Today, the incredibly handsome, talented, hilarious, and intelligent... - FML

By Noname - 31/12/2009 18:03 - France

Today, the incredibly handsome, talented, hilarious, and intelligent man that I've fallen head over heels like no other for is gay. FML

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Understandable

Gas giant

Vicious and unprovoked

By Anonymous - 8/4/2020 17:00

Headfucked

Today, after two weeks of migraines, my doctor informed me that bowel movements are one my triggers. This means every time I shit, I will have a headache. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/12/2011 00:23 - United States

Today, I was feeling super nervous about driving because I had my first accident the day before. As I stopped at a red light, I got rear-ended. FML

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By cuntingbitchofawhore - 6/2/2016 03:11 - United States - Bloomington

Today, I told my step-mom that my medication is causing me to lose weight. She looked me up and down and suggested I triple my dosage. FML

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By heartbroken - 22/1/2010 01:18 - Canada

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me, all because whenever I laugh I say "lol." FML

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By Anonymous - 22/10/2011 01:33 - United States

Today, I introduced my new boyfriend to my parents. Everyone knows he's into the emo scene, but this didn't stop my dad from slowly looking him up and down, then saying, completely deadpan, "You never told us you were a lesbian, honey." FML

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By blinded - 5/7/2009 16:10 - United States

Today, my little brother learned that breaking a glow stick and emptying it into someone's eyes does not help them see in the dark. It's a good lesson, I just wish he hadn't used my eyes to learn it. The doctor says the burning feeling should go away in 3 or 4 days. FML

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By Beeisc00l - 5/10/2011 18:58 - Reserved

Today, I was playing video games at 2am. My guinea pig started squealing at me, and wouldn't stop until I turned out the lights and got into bed. I'm 20 years old, and I've let a rodent dictate my bedtime. FML

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By HM - 16/4/2015 13:10 - United States - Albuquerque

Today, I invited a guy I've been crushing on for ages to my house, and I really wanted to make a good impression. We were sitting in the living room having drinks when my cat came in, dragging a pair of my dirty underwear and dropped them right in front of us. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/9/2012 09:57 - United States

Today, after 3 nights of insomnia, I was finally able to doze off. My boyfriend woke me up just to ask which soda in the fridge was mine. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/9/2010 05:22 - United States

Today, I took some friends out to the woods to show them a natural spring. I explained to them that the water bubbles up from under ground, and that it's clean and tasty. I bent down and drank a few hefty handfuls only to look up and see a dead raccoon floating near me. FML

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By sissydlk - 2/12/2010 15:54 - United States

Today, my wonderful boyfriend asked me if I wanted him to cook me scrambled eggs with sausage for breakfast. When I said yes, he pulled out his junk, and started shaking it violently in my face. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/3/2014 10:30 - United States - Saint Joseph

Bad, bad, bad

Today, I had sex with a guy I've liked for years. There was just one problem: it was so terrible I said, "I think I might be straight" about five minutes in just so it would stop. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/7/2020 20:00

Let me in!

Today, I was turned away from a private event by security for being a girl. My name is Max; the name on the guest list was Max, but the security meathead insisted Max can only be a man's name and threw me out of the building. I was the event's key lecturer, and without me the event was cancelled. FML

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By Jazzyfayyye - 29/5/2009 17:51 - United States

Today, my boy friend said "you know who you remind me of? Sarah Palin." And then for the next 15 minutes continued to discuss how ugly she is. FML

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By nitrok - 8/6/2017 22:00

Today, I started driving with Lyft to fill the time until my new job starts next month. On my very first fare, my car died. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/7/2009 05:57 - United States

Today, my nose was really stuffed up and I was out of cold medicine. I heard spices may help with this kind of problem. Unfortunately I thought red pepper would be a great thing to snort at the time. Not only is my nose still stuffed up but I also have immense nasal pain. FML

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By swim5 - 31/3/2012 12:22 - United States - Tempe

Today, my boyfriend of 3 months broke up with me because he is moving. He's only moving 20 minutes away. FML

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By Alyssa Charlotte - 29/7/2011 02:25 - Mexico

Today, after being terrified for years, I went on a plane for the first time. It was also the first time I "emergency landed." FML

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By shutup shutup shutup don't wanna hear it - 8/11/2016 00:43 - United States - Charlottesville

Today, my roommate told me that she was studying in the library. Turns out, she didn't feel like going to the library and just spent all afternoon studying in a friend's room because she didn't think I was capable of shutting up for long enough to get any work done. Our other friends agreed. FML

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By anon - 17/9/2019 22:00

Roll with it

Today, my boyfriend encouragingly told me that he could tell I was losing weight, all because I had one roll fewer than usual on my stomach. FML

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By This sucks - 11/10/2017 04:30

Today, in the toilet at work, I found that the scissors on my multitool are quite good at getting rid of a shit-stained shirttail. FML

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By iGotSkill - 31/10/2009 01:32 - Canada

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. Her mom who had passed away years ago told her that I was cheating on her, telepathically. FML

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By Somethingtoworryabout - 26/10/2018 22:00

Today, I couldn't help but laugh at my girlfriend because she always becomes paranoid when she's around cars. I found her reaction cute and told her that "there's nothing to worry about". A car ran over me two hours later. I'm in a hospital now. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/4/2020 14:00

This is going well

Today, my husband is so bored with speaking to me, he literally walked outside when I was mid-sentence during a conversation about how I need more attention in our relationship. We've only been married 3 months. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/5/2015 12:16 - United Kingdom - York

Today, my boyfriend's mum publicly shamed him on Facebook after she caught him having sex under her roof today. Everyone thought it was hilarious, except me. Not because I'm ashamed, but because I'm over 300 miles away right now. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/5/2012 15:12 - United States - Monson

Today, I realized that all the times I checked behind the shower curtain before peeing didn't prepare me for what to do if someone was actually there. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/7/2018 18:36 - United States - Fort Worth

Threat Neutralized

Today, I farted so loudly in my sleep that it woke myself, my husband, and our cat. The cat let me know he was startled by clawing and biting the perceived threat, my bum. FML

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By Pikababy19 - 18/8/2016 23:12 - United States - Mount Vernon

Today, I woke up and heard the shower running. Would have been nice to know my father in law was here before I walked in naked. FML

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By WIno - 1/9/2010 02:46 - United States

Today, I have discovered things not to do while drunk. Like shaving my legs. FML

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By obviously not the favorite - 5/7/2017 18:37

Today, my mom called me a "useless spoiled brat" because I refused to drive my sister across the city just to buy flavored gelatin. I've had Amoebic Dysentery for 3 days now and need constant bathroom access. FML

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By no - 20/3/2014 22:18 - United Kingdom - London

Today, for the third time this week, a random person in the street walked up to me and told me how much I look like Grumpy Cat. FML

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By NoSacredSpace - 19/5/2018 05:00

Today, I can finally say there’s no part of my body that hasn’t had a pimple show up. I found a zit on my clit. FML

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By matte - 30/3/2009 12:16 - Australia

Today, whilst working at Subway, I took an order for 6 footlongs. The entire process took 15 minutes due to the customer's hesitant and glacial pace. When it came to paying, he pulled out his wallet, looked inside, looked at me, and walked quickly out of the store. FML

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By thathottchickk - 13/12/2011 22:43 - United States

Today, I volunteered to cater an event at school. A little girl asked for a big slice of cake so I gave it to her. She then puked everywhere and her parents blamed me and made me clean it up. The little girl sat there smiling at me while I cleaned. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/5/2018 01:30

Today, after dating a guy for 2 months, things seemed to be going well. I offered to buy dinner and trusted he would keep in mind that I'm a college student on a budget. He picked the restaurant, ran up the bill over $100, made me pay, and dumped me right after. FML

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By Sonic - 15/1/2010 16:50 - United States

Today, I was on a conference call while in the bathroom with all the important people in my district. I thought my phone was on mute, so I took the opportunity to flush the toilet. Turns out, that my phone wasn't on mute, and everyone heard it. I'm the only one who was on the conference call outside of work. FML

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By Noname - 12/3/2009 09:30 - New Zealand

Today, my girlfriend was giving me head while I was watching Star Trek and I accidentally called her Spock. FML

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By loner - 7/6/2009 12:28 - United States

Today, I was sitting in class when the most popular girl in my grade came up to me holding birthday invitation cards. I've never been invited to a birthday party, so I was so excited when she handed me a card only to hear her say, "Mary is on your bus, will you give this to her?" FML

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By Anonymous - 20/10/2020 08:08

For the life of him indeed

Today, my significant other decided it’s safe to travel to Brazil for Christmas break, even though they are heavily impacted by Covid. He doesn't understand for the life of him why we should skip this year. FML

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By hkbaer - 27/9/2019 22:00 - United States

Nice try

Today, my dad tried to charge me $3000 for a car that my dead grandma, his mother, left to me in her will. I have to live with this asshole. FML

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Top comments

By huanita | 0

#510 - Saturday 7 February 2009 16:30

if he's handsome, talented, hilarious, and intelligent , of course he's gay!

By kaplahworm | 0

#369 - Friday 6 February 2009 3:57

'the incredibly handsome, talented, hilarious, and intelligent man that I've fallen head over heels like no other for is gay.'

You can get straight men like that 0_o?

COMMENTS

By kaplahworm | 0

#369 - Friday 6 February 2009 3:57

'the incredibly handsome, talented, hilarious, and intelligent man that I've fallen head over heels like no other for is gay.'

You can get straight men like that 0_o?

By huanita | 0

#510 - Saturday 7 February 2009 16:30

if he's handsome, talented, hilarious, and intelligent , of course he's gay!

Reply

James64138 | 26

#3502087 - Friday 28 October 2011 5:47

So true(:

Reply

DeadxManxWalking | 27

#3667917 - Thursday 1 December 2011 4:56

Not me.

Reply

Scratch241 | 5

#3747220 - Saturday 17 December 2011 23:15

Hey hey, I'm handsome, talented, hilarious and intelligent and I'm not gay! :)

By cndrow | 0

#912 - Monday 9 February 2009 23:09

It's like they say: All the great men are either taken, or gay. Fortunately I already have mine, so nyaaa. =p

By xpapercutsx | 0

#20941 - Sunday 8 March 2009 6:06

Wow, I didn't realize that happened to more than one person.

I still don't think I'm over him...
I looked at him today and my heart melted and I was like, never. =(

Reply

Kkkdawg | 27

#5736621 - Thursday 31 October 2013 16:05

I am in this exact same situation too :(

By jvjanisse | 0

#23007 - Monday 9 March 2009 7:35

dont worry, all gay men are whores, so he wouldn't have lasted. :P j/k

By missgil | 0

#41667 - Thursday 19 March 2009 2:14

not all gay men are whores! but it's true that all the good ones are gay or taken. The rest of us have to settle for sucky assholes

By retoxified | 0

#62469 - Friday 27 March 2009 16:04

you wouldn't have to settle if you didn't have such an ugly personality.

Reply

zebra_pillow | 0

#853232 - Sunday 14 February 2010 0:41

I agree lol shorty personality=bad

By sevrok_7 | 0

#71893 - Tuesday 31 March 2009 7:08

honey...it's what usually happens to men like that. :/

By dfarrey | 0

#102084 - Saturday 11 April 2009 15:46

Can I have his number?

Reply

emilyaddison1234 | 0

#2400074 - Monday 25 April 2011 0:23

haha!

By Absolute_Zero | 0

#137416 - Thursday 23 April 2009 22:42

OH GOD, DEJA-VU. That happened to me too - I've spent the last two years chasing a closet gay. Now, though I love him dearly, I have to say that he DOES do an excellent job singing and dancing in musicals.