/06/2016 01:04

Today, my sister, who has been seeing a guy for a year, got engaged. I've been dating my boyfriend for over 5 years and let out some not so subtle hints and he basically refused to propose. This is her second marriage in the time of my relationship. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 942

You deserved it 2 455

By Anonymous - 17/05/2014 19:33 - United States - Fresno

Today, my 15-year-old son told me that he and his new girlfriend are deeply in love and are meant for each other. The "girlfriend" in question? My fiancé's 12-year old daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 449

You deserved it 5 754

By Ashley - 07/09/2010 16:06 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex for the first time when my 4 year old sister walked in. She thought we were making a dog pile, so just as soon as my boyfriend was about to finish, she jumped on his back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 468

You deserved it 25 197

Still counts!

By Andrea Trevor - 07/08/2018 15:00

Today, I finally did the splits for the first time in my life! Unfortunately, it happened when I stepped in wet dog poop on my kitchen floor. One foot slipped forward in it, and I fell right on top of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 430

You deserved it 217

Coming soon, to a place near you…

By Loner_Lou - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom - London

Today, my new colleagues took me up on my idea of a group night out. Perhaps they'll actually invite me along next time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 946

You deserved it 3 150

By Anonymous - 01/06/2013 00:02 - Guatemala - Guatemala City

Today, I was sending some dirty texts to my boyfriend, when I heard a knocking sound coming through the wall. I sat there for ten minutes before I realized I was listening to my mom and her boyfriend having sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 671

You deserved it 6 538

By TSampson - 11/06/2009 11:51 - United States

Today, my mom's will was read to the rest of the family. I helped my mom write it a couple years ago, and I was to get funds to pay off school loans. She revised it and put in a note saying I was to get nothing because I was "lazy." The executor read it out loud. FML

I agree, your life sucks 109 988

You deserved it 11 273

By lotrgeek - 13/02/2012 13:37 - Canada

Today, in the midst of having sex, my boyfriend decided that, as a joke, he would pretend to be a zombie whilst going down on me. Sadly, the thought turned me so much that I came. This was the first orgasm he's ever given me in over a year of dating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 082

You deserved it 6 990

By IStillHaveMy8hrShiftToGo - 11/03/2014 13:01 - United States - Beaverton

Today, I came in to work early at a restaurant to help out. I stocked, baked pies for the next day, cleaned and set over 50 tables, and vacuumed the entire two stories. When I went to send an order for the first customer of mine, I realized I hadn't even clocked on. Four ½ hours of work wasted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 316

You deserved it 10 708

By bobin - 29/08/2011 17:17 - United States

Today, my boyfriend kept falling asleep while he was at my house with me. I tried to have sex with him to help wake him up, but he said he was too tired and fell back asleep. Five minutes later, my friend walks in the room with food. He woke up from the smell and got up to get some for himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 180

You deserved it 6 264

By FMLTIMESTWO - 10/06/2009 04:36 - United States

Today, I found a dead bird on my windshield. Thinking I was clever, I turned on my windshield wipers to get the bird off. Unfortunately, the dead bird fell through my open window and onto my lap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 531

You deserved it 61 829

By Anonymous - 25/08/2009 21:14 - United States

Today, I tried to surprise my parents on their first day back from New York with candles I made. I used actual lavender flecks from our garden for the scent in the candles. My plan worked until the lavender caught on fire which then spread to all of our mail and newspapers. Welcome home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 186

You deserved it 11 679

Ball Is Life

By Anonymous - 17/09/2018 12:00

Today, my wife tried to be sexy by climbing on top of me wearing nothing but a thong. Unfortunately, her knee came down in just the wrong spot and I passed out instantly from the pain of my testicle rupturing. I'm in hospital now recovering from the removal surgery. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 785

You deserved it 229

Phone holder

By my arms hurt - 25/11/2019 20:00 - United States - San Diego

Today, I had to sit in between two boys on a two-hour bus ride. They were watching a movie and each of them had shared an earphone. They made me hold the phone up so both of them could see the screen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 149

You deserved it 1 815

By Derek Lee - 22/05/2011 13:53 - United States

Today, I sold my Xbox 360 on Craigslist. I met the dude at the mall. I gave him my Xbox and a handshake for buying. I left without the money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 848

You deserved it 70 240

By JerseyGirl - 04/09/2009 16:52 - United States

Today, I went out to my car to run some errands. It wouldn't start. I called AAA, only to find out my battery wasn't dead, it was stolen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 917

You deserved it 2 854

By gvmfvr - 08/05/2014 20:48 - France - Fontenay-sous-bois

Today, my little sister was in charge of doing the vacuuming, when she decided our hamster had "dust on his back". FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 098

You deserved it 3 950

Good morning to you too

By sllaggy - 18/04/2011 09:34

Today, I woke up at my boyfriend's house. I had a shower while he went downstairs. As I went to say goodbye to him, his mother muttered, "Slut" while pouring him orange juice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 428

You deserved it 22 061

Twice error

By rkaneki - 09/11/2019 20:00

Today, the guy I've been seeing told me he did not want to pursue a relationship with me after over 2 months of talking. He did the exact same thing to me 7 years ago. I fell for him twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 624

You deserved it 1 357

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Top comments

Maniac_fml 0

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Sunday 15 February 2009 6:43

try every number till you get her voice

choppedNskrewed 0

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Tuesday 10 March 2009 18:15

choppedNskrewed also guys, the missing digit didn't have to be the one on the end, it could have been one in the middle, in which case trying every digit would take a VERY long time :)

Maniac_fml 0

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Sunday 15 February 2009 6:43

try every number till you get her voice

cowgod 0

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Monday 14 December 2009 8:00

no thats creepy and she probably didnt give him the full number for a reason.

pepsie_fml 0

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Saturday 27 February 2010 3:50

Aww

lxclark 17

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Sunday 28 March 2010 9:18

To the people saying try every number: The number he missed may not have been the last one in the series XD Could have been any oneee.

beastmode21 0

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Saturday 17 April 2010 6:49

who says hot babe anymore

qwerty4321 0

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Tuesday 20 April 2010 9:31

isn't she one in a million!

VampireKiller59 0

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Tuesday 11 May 2010 16:22

i agree with #1 and code geass is an awesome show!

panic222354 0

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Thursday 15 July 2010 22:13

was about to say that lmfao

1personinthiswor 0

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Saturday 4 September 2010 4:48

if he got a wrong number from her, chances are she wrote random ones without counting. nobody said it was her number.

impatientsnake 4

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Tuesday 1 March 2011 21:45

it doesn't matter tho if I was 2408881-00 u just gotta try 1-9 to get it doesn't matter

camlz 0

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Tuesday 7 June 2011 3:29

u cood still try every number......

kiddisskidd 0

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Monday 4 July 2011 21:31

#97 did you seriously spell could wrong..?

Xx_Dakota_xX 1

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Tuesday 26 July 2011 5:54

this is from 08 lol so I think they used "hot babe" then XD old fucks lol

linkinpark98 23

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Friday 27 January 2012 19:54

He'd be old and gray by then.....

thatnucca 36

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Thursday 22 August 2013 18:25

Putting in work literally. Lol

nonononononono_fml 16

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Saturday 23 August 2014 0:07

She probably missed a number purposely. Don't go through all the trouble to find the right number if she doesn't want you to call

choppedNskrewed 0

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Tuesday 10 March 2009 18:15

choppedNskrewed also guys, the missing digit didn't have to be the one on the end, it could have been one in the middle, in which case trying every digit would take a VERY long time :)

the1truebob 0

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Wednesday 9 December 2009 16:35

But if you assume the other six are correct then even if the missing one is in the middle, you only have a grand total of ten numbers to check.

gan4sula 2

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Friday 10 June 2011 8:28

no each placement has 10, assuming knowing area codes, at least 70 numbers to check

maxeeman111 5

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Sunday 14 August 2011 0:31

Oh yea, ur right

bellsy 0

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Monday 16 March 2009 9:35

lol good point #4

GavinRoskamp 0

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Wednesday 12 May 2010 10:15

 And I am a banana! 

Toolishing 22

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Tuesday 14 October 2014 6:40

That would take a long time ?

dasd123 0

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Monday 16 March 2009 23:05

that sucks

zanzibar_fml 0

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Friday 20 March 2009 20:48

Nice use of babe. 7 digits you would have to do 70 numbers. 10 digits you have to do 100. God speed my friend.

applesmoothiee 2

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Sunday 4 April 2010 23:22

WTF

Tcaret300 12

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Wednesday 16 June 2010 12:44

that's not even possible  lol

baconkabob00 0

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Saturday 21 March 2009 4:10

LOL THAT SUCKS!!

ogediah 0

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Saturday 21 March 2009 23:01

For an 8 digit phone number there are 1,073,741,824 different types of combinations of numbers .......Yep, F your life.

tinkerbell1357 0

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Thursday 4 March 2010 5:31

And how did u find that out???

capricaz 0

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Monday 19 July 2010 3:45

Then it's a good thing only one digit is missing and it should be obvious which one. This means he only has to try calling 9 different times before he gets the number.

matega 18

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Sunday 5 May 2013 12:22

This has nothing to do with factorials, it's simply 8^10. High school math, again.

matega 18

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Sunday 5 May 2013 12:26

Whoops. The correct answer is 10^8=100 000 000. My apologies.

R3nesmee 0

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Sunday 22 March 2009 6:53

Yeah, #4... Plus, it's more than likely she just wrote a random number and forgot a digit. Sorry, Pal.

xMooMoox 0

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Tuesday 31 March 2009 19:00

#2 Your friend does this to get the dedicated guys? More like stalker guys. If she wants to get the dedicated guys tell them to check her out in the phone book. Thats real dedication calling 17 Sara Jones'. Although thats stalker-ific too. But Instead of dialing tons of strange people he has to remember her first and last name...which suddenly seems creepy. Oh well I've never done this (I'm a girl) but I read it in the book "He's Just Not That Into You." He said a bartender told him her name and to look her up because she used to give out her number and never get any calls. I would try this but I'm unlisted! Lol