Today, I fell down some steps, and my dad laughed at me. He then changed his facebook status to "My kid's an idiot." FML

by Ihavealisp / 02/15/2011 at 9:32pm / United States (Maryland) / Miscellaneous

Today, I printed out a picture of the popular girl in school as a sort of 'model' for how I wanted my hair cut. The hairdresser taped the picture to the mirror so he could see. Halfway through, my 'model' came in for an appointment. FML

by nerdychick / 02/15/2011 at 8:34pm / United States (Louisiana) / Miscellaneous

Alexxcunningham's comment : that's straight creeper status.

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Today, I received a call from the police about a car accident that I was a witness to. As the only witness who stopped to help, I was remembered by the other cars involved. They're blaming me for the accident. The cops want to talk. FML

by Nearis / 02/15/2011 at 8:13pm / United States (Iowa) / Transportation

Today, I was driving with my mother. The ride was 2 hours long. For the first hour, she talked about how uncomfortable sex is the first time. For the second, she talked about how I should take accordion lessons. FML

by bitchasaurusrex / 02/15/2011 at 4:24pm / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy

Today, while sitting on the couch, my boyfriend came over, pulled his penis out of his fly, and started stabbing me in the face with it while humming the Jaws theme. FML

by Anonymous / 02/15/2011 at 2:28pm / United States (Michigan) / Intimacy

mikeydakid59's comment : FEED THE SHARK!

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Today, I got a ticket for vandalizing public property. I decided to draw a cat on the street outside my house in sidewalk chalk. I'm 20, and I have to explain to my parents why I'm playing with chalk instead of studying. FML

by AliRocks / 02/15/2011 at 2:03pm / United States (California) / Animals

Today, I just pulled out of the fast food drive through, only to pull right behind a septic truck. Just as I was about to dig into my food, I noticed it had a handy window about a foot round. I had a stare-down with a turd until I could pass. FML

by Goatbeard / 02/15/2011 at 12:13pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, after struggling for hours to fall asleep with my husbands rather rattling snoring, I finally managed it... only to be rudely awakened an hour later by my husband elbowing me in the face in his sleep. FML

by Ugh / 02/15/2011 at 12:10pm / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, my girlfriend found an enormous rose arrangement in the back seat of my car. The flowers were from my fire chief to his wife. I forgot to deliver them. I now have to replace them since my girlfriend thinks I got them for her. The arrangement cost $225. FML

by Dj sMoZ! / 02/15/2011 at 10:30am / Love

Today, it's my birthday. I was excited because of all the wall posts I got on Facebook. Then I saw I got a "Happy Birthday" from the girl my boyfriend cheated on me with. FML

by Anonymous / 02/15/2011 at 9:31am / United States (Arkansas) / Intimacy

Today, I was in my car and stopped at a red light. A homeless woman then started to throw rocks at my car for no apparent reason. I drive a convertible. FML

by nakcba / 02/15/2011 at 5:21am / Transportation

Today, whilst nibbling on my husband's ear, I swallowed a lump of his earwax. FML

by Emily Salt / 02/15/2011 at 3:34am / Intimacy

Today, my mother walked in on me rubbing $400 in $20 bills all over myself. FML

by howler / 02/15/2011 at 1:44am / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy