Kids: Today, when I came home, my daughter's baby-sitter was busy smelling...

By noname - 03/01/2009 03:26 - France

Today, when I came home, my daughter's baby-sitter was busy smelling my thongs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 435

You deserved it 2 496

Kids

Taking stock

Too Much Information

Need warmth

By Anonymous - 21/03/2011 06:20 - United Kingdom

Today, it was my friend's 18th birthday. She had invited us out drinking. I've never had alcohol before and was very excited. I got a call explaining that she had invited one too many and asked me not to come. People bragging on facebook about what a great time they were having didn't help either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 397

You deserved it 6 245

By notsohot - 26/10/2009 20:02 - United States

Today, I was walking when I heard a car horn honk. I looked up to see a hot guy giving me a thumbs up. As he got a better look at me, he made a disgusted face and flipped his hand so he was giving me a thumbs down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 676

You deserved it 4 231

By travelsickness - 10/08/2010 13:46 - United Kingdom

Today, I had to endure a long drive from Poland to England. We weren't allowed to open our windows. My mum threw up. Twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 425

You deserved it 3 347

By anonymous - 07/12/2015 13:28 - United States - Mandeville

Today, my dad read that if you pass gas from both ends at the same time it will create a vacuum inside your body and you'll implode. I can't convince him otherwise. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 305

You deserved it 1 670

By Catherine - 23/05/2011 19:33 - United States

Today, I had to go to the emergency room with vision problems. The nurse was helping my mom fill out the paperwork. When asked for her employer, my mom started trying to sell the nurse Aflac, and got into a serious 10 minute conversation about it, all while I'm going blind in my left eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 406

You deserved it 3 180

By sailinggsoul - 02/08/2019 00:01

Today, I bought a box of tampons and went to the store restroom to insert one. I then put the box inside my purse. On my way out, I got stopped by security, who yelled at me to empty my purse. He grabbed my bag, spilling the tampons everywhere. Apparently, he thought I was stealing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 848

You deserved it 150

By Z3R0G5 - 06/01/2014 23:00 - United States - Indianapolis

Today, my dog found out how to turn my Xbox off. So whenever he wants attention, guess what he does. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 110

You deserved it 19 208

Haters

By ForeverAFatty - 29/05/2021 20:01 - United States - Staten Island

Today, my boyfriend invited me to swim at his house. I'm very obese, so I had some reservations about it, but he assured me it'd be alright. Instead, the whole time I was treated to his mother commenting on my weight umpteen times, and his brother calling me "Moby Dick" and throwing pool noodles at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 792

You deserved it 305

Apparently not.

By Dez - 26/11/2017 19:00 - United States - Anchorage

Today, while I was at work, my boyfriend texted me asking, “We are in an open relationship, right?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 032

You deserved it 399

By Mimo - 23/06/2016 10:18 - Egypt

Today, my best friend told me she's been in love with me for over 4 years. I'm getting married to the man of my dreams in a month and she's supposed to be my bridesmaid. "Awkward" doesn't even begin to describe our friendship right now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 551

You deserved it 2 020

By Anonymous - 08/01/2014 00:39 - United States - Salem

Today, a guy I like asked me to a dance. Trying to act modest and at the same time compliment him, I told him, "You could do so much better, though." After thinking for a moment, he replied, "You're right, I could. Never mind," and walked away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 390

You deserved it 60 855

By nomorecleaning - 16/03/2013 12:17 - United States - Augusta

Today, I discovered that the reason my mom hasn't been noticing the extra cleaning I've done lately is because her boyfriend took credit when she asked about it; and was rewarded for it in bed. I helped him get with my mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 063

You deserved it 4 020

By whatever - 09/08/2009 20:12 - United States

Today, I went out with my ex-boyfriend on a date. The night consisted of me sitting in the back seat of his friend's truck while they drove around to pick up things for the party they were going to have that same night. After they picked everything up, he asked where I wanted to get dropped off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 802

You deserved it 27 318

By foreveralone - 13/11/2012 10:23 - Australia - Wollongong

Today, I was working at the checkout of a nearly empty store, so I picked up an empty box, closed my eyes, and slow-danced with it to the 80s love ballad playing on the radio. I don't know what's worse, dancing with a box, or opening my eyes to see ten or so wary customers waiting to be served. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 858

You deserved it 34 264

By cait - 26/08/2019 15:00 - United States - Edmond

Today, within one day of meeting me, my stepmom decided to break up with my dad. Her reason being, "I love you, but I just can’t put up with the kid." I’m 'the kid'. I’m 28 years-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 750

You deserved it 178

By Mrs. Man - 02/02/2012 18:29 - United States

Today, a stranger told me how proud he was that my boyfriend and I were so open with our sexuality. For the past three years, most strangers have thought we are a pair of gay men. I am a woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 877

You deserved it 7 609

By Anonymous - 13/08/2010 02:21 - United States

Today, while at work at a new job, my brother comes and takes my car. Along with all my money, my phone, and whatever else I had in my purse. His message to me through one of my co-workers was "walk home." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 381

You deserved it 3 483

By Forgotton - 01/08/2009 23:10 - Canada

Today, I realized how invisible/forgettable I am. At work, I went to ask my supervisor what I was working on today. My supervisor admitted that he forgot I was working today. My supervisor is my brother. We drove to work together this morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 707

You deserved it 3 334

By Anonymous - 09/01/2015 16:30 - United States - Kansas City

Today, after paying a job coach a load of money for his services, pretty much the only advice he gave me was "Send out more résumés." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 146

You deserved it 4 979

By num1piglover - 16/11/2016 22:55 - United States - Raritan

Today, my dad told my mom to only drop off my sister for Thanksgiving and not me. Guess I was wrong about him wanting to work on our relationship. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 650

You deserved it 714

By lostandconfused - 31/05/2019 05:00

Today, I was teaching a class of 17-year-old Japanese boys English. Tripping over a school bag, I caught my foot in the bottom of my very loose elastic trousers. I pulled them down with my foot as I stumbled, exposing my underwear to all 40 students. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 669

You deserved it 250

By Anonymous - 26/11/2009 19:11 - United States

Today, I hit a deer. The worst part? Papa deer saw me hit mama deer, and proceded to ram into my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 196

You deserved it 20 914

By blueballs - 14/09/2012 00:06 - United States - Santa Clarita

Today, in the middle of what had to be the most amazing blowjob I've ever had in my life, my girlfriend had a mental breakdown and began weeping on top of my cock. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 023

You deserved it 8 191

By apparentlyhesbusy - 23/11/2009 05:09 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of almost a year invited me over to dinner at his house. Before leaving, I called him to let him know I was on my way. Just as he begins to tell me he'll call me back, I hear another girl in the background say, "Why don't you just tell her you're busy?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 604

You deserved it 2 860

By Yuck - 11/10/2018 05:00

Today, I worked a 12-hour shift. Today my parents' cat also had diarrhoea. Rather than clean it up when said cat projectile shat all through my bed, they simply closed my door and left it for me. Since it's in my room, apparently it's my problem. They can't understand why I'm pissed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 242

You deserved it 305

By sugar baby24 - 28/06/2019 14:12

Today, my boyfriend and my sugar daddy found about each other. FML

I agree, your life sucks 523

You deserved it 6 252

By Forded - 01/09/2010 23:11 - United States

Today, my minivan broke down on the side of the highway. I'm out of work and can't afford a cell phone, so I resorted to standing at the back of my van holding a "HELP" sign. About an hour went by, in which time I was passed by a cop car, a firetruck, and a car that said "Roadside Assistance." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 843

You deserved it 3 666

By Anonymous - 25/10/2015 02:47 - United States - Apollo

Today, I woke up to noises in my living room. I was scared, but I loaded my gun and snuck downstairs. I burst into the living room, yelled for the motherfucker robbing me to put his hands up, and flicked on the light. My cat stared back at me like I was a moron then calmly walked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 347

You deserved it 7 775

Speed dating

By Anonymous - 27/11/2021 02:01

Today, I found out that the 28 year-old woman I hooked up with a week ago is a widow and her kids, who I’ve met once, have started calling me Daddy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 632

You deserved it 182

By ratqueen - 25/11/2014 15:28 - Canada - Brampton

Today, I discovered that catching fewer mice in the traps I'd put out doesn't mean my pest problem is getting resolved. It means that rats have moved in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 675

You deserved it 2 770

By Anonymous - 13/04/2016 14:04 - United States - Bel Air

Today, while opening up to a few friends about how I was sexually abused as a child, one of them blurted "Pics or it didn't happen." How did the others react? With outrage? No, just with awkward chuckling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 124

You deserved it 2 061

By Anonymous - 29/01/2012 19:55 - United States

Today, I realized the closest thing I've had to an intimate relationship with a female is the one I have with my cat. Even then, she ignores me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 447

You deserved it 5 754

By assante2010 - 24/07/2011 00:09 - United States

Today, my friends and I went to the strip club for my birthday. I now know how my sister is paying for her new car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 287

You deserved it 6 863

By Toolate - 21/12/2016 12:26

Today, after having gone off the pill a couple of weeks ago, I finally got my old friskiness back only to find part of a condom wrapper in my husband's pocket. Turns out he was impatient and went elsewhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 559

You deserved it 1 319

Psssssych!

By Welcome to Florida - 20/07/2017 13:01

Today, my son's glasses were missing. My bathroom is not well lit, but I noticed something sticking out from under the toilet seat. I excitedly grabbed it, thinking I saw the band of the glasses. Nope, it was a snake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 268

You deserved it 515

Fortnite thievery

By Anonymous - 06/08/2021 16:01

Today, my little brother decided he needed $170 worth of V-Bucks. How was he going to get it? From the credit card he took from my wallet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 784

You deserved it 53

By canispankthat - 01/10/2010 11:07 - United States

Today, I caught my husband modeling my cute floral panties. All he could manage to say was "I love you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 606

You deserved it 4 838

By Asterisk1009 - 29/06/2009 05:41 - United States

Today, I finally got the courage to tell my parents that I'm gay. My mom said "Yeah, we know." When I asked how they knew, my dad, without looking up from the tv, said, "We've been monitoring your Internet history." FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 489

You deserved it 17 026

Caught red-handed

By caught - 09/01/2012 00:43 - United States

Today, I was bored and started touching myself watching TV. My mother walked into my bedroom with a phone in her hand and yelled, "Stop jacking off and talk to your grandmother." FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 257

You deserved it 36 157

Breakfast innuendo

By Anonymous - 30/03/2021 15:30 - Canada - Kamloops

Today, I went to get a banana for breakfast and said to my mom, with whom I currently live at age 32 because of Covid, that I don't normally eat bananas, but it looked good. She looked at me and said, "You clearly need to get yourself a man." She's right, but jeez! Thanks mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 847

You deserved it 208

Add a comment - Reply to : #

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

ImaTrainwreck 0

Send a private message

Friday 8 May 2009 7:49

Why does it matter if the babysitter's a guy or a girl? Either way, it's freaky.

wtfisthis 0

Send a private message

Saturday 7 March 2009 6:47

WTF OF COURSE THEY FIRED HER DUMBASSS!!!

wtfisthis 0

Send a private message

Saturday 7 March 2009 6:47

WTF OF COURSE THEY FIRED HER DUMBASSS!!!

Dashelle 25

Send a private message

Sunday 6 October 2013 8:52

Isn't this what all babysitters do?

kenyrabit 25

Send a private message

Wednesday 27 January 2016 20:30

Assumption made. Who said the babysitter's a girl? *Though, I would like to know the sex of both parties.

wtfisthis 0

Send a private message

Saturday 7 March 2009 6:49

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

10_4Franky 0

Send a private message

Monday 22 March 2010 21:54

The OP has no gender as their gender. So there's a chance the OP is a guy that's afraid of showing everyone that he wears thongs.

chelzy 0

Send a private message

Sunday 27 June 2010 22:51

actually, in Europe, that's common.

Link5794 18

Friday 19 October 2012 16:40

In Europe, "thongs" refers to flip-flops. Or maybe that was Australia. Somewhere that isn't America.

coming back in the future 30

Send a private message

Thursday 1 January 2015 6:36

It's Australia #55. I used to wonder what the fuss about some flip flops were before.

fuck_my_liz 0

Send a private message

Wednesday 18 March 2009 21:58

**laughing out loud** ouch! at least you can sue for things like that

VictimOf_Society 0

Send a private message

Saturday 21 March 2009 0:06

LOL thats either a good or bad thing :P

resawins 0

Send a private message

Monday 23 March 2009 4:02

creepy!!!!

lovemischa 0

Send a private message

Thursday 26 March 2009 6:38

GAGGGGGGGGGGG

skygirl27 0

Send a private message

Saturday 28 March 2009 18:16

thats fucking DISGUSTING AS HELL ,was it a guy or a girl? :S

pb_fml 0

Send a private message

Sunday 29 March 2009 23:45

Awkwardddddd. FHS too.

SadinSherman 16

Send a private message

Sunday 24 October 2010 21:54

That was my high school's name

littlelia 22

Send a private message

Sunday 24 July 2011 8:52

same here;) only it still is...

Benatron 0

Send a private message

Monday 6 April 2009 4:50

That's a bit crazy. Fire the babysitter - but keep the compliment.

gs_fml 0

Send a private message

Wednesday 15 April 2009 23:17

weird or weird?? or should i say disgusting or disgusting??

Nearly

Today, I live in Turkey and the dollar has risen to 13 lira. Just turks understand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24

You deserved it 4

Today, I realized the cute girl with a nice ass, long hair and a great personality I've been talking to is actually a very gay dude. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19

You deserved it 49

Spicy

Today, a guy drove an hour and a half to get to where I live, only to literally last less than 30 seconds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 182

You deserved it 43

Today, I had a horrible date with this guy I’ve been seeing. He wanted me to give it up, but I wasn’t ready, so he dumped me on the spot. I went home crying to my mother and her response was, “Stop being such a prude! What are you? Ten? Grow the fuck up!” Thanks mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 936

You deserved it 184

Haters

Apparently not.

Speed dating

Psssssych!

Fortnite thievery

Caught red-handed

Breakfast innuendo

Add a comment - Reply to : #

Top comments

Comments