Today, I went to shovel the massive amount of snow that was on our car. After spending time in the cold wind, I finally finished, realizing it wasn't my car. It was an identical car. FML

by hehe / 02/02/2011 at 6:57pm / Transportation

Today, I woke up from my honeymoon to discover the love of my life is a bed wetter. FML

by Anonymous / 02/02/2011 at 4:47pm / United States (Missouri) / Love

Today, I drove a friend to the emergency room because he thought he had appendicitis. While sitting in the waiting room, I got puked on by a child. My friend's diagnosis? Gas. So he also farted all the way home. FML

by alephnull / 02/02/2011 at 4:07pm / Canada (Alberta) / Health

Today, while my boyfriend and I were having sex, he stopped, got off, walked into the kitchen grabbed a doughnut, and came back to finish while he ate it. FML

by jessica / 02/02/2011 at 3:59pm / United States (Utah) / Intimacy

Today, as I was driving to work in the aftermath of a terrible blizzard that came through my area last night, a lady slid through an intersection and hit my car, totaling it. I called my boss and told her what happened, only to have her tell me that we were closed due bad roads. No one told me. FML

by mandapanda / 02/02/2011 at 1:22pm / United States (Michigan) / Transportation

Today, I told my mom I broke up with my boyfriend because he wanted to have sex and I wasn't ready. Her reply? "Well, you can't stay a virgin forever." FML

by Missy / 02/02/2011 at 1:16pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Intimacy

Today, after three weeks of putting it off, I decided to ask out the girl I've had a major crush on since third grade. When I told her, she smiled, but then quickly said, "But aren't you gay?" FML

by straightasaneedle / 02/02/2011 at 12:11pm / Germany (Hessen) / Love

Today, during a snowstorm, I opened my car door to get out. The wind snapped it wide open, then immediately changed course and swung it back at me just as I stepped out, spilling an entire hot cup of coffee all over me. FML

by Biggie / 02/02/2011 at 9:44am / United States (Ohio) / Transportation

Today, I was eating breakfast at an IHOP. As I was eating, the old man sitting directly behind me started discussing every aspect of his spastic colon, in vivid detail. FML

by Anonymous / 02/02/2011 at 9:30am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, while my boyfriend was inside me, he got a text message. He actually stopped thrusting to reply. FML

by fml / 02/02/2011 at 4:48am / Intimacy

Today, I was pissed that I got a £60 parking ticket so rang my friend to rant about it. I then got pulled over by the cops for using my phone, and was fined £120. FML

by Anonymous / 02/02/2011 at 2:12am / United Kingdom / Money

Today, while in my room sleeping, my little brother deemed it necessary to come in and drop a book on my face. When I sat up with a now bloody nose, he looked at me, pointed, and said "You've just been facebooked" and ran away giggling. FML

by Malakai / 02/02/2011 at 12:57am / United States / Kids

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. Right before I was about to climax, he asks "Do you remember when you bought the homeless guy with one leg a hot dog?" FML

by anonymous / 02/02/2011 at 12:17am / United States (New York) / Intimacy