Today, I saw an elderly woman in need of help of crossing a street. I helped her across. On the way she just about fell and held onto me to keep from hitting the ground. After she left on her bus I reached for my wallet. It was gone. I had just been robbed by a 70 year old. FML

by Anonymous / 11/28/2010 at 1:02am / United States (Oklahoma) / Money

Today, I was trying to get to my boyfriend via public transport in Thailand. He was giving the driver instructions through my phone when my phone went flat. I am now alone in the passenger seat of a car, next to a creepy old driver, no idea where he is taking me, and I don't speak a word of Thai. FML

by Anonymous / 11/28/2010 at 12:05am / Thailand (Krung Thep) / Transportation

Today, I woke up with extreme stomach pains. After being rushed to the hospital and having numerous tests performed, I was told my intestines were over-stretched with stool. I'm essentially so full of shit it hurts. FML

by fulloshit / 11/27/2010 at 9:17pm / United States (Washington) / Health

Today, my 5 year old brother wanted to look through my phone. I know he can't read so I gave it to him. He was, however, able to get at my "private" photo album. FML

by lebowski / 11/27/2010 at 8:57pm / United States (Kentucky) / Kids

Today, I was teaching my two year old daughter how to take a person's temperature. While I was sitting down, she came up behind me and shoved the thermometer in my ear hard. Now I can't hear out of my right ear, and I'm in excruciating pain. FML

by lovedbyallthewrongppl / 11/27/2010 at 8:03pm / United States (Michigan) / Kids

Today, I was texting my trainer to rearrange our training session. My girlfriend texted me during the exchange, asking what I wanted for Christmas. I accidentally texted my trainer, "All I want are your sweet titties in my face". I'm awaiting a response. FML

by Anonymous / 11/27/2010 at 3:36pm / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend of six months said he wanted to take our relationship one step further. I thought he was going to ask me to move in. He meant he wanted to fart in front of me. FML

by ahhhboys / 11/27/2010 at 2:12pm / Romania / Love

Today, I blared my music while I got ready for a night out. Getting really into this one song, I grabbed onto the nearest thing as a makeshift microphone. It happened to be the hot end of my curling iron. FML

by Anonymous / 11/27/2010 at 12:36pm / United Kingdom (Scottish Borders) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went downtown with my friends. A group of guys came up to us and started hitting on everyone but me. Then, one of them said: "Do you girls hang out with her to make yourselves look better?" FML

by Anonymous / 11/27/2010 at 10:32am / Canada (Nova Scotia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to the doctor's office for a minor cold, and left with a diagnosis of pregnancy. FML

by Anonymous / 11/27/2010 at 10:03am / United States (New York) / Health

Today, while making love to my boyfriend, my sister called my cell phone. Not wanting to face the consequences of not answering, I had a long conversation with her. My boyfriend kept going. FML

by Anonymous / 11/27/2010 at 9:48am / United States / Intimacy

Today, my boss fired me for being on Facebook at work. He did it via a wall post on Facebook saying, "ur fired." Six of my friends liked this. FML

by Flaps / 11/27/2010 at 7:36am / United States (New York) / Work

Today, after months of cooking breakfast, lunch, and dinner for my husband's grandmother due to her getting a hip replacement, I overheard her calling me a whore over the phone from the next room. FML

by loving grandaughter / 11/27/2010 at 6:28am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous