Animals: Today, my dog was watching me and started to have a hard-on,...

By aXel - 13/10/2008 08:29

Today, my dog was watching me and started to have a hard-on, for half an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 737

You deserved it 8 325

Christmas: Snowy Joys and Blunders
Enjoy Christmas stories where unexpected gifts and family reunions create lasting memories... and fun! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By what-the-what - 29/10/2017 13:00 - United States - Mount Pleasant

Today, my mother called me at work, freaking out about my dog, so I panicked. What was wrong? He had a hard-on and she'd never seen that happen before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 784

You deserved it 300

What are you doing?

By puppylove - 03/08/2019 16:00 - Philippines

Today, my mom caught me absentmindedly staring at my puppy's butthole. She'd also been standing there for 5 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 555

You deserved it 1 980

Zoning out

By puppylove - 05/05/2020 08:00

Today, my mother found me staring at my puppy's asshole. She had apparently been standing there for 5 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 445

You deserved it 1 808

By Koko - 07/04/2016 16:07 - Germany - Berlin

Today, my dog was so happy to see me that he laid down on his back and started pissing like a fountain. He pissed on everything around him, including me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 785

You deserved it 1 949

By Sam l. - 10/11/2012 06:51 - United States

Today, my dog and I were sitting on the couch. I went to the bathroom, came back, and saw him walk over the remote, which caused the TV to change to the Hustler channel, just a few moments before my girlfriend walked through the door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 161

You deserved it 3 653

By Anonymous - 13/04/2011 02:20

Today, I watched my dog chase his tail for ten minutes, thinking "wow, dogs are easily entertained." Then I realized that I'd been watching my dog chase his tail for 10 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 644

You deserved it 40 991

By Username - 02/08/2011 17:35 - United States

Today, I decided to play with my dog. I sat on the ground and whistled for him to come to me. I smiled when I saw him running at my happily. He sniffed me, turned around, lifted his leg and peed on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 475

You deserved it 5 305

By Anonymous - 27/08/2014 23:04 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I was woken up by my wife softly kissing me on the lips. Half asleep, I kissed her back, before quickly opening my eyes and realising it wasn't my wife; it was my dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 582

You deserved it 7 518

By FrozenAnonymus - 14/07/2016 18:05 - Czech Republic - Prague

Today, I was laying on a couch with my dog watching TV when I heard my dog fart. I looked at her, she looked at me and started waving her tail, blowing it into my direction. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 862

You deserved it 1 525

Cujo 2: Electric Boogaloo

By Kelsiiii - 11/03/2020 03:00

Today, I pretended to be dead in front of my dog to see what he would do. He started to hump me, and when I tried to get up, he growled at me until I got back down on the ground to wait until he was finished. FML

I agree, your life sucks 724

You deserved it 2 113

Tygastyle 0

Wednesday 18 February 2009 3:10

at least you didn't get the boner....right?

badmotherfucker_fml 0

Sunday 22 March 2009 3:21

watching you do what?

Comments

Tygastyle 0

Wednesday 18 February 2009 3:10

at least you didn't get the boner....right?

CaptainDoorknob 7

Friday 14 September 2012 20:38

How can you be so sure?

NoKo_fml 0

Tuesday 3 March 2009 16:14

red rocket red rocket come on red rocket red rocket

CaptainDoorknob 7

Friday 14 September 2012 20:37

This comment is deserving of all the thumbs up on FML combined.

Tavers 19

Wednesday 23 January 2013 19:18

I don't get it. Sum1 clue me in?

Palirose 22

Friday 8 February 2013 22:37

An episode of South Park.

lazygirl_fml 0

Thursday 5 March 2009 18:31

what?! that's crazy

badmotherfucker_fml 0

Sunday 22 March 2009 3:21

watching you do what?

karmicsamadi86 9

Monday 27 June 2011 17:22

That's my question!

HomeAl0ne 20

Wednesday 27 July 2011 6:15

Exactly!

Dawnxxoo 11

Sunday 27 November 2011 14:41

guess we will never know ! :

BirdieCurls 25

Thursday 10 October 2013 0:37

it scares me to think what they were doing o.o

xMooMoox 0

Tuesday 31 March 2009 18:19

You are society's reject.

OdinA 6

Sunday 20 May 2012 21:41

Lol

badluckalex 23

Thursday 12 June 2014 19:26

you two are assholes

ZH13 0

Tuesday 21 April 2009 1:21

that's not an FML. that's just awkward. do you usually time your dog's boners?

THATCHICKDANNI 1

Wednesday 16 December 2009 18:24

Hiiia

pinkerton015 0

Thursday 20 May 2010 16:59

hahahaha I am wondering the same.

ZH13 0

Tuesday 21 April 2009 1:23

that's not an FML. that's just awkward. do you usually time your dog's boners?

24788 6

Tuesday 28 April 2009 0:19

This one is really creepy.

fretforyerlatte 0

Monday 4 May 2009 0:35

f your life, but because you're checking out a dog's hard-on for a half hour. wtf.

Boomi 38

Tuesday 13 September 2016 5:23

True. Did they have nothing better to do?

theoffkid 0

Monday 4 May 2009 11:13

Ew.

Keywords

Love Embarrassing Poopoo peepee Miscellaneous Christmas Romantic Break-ups Annoying Money Gross Ironic Argument Awkward Friends Cute Haircut Lonely Holidays Relatable Bosses Capitalism Work Cars You're fired Covid Health Jealousy Cheating Kids Parenting

The Top

Today, it is mine and my twin sister's birthday. We both wanted a day at the spa for our birthday. My sister got a gift certificate to the spa, while I got mouthwash and a $20 gift card to Target. My mom said it would cost too much to make me also pretty. FML

I agree, your life sucks 121 781

You deserved it 5 987

Today, I returned home to my parents' house, drunk. Hungry, I grabbed a slice of bread and some butter and took two mouthfuls. Five hours later, my mother woke me up and dragged me to the kitchen. In the middle of the table was a buttered, half-eaten sponge. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 636

You deserved it 42 714

The Top

Today, I got a laptop for my birthday. I was thrilled until I realized that my mom had given away my old one without asking. 6 years of games, music, and pictures down the drain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 450

You deserved it 2 748

Today, I yelled at my husband for staying out till after 9 and not having done any of the chores. He turned round and yelled right back at me for letting him sit alone at the restaurant, getting sympathy from the waiters, because I clearly forgot today was our anniversary dinner. Whoops. FML

I agree, your life sucks 271

You deserved it 4 063

Today, my husband sat me down on the couch so he could share some "awesome" news with me. He excitedly declared that he and his idiot drinking buddies are planning on running a real-life Fight Club out of our basement. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 932

You deserved it 3 248

Today, I was at work and was confronted by a customer wanting to get a "Nemo" fish. I explained that 'Nemo' needs to live in saltwater, not freshwater, like their tank was. The customer then turns around and grabs a perforated tank divider and says, "Can't I just split them up with this?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 672

You deserved it 3 280

Today, I left a gift on my colleague's desk, with a note saying I liked him. He brought it over and handed it back, and told me he's married. His Facebook says he is single. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 062

You deserved it 616

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me for being "too clingy". I haven't seen her in over 3 weeks and texted her first once. Guess that's still too much for her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 291

You deserved it 838

Same thing different taste

What are you doing?

Zoning out

Cujo 2: Electric Boogaloo

Top comments

Comments