Today, I found out that my husband's secretary named her new baby boy after my husband. Everyone at the office thinks it's funny. My husband says it's a coincidence. FML

by momoffour / 12/05/2010 at 4:30am / United States (Nebraska) / Love

 Today, my girlfriend and I had an argument. She admitted she didn't know why she was pissed at me, but still is, and now she won't talk to me. FML

by Anonymous / 12/05/2010 at 3:10am / Canada (Alberta) / Love

Today, I felt like spicing up our marriage, so I thought I'd surprise my husband when he got home from work. I put on my sexiest teddy, lit some candles, and laid on the bed. He walked in the room, looked at me for a second, farted, then asked me what was for dinner. FML

by Anonymous / 12/05/2010 at 1:57am / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend of two years called me on Skype while he was taking a crap. Think it's a sign that maybe we've been dating for too long. FML

by fail / 12/05/2010 at 1:35am / United States (North Carolina) / Love

Today, I got married. When my father gave me away, in front of hundreds of people, to my groom, he said, "She's your problem now." FML

by Anonymous / 12/05/2010 at 1:25am / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, I was eating dinner with a friend when a really hot guy came up and introduced himself. He told us he was vegetarian, and I wanted to impress him so I told him I was too. I was eating a steak. FML

by Anonymous / 12/05/2010 at 12:13am / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous

Today, while at my mom's birthday dinner, I started to pretend to drum with one hand, using my left leg as the drums. Everybody stared at me and started to yell. Now they all think I was masturbating. FML

by Anonymous / 12/05/2010 at 12:09am / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I found out my wife is pregnant. The problem is she convinced me to get a vasectomy two years ago. FML

by Anonymous / 12/04/2010 at 8:28pm / United States (Nevada) / Love

Today, I lost my job. I was so upset that I put in my favorite mix CD of all the songs that get me feeling better. While scanning for my favorite song, I hit the car in front of me. FML

by Anonymous / 12/04/2010 at 7:54pm / United States (Kentucky) / Transportation

Today, my boyfriend confessed his desire to have sex while I'm on my period. He calls it "bloody victory." FML

by Anonymous / 12/04/2010 at 7:39pm / United States (North Carolina) / Intimacy

Today, I had an important job interview. The interviewer really seemed to like me. Instead of hiring me, he asked me out on a date. FML

by unemployable / 12/04/2010 at 7:08pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Money

Today, I got a birthday card from my parents. It was my sister's from earlier in the year. They scratched out her name and wrote mine underneath. FML

by Anonymous / 12/04/2010 at 6:31pm / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous

Today, my parents hassled me for wanting to get my tongue pierced, saying it was filthy, unprofessional, and degrading. About an hour later, my sister let slip that my nipple is pierced. FML

by Anonymous / 12/04/2010 at 6:28pm / United Kingdom / Intimacy