Miscellaneous: Today, I got up at 8am and didn't take a shower so I could hear...

By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I got up at 8am and didn't take a shower so I could hear the postman at the door. He never came. I stink. FML

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Miscellaneous

Hiding from the drama

This Charming Man

Late term

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I brought a friend who I have loved for years out to a nice restaurant for dinner. I ordered an expensive bottle of wine, and poured each of us a glass. As I was about to tell her I loved her, she raised her glass for a toast and said "A toast to friendship!" FML

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By UltraHoe69 - United States

Today, in gym class, we were forced to learn the "Hoedown Throwdown" dance, by Miley Cyrus. This will actually be counted toward my grade. I'm in high school. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my parents held an intervention for me. Apparently they think I'm turning into a goth. All because they saw me re-lacing my shoes with black shoelaces instead of white ones. FML

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33961

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By charliebravo77 - United States

Slippery

Today, I drove into the parking lot at work, and discovered too late that there were patches of ice everywhere. As I turned to enter my usual spot, I lost control of the vehicle, and despite my pleas, praying, and profanity, it glided straight into my boss's car. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Tipton

Today, my mom told me all about how I was conceived in a Disney Land toilet. FML

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46547

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, my grandpa came into my room and asked for a pen. As I gave it to him, he let rip the foulest fart I've ever smelled in my life, and walked out without a word. 2 hours later, the smell is not only still there, it's filled the room. Looks like I'm sleeping downstairs on the couch tonight. FML

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32240

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, it was my big sister's birthday, and I was told the iPod I ordered her online was not coming due to a mix up. I drove to three different electronic stores before I found the one she wanted. After spending forever in traffic, I came home to find a package on my doorstep. It was her iPod. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went into work to waitress on a table of 40 guests. They were my only table for the day and the bill came to over 700 dollars. After they left the busser was cleaning the table and threw out the credit card receipt which had my tip on it. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Smithville

Today, I went to my cousin's house. I left my bag on the couch as my aunt instructed, only for my cousin to take it and throw it into the swimming pool. My laptop, textbooks and notes were soaked. My exam is in a week, and my aunt won't punish her perfect little angel. FML

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31222

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By sorkin15 - United States - West Palm Beach

Today, I went to Costco and the cashier asked me how I was doing so, to be nice, I asked her back. She said, "I'm fucking horrible, I'm working at Costco," nearly making me spit my drink out. FML

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By Madzison - Australia

Today, I had to have a serious talk with my boyfriend about his Miley Cyrus obsession. FML

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31930

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By humiliated - United States

Today, I was finally hooking up with a girl I was after for a long time.Things got really hot and heavy but she stopped and looked at me weird. She said, "I can't do it, you're really wet. It looks like chicken fat." FML

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22755

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By Gullible - United States - Cleveland

Today, my boyfriend of three years told me he was thinking about us taking a break. After an hour of crying and him saying it would be okay, I accepted it. When I asked when the break would start, he replied, "What are you talking about? I only said I'd thought about it" and then laughed. FML

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By Backed up - United States

Help me

Today, I had the privilege of looking into my husband's eyes and uttering one of the sexiest phrases in the English language, "I need a suppository." FML

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By OhMeGerd - United States - Scottsdale

Today, I was invited to my boyfriend's house for dinner for the first time. His mom made a fantastic dinner, so I showed my appreciation by eating the lot. Apparently I was overdoing it because when I looked up everyone was staring. His dad muttered, "Slow the hell down." FML

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15409

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By oddbrien - United States - Baltimore

Today, while at the club, I started dancing with a girl who I had noticed throughout the night. When she turned around she firmly stated, "I'd much rather dance by myself". FML

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By Marty - United States - Irving

Today, I bought a small bottle of liquor to share with my husband to celebrate our move. It took 3 hours at the store as the cashier, manager, GM, and a police officer checked my ID believing it was fake. I'm 25. FML

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4100

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By TheThirdWheel - United States - Grand Rapids

Today, I found out my boyfriend is bringing his friends on our trip. I'm now the third wheel on the romantic trip we've planned for a year. FML

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57266

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By Anonymous - Germany

Today, my class went to Berlin. At the subway station, our teacher told us to get on the next train. I was the first one to get on and the only one who didn't hear her saying: 'Wait, that's the wrong one!' I'm lost in a city I've never been before. FML

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34642

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By i stole your daughter's virginity anyways!!

Today, I met my girlfriend's dad for the first time. I recognized him. He's the guy that broke into my car and stole my backpack two weeks ago. FML

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5888

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By Sadman - Canada

Today, my mother and girlfriend were joking around and talking about the embarrassing things I've done. After they'd had a lengthly conversation, my girlfriend mentions "And he always farts during sex." FML

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43076

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I introduced my Chinese-born girlfriend to the rest of the family. My uncle immediately blurted out, "He's dating a communist." FML

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38585

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By unwed - United States

Today, I found out that my fiancé is going to be deployed on our wedding day. FML

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64391

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By Anonymous - 1/6/2021 04:01 - Australia - Kellyville

Long drive home

Today, at work, I shat myself at my desk thinking it was a fart. I had to waddle down to the parking garage and drive myself home. I’m a grown man. FML

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783

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338

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By cderr - United States

Today, my sister found out she contracted ringworm and scabies from her best friend's rescued kittens. The entire family now has to be treated to prevent it from spreading. There are 7 people in our house and none of us have health insurance. FML

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33969

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By Anonymous - 13/4/2021 02:00

Caught!

Today, I found out that my girlfriend was cheating on me, thanks to a friend's TikTok account. FML

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876

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By UnluckyTh1rteen - 27/8/2020 14:19 - United States - New York

Just a friend

Today, my boyfriend went to get coffee with a friend. As a joke, I texted him to ask how his date with his other girlfriend was going. It really was a date, and apparently it went very well. FML

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1695

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By bittersweet - United States

Today, I texted my boyfriend saying "Hi." His response: "I got your best friend pregnant". FML

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660374

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71699

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By please_no - United States

Today, the water in my shower wouldn't drain so I used a snake to unclog it. I pulled almost a full foot of nasty hair and gunk out of the drain. I just moved in, and the previous owner was an elderly woman. I just pulled a foot of old lady pubes out of my drain. FML

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38479

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3333

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By Ceej - United States - Grand Haven

Today, my husband and I were told by our elderly neighbors that they can hear us having sex a lot. To top it off, the elderly man said while patting his wife's arm with a smile, "Carol used to make noises like that too, back in the day." FML

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33773

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By appendicitisanyone - United States - Fairfield

Today, I awoke to the pain of appendicitis. Apparently it isn't a good enough reason to miss court. I now have a warrant out for my arrest. FML

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5714

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611

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By Anonymous

Today, accustomed to dealing with my old car's faulty accelerator, I pressed the pedal way too hard in my new car and crashed into a pillar, totaling the engine and giving myself a concussion. I could still see the dealership down the street. FML

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2477

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I thought my family would like it if I celebrated the new year with them. My brother thought that I'd like him to shoot my butt with his new gun in celebration. FML

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26028

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By GingerJ - United Kingdom

Today, I told my parents that I wanted to donate blood. My dad helpfully interjected, "Sorry, they don't accept blood from gingers." FML

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34948

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By KateD - United States

Today, I was walking through the mall with my husband. We came across a guy who was selling some weight loss pills. He tried to sell me some and I kindly declined. He told me not to deny my weight problems. Thanks. I'm 7 months pregnant. FML

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31707

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By Anonymous - 18/2/2021 07:30

Rest in Piss

Today, more of my friends celebrated Rush Limbaugh's death than celebrated when I won a national award two years ago. FML

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619

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By stilljobless - United States - Willimantic

Today, I got a call from a really great company that I applied to work for, asking me to come in for an interview. When I went in, they had no appointment scheduled and no idea who I was. It turned out it was all a prank by my brother and his friends. My brother is 30. FML

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31458

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By Aerostar - United States

Today, we had our divorce hearing and now it is final. As we were leaving the courthouse, I told my ex-wife how happy I was that we were finally free from each other. Then my junky old van wouldn't start and I had to beg her for a ride home. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16167

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By fallingforfakenamesandmindgames

A dealer of both drugs and hugs

Today, I found out that the reason why the guy I took home from the bar seemed to understand everything about me instantly was because he was my ex's secret drug dealer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3627

You deserved it

477

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By Anunimos - Romania - Bucharest

Today, I found out my best friend's girlfriend is cheating on him with his own brother. I went over to his place and told him everything while his girlfriend was in the same room. He called me a jealous liar who wanted to break them up, and kicked me out while she looked on, smirking. FML

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Top comments

By slyvanilla_creme | 0

#2557 - Monday 16 February 2009 7:18

are you like a mailman stalker? i'm a bit lost....other than the fact that you stank and could take a shower later....?????

By Sessee | 4

#47253 - Saturday 21 March 2009 10:38

Dude, just take a shower.

COMMENTS

By slyvanilla_creme | 0

#2557 - Monday 16 February 2009 7:18

are you like a mailman stalker? i'm a bit lost....other than the fact that you stank and could take a shower later....?????

Friaza | 29

#2985192 - Wednesday 27 July 2011 23:29

Obviously the OP was waiting on a parcel or something.

spaerro | 8

#4724517 - Monday 23 July 2012 18:26

Maybe OP had to sign for a package that couldn't be left at the door.

EDIT: 65 beat me to it. Good job.

By beezy_slayer | 0

#15729 - Thursday 5 March 2009 6:24

this one is just stupid why would u even put this up

By god_is_a_lie | 0

#25233 - Tuesday 10 March 2009 23:33

was it a sunday?

justmyswag | 9

#5674030 - Sunday 15 September 2013 5:27

No post on Sundays

culo91483 | 8

#5899853 - Sunday 30 March 2014 3:55

Exactly

By jokerofclubs777 | 0

#30178 - Friday 13 March 2009 20:37

you izz da bi99est a555h0l3 in dA werld

jwing | 0

#1264623 - Wednesday 18 August 2010 20:21

iz n0t c00l wen u tipe lik d1$. fail. try typing like a normal human being.

By arienh4 | 0

#32632 - Sunday 15 March 2009 12:15

Is this really FML worthy?

By cyberhoy | 3

#44382 - Friday 20 March 2009 4:56

what the hell? this makes no sense

By Sessee | 4

#47253 - Saturday 21 March 2009 10:38

Dude, just take a shower.

xninix_fml | 36

#5597937 - Thursday 25 July 2013 21:40

Yeah! It's not that big of a deal just go shower.

By Shallow_Padentic | 0

#57819 - Wednesday 25 March 2009 17:28

what the hell kind of postman is this. Do you have to like chase him down or be there in order to get your mail otherwise he keeps it?

fantasyworld | 37

#5997498 - Friday 4 July 2014 13:57

It could be a package that couldn't be left on the porch.

By Fayeanne | 0

#101547 - Saturday 11 April 2009 7:58

ummm..shower no matter if he shows or not..lol

By Dilios152 | 0

#103575 - Sunday 12 April 2009 2:17

if ths is the worst thing that happened to you today you souldnt be complaining...