Today, I played Angry Birds for two hours. I got so into the game, I failed to remember that I was sitting on a public toilet. I only realized this when the janitor came to check on me. FML

by bobo / 04/23/2011 at 9:02pm / Canada (Ontario) / Animals

Today, I dislocated my arm while trying to escape from underneath a flipped over kayak. Who saved me? My two brothers-in-law. Who didn't? My husband, because his "feet were hurting." FML

by crizzy / 04/23/2011 at 8:08pm / United States / Love

Today, while trying on an outfit in the dressing room at the mall, I got locked in. I decided to take 5 minutes to try and get out by crawling under the door. After I got out, I realized I left my cell phone, my purse and my pants inside. FML

by Niquesha / 04/23/2011 at 7:56pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had to climb over a tall gate. Getting to the top wasn't a problem, but falling face first on the way down wasn't what I'd had in mind. FML

by Anonymous / 04/23/2011 at 5:26pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I asked a coworker if she would cover for me on Easter because I want to spend it with my 3 year old daughter. She said no because she wants to spend Easter with her kids, too. She doesn't have kids. FML

by Anonymous / 04/23/2011 at 4:54pm / United States / Work

Today, I tried to spice things up in the bedroom by making love to my husband in a tight leather corset. I ended up passing out. FML

by purrykitty / 04/23/2011 at 4:18pm / United States (Georgia) / Intimacy

Today, the toilet on the top floor of my house burst, soaked the bathroom, and water dripped down into the kitchen and the basement for hours when nobody was home. Eight blowers and a dehumidifier later, the house is about 90 degrees and I can't leave. FML

by wet / 04/23/2011 at 2:33pm / United States (Indiana) / Miscellaneous

Today, my 4 year old daughter walked in while I was changing my shirt. She said "When I get older I am going to have big boobies just like you." I'm her dad. FML

by parentof5 / 04/23/2011 at 11:20am / United States / Kids

Today, I found out the hard way that I'm the "lucky" type of woman who can experience intense orgasms in certain positions: in the middle of group yoga. FML

by nightDREAMERms / 04/23/2011 at 10:55am / United States (Maryland) / Intimacy

Michyxo's comment : Wow. That is so awkward lol.

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Today, my boyfriend told me he wanted to hunt Easter eggs before we have sex. I'm glad he has his priorities straight. FML

by Grrrr! / 04/23/2011 at 10:19am / United States (Missouri) / Intimacy

Today, at 5:30 in the morning while I was fast asleep, my cat decided the most threatening thing in my apartment that absolutely needed to be attacked was my left nipple. FML

by cdn_steed / 04/23/2011 at 9:11am / United States (New York) / Animals

Today, I was listening to my son's teacher gossip about students whilst in the grocery store. I was thrilled when she described my son as "A model student". However, she then went on to say, "Which is surprising considering that his parents are trailer trash." FML

by kindgartin / 04/23/2011 at 5:26am / Canada (Nova Scotia) / Kids

Today, my mother and girlfriend were joking around and talking about the embarrassing things I've done. After they'd had a lengthly conversation, my girlfriend mentions "And he always farts during sex." FML

by Sadman / 04/23/2011 at 4:37am / Canada (Nova Scotia) / Intimacy

GigaPudding's comment : "Yeah, his father does that too!"

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