Today, several family members, including my mum, deleted me from Facebook in a concerted show of contempt. Apparently, I just can't shut up about World of Warcraft. FML

by Anonymous / 01/02/2011 at 1:22pm / United Kingdom (Essex) / Geek

Today, as a finisher to a date with my girlfriend we decided to park behind the school and mess around. As we were pulling into a dark shaded spot, she drove straight into a snow bank. We spent the rest of our time together trying to dig the car out. FML

by peacechick25 / 01/02/2011 at 4:36am / United States (Alaska) / Transportation

Today, while making New Year's resolutions, I realized that I haven't hung out with anybody other than my family in over two years and I started crying. When my mom came in and I explained why I was crying, she replied, "Well that sucks. I'm off to have lunch with some friends. See you later!" FML

by Anonymous / 01/02/2011 at 12:17am / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was stripped of my starting position on my high school basketball team. The reason? I was three minutes late to practice. Why was I late? My coach called me five minutes before practice and made me get him a coffee or else he wouldn't start me. FML

by Anonymous / 01/01/2011 at 10:21pm / United States (Oregon) / Miscellaneous

Today, my little sister put on some black eyeliner on my eyes. About half an hour later, my eyes started to hurt. Eyeliner never hurt for me; so I went to the bathroom to check it out. My sister wasn't using eyeliner. It was a black watercolor pencil. Now I have black bits inside my eyes. FML

by Anonymous / 01/01/2011 at 9:48pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Kids

Today, my boyfriend told me to stuff my bra before going to a party with him and his friends because he didn't want to be embarrassed. FML

by Anonymous / 01/01/2011 at 7:51pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love

Today, I was dumped by the guy who serenaded me with his guitar and admitted he had feelings for me. Why? Because the girl who had continuously been rejecting him for so long finally decided to give him a chance. FML

by drfrogpepper / 01/01/2011 at 6:50pm / United States (California) / Love

Today, I spent the first day of the new year helping out at an old folks home. I was assigned to watch over a group which includes the delightful Earnie; an 83 year old delusional man who sees absolutely no problem with showing off "what the good lord gave him" every chance he gets. FML

by Username / 01/01/2011 at 6:21pm / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I posted on my Facebook wall that I'd gotten into a huge bar fight and had the shit kicked out of me, all to avoid having to tell the truth, namely that I'd stayed home all night because nobody invited me out to party. FML

by lonely / 01/01/2011 at 12:11pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

Today, as the clock struck twelve for the new year, I was in the bathroom having a nosebleed. FML

by cauteriseme / 01/01/2011 at 10:37am / United Kingdom (Warwickshire) / Health

Today, my fiancé suggested we bring his elderly mother with us on our honeymoon. FML

by Anonymous / 01/01/2011 at 8:30am / United States (New York) / Love

Today, I found out my parents' New Year's resolution is to get me to move out. FML

by Moving On / 01/01/2011 at 1:59am / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous

Today, I am pregnant, sober, designated driver, and puke cleaner. Yay for the New Year! FML

by Anonymous / 01/01/2011 at 1:08am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous