Today, while parking my car, I accidentally bumped into the car in front of me, making a small, barely noticeable dent. I felt bad, wrote an apology note, and stuck it on his windshield. An hour later, he replied by keying the entire right side of my car. FML

by immunizations / 12/11/2010 at 2:40am / Canada (British Columbia) / Transportation

Today, I was about to get on stage for a choir concert, and realized I had no where to put my phone. Running out of time, I tucked it in the front of my dress and got on stage. I should have put it on silent first. FML

by RingRing / 12/11/2010 at 2:12am / United States (California) / Geek

Today, I was at a house delivering pizza. As I walked away, I heard the mom mutter to her child, "That's why you go to college." FML

by Anonymous / 12/11/2010 at 2:04am / United States (Washington) / Work

Today, I found out that my fiancé is going to be deployed on our wedding day. FML

by unwed / 12/11/2010 at 1:56am / United States (Michigan) / Love

Today, my parents brought me an ice cream birthday cake. I would think after 23 years they would remember my lactose intolerance. FML

by ShaunBomb / 12/11/2010 at 1:11am / United States (Kansas) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. When I orgasmed, my leg flew out and I accidentally kicked him in the balls. For the next ten minutes, he lay in the fetal position. FML

by caligirl921 / 12/11/2010 at 1:00am / United States / Intimacy

Today, I went to check if my neighbours were home to return their dog, having looked after her for a few days. I looked in the window and the place was empty. They'd moved house and stuck us with their dog. FML

by Anonymous / 12/11/2010 at 12:16am / Canada (Ontario) / Animals

Today, I found out my daughter has a higher paid job in the same company I work in. I also found out she is dating my boss. FML

by Anonymous / 12/11/2010 at 12:10am / Indonesia / Work

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me via facebook. I don't even have a facebook. My friends had to tell me. FML

by itsover / 12/11/2010 at 12:05am / United States (New Jersey) / Love

Today, I had to clean bathroom duties at work. Someone wrote "Merry Christmas" on the wall in their own shit. FML

by Anonymous / 12/10/2010 at 11:59pm / Canada (Ontario) / Work

Today, I woke up to my apartment filled with smoke, fire alarms blaring. My roommate set my kitchen on fire while making hot dogs. This is the fourth time this has happened. FML

by Anonymous / 12/10/2010 at 10:42pm / Canada (Ontario) / Animals

Today, I picked up my friend's new kitten so enthusiastically I scared it and it shat all over me. I literally scared the shit out of it. FML

by elliekilroy / 12/10/2010 at 7:12pm / United Kingdom (Monmouthshire) / Animals

Today, while browsing YouTube, I looked at the section "Recommended for You." I saw a video titled "How to get a girlfriend." Even YouTube thinks I can't get one. FML

by Anonymous / 12/10/2010 at 6:59pm / United States (California) / Love