Miscellaneous: Today, I got a phone call, and the person on the other line started... - FML

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I got a phone call, and the person on the other line started speaking French. I assumed it was my friend since we usually speak French with each other, so I said in French "What do you want, asshole?". It wasn't my friend. It was a representative for the exchange program I'm applying for. FML

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Trans women are women

Vibe check

Grammar police alert

By frenchy - United States

Today, I work in a grocery store and a woman suffering from diarrhea somehow managed to get shit up and down two of the store aisles, then go to the ladies room and mess up the stall. I was the only one working trained in deal with bio-hazardous waste so I had to clean it up. FML

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By Gary

Today, after countless failed rejections and derision from women, I've realized that the only time I experience any sort of happiness is when I'm eating. They say there's someone out there for all of us, but maybe that's not true. FML

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By Studying is for crazy people. - United States - Stockton

Today, I was studying for my Spanish midterm nonstop. After I closed my book, I was so tired that I thought that my cat was asking me questions in Spanish. FML

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By wtf bro - 20/3/2020 07:00 - United States - Hesperia

King Dick

Today, after returning from some caveman type "men’s retreat" with his buddies, my husband is now refusing to cook or help out with the house and kids as it’s "women’s work." He also expects to be fetched beer on demand and referred to as "King" from now on. I don’t know rather to laugh or cry. FML

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By ForeverAlone - United States - O Fallon

Today, my boyfriend of a year and a half left me for another girl. Who was the only person who cared enough to comfort me? The girl he left me for. FML

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By fuckered519 - United States - Du Quoin

Today, being useless at thinking of gifts, I asked my boyfriend what he wants for Christmas. I said it could be anything that I could afford. He looked me in the eye and said very seriously: "Anal." FML

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By Salvation711 - United States

Today, a woman was staring at me. This went on for about five minutes until I couldn't take it anymore. I screamed at her to cut it out. It turns out she had a lazy eye. FML

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By roflcopter - United States

Today, one of my cousins offered to sell me his mac for a low price. When I got it, I realized it was an old toshiba painted white with an apple sticker on it. My cousin still insists it's a mac. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I used a red-eye removal tool on one of my photos. I quickly realised how bad my acne is when the software couldn't distinguish between my eyes and cheeks. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend started to plan our wedding. We've been going out for 3 days. FML

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By BlueyedKat - United States - Huntsville

Today, I gave a presentation to a class of 70+ people. No one bothered to tell me my fly was unzipped. No wonder they were all smiling. FML

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By Humaned - Cura?ao - Willemstad

Today, my school is making us take care of eggs for a teen pregnancy awareness project. Ever since we got the eggs, I've had nightmares, and people question why I don't want kids. FML

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By Having a pretty sister sucks. - United States - College Station

Relatable

Today, my sister had an emotional breakdown because two guys love her and she can't pick just one. Meanwhile I'm single and spend my time laying treats on my floor in a pattern and watching my rabbit run in circles. FML

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By WamBamSam - United Kingdom - Kidderminster

Today, whilst at a red light in my car, a homeless man with a spray bottle and a dirty rag came over to clean my windows. He started with the driver's window, which was wide open, and whatever was in his spray bottle smelled suspiciously like urine. FML

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By - 29/2/2020 20:00

May be

Today, while I was at my job as senior care, I was in a client's home vacuuming the carpet and found a very used vibrator that belonged to his wife. It wasn't clean. FML

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By Jenn P - United States - Wichita Falls

Today, my husband drew a penis on every one of my cigarettes. It's a new pack. FML

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By smokin - United States

Today, someone had the unique opportunity to be able to say to me, "Excuse me, your pants are on fire." FML

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By Username - France

Today, my email got hacked and sent all my contacts something for Viagra. My husband thinks I really sent it to him on purpose and now won't even talk to me. FML

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By bubblebuttfuckfart - Ireland

Today, my aunt brought me a birthday present. I quickly figured out that she'd simply returned the jacket I let her borrow two years ago for my brother's graduation party. It reeks of cigarette smoke and alcohol. FML

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By Sleeper_C3ll - United States

Today, I heard a man pleasuring himself in the stall next to me during my post lunch deuce. I was washing my hands when my boss walked out of the stall. I can no longer look at him in the face. FML

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By Madmanmorton - United States

Today, after a long night of drinking and partying, I woke up in my bed next to a beast of a woman. At least I know I made it home safely. FML

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By Eringobrag88 - United States

Today, I woke up to my two year old crawling in bed with me and saying, "I poop". Normally this would be ok, but this morning she decided she didn't need a diaper. FML

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By savanna(: - United States

Today, a police officer gave me a ticket for smoking. He told me that my parents would have to be contacted to come pick me up. My drunk dad came to the rescue, and almost hit the police car. Way to go dad. FML

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By meikd423 - France

Today, I walked in on my mom taking nude pictures of herself in the kitchen, with only a Santa hat on. FML

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By Brad - Canada

Today, my girlfriend dumped me for someone else. An hour earlier I had just gotten permission from her dad to propose. FML

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By MI3 - United States - Oakland

Today, I had to explain to my neighbor that not all black people are lactose intolerant. His eyes still bulge out every time I eat cheese. FML

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By omfgfmlife - United States

Today, my mother insisted I thoroughly water all the plants in and around my house before some people turned up. This would be fine except 90% of them are fake. She is convinced it will make them look "realer." FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Littleton

Today, I went to a big family dinner. At one point, my cousin ran up to me, sobbing hysterically, holding his crotch, and making a huge scene. Turns out that while taking a piss, he "accidentally" swatted his willy with an electric bug zapper. I can't believe I'm related to this little shit. FML

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By Crombinator - United States - Estacada

Today, my roommate was making a waterproof iPhone case and decided to use my phone to test it out. It didn't work. FML

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By thafinest - United States

Thanks, "Mom"

Today, I received a call from a collection agency. Since I had no clue, I was ready to file a police report for stolen identity. I then called my mom only to find out she has been opening new credit cards with my information for 3 years and not paying them. My credit is ruined and I'm only 21. FML

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By moikristine - Norway - Fagerstrand

Today, I got an email saying the gift I'd ordered for my boyfriend of three years had been sent. I ordered it a couple of days ago because I thought he needed cheering up. I guess he found a better way of doing so himself; he broke up with me yesterday. FML

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By VelociTheRaptor

Today, I was leaving work after a storm. They're building some new offices outside, so I had to walk on an uneven path near the construction zone. I came to a big puddle and tried to jump across to what I thought was a piece of asphalt. It was mud. I slipped and fell backwards into the puddle. FML

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By calidreaming - Japan - Osaka

Today, as I got off the bus, I saw a girl counting her change making sure she had enough for the ride. Since it was my last stop for the day, I offered my day pass to her. She replied, "Get away, freak." FML

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By scared2poop - Australia - Brighton

Today, like many other days, I drove 15 minutes away from my girlfriend's house to poop at the local McDonald's, because I'm too scared of her roommates hearing my extreme noise terror. FML

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By benji - United States

Today, I was hurriedly doing laundry. I threw a second load in the dryer and slammed the door shut. All of a sudden, I heard scratching and whining coming from the dryer. My cat probably hates me now. FML

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By purrtygirl - United States

Today, a guy from my school came into my work. I knew him but forgot his name. I didn't want to be rude and ask for his name when he probably expected me to know it. So, thinking I was clever, I said "How do you spell your name again?". His name was Rob. FML

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By geeklove - United States

Today, I got a Facebook message from the school genius/nerd, who I have never talked to. He politely informed me that after much thought and deliberation, he has narrowed it down to who his ideal mate is. Me. FML

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By Anon - United States

Today, I finally exchanged pictures with the woman I've been seeing online for some time now. She replied, saying "Thats not funny. Some people actually look like that." I sent my real picture, and thought I actually looked pretty good in it. FML

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By ww2freak - United States - Centreville

Today, I found out that if you whistle Christmas carols while shitting in a public bathroom, a little boy might just look under the stall to see if Santa is pooping. FML

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By

Today, it's been a week and a half since our hot water stopped working. Our landlord said he'll get on to it "in 3 days", after having said this already a few days before. I have to wash myself with a bucket and boiled water. FML

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Top comments

By ilikerainbows | 0

#42763 - Thursday 19 March 2009 16:12

Tu es tres stupide.

By Spiffy | 0

#42747 - Thursday 19 March 2009 16:05

Next time ask before you assume.

Because when you assume, you make an ass out of you and me. But in this case, just you :P

COMMENTS

By Spiffy | 0

#42747 - Thursday 19 March 2009 16:05

Next time ask before you assume.

Because when you assume, you make an ass out of you and me. But in this case, just you :P

Reply

ReyEr9412 | 0

#937373 - Thursday 11 March 2010 23:30

I agree. Assuming makes an ass out of u and me.

Reply

missonedirection | 6

#4214039 - Sunday 25 March 2012 19:40

Isn't "ass out of you NOT me...?"

Reply

Ramb0 | 20

#6534621 - Friday 12 February 2016 0:09

no it is not

By kamikaze_fml | 0

#42756 - Thursday 19 March 2009 16:10

Votre sont un baiser retarde.

By ilikerainbows | 0

#42763 - Thursday 19 March 2009 16:12

Tu es tres stupide.

Reply

Gimmedat | 0

#1013352 - Monday 31 May 2010 4:54

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

cowycal | 4

#1019884 - Saturday 5 June 2010 5:42

^Knowing which language it is fail. -_-

Reply

RileyFerrari | 0

#1035615 - Saturday 19 June 2010 5:28

French, you retard. Très means very.

Reply

Lawlihearttigers | 5

#3747722 - Sunday 18 December 2011 1:51

F. A. I. L. ! Learn how to speak the language before criticizing.

Reply

TaylorLynn462 | 10

#4622795 - Thursday 28 June 2012 0:48

No, it's a french win.

Reply

icrest80 | 4

#4872030 - Wednesday 29 August 2012 2:52

3 not to be a tight ass but because you probably don't know op it would be vous êtes très stupides. I guess this makes me a French grammar nazi lol

Reply

FluffyWizdom | 15

#5065991 - Sunday 21 October 2012 21:23

t'es vraiment con

Reply

Salzxx | 8

#6695655 - Monday 26 September 2016 21:05

#89 it's just one person, so tu works. #3 just forgot the accent

By Jimboom | 11

#42773 - Thursday 19 March 2009 16:16

Thanks. You just re-enforce the negative stereotype about French being rude arrogant fuckers.

I say thanks because I like taking the piss out of the French. :-P

By photographygal | 0

#42774 - Thursday 19 March 2009 16:17

welllll there goes your chances of making into that program lol

By i_f_16 | 0

#42781 - Thursday 19 March 2009 16:18

I guess you dont kno ur friends voices that well

Reply

ladidalisa | 0

#1023501 - Tuesday 8 June 2010 4:37

what I was thinking

Reply

iluvfmls456 | 0

#2820442 - Monday 4 July 2011 20:45

or their phone numbers.

By icare4u | 0

#42789 - Thursday 19 March 2009 16:24

c'est bien dommage!!

By Shemia | 7

#42802 - Thursday 19 March 2009 16:31

I'm French and I'm never being a rude arrogant fucker, thanks a lot.

By xolotl | 0

#42811 - Thursday 19 March 2009 16:39

Why would you assume that?

By Hlessirah | 3

#42815 - Thursday 19 March 2009 16:43

Well, it's better than if you had said that in English, right? At least you showed them that you're fluent in french cursing...Maybe they were impressed!