Today, while driving home, I was so lonely I turned on my GPS, even though I knew the way, so it would feel like I had someone to talk to. It made me feel better. FML

by Anonymous / 11/15/2010 at 4:50pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Transportation

Today, I accidentally left my sister's hamster's cage open and it escaped. My dad recently put mouse traps down. Guess where I found her. FML

by Anonymous / 11/15/2010 at 4:31pm / Ireland (Monaghan) / Animals

Today, my boyfriend and I were in my backyard goofing around when he tried to pick me up. He couldn't. I jokingly tried to lift him. I did so without much effort. FML

by kylie / 11/15/2010 at 4:17pm / Canada (Alberta) / Love

Today, I realized the only times my boyfriend ever says "I love you" are after he screws up or when he wants a blowjob. FML

by rockefoe / 11/15/2010 at 3:49pm / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, at work, a little boy shyly told his mom he thought I was cute. I smiled at him as she looked me up and down and said to him, "Eww, honey. No, you do not!" FML

by Anonymous / 11/15/2010 at 3:32pm / United States (Missouri) / Kids

Today, my boyfriend wanted to show me a magic trick. He filled a bowl with wine, pushed it on top of the ceiling using a broom stick, and held it up there. He told me to hold it and left. Taking my hands off the broomstick would cause the bowl to fall on my expensive new suit. Eventually, it did. FML

by Anonymous / 11/15/2010 at 10:57am / United States (Virginia) / Love

Today, after spending two weeks renovating my room and $1000 on paint and a new floor, my landlord told me that he's sold the house. Also, he was kind enough to inform me that unless I paint the walls back to white, I won't be getting my $500 deposit back. FML

by Anonymous / 11/15/2010 at 7:06am / Netherlands (Gelderland) / Money

Today, I had to spend £200 at the dentist for fillings and repairs to my teeth. Why do I need them? Because I'm stressed about money and grind my teeth in the night because of it. FML

by Anonymous / 11/15/2010 at 7:05am / United Kingdom (Manchester) / Money

Today, I just found out that my ex girlfriend is gonna be my step mother. FML

by xkal174 / 11/15/2010 at 6:33am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, a guy at work was ranking the girls we work with in the order he'd want to date them. He told me I was 6th "because personality is important, too." FML

by Anonymous / 11/15/2010 at 4:35am / United States (Florida) / Love

Today, I couldn't get to work because I couldn't find my car keys. It turns out, my mother took them and put them "somewhere safe." She can't remember where they are. FML

by Anonymous / 11/15/2010 at 4:11am / United States (Washington) / Transportation

Today, I volunteered to help out at an elementary school. I accidentally elbowed a little girl in the face while playing tag. And an hour later, a little boy flew out of his swing because I accidentally pushed him too hard. They're both siblings and are my child psychology instructor's kids. FML

by Anonymous / 11/15/2010 at 2:26am / Work

Today, I went out to eat with my girlfriend. The waiter came up and was being nice. He said, "What can I get you two gentlemen?" FML

by mynameisarmpit / 11/15/2010 at 1:48am / Love