Today, I got unbelievably drunk and pissed in the corner of my... - FML

By Anonymous - 4/1/2009 05:22 - France

Today, I got unbelievably drunk and pissed in the corner of my room, all over a plug socket, which blew out the electrics. FML

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All for nothing

Alexa, play "Cannonball" by The Breeders

Workaholic

By eyelashess - 29/6/2011 04:10 - United States

Today, our carbon monoxide detector started beeping. My mom started freaking out and made me go stand outside so I "don't die". I stood outside for 20 minutes, it was raining and it turned out that the detector was just low on battery. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/4/2009 04:34 - United States

Today, I was afraid my mother had seen the bottle of hand lotion I'd forgotten to take off the desk after I'd whacked off last night, but she acted fine. I went out with friends to find she'd had changed the background to say "Please Do Not Watch Porn on the Family Computer." FML

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By Anonymous - 19/6/2009 16:39 - United States

Today, I was walking to work and saw three guys sitting at a table outside. One of the guys looks at me and says to his friends, "That's the girl that works at the grocery store. She replaced the hot chick." The other two guys glared at me. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/3/2009 19:42 - United States

Today, I came home a few days early from a 3-month business trip. As I opened my apartment door, hoping to surprise my girlfriend, the man she's apparently been cheating on me with promptly punched me in the face. He thought I was a burglar. FML

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By cheesfactor - 19/5/2012 19:50 - Bulgaria - Rousse

Today, my wardrobe door jammed, and I couldn't change out into some nice clothes for my date. On the way there, my car broke down. Not wanting to be late and make a bad impression, I scuttled the rest of the way, only to find I'd been stood up. FML

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By twit - 16/3/2009 01:14 - United States

Today, a girl-scout asked me to buy cookies, in front of Giant. She looked nice, so I bought 5 boxes from her. She took the money and went home with her mom. I opened the boxes when I got home and realized that the boxes just had rocks in them. I got scammed by a girl-scout. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/2/2017 05:00 - United States - Saint Cloud

Today, my mom got drunk and told me that the man I have called dad for the past 27 years isn't my real father. Oh and don't say anything to him about it. FML

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By bringthemback - 29/3/2014 10:34 - United States - Columbia

Today, my boss decided to have the whole staff drug tested and fire everyone who failed. Out of an original staff of 14 people, only my boss, two coworkers and I remain. I now have four times my normal workload and am seriously thinking maybe I should've said "Yes" to drugs. FML

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By NotAnExcuse - 7/11/2012 05:58 - United States

Today, a woman on the train demanded I give up my seat for her, claiming it was for people with disabilities. Tired from a long day at work, and seeing she had nothing wrong with her, I asked what her disability was. Apparently, obesity is one. FML

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By Order of the Dangling Testicles - 28/1/2014 20:28 - United States - Astoria

Today, I moved back into my dorm. My ex-girlfriend, and the guy she left me for, now cohabit next door. Now I get to hear them screwing while I try to do my homework. FML

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By Forever Alone x2 - 7/1/2012 19:47 - United States

Today, I found out that the only two people I've had feelings for in years are both dating each other. FML

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By areyoukiddingme - 7/9/2013 04:50 - United States

Today, I got yelled at by my mom for not being surprised enough at my surprise birthday party. She'd told me about it while drunk the night before. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/12/2010 00:14 - United States

Today, my boss finally pronounced my name correctly. My name was then followed by the words "You're fired." FML

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By Anonymous - 13/4/2015 15:23 - United Kingdom - Manchester

Today, my son invited me to his first standup comedy gig. I accepted, only to later suffer through an hour of the worst jokes I've heard in my entire life. It was so bad, he made Dane Cook look like a comic genius, and I had to resist heckling him. Hours later, I still feel vaguely suicidal. FML

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By Animal_aide - 7/1/2010 18:42 - Canada

Today, I got my car back from the repair shop. After paying $400 for them to fix the scratches on the driver's side door, some one decided to key both sides of my car while I was on my lunch break from work. FML

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By negromancer - 11/7/2009 01:08 - United States

Today, I worked up the courage to ask my crush out for coffee after work. She agreed and I confidently said "Alright, it's a date!" She replied, "Haha a date with you? I'm just going for the free coffee!" FML

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By Sonofa - 17/5/2013 15:52 - Canada - Cold Lake

Today, I brought my girlfriend home for the first time to meet my parents. They were having a heated argument because my mom had bought "the wrong toilet paper" and my dad was angry because "she should know that he has a sensitive anus". FML

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By cjd - 23/3/2012 14:23 - Canada - Montreal

Today, in health class we were watching a documentary about anxiety. My teacher asked if any of us often feel anxious. I was too anxious to raise my hand, and went into a minor panic attack. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/8/2014 16:57 - United States - San Antonio

Today, my husband told his parents that he was quitting his job so that he could focus on school. They asked him what he was going to do for money. When I told them that I'd be the one working, they took one look at me and burst into laughter. FML

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By lalalohan - 17/4/2009 15:19 - United States

Today, I was at a ballet recital with my friend, sitting between her and the mother of the head male ballerina. When he came on stage in obscenely tight white tights I whispered to my friend, "You can see his whole freaking package!" I'd whispered to the wrong side. FML

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By MY CAR - 15/11/2011 04:51 - United States

Today, an asshat in a Foghorn Leghorn t-shirt let his piece-of-crap mongrel dog do some sort of rain dance on the roof of my car, scratching the paintwork. He was a huge guy, so my backbone left town and I just smiled as if it was cute. FML

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By mysterygurll1234567 - 20/1/2010 05:09 - United States

Today, I was fired from my job. The reason? My boss didn't feel comfortable paying his son's girlfriend. FML

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By whattheheck - 4/6/2012 04:34 - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, I found out that my new girlfriend breastfeeds her dolls. FML

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By kayin - 10/12/2010 01:59 - United Kingdom

Today, I was giving a tour for parents who wanted to send their kids to our school. One of the parents had a kid on crutches with what appeared to be a broken leg, so I asked him how he broke it. He replied, "I was born like this." FML

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By Anonymous - 14/4/2017 04:00

Today, my girlfriend yelled at me for not showing up to her mother's birthday party. I didn't go because I had to finish a project for work over the weekend. This is the same person who refused to go to my father's funeral because she, "didn't feel like getting dressed up." FML

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By BowlofCherries - 22/5/2012 02:48 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I was in a café when a construction worker asked to borrow a pen. The only pen I had on me was my brand new Parker, which I reluctantly loaned him. As he was writing, he stopped to think, and happily chewed on the end of the pen, which he later returned to me, glistening in saliva. FML

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By brittney242 - 17/12/2016 10:03 - United States - Stow

Today, while at a night club, I was wearing a brand new outfit that I absolutely loved. I was enjoying myself until I felt something wet drop onto my head and body from above. It was puke from a drunk guy in the V.I.P. section. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/7/2009 04:08 - United States

Today, I turned 23. I had asked my mom for some things to decorate my new place. As I opened the box to reveal my gift, a mirror was inside. I liked the mirror. I did not like the note attached that said "Look inside the mirror to see who is now 100% financially responsible for themselves." FML

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By Byron fiddles - 24/2/2009 11:57 - Hungary

Today, I was on an Easyjet flight, next to two attractive girls, listening to a track which starts with a woman pleasuring herself. I don't like this track so I go to skip it but accidentally unplug my headphones, activating my phone speakers and revealing the said woman at the peak of her orgasm. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/1/2012 15:50 - United States

Today, while in bed with my boyfriend, I accidentally let one slip. While thinking "maybe he didn't hear, maybe he's sleeping", the shaking of the bed from his laughter let me know otherwise. FML

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By hhaannnnaahh - 13/2/2009 19:06 - United States

Today, I bit into my egg sandwich, and when I looked back into it, there were 5 long, gray, hairs leading from the sandwich into my mouth. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/2/2012 08:25 - Australia

Today, I got a reply to my Valentine's Day card that I sent to my girlfriend. I'll get the address right next time because her neighbor is really creeping me out now. FML

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By Quiteannoyed - 9/3/2013 10:35 - Finland - M?nts?l

Today, I received several texts congratulating me on my pregnancy. It turns out that my husband announced he is going to be a father on Facebook, which I don't use. I'm not pregnant. FML

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By storyofmylife - 23/8/2009 02:41 - United States

Today, I spilled my heart out to a guy by showing him one of my poetry journals. He read through it and said, "Wow, I feel sorry for the guy you wrote about." The poems were all about how I loved him. FML

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By helpme - 25/9/2015 13:46 - United Kingdom - Cardiff

Today, I wrote my boyfriend a love letter during class and told him to read it when he got home. He texted me later asking me why I gave him my school assignment. I must have handed the love letter in to my teacher. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/8/2011 19:35 - United States

Today, a hooker refused my custom. According to her, "Even whores have standards." FML

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By bitch - 27/8/2020 08:02 - United Kingdom - London

Tracked

Today, I noticed that on the calendar in my boyfriend’s apartment, for every week of the months when I have my period are coloured in red and over them, in block capitals, he has written 'BEWARE'. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/8/2013 05:29 - United States - Lewis Center

Today, the kids I was babysitting somehow found a pair of my underwear. They asked if they could use them to go parachuting. FML

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By anon - 3/2/2015 07:50 - United States - Bloomington

Today, as I passed by the window that looks out on to my front yard, I saw a man out there so I ran to the kitchen to call the police. The operator asked me to describe the man. It was then that I realized the mysterious man in my yard was the snowman I built yesterday. FML

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By NCanalyst - 11/11/2009 20:28 - Norway

Today, I interviewed potential employees for a job position that I was supposed to get promoted to. FML

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Top comments

By techlife | 0

#45195 - Friday 20 March 2009 16:59

that should have shocked the hell out of you!

By alex_vik | 0

#49737 - Sunday 22 March 2009 10:30

#3 - He still shouldn't have pissed in his room.

COMMENTS

By bassguitar19 | 1

#29248 - Friday 13 March 2009 3:22

#1 he was drunk you idiot

Reply

ZleveL | 0

#809107 - Saturday 30 January 2010 8:59

I clicked YDI when I saw drunk

Reply

skilova4lifezzz | 19

#5700073 - Wednesday 2 October 2013 23:42

YDI for drinking at home.

By techlife | 0

#45195 - Friday 20 March 2009 16:59

that should have shocked the hell out of you!

Reply

Kamon97 | 23

#5774519 - Sunday 1 December 2013 15:53

Wished it did lol

By alex_vik | 0

#49737 - Sunday 22 March 2009 10:30

#3 - He still shouldn't have pissed in his room.

By that_guy_you_are | 0

#184948 - Sunday 10 May 2009 11:51

LOL too bad it wasn't someone else's room, you would've won so many points in my book.

By anthony960 | 0

#193500 - Wednesday 13 May 2009 2:23

Maybe that will teach you to not drink and if you do not to get drunk.

Reply

Acorns | 0

#1191919 - Thursday 5 August 2010 5:00

#7 - Is to get drunk not the point of drinking?? lol

Reply

Patrick69_fml | 0

#1773206 - Tuesday 30 November 2010 14:05

depends how drunk it's obvious this guy had 1 to many tequilas

By Keiko86 | 0

#205419 - Sunday 17 May 2009 7:34

Yeah, if you can't hold your liquor you don't deserve to drink. YDI

By tomarino13 | 0

#281163 - Monday 8 June 2009 2:58

U could of killed your dick LOL

Reply

sunflower226 | 0

#3267196 - Saturday 10 September 2011 15:30

that would have been a good thing! according to Darwin, it's natures way of eliminating stupidity

By beautifulskies | 0

#308015 - Monday 15 June 2009 21:30

that's the most disgusting thing i've ever heard. I don't understand how anyone could just piss in their room. and you obviously weren't THAT drunk, if you remembered it. Not even dogs go to the bathroom where they sleep. YDI and more.

By 123sploosh | 0

#321132 - Friday 19 June 2009 20:01

ewewwww yes yesyes 10

By AdamBo | 0

#367860 - Saturday 4 July 2009 19:37

cute! ill vote for you!