Today, my family is going to the USA for Christmas after being lucky and getting their tickets re-booked. My ticket was canceled due to the snow, and will not be re-booked. Merry Christmas to me, myself and a bottle of wine. FML

by Anonymous / 12/20/2010 at 4:27am / Sweden (Vastra Gotaland) / Transportation

Today, I went horseback riding with this guy I like. I asked him to help me get on the horse. I slipped, and while trying to keep my balance, I kicked him in the face. FML

by Me / 12/20/2010 at 1:22am / Love

Today, my boss quit his job and stopped coming in without warning. Guess who just inherited his tasks and responsibilities without the training or pay associated with his manager role. I was hired last year as a junior system admin. FML

by promoted / 12/20/2010 at 12:29am / Australia (Victoria) / Work

Today, while registering at the grocery store, a customer came into my lane with a 100 piece boiled shrimp platter. Feeling hungry, I muttered "nom nom" under my breath. The old man called my supervisor. Apparently I called him a moron. FML

by Anonymous / 12/20/2010 at 12:02am / United States (Florida) / Work

Today, I found out that my friends have been "fake laughing" whenever I make a joke just so that the situation doesn't get awkward. FML

by fakelaugher / 12/19/2010 at 10:41pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, my roommate asked me to lock the door as we left our place. I told her to use my keys, because my hands were full. Afterwards, she and her boyfriend set off out of town for the next couple of days. She forgot to give me back my keys. FML

by me / 12/19/2010 at 9:26pm / Bulgaria / Miscellaneous

Today, my girlfriend dumped me because I didn't attend her dog's funeral, and was therefore an insensitive bastard. I couldn't attend because my mum has cancer and I was driving her to a hospital appointment. FML

by Anonymous / 12/19/2010 at 7:31pm / United Kingdom (Essex) / Love

Today, I went to the mall with my daughter. She asked me if she could go see Santa, so I said yes. She made me sit on his lap with her, and that's when I felt something on my bum. Let's just say Santa had a present for me. FML

by hotmommy / 12/19/2010 at 7:23pm / Intimacy

Today, after a long time convincing my parents that my boyfriend is really a good guy, not only did he decide to come by the house completely drunk, but he also ended up trying to kiss my mom, thinking it was me. FML

by hugme101 / 12/19/2010 at 7:20pm / Canada / Love

Today, my last remaining pet, a hamster, died. Even he thinks it's better to drown in his water dish than brave the world living with me. FML

by Anonymous / 12/19/2010 at 3:51pm / United States (Arizona) / Animals

Today, I got a call from an ex, demanding to know why my Facebook relationship status was set as married. I got married a few months ago, and I quietly explained this to her. My wife overheard and now thinks I've been cheating all along. FML

by married and hates / 12/19/2010 at 1:51pm / United States / Love

Today, I woke up late for work, and got sick at work twice; when I got home I discovered I'd paid my cable bill late when I got cut off. When my girlfriend came over, the first thing she said was "Do you know about the graffiti on your car?" FML

by byepolar_bare / 12/19/2010 at 6:29am / United States (Oklahoma) / Miscellaneous

Today, I sat in the cafeteria at work and saw a girl, which is a rare sight at my workplace, from the back with a beautifully long ponytail. After a full hour of building up courage to perhaps say hi to her, she turned around. It was a 50-year-old man. FML

by lonelyengineer / 12/19/2010 at 5:28am / Germany (Niedersachsen) / Love