Today, my boyfriend used my love handles as ACTUAL love handles. FML

by Abused / 10/13/2010 at 4:36am / Australia (New South Wales) / Intimacy

kportal69's comment : what like he grabs on to your love handles during sex? why do you think they're called love handles?? am I stupid or are you?? just trying to figure that one out.

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Today, I rang my girlfriend to make sure she made it home alright. She told me to check my facebook. Nothing was different so I hit refresh. We were no longer in a relationship. I got dumped via facebook whilst on the phone to her. FML

by failure / 10/13/2010 at 2:18am / Australia (Victoria) / Love

Today, I went to get a trim. However, follow-up damage control at home afterward shouldn't really be necessary on a fifty dollar haircut. FML

by grow_fasterrr - / 10/13/2010 at 1:28am / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I started a new job. The supervisor handed me a badge with the name 'Rachel' on it, which is not my name. When I told her this, she responded with, "I know, but it will be easier for the customers to pronounce than your actual name." FML

by Anonymous / 10/13/2010 at 12:12am / Australia (New South Wales) / Work

Today, I tried to put my friend's hand in lukewarm water while he was sleeping, to see if he'd pee himself. He woke up and punched me in the face. FML

by Anonymous / 10/12/2010 at 10:09pm / United States (Texas) / Health

Today, I started college after a night out. I'd got tipsy at the club and started dancing with a cute guy. He asked for my number. I didn't want to give it to him, so I gave him a rejection number. Guess who's the new professor for my bio class? And yes, he recognized me. FML

by Anonymous / 10/12/2010 at 7:51pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I fainted because of a condition I have. My husband, who was standing right there, failed to catch me because he didn't want to drop his yogurt. FML

by anon / 10/12/2010 at 5:52pm / United States (California) / Health

Today, my boyfriend brought me home flowers and candy for the first time in our 1 year relationship. Thinking he was going to finally propose, I got excited. I asked why he was being so sweet, and he responded with, "I thought you'd take the breakup better this way." FML

by lovelesslonely / 10/12/2010 at 1:48pm / United States (Alabama) / Love

sublime420's comment : I'm sorry, but "finally propose" and "1 year relationship"?

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Today, while at my friend's house, I decided to climb up on a shelf and pounce on him when he came back downstairs. When I heard someone coming, I assumed it was him and pounced. It was his grandma carrying the laundry. FML

by Anonymous / 10/12/2010 at 11:06am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, my fingers got stuck between the wall and headboard. Screaming, he thought I was enjoying the sex and kept going even harder. I have 3 broken fingers. FML

by fungettingdressed / 10/12/2010 at 8:57am / United States / Intimacy

Today, I woke up in a field 3 miles from where I'd passed out drunk. This wouldn't have been too bad if I didn't have to walk home through town without my pants. FML

by kronin / 10/12/2010 at 6:59am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I was traveling by bus. There were no spare seats, so I stood next to a seated lady. When she got off at her stop, I was amused because her bum made the shape of a mushroom on the seat. I went to sit on it. So I'm sitting there when I realise the seat is really warm... and wet. FML

by babydoll / 10/12/2010 at 5:26am / United Kingdom (Fife) / Transportation

Today, I have a busy day of college work ahead of me. I figured I'd best have a good breakfast. Then I realised I'd completely ran out of food except for various types of sauces and condiments. So what am I having for breakfast today? That's right. A nice cup of Gravy. FML

by Anonymous / 10/12/2010 at 2:24am / United Kingdom (Lancashire) / Miscellaneous