Health: Today, during my beloved's birthday party, I had so much to drink...

By Jigll - 13/10/2008 08:26

Today, during my beloved's birthday party, I had so much to drink that I puked all over the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 648

You deserved it 76 807

Health

Leave us alone

Goldmining

Thanks, great feedback everyone!

By fuzzy1895 - 11/09/2010 05:31 - United States

Today, I found out why I had been waking up feeling like crap for the past week. I found tufts of cat fur in my pillow case, and I am allergic to cats. My little brother thought I would get so sick, and he could have my XBox. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 303

You deserved it 2 576

By hahasuckit - 25/12/2009 06:30 - United States

Today, my friends and I were shopping for dresses. I asked the lady at the counter for a size 4, she looked at me and mumbled "Yeah right." in front of everyone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 289

You deserved it 5 285

By dontworrybehappy - 28/08/2010 06:07 - United States

Today, I was in the car going to a concert with my family. I was listening to my iPod, when the wheel broke and I couldn't change the song. So for the rest of the trip, I was stuck either listening to my parents arguing, or Don't Worry, Be Happy by Bobby McFerrin on repeat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 899

You deserved it 6 120

DST FML

By Anonymous - 06/10/2021 08:00

Today, my partner and I spent the last 3 days transitioning our 19 month-olds bedtime by 15 minutes each day for daylight savings, only to find out we've been going the wrong way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 325

You deserved it 1 118

Ed Shitren

By tommy - 20/12/2011 22:41 - United States

Today, after spending months learning how to play the guitar and memorizing the music to my girlfriend's all-time favorite song, I performed it for her. Her response? "Well, you kind of ruined that song for me now." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 927

You deserved it 5 567

By a man - 13/07/2013 13:20 - United States - Houston

Today, my girlfriend and I were at the movies. When the "love scene" came on, she leaned over and made out with the wrong man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 176

You deserved it 5 375

By horribledriver - 01/12/2009 22:48 - United States

Today, I was driving down a highway during rush-hour. I heard my phone ring and couldn't find it. I bent down to feel around for it and got in an accident and totaled my car. The ringing? A commercial on the radio. Where was my phone? On my dresser at home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 929

You deserved it 71 501

IT'S ALL TOO MUCH!

By scott - 10/06/2020 20:08

Today, my daughter had an anxiety attack. Why? Because I told her she needs to be making her bed every day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 266

You deserved it 340

By Anonymous - 31/12/2010 01:53 - United States

Today, instead of watching a movie like a normal family, we performed random acts of kindness by handing out roses to total strangers in the freezing cold. No one would take them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 498

You deserved it 6 132

By anonymous198913 - 04/02/2017 12:00 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I learned how to play "Happy Birthday" on the guitar, just to have my friend tell me that my voice sucks, and that I needed to stop immediately. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 014

You deserved it 685

By Person - 07/06/2009 18:07 - United States

Today, my mother found condoms in my room. She asked why and I said, "Just in case." She started laughing hysterically. FML

I agree, your life sucks 82 494

You deserved it 9 913

By retail can shart a cock - 09/01/2016 05:25 - United States

Today, a customer's credit card was declined. His totally reasonable reaction was to threaten to put a bullet in the back of my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 803

You deserved it 1 294

By Anonymous - 10/05/2012 06:25 - United States - Bedford

Today, my neighbors got a motion sensor light that points at my window. It's so sensitive that it goes off every time an insect flies past. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 893

You deserved it 1 907

By dhbeaver - 17/03/2012 13:04 - United States

Today, while coming out of Walmart, I dropped a $50 bill. Some kid came running up after me yelling, "Hey mister, you dropped this!" as he ran past me laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 958

You deserved it 4 590

By jfc, how just how - 19/05/2013 19:56 - United Kingdom - Milton Keynes

Today, my brother broke his mountain bike, so he stole mine, and managed to break it as well. Then he made some kind of franken-bike out of parts from both, and messed that one up too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 168

You deserved it 3 751

By Anonymous - 29/06/2009 05:07 - United States

Today, I had my boss and his family over for dinner. Our kids played while waiting for dinner to be ready. Just as we were sitting to eat, our 8-year-olds ran out and my son says "Look at Baxter! I found underwear with a tail hole!" They had found my crotchless panties and put them on the dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 692

You deserved it 12 506

By jalisc512 - 21/08/2014 20:16 - United States - Aurora

Today, my boss threatened to write me up, after I made a slightly rude joke about a coworker everyone hates. A while later, a colleague told me the same joke. Turns out my boss had gone around telling it to everyone else and taking all the credit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 367

You deserved it 5 487

By Clumsy Clumsy - 16/04/2016 16:27 - Canada - Spruce Grove

Today, I ran up to my boyfriend to kiss him when he got home from work. I tripped and I fell on him, and he fell backwards. He ended up hitting his head on the sidewalk and had to get stitches. He also had a concussion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 429

You deserved it 3 216

By Waterfalls - 07/10/2014 11:33 - United States - Carlsbad

Today, I stood up too quickly and got dizzy, so I sat on the edge of the bed to regain my balance. I started dozing off to sleep again, got confused, and peed down the side of my bed thinking I was on the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 212

You deserved it 10 621

By anonymous - 28/12/2016 05:07 - United States

Today, while hiking in the mountains in North Carolina, I finally got to the deer I had been tracking for almost an hour. I was watching it from about 10 feet away, and enjoying every moment. Within a few seconds, my niece yelled from across the river to ask if I had found it. It ran away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 512

You deserved it 977

Kids these days…

By Cindell Hanson - 02/03/2020 05:00

Today, a student told me to fuck off. I work with 3 year-olds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 662

You deserved it 165

By Deweyboy - 10/10/2015 04:33 - United States

Today, while playing a game, my girlfriend told a bunch of our friends that she's never had an orgasm. News to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 251

You deserved it 5 054

By Anonymous - 31/12/2012 11:16 - United States - Woodinville

Today, I sat on my own testicles while having a serious and tenderly sweet discussion with my fiancée about our future together. We were both crying, but for very different reasons. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 384

You deserved it 5 612

By Sonic - 29/03/2019 19:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my boss left a lovely invitation to her wedding on my desk. I plan on resigning during our meeting later today. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 890

You deserved it 208

Hippity hoppity

By Stuckinbed - 19/03/2020 21:00

Today, after I'd had hip surgery, my sister thought it would be hilarious to hide my crutches from me. I can't find them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 754

You deserved it 98

Dr Who

By llamaborn - 05/04/2021 14:00

Today, at the age of 21, I learned that the phrase, “A stitch in time saves nine” is not about traveling back in time and saving nine people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 289

You deserved it 655

By Anonymous - 13/11/2018 13:30

Today, a few months after my son lost a canine tooth, he went to get a replacement fitted. He came home with his other canine tooth removed and both replaced by vampire fangs. Permanent vampire fangs in his mouth, where people can see them and judge me for being a bad parent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 827

You deserved it 634

Mouthwatering

By yuna - 05/04/2021 22:59

Today, I discovered that I have a condition in which saliva frequently falls out of my mouth for no apparent reason. I’m 17. FML

I agree, your life sucks 906

You deserved it 66

By Anonymous - 11/08/2013 18:11 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I had a dream in which I was being mugged. I started fighting the muggers off, while in reality, my fist smacked my wife in the face. Now she has a black eye, nobody believes my story, and they think I'm a wife beater. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 320

You deserved it 5 938

By poisonivyandbigfoot - 10/09/2017 20:30 - United States - Denver

Today, I woke up with a rash all across my body. Last night, my boyfriend and I got it on in some bushes, and it seems one of those was poison ivy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 400

You deserved it 4 284

Keeping it in the family!

By Franklin - 01/02/2018 05:00 - United States - Fairbanks

Today, we got the results of our family's ancestry DNA tests. My father isn't related to me, but my grandfather is still my grandfather. Apparently grandma cheated on grandpa to get 'dad', and my mother cheated on 'dad' with my 'uncle' to get me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 183

You deserved it 283

By Username - 27/12/2010 08:39

Today, I was told by my mom that I'm a terrible person because I won't help my brother get a girlfriend. He's gay, but won't tell her because he thinks it's hilarious when she yells at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 995

You deserved it 4 887

By ouch - 22/01/2013 02:41 - Canada - Charlottetown

Today, I thought maybe I should go to my doctor because my hips crack every time I take a step. But she's also my recently ex-boyfriend's mom, so I have to choose between being in constant pain or having my doctor poke at my hips while asking me why I'm no longer dating her son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 593

You deserved it 6 189

By Brian - 18/03/2012 02:32 - United States - East Wenatchee

Today, while I was cuddling with my girlfriend, she looked at me and leaned in. Thinking she was going to kiss me, I leaned too. Just as we were about to kiss, she screamed "COW KISSES" and somehow managed to lick my eyeball. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 134

You deserved it 5 088

By maxus - 19/11/2009 14:37 - United States

Today, I was babysitting my nephew. He was watching the episode where Spongebob smashes his guitar while playing. I walk into the kitchen to make him a snack, and I hear a loud crash... My nephew smashing my brand new guitar to be like Spongebob. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 808

You deserved it 4 487

Potterheads, man…

By Anonymous - 14/04/2012 02:06 - France

Today, after several years of having her help me out by doing household chores, I bought my fifteen-year-old daughter a new pair of jeans. Her reaction was to squeal, "Master has presented Dobby with clothes. Dobby is free!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 770

You deserved it 61 945

By sly - 25/10/2010 22:09 - United States

Today, my boyfriend decided to come over and surprise me. When he got to my apartment and heard the shower running, he decided get in and join me. I was walking my dog, my mother is in town for the weekend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 023

You deserved it 4 437

By Noname - 24/02/2009 05:05 - United States

Today, one of my closest friends and I got into a fight. She ends the conversation with "My grandma just had a stroke. Bye." I didn't believe her so I replied "Thats great. Bye." Turns out her Grandma is in the hospital in critical condition. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 609

You deserved it 57 385

By anonymous - 05/04/2011 18:13 - United States

Today, I spent six hours driving between two airports to try and catch my flight. Two trailer accidents, two construction zones, three detours, and one police escort later, the airline wouldn't let me on the plane. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 898

You deserved it 3 555

By GetAnotherRoomAlready - 12/03/2016 05:58 - United States - Singapore

Today, I woke up at 2 AM to the sounds of my roommate and his girlfriend on Skype, playing a game of, "No, I love YOU more, baby, schmoopy schmoopy schmoopy schmoo". It went on for around half an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 798

You deserved it 1 683

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ballshhhhh 0

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Thursday 4 June 2009 2:53

Are you fucking retarded?! Alcoholics can suck my vodka-soaked dick.

elephantom12 9

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Friday 21 October 2011 17:19

I think you forgot to put your shirt on before you took that picture.

tbeaun 0

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Tuesday 10 March 2009 18:10

Was the cake chocolate?

ladycyn217 5

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Saturday 17 December 2011 3:33

DUMB!! hahahaa

looloothing 9

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Thursday 5 July 2012 6:36

Fucking lamest FML ever.

inlimbo11 0

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Thursday 19 March 2009 5:39

or at least learn how to tell when you're about to puke up all your booze. deserved.

SomeRussianGirl 3

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Saturday 28 July 2012 9:04

You deserve it for being a pussy and not holding you're liquor.

ZH13 0

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Tuesday 21 April 2009 23:42

#2, what does that have to do with anything?

SadinSherman 16

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Saturday 20 August 2011 16:11

They just want to know

stiles_fml 0

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Sunday 26 April 2009 2:53

how many people did u hit?

24788 6

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Monday 27 April 2009 21:41

HAHA, know your limits

elephantom12 9

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Friday 21 October 2011 17:19

I think you forgot to put your shirt on before you took that picture.

Applelover13 0

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Tuesday 5 May 2009 5:44

It was no one fault but yours so dont expect to get alot of FYL's

Applelover13 0

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Tuesday 5 May 2009 5:44

It was no one fault but yours so dont expect to get alot of FYL's

PokeyStix 3

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Monday 1 June 2009 23:55

FML? There should be a more extreme YDI button. WHAT THE HELL DID YOU EXPECT? YOU THINK YOU WERE GONNA TURN INTO POPEYE OR SOMETHING?

awsumelefants 0

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Tuesday 2 June 2009 2:01

... oh. my. god.

ballshhhhh 0

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Thursday 4 June 2009 2:53

Are you fucking retarded?! Alcoholics can suck my vodka-soaked dick.

Boomi 38

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Tuesday 13 September 2016 5:26

Besides, who gets wasted at any sort of close friend's party?

Nearly

Today, I spent my 25th birthday crying alone in my room with my baby, because no else seemed to care it was my birthday. My partner and I had a fight the night before and we haven’t spoken or seen each other since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21

You deserved it 6

Today, I live in Turkey and the dollar has risen to 13 lira. Just turks understand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34

You deserved it 8

Spicy

Today, my wife announced she wants to incorporate a saddle into our lovemaking. This might be fine, except she wants me to wear an actual 30-pound saddle, and I have bad knees. FML

I agree, your life sucks 458

You deserved it 59

Today, my daughter finally learned that you can’t sleep your way to success, after she tried and failed to seduce her married boss, was sacked, and blacklisted as a potential lawsuit throughout every company specialising in her chosen career field. FML

I agree, your life sucks 724

You deserved it 221

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