Health: Today, during my beloved's birthday party, I had so much to drink...

By Jigll

Today, during my beloved's birthday party, I had so much to drink that I puked all over the room. FML

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12644

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Health

Dementia or hate? You decide

Triage

Fresh air

By wtf - United States - Elkhart

Today, my husband wants me to apologize for getting angry when his father told me I'm getting so fat that I look like a whale. I'm not fat, I'm just 8 months pregnant. FML

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35132

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By Shan.nel - United States - Greer

Today, I met with my trainer, despite having an upset stomach. Have you ever tried to hold in diarrhea while doing squats? It doesn't end well. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3366

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1268

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By FirmlyInEngland - United Kingdom

Today, the boy I have crush on at school announced that his family were moving to Australia. My friend thought that it would be funny to spread a rumour that I was moving too, in order to follow him. Everyone has heard it, and unfortunately everyone believes it, including him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41131

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend trying to put his penis in a hole in our bedroom wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36791

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5379

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By cheeseburglar_9000 - United States - Saint Paul

Today, I learned that if not for my grandfather gifting my dad $200, I would have been named Anthrax. FML

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36684

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2844

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By cannotexplain - Australia

Today my boyfriend and I broke up. It was a mutual decision but I was curious as to what he thought went wrong. "I was just never sure if you brushed your teeth regularly." He cheated on me twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12343

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1279

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By omfgfmlife - United States

Today, my mother insisted I thoroughly water all the plants in and around my house before some people turned up. This would be fine except 90% of them are fake. She is convinced it will make them look "realer." FML

I agree, your life sucks

32229

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By randa

Today, I told my son that his grades are dropping and his behavior is getting out of hand. To which he replied, "Yeah, so is your weight." FML

I agree, your life sucks

42516

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By stop_crying - United States

Today, a twelve year-old girl was better at calming down my six month-old baby on the bus than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10369

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By Anonymous - Canada - Toronto

Today, my 6-year-old brother showed me the "books" he's been writing for the past week. My parents, who are first-generation immigrants, want him to take the books to school to show everyone. My only problem with this? The main character's name is "Wanker". FML

I agree, your life sucks

41481

You deserved it

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By BarbieKen - United States

Today, as my boyfriend and I were messing around in his room he took off my underwear. As he was about to go down on me I spread my legs to help out then he looked up at me and said, "You got some toilet paper left behind." FML

I agree, your life sucks

41028

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my mom came home and told me she was going back to college. She's going to the community college that a lot of the graduates from my school go to. She has biology with my ex. They're lab partners and have to do take home labs together. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38616

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By Anonymous

Today, I received a notification that someone opened a fraudulent credit card in my name. I'm not sure what's worse: that they were approved at all with my terrible credit, or that I was denied for this exact card when I applied out of desperation last month to pay for my service dog's surgery. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14424

You deserved it

893

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, it's my sixteenth birthday. The only gift I got was from myself: a positive pregnancy test. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23623

You deserved it

91401

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was forced to spend New Years Eve with my strict/conservative parents in the middle of nowhere in Illinois. If I had nothing else, I looked forward to watching the ball drop in NYC. As the seconds counted down the T.V. shut off. Parental controls shut down cable at midnight. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38192

You deserved it

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By pitytitty - United States - San Francisco

Today, I overheard my boyfriend bragging about me to his friends, telling them I have a great smile, cute hair, and very perky tits. This wouldn't be so bad if we weren't both men. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34372

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By nevergoingonabusagain - Canada

Today, there were no more seats on the bus I was taking home, which meant I had to stand. I noticed that a creepy guy sitting in front of me had a boner, so I took a few steps back. Suddenly the bus went through something like a speed bump, which caused me to fall and sit on the man's lap. FML

I agree, your life sucks

77023

You deserved it

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By wantontsu

Today, I had diarrhea in a Walmart bathroom for 15 minutes. Apparently, so did the guy in the stall next to me. He attempted to make small talk to pass the time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34618

You deserved it

3617

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By Aerogal - 30/11/2020 17:01

Uber sister

Today, I took my sister to the airport, after she asked me to a week ago. Five minutes into the ride, she told me she wasn’t going to the one 20 minutes away, but the one an hour away instead and gave me no gas money. FM

I agree, your life sucks

799

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154

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By awkwardturtle - Canada - London

Today, I went to buy a birthday present for my boyfriend. While buying him a sweater, the cashier tried to up-sale me by asking if my boyfriend wore briefs or boxers, because both were on sale. Not thinking, I blurted out, "I don't know, they just come off." FML

I agree, your life sucks

30598

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By StuckInCollegeLimbo - United States - Riverside

Today, after going through months of registration and orientation to transfer to a university, I was told that my application was denied because I didn't meet the minimum credit requirement. You couldn't tell me this before? FML

I agree, your life sucks

3534

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By irony, huh?

Alexa, play "Ironic" by Alanis Morrissette

Today, I got mugged. For an actual mug. FML

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1288

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By FuturePolice - United States

Today, I was accepted into a police academy. I called my girlfriend of 2 years, who was supportive through the process. She promptly broke up with me, stating, "You'll be really busy in the academy, and I can't marry a police officer. Its a dangerous job." And then called me selfish for "doing this to us." FML

I agree, your life sucks

38443

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By pantless - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was written up for being late to work. I was late because somebody in my dorm stole my pants. All of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19398

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By Anonymous - Australia - Mackay

Today, I regretfully confessed to my parents I have trichotillomania. There was a torturous pause, followed by the question, "Are you gay?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

34843

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By 10 years, 0 dates - 28/11/2020 11:03

Silver linings

Today, I wanted to ask out this cute girl I used to work with. Before I could, she said she likes my only friend there, and asked if could I set them up. Trying to be nice guy and good friend, I did. Then she made her complete lack of interest in me obvious. But hey, at least the gay guy she hung out with thought I was cute. FML

I agree, your life sucks

708

You deserved it

111

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By Anonymous

Today, I had to follow a diversion route home due to roadworks. It took me an hour longer than usual to get home. Too bad it turns out that the diversion was only for traffic, not people walking. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3747

You deserved it

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By Jeweler - United States

Today, my mom put some bubblewrap on my desk because she thought I would have fun with it. I'm 18. It was awesome. FML

I agree, your life sucks

74544

You deserved it

43621

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By joeshmoe - United States

Today, my girlfriend hummed the Jeopardy theme while I was trying to undo her bra. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34237

You deserved it

25698

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By Milly - 29/3/2021 22:01 - United Kingdom

Family ties

Today, I disconnected and hid the WiFi router and told my kids and husband I wanted an hour together doing family stuff. I failed miserably. Rather than spend an hour together, they spent nearly 2 hours separately tearing the house apart for the router. Now the house is a mess and I’m still lonely. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1121

You deserved it

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By Jeff - United States

Today, after a stay at the hospital for two broken legs, I finally got home and attempted to relax. My dad went to hand me the remote and dropped it right on my nuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1553

You deserved it

120

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By ReallyBro - United States - Keller

Today, after a year of coaxing, I got my boyfriend of 18 months to agree to have sex with me. He decided his first course of action was to try to shove his flaccid penis into my unlubricated vagina. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37316

You deserved it

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By vomitgirl - Australia - Brisbane

Today, during my shift at work, I started to feel really sick and started throwing up. While I had my head in a bag, I had several customers ask me for directions and another customer abuse me for my lack of service. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31023

You deserved it

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By Anonymous

Today, after house sitting for my neighbor, I realized that he has a camera pointed at my pool. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4079

You deserved it

263

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By Canonlizardjet - United States - Ormond Beach

Today, I had a near-death experience. Went to print a document and a lizard shot out of the printer right out at me. Gives a whole new meaning to a Canon printer, a fricking lizard Canon. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6499

You deserved it

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By ...

Today, I realized all of my boyfriend's and my dirty messages were being sent to my mom because I'd logged into messenger on her phone once without logging out. She sat me down and said, "I know your mouth's been on his wee wee." FML

I agree, your life sucks

3312

You deserved it

5458

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By zzarzzur - United States - San Francisco

Today, I installed motion sensor lights in my house to save on energy. When I laid down in bed, I saw the lights turn on from downstairs to the kitchen. I live alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24672

You deserved it

1835

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By flyakite29 - United States

Today, my girlfriend came home and announced that she'd just bought a $40 pair of flipflops. She then declared that I wouldn't be getting a birthday gift this year due to budget shortfalls. For hers a month prior, I'd got her a $300 piece of jewelry. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48510

You deserved it

5426

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By Harry - United States - Seattle

Today, I was walking in the street, and the next thing I know, I'm waking up in a hospital. According to witnesses, a guy came up and hit me over the head with a baseball bat. Apparently that's a thing that happens now. But it's okay, he had an excuse: he said he was drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52366

You deserved it

3856

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By peniswoman - United Kingdom - Paisley

Today, my naked boyfriend walked up to me with my towel around his neck and with a hard-on, then declared he was "The Penis Man" and slapped me with his junk. I thought I was dating a man, not a man-child. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53919

You deserved it

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Top comments

By ballshhhhh | 0

#263420 - Thursday 4 June 2009 2:53

Are you fucking retarded?! Alcoholics can suck my vodka-soaked dick.

By tbeaun | 0

#24457 - Tuesday 10 March 2009 18:10

Was the cake chocolate?

COMMENTS

By tbeaun | 0

#24457 - Tuesday 10 March 2009 18:10

Was the cake chocolate?

ladycyn217 | 5

#3743258 - Saturday 17 December 2011 3:33

DUMB!! hahahaa

looloothing | 9

#4651764 - Thursday 5 July 2012 6:36

Fucking lamest FML ever.

By inlimbo11 | 0

#42160 - Thursday 19 March 2009 5:39

or at least learn how to tell when you're about to puke up all your booze. deserved.

SomeRussianGirl | 3

#4743748 - Saturday 28 July 2012 9:04

You deserve it for being a pussy and not holding you're liquor.

By ZH13 | 0

#130931 - Tuesday 21 April 2009 23:42

#2, what does that have to do with anything?

SadinSherman | 16

#3146157 - Saturday 20 August 2011 16:11

They just want to know

By stiles_fml | 0

#143366 - Sunday 26 April 2009 2:53

how many people did u hit?

By 24788 | 6

#148530 - Monday 27 April 2009 21:41

HAHA, know your limits

elephantom12 | 9

#3466866 - Friday 21 October 2011 17:19

I think you forgot to put your shirt on before you took that picture.

By Applelover13 | 0

#170284 - Tuesday 5 May 2009 5:44

It was no one fault but yours so dont expect to get alot of FYL's

By Applelover13 | 0

#170286 - Tuesday 5 May 2009 5:44

It was no one fault but yours so dont expect to get alot of FYL's

By PokeyStix | 3

#251947 - Monday 1 June 2009 23:55

FML? There should be a more extreme YDI button.

WHAT THE HELL DID YOU EXPECT? YOU THINK YOU WERE GONNA TURN INTO POPEYE OR SOMETHING?

By awsumelefants | 0

#252472 - Tuesday 2 June 2009 2:01

... oh. my. god.

By ballshhhhh | 0

#263420 - Thursday 4 June 2009 2:53

Are you fucking retarded?! Alcoholics can suck my vodka-soaked dick.

Boomi | 38

#6688471 - Tuesday 13 September 2016 5:26

Besides, who gets wasted at any sort of close friend's party?