Today, I was playing GTA4 and went on its fake dating site to... - FML

By Danno - United States

Today, I was playing GTA4 and went on its fake dating site to email a girl to go on a date with. I've never had much luck with dating in real life, so I figured the game would be more kind to me. After a while I went back to check my email, and the fake girl I'd propositioned told me to get lost. FML

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Small town blues

Reverse psychology

How's your hovel?

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went to a BBQ. The night was going well until I had to wrestle car keys away from my intoxicated mother in front of all my friends. FML

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By llozano715 - France

Today, I got the car of my dreams. My daughter also learned how to write her name. Now I have "LAUREN" across the side of my car. FML

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By mandieee

Today, I had my first shift as a server at a restaurant after getting stuck behind an accident and arriving late, apologizing profusely. Apparently no one knew I'd been hired but I was still yelled at for tardiness. They then made me clean a fridge for 4 hours and paid me in pizza. FML

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By alexis89 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. Attempting to make things a little more exciting, I said in my sexiest voice "oh yeah, harder." My boyfriend who apparently doesn't like talking dirty, pulled out and angrily said "I was trying, what more do you want?" FML

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By Lexiebear27 - United States

Today, I was fired for being a very happy and perky employee. According to my boss, it freaks both the customers and my co-workers out. FML

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By sarah_sad - United States

Today, I went to the gym with two of my friends expecting to pay a guest fee but the cute guy working at the front desk let me in for free. On the way out after working out I started to flirt with him and he said "Don't flatter yourself, I just let you in because I'm lazy." FML

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By Anonymous

Today, my boyfriend and I were finally having some intimate alone time together. When we really started getting into it, he suddenly prematurely jizzed in my eye. I now need surgery and have to explain to my family how I almost lost my eye. FML

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By fmldr - United States

Today, I learned my wife wasn't speaking to me because our daughter told her I kissed another woman. My daughter neglected to mention that this happened when she came to work with me yesterday, and the kiss was between me and the dummy I use to teach my interns CPR. My wife doesn't believe me. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I tried to fix my laptop charger by fiddling around with it using metal tweezers. Not only did I forget to unplug the cord and shocked myself, I also ended up breaking the charger completely. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, a middle-aged woman came into the shoe shop where I work, and asked me to help her put on a pair of boots that were obviously too small. Simultaneously as I knelt down by her feet, she booted me in the face while we tried to get them on. FML

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By shit - United States

Today, I found my drunken roommate asleep in my bed, naked, after he'd peed himself. FML

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By RinoaHeartilly

Today, like every day she works, my roommate once again put on a ton on perfume before work because she doesn't shower. She's gone, but this smell will be here for hours. FML

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By GDBeast - United States

Today, a girl I've been talking to online for a while asked me if I wanted to meet her in person. Two hours of driving later, I end up at her house. When she opened the door, she screamed and called the cops on me. While detained, she called my phone asking why I never showed up today. FML

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By kb - United States

Today, my mother gave me a bottle of stool softeners as a gift at my baby shower. FML

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By prettyinpurple - United States

Today, I was in a car accident. After screaming at the woman for running into me, I got in my car and drove off. As I was driving away, I was staring her down when I ended up rear ending the person in front of me. FML

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By imaqtb - Canada

Today, I was working at a restaurant. This guy comes up to the counter and asks if he could have some toothpicks. I told him they were right in front of him. He said "Sorry, I'm blind." Thinking it was a joke, I laughed until he said "No, seriously." FML

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By Screwupify - United States

Today, while eating at a restaurant, I commented to the waiter about how large the pizza was. He then writes down his number, pats his crotch fondly, and informs me that "everything" I'm going to find at that restaurant is going to be big. He was serious. FML

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By Help - United States

Today, it's the second week into my new neighbors' routine. He works nights, she works days. He likes to blast out Slayer and Napalm Death all day, she likes to drunkenly sing out of tune to Adele all night. I'm on the verge of a nervous breakdown. FML

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By ugh - Canada

Today, I texted my crush that I can't come over and invited him over instead. I was so anxious for his reply I took my cell to the washroom with me. Just as I was pulling up my pants I heard something fall into the bowl, I turned around and watched my cell floating in the my own pee, vibrating. FML

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By ... - France

Today, I was on a train, sitting next to an old man who was reading a newspaper. Suddenly, he sneezed without putting his hands over his nose. Instead of turning towards the window, he turned towards me. FML

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By _RobotInDisguise - United Kingdom

Today, I received a 4 page letter in the post from a woman telling me she was Alan's wife. She spoke about their wedding in 2004, their two beautiful kids who love their daddy very much (she included pictures), and how much she loves him. Alan is my husband of 7 years. FML

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By cheatingapparently - 20/6/2020 23:06

Occam's razor

Today, I got an A+ on a writing assignment. My teacher asked me three times if I really did write this article myself, and didn't memorise an article from the Internet. FML

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By campmom

Today, my nine year old son went around telling everyone that me and my husband had a "foursome" last month. It turns out that some douchebag counselor at the camp he goes to thought it would be funny to tell him that a foursome was a divorce. All of his friend's parents think we're kinky freaks. FML

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By Nick - United States

Today, while I was working as a waitress, I had to wait on a table of 13 people. I was struggling through it and when they finally left I went by the table to pick up my tip. Instead of a money I got a napkin saying "Here's your tip, don't be a waitress." FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Hicksville

Today, my girlfriend sent me a bunch of sexy pics and said to come over to her place. I thought she was in the mood for sex. Nope, she just wanted me to come over and hang a shelf, after which she sent me back home. FML

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By pooped - China

Today, I was walking to find a public toilet in a Chinese village. While looking for the women's restroom, I stepped on a thin sheet of plastic. I fell into the toilet's waste collection area and found myself knee-deep in the villagers' faeces. FML

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By Overworked - United States

Today, I realized how bad my insomnia had got when I tried answering my water bottle when my alarm went off. FML

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By Anonymous

Chewbacca goes surfing

Today, my wax appointment cancelled on me, we’re supposed to be going to Hawaii in the morning and now I can’t wear a bikini because my stomach and back are hairier than my husband's. FML

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By Katie - United States

Today, I was rear-ended while at a stop sign, by my driving instructor. FML

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By Wtf

Today, my estranged, psycho ex called me ten times and left belligerent messages because I didn't send him anything for his birthday yesterday like I used to. This is the same man who never gave me a birthday gift, text, or even a Happy Birthday wish during our 7 years together. FML

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By yeah - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend and I were role playing when her mum walked past the slightly open door, saw me, and chased me out of the house for stealing her baby's innocence. I was only wearing a red speedo. FML

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By StillHurt - United States

Today, I started my job as a consultant at a shop that sells wedding dresses. My first client? The girl my ex-fiancé cheated on me with and left me for. FML

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By kay_jay1819 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I had great sex and afterward decided to take a shower together. He left the room to get some towels, so I went to the bathroom and wait. I walked out of his room wearing nothing but a thong and ran into his mom who had come home from work early. FML

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By NotBridezilla - United States - Klamath Falls

Today, after waiting 3 months until my friend's wedding was done being celebrated, I announced my engagement. My newlywed friend bitched me out for "stealing" all of the attention and being selfish. FML

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By rkaneki

Twice error

Today, the guy I've been seeing told me he did not want to pursue a relationship with me after over 2 months of talking. He did the exact same thing to me 7 years ago. I fell for him twice. FML

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By Rex - United States - Camden

Do Not Pass Go

Today, I started at a new college. I bought my textbooks and went to my first class only to find out that they changed my schedule without telling me. I'd already opened the book. I could not get $200 back. FML

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By ShouldICallYouDaddy - United Kingdom - Grantham

Today, I discovered that the "hot, slutty, woman" my room mate has been dating is my mom. FML

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By Nextman

Today, my coworker, who is constantly singing "Baby Shark," wanted to take selfie for her Instagram account. She moved all the junk from her desk to mine, so her desk would look great in the picture. FML

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By sex deprived - United States

Today, I got more pleasure from scratching a bug bite than I've gotten from my boyfriend in 2 whole years. FML

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By ERnightmare - United States - Long Beach

Today, I was lucky to have an extremely attractive doctor operating on me. This would have been great had he not been removing a foreign object from my vagina after an ill-fated masturbation session. FML

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Top comments

By Tenma_Hakase | 0

#23894 - Tuesday 10 March 2009 4:41

How pathetic can you be to get depressed by that...

You do realize that the rejection is a randomized series of lines of code right?

By mikeyellenlee | 0

#3857 - Thursday 19 February 2009 7:05

I don't get what you're saying...but something tells me you're a loser.

COMMENTS

By xEPiCFAiLx | 0

#2227 - Saturday 14 February 2009 23:47

just ignore that. it's fake, anything could have happened i guess.

Reply

iownyou777 | 0

#915863 - Friday 5 March 2010 4:22

wat a fail this guy is

Reply

kaylabeanx | 1

#1035651 - Saturday 19 June 2010 6:41

Don't worry, only 2 people accept you on that site anyway

Reply

Starquake24 | 0

#4254395 - Tuesday 3 April 2012 18:00

Fake

By mikeyellenlee | 0

#3857 - Thursday 19 February 2009 7:05

I don't get what you're saying...but something tells me you're a loser.

Reply

chad73 | 0

#1545068 - Thursday 14 October 2010 2:41

maybe you'd have better luck dating in real life if you didn't sit around and play video games so much

By Tenma_Hakase | 0

#23894 - Tuesday 10 March 2009 4:41

How pathetic can you be to get depressed by that...

You do realize that the rejection is a randomized series of lines of code right?

Reply

dmmcintyre3 | 8

#4261685 - Thursday 5 April 2012 7:08

It's not even randomized in GTA4.

Reply

jwp0211 | 17

#4787118 - Wednesday 8 August 2012 11:20

If I'm correct there are only 6 girls you can date, 3 at a time.

By tifferneelee | 0

#25667 - Wednesday 11 March 2009 2:06

i have the game and that doesn't happen. go make up more stories elsewhere

Reply

rwac07 | 0

#983000 - Wednesday 21 April 2010 8:45

it does happen u idiot

Reply

matt5217 | 4

#1120480 - Wednesday 21 July 2010 23:39

it happens

Reply

Franorox | 8

#3528817 - Wednesday 2 November 2011 4:38

It always happens asshole

Reply

SkateBoarding | 4

#3863205 - Wednesday 11 January 2012 0:23

Your making up stories retard

By kaffweenie07 | 0

#36553 - Tuesday 17 March 2009 4:17

There are only two or three girls that will accept you and it's not off the bat. It's later in the game. All the other girls are just for show.

By knitbitch | 0

#56335 - Wednesday 25 March 2009 0:35

Grand Theft Auto? You deserved that.

By nafiul93 | 0

#59156 - Thursday 26 March 2009 3:50

i agree to #3 why wud u be mad at that
go outside and talk to chicks
in REAL LIFE

By 24788 | 6

#161044 - Saturday 2 May 2009 1:50

Lol, it's not going to be that easy. No one would buys games if all the plots were easy.

By prettygirlsonly | 0

#168208 - Monday 4 May 2009 20:06

Im sorry... but... please, come to the real world, i know is unkind, but at least it is FOR REAL...

By ddrluna | 2

#216502 - Thursday 21 May 2009 5:38

Dude... This might be tough to grasp, but, uh... it's a video game.

Seriously.