Health: Today, I got braces fitted. For the next two years, I'll be the... - FML

Nearly

01/10/2021 22:55

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38

You deserved it 3

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 99

You deserved it 6

Spicy

Spicy

Weird flex, but OK

By Anonymous - 17/10/2021 08:01

Spicy

Today, I’m aware that comparing yourself too much to other people can make you unhappy. I now learned that the same goes for comparing yourself to objects. For example, between myself and the shared toilet in my student house, guess who has the most pubic hair? FML

I agree, your life sucks 508

You deserved it 138

Nice try, though

By Anonymous - 16/10/2021 20:00

Spicy

Today, I bought a $100 Victoria's Secret gift card for an ex who I still have a thing for, only to find out she started dating someone else a week ago. I just realized I bought lingerie for her to wear for someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 213

You deserved it 1 752

13/10/2008 08:23

Today, I got braces fitted. For the next two years, I'll be the most handsome guy on earth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 594

You deserved it 24 464

Best teeth in the game

Commando

This Charming Man

24/08/2009 04:36

Today, while showering, I finished off the shampoo bottle. I decided to see if I could shoot it into the trash can over the shower curtain. When I heard the successful "thunk", I got so excited I slipped and cracked my head open. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 795

You deserved it 19 942

Cue Shaggy

By scully11 - 02/08/2011 18:36

Today, my old neighbor pelted me with apples when I walked out the door. I ducked for cover and asked what her problem was. She yelled, "You took fresh peas from my garden!" I looked at her garden, only to see my dad tiptoeing back to our lawn, laughing and holding a bag full of peas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 298

You deserved it 3 334

07/09/2009 18:16

Today, I told my parents that all I wanted for my 18th birthday was to go to a restaurant in NYC for a nice dinner. My parents denied me saying that it would cost too much money. I come home today to see my parents had bought a huge plasma screen TV for $800. We already have 3 tv's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 813

You deserved it 4 341

21/10/2013 13:06

Today, the family upstairs decided to play basketball. Indoors. At 3am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 888

You deserved it 3 106

13/11/2010 22:34

Today, I ordered a pizza online to be delivered to my apartment. After an hour of waiting, I called the pizza place to ask what the problem was. Apparently, the people at the apartment below me took my already paid for pizza and ate it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 173

You deserved it 3 073

10/06/2014 20:06

Today, my nineteen year old daughter handed me a book on raising children and said "Maybe you'll do better next time." FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 302

You deserved it 16 443

Childfree

By Anonymous - 01/09/2020 04:57

Today, I explained to my boyfriend that I want to get my tubes tied, because I don’t want kids and can’t stand the fear of getting pregnant by accident, despite contraception, which has happened before. He summarized: “So, the main point is to preserve your fertility, right?” Wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 528

You deserved it 254

14/10/2009 21:27

Today, I went to a party where I met some nice girls. One of them was really sweet and we were having a great time in my friend's backyard. As I was on the swing, I was gonna give her my number, but instead, I gave her a harsh kick to the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 556

You deserved it 27 106

13/02/2009 14:37

Today, I was lying in bed with my boyfriend, he grabbed my double chin and goes "gobble, gobble". FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 810

You deserved it 19 841

18/11/2014 00:19

Today, I failed my driving test before even leaving the DMV parking lot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 628

You deserved it 30 885

26/12/2013 00:45

Today, I woke up on Christmas morning to find that a large cock and balls had been keyed into the windscreen of my car. My new, two-week-old car, which I will be paying off for the next four years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 598

You deserved it 3 123

30/05/2011 08:28

Today, I was walking through town when a rough looking woman asked me for a cigarette. I don't smoke but I offered her some apples, and she took two. As I continued on past her, she pegged both of them at me, hitting the back of my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 151

You deserved it 11 865

28/07/2011 06:18

Today, my husband threw out all of the spices in the cupboard. When I asked him why he said, "Our cat was named Spicy and I can't stand to look at them." Our recently deceased cat's name was Dicey. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 605

You deserved it 3 318

05/11/2010 10:05

Today, I was accused of shop-lifting by an old lady in a supermarket. Having proven myself innocent, I tried to storm off to show my displeasure at the situation. In my haste to make a dramatic exit, I tried to go out of the entrance and walked straight into the automatic door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 835

You deserved it 13 392

01/06/2011 18:06

Spicy

Today, my daughter turned 18. She decided to use this day to tell me everywhere her and her boyfriends have had sex in my house to get revenge for being overprotective. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 476

You deserved it 62 900

18/08/2010 16:52

Today, I was invited to a party, but I didn't attend because my boyfriend would be disappointed with me. Instead, I spent the night with him watching movies. At the end of the night, he broke up with me because I wasn't fun enough. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 526

You deserved it 7 551

Long wait

By teebs - 14/01/2020 20:00

Today, on my way for a vacation, my car started misfiring, so I called a tow truck. 40 minutes later the tow truck arrived. He then said that he had just gotten another priority call, so he was leaving and someone would be back in another hour to get us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 446

You deserved it 164

Little fella

By littlefella - 04/02/2017 22:00

Spicy

Today, I was taking a piss when a old lady somehow managed to wander in. She blushed, chuckled and apologized, "Sorry, little fella!" before leaving. I don't know what size she was commenting on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 111

You deserved it 817

Get it on, bang a gong

By Anonymous - 12/09/2019 15:00

Today, I'm dating the perfect guy. He's smart, considerate, charming, funny, good looking and we have a ton of interests in common. He also can't get it up. At all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 666

You deserved it 212

23/08/2009 17:08

Today, I was driving my car and I thought the construction guy was flirting and waving at me. So I drove by him, waving back and hit an oil spill and my car ended up spinning out of control. He was trying to direct me away from the oil spill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 852

You deserved it 43 650

Yikes

By Anonymous - 06/08/2020 17:00

Today, while arguing with my husband, I asked him what was making him so angry. He threw a spoon at the kitchen floor and yelled, “I AM NOT ANGRY!!!!” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 347

You deserved it 211

10/02/2010 21:19

Today, I was in class and noticed that it smelled strongly of cat urine. I smelled my shoulder and realized that my cat had peed on my sweater. I had six hours of classes left, and the smell had permeated my shirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 760

You deserved it 5 988

19/09/2015 09:20

Today, my mother-in-law turned up at my doorstep close to midnight, drunk off her tits, crying about how my wife is punishing her and throwing her life away by marrying me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 114

You deserved it 1 576

09/04/2015 15:10

Today, I got a 'Good Morning' text from my boyfriend. Since I hadn't gotten one of those in a while, I thought it was rather nice. That is, until I saw the picture that accompanied it. It was of him, sitting on the toilet and taking a shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 585

You deserved it 3 852

27/09/2018 03:00

Today, my girlfriend thinks I'm sex-obsessed because of the number of times I've asked for it. I've asked exactly 3 times this year, one of which was on my birthday. She said no all 3 times. I'm usually too scared of her temper to even try. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 690

You deserved it 1 346

Nokia 3310 FTW

By Anonymous - 17/03/2020 02:30

Today, while taking a rather large crap, I sent my sister a joking text saying, "I'm shitting my ass inside out." Turns out I sent it to my entire list of contacts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 488

You deserved it 1 920

03/02/2013 16:27

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend and I were having a casual conversation, when the topic suddenly became my penis. Before I knew what was going on, she said, "It's not the size that matters though. It's how you use it. So I guess you're ok." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 639

You deserved it 5 423

28/03/2009 00:38

Today, I was talking to my guy friend about prom. I told him I was turned down by 7 guys. So he said "Well, you could always ask me." I then said "Do you want to go to prom with me?" His response was "Nope...now that's 8!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 156 917

You deserved it 28 791

16/09/2013 17:42

Today, my son asked me if slavery was ever abolished. He's 19. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 809

You deserved it 7 380

20/11/2013 21:06

Today, the guy I like shoved me out of the way so he could talk to another girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 812

You deserved it 5 134

07/02/2011 00:58

Today, my boyfriend left for a 2-year job posting in China. We had agreed to maintain a long distance relationship and even worked out a visiting schedule. Later that night, after trying to reach him, I realized the numbers he gave me weren't for China. The country code doesn't even exist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 289

You deserved it 3 722

08/10/2009 03:22

Today, my little sister was playing with her building blocks. All of a sudden, she began to cry and held her finger out to me. Assuming she had hurt it, I kissed it better, and tasted something odd on my lips. Turns out she wasn't hurt, she was crying because she had touched cat vomit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 737

You deserved it 9 044

02/11/2010 13:44

Today, I heard a loud-speaker announcement in my college that someone had left their car in the car park, still running, with keys in the ignition. I laughed at that person's foolishness until I realised it was mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 827

You deserved it 37 328

24/04/2015 21:46

Today, a cute, new guy I always run into at work hit on me. Turns out he's only 18. I'm old enough to be his mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 247

You deserved it 4 023

26/03/2019 11:00

Spicy

Today, my husband is pissed off, withholding affection, and not speaking to me. Why? I don't want to have sex with random men while he watches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 738

You deserved it 186

27/07/2018 05:00

Today, my best friend and roommate has decided to "stop being controlled by society" while at home. This involves him walking around naked, masturbating whenever he wants, and not cleaning up his guys. I've stepped in it three times already. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 762

You deserved it 371

01/04/2013 11:57

Spicy

Today, while working at a porn store, a group of six people tried to return used toys and penis pumps. Even though you can't return any items, it's still an unfortunately common occurrence. The semen in these particular toys, however, is not. All of them began shouting at me for not refunding them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 623

You deserved it 6 713

02/05/2016 12:27

Today, my boss admitted that he seriously regrets hiring me, but can't really do anything about it because that would make the senior management question his judgment, making him look bad. So he's just 'putting up' with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 726

You deserved it 1 275

21/01/2009 12:36

Today, I woke up with this terrible toothache and called my mother for a lift to the dentist. This super-dentist-chick enters in and says: "Nice to meet you, your mother just told me you're afraid of dentists?" I'm 29. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 637

You deserved it 3 568

03/10/2015 10:57

Today, I was clipping my nails. When I got to my toenail, the whole thing somehow ripped right out. I'm in agony. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 149

You deserved it 2 301

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Top comments

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Monday 9 February 2009 7:29

I'm 19 and have braces too. Well, I'm a girl and a lot of guys think it's really cute.

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Wednesday 4 March 2009 13:11

i don't get this one :|

Comments

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Monday 9 February 2009 7:29

I'm 19 and have braces too. Well, I'm a girl and a lot of guys think it's really cute.

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Sunday 16 August 2009 23:13

Braces at 19? Seems a little late. I hate braces so much. Of course I met a 53 year old who just got HER braces off!!!!! Hahaha.

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Thursday 17 June 2010 21:49

how is it life f*cked??? u got braces, BIG DEAL. I had them 2, ur lucky u only hav 2 hav them for 2 years, lots of ppl hav 2 have them for 4 years. so stfu and stop complaining

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Monday 2 August 2010 19:29

someone has an ego

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Sunday 29 August 2010 21:01

im commenting on one of the first posts on fml o.O

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Saturday 18 September 2010 21:35

i actually think braces mayk u look hotter :p

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Wednesday 27 October 2010 1:26

I like braces. They look cute on most people.

whoisthisgirl 4

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Wednesday 15 December 2010 13:23

I wouldn't be saying fml if I got braces I need them, I'm 18. me or my family can't afford it. it bothers me. so stfu!

snowboarder1019 5

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Saturday 5 March 2011 10:43

I had braces when I was 13 got em in september get them off in the summer : )

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Sunday 5 June 2011 0:13

how are braces cute?

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Wednesday 8 June 2011 2:37

dude chill...

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Wednesday 29 June 2011 3:43

exacly.. some ppl seem to like it.. with every tragedy there is a treasure.

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Friday 1 July 2011 9:49

The only reason why I don't want braces is because I love to chew gum and you can't with braces. But it is worth having straight teeth.

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Wednesday 4 March 2009 13:11

i don't get this one :|

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Tuesday 21 December 2010 16:09

sameo.O

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Tuesday 7 June 2011 15:29

same^2

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Tuesday 17 March 2009 0:31

i had them for 6 years. don't compain :) it does pay off!

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Wednesday 18 March 2009 2:05

... so?

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Wednesday 18 March 2009 19:43

Don't feel bad. I'm 20 and a junior in college and just got them a week ago and will have them for 2 years.

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Thursday 19 March 2009 5:39

Braces are totally endearing! Trust me, it really doesn't matter if you have braces or not.

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Thursday 19 March 2009 17:23

Worse yet your teeth will be straight after this two years. Maybe if you couldn't afford braces you wouldn't have to worry about it.

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Saturday 21 March 2009 16:42

I've had braces for a year and a half. I am hopefully getting them off next month. =]. Good luck with yours.

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Sunday 22 March 2009 2:09

No big deal. and as you said. Handsome guy for two years. He's already dating you..I don't know how bad your teeth were/are but I do know that braces definitely make your teeth a lot better. So there's nothing to worry about. :)

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Wednesday 25 March 2009 19:17

dude that's nothing! i had mines on for 10 years!

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Friday 3 June 2011 22:25

Damn!!! Thats long!!