Today, I stayed over at my grandparents' house. I woke up and... - FML

By uofpalum - 19/3/2009 01:41 - United States

Today, I stayed over at my grandparents' house. I woke up and had to brush my teeth. My grandma asked if I had found a toothbrush to use. I told her that I used my old purple toothbrush. She told me that was the toothbrush she used to brush her toenails. FML

I agree, your life sucks

73219

You deserved it

10689

Tweet

Share

British Broadcasting Corporation

Delayed proposal

Everyone's an expert

By broken - 23/9/2016 01:52 - United States - Arcata

Today, the guy I'm seeing told me, "I've always loved you as a person.... but not in any other way." While he was inside me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13936

You deserved it

1057

Tweet

Share

By Henji - 10/12/2009 22:21 - United States

Today, I gave a girl I like a $200 diamond necklace to express how much she means to me. She gave me a hug and told me she didn't want to lose me as a friend. Nor did she want to lose her new necklace. Today, I got a $200 hug. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15927

You deserved it

41186

Tweet

Share

By proud parent - 21/5/2016 16:03 - United States - San Antonio

Today, my two year old has learned new things from his best friend. His best friend is our dog. He's learned to eat dog food, lick people, and now he's started taking off his diaper to lift his leg and pee. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11381

You deserved it

1507

Tweet

Share

By tbw - 12/1/2012 00:31 - United States

Today, I decided to get my ass in shape and went to the gym. I got motion-sickness on the elliptical. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25000

You deserved it

5778

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 31/3/2016 23:48 - United States

Today, I took a two-hour bus ride to get to orientation, got stuck a block away because the pedestrian sidewalk was closed, waited half-an-hour for my ride in the rain, when someone called the cops on me for acting suspicious. I got to the interview soaking wet, and they told me they'd rescheduled. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19765

You deserved it

1316

Tweet

Share

By themonkeyman - 23/12/2009 00:05 - United States

Today, I started my job as a waiter. I was excited when my first customer paid for the bill. I go over to the table, half-expecting a tip. I got to the table and no money was on the table. On the bottom receipt was written: "Ever heard of deodorant?" Apparently I smell bad. Thanks for the tip. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13161

You deserved it

29415

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 21/11/2010 19:07 - United States

Today, I was cold and alone at work, so I decided to try and warm myself up on the panini toaster. As I was holding the top side open and my other hand over the hot metal, I accidentally closed the door on my hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8403

You deserved it

41126

Tweet

Share

By Noname - 20/2/2009 00:17 - United States

Today, in class my friend played a joke on me by pulling my seat from under me while i was about to sit. I fell and everybody laughed at me. During the next class, I did the same thing to him. He broke his arm. He was the star of the basketball team. Nobody laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51023

You deserved it

25039

Tweet

Share

By j - 26/7/2011 02:03 - Canada

Today, I ran out of gas while driving, and had to call a tow truck. I drive a tow truck. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18351

You deserved it

30102

Tweet

Share

By ew - 15/9/2015 16:33 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, my dad decided that campground bathrooms are disgusting and that on our upcoming camping trip, we'll have to keep a bucket of cat litter in our tent in case we want to go to the bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23181

You deserved it

1553

Tweet

Share

By Sonofa - 17/5/2013 15:52 - Canada - Cold Lake

Today, I brought my girlfriend home for the first time to meet my parents. They were having a heated argument because my mom had bought "the wrong toilet paper" and my dad was angry because "she should know that he has a sensitive anus". FML

I agree, your life sucks

52998

You deserved it

3764

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 11/9/2011 04:19 - United States

Today, my father in law drunkenly announced at dinner that he wished my husband had married my best friend. No one stuck up for me. Not even my husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42270

You deserved it

3358

Tweet

Share

By Goatbeard - 15/2/2011 17:13 - United States

Today, I just pulled out of the fast food drive through, only to pull right behind a septic truck. Just as I was about to dig into my food, I noticed it had a handy window about a foot round. I had a stare-down with a turd until I could pass. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24075

You deserved it

3970

Tweet

Share

By gotta love my momma - 28/8/2014 05:08 - United States - Folsom

Today, I got married. My booze-hound mother made a toast, and told a story about how she once walked in on us having sex. My husband's family is very religious, and we told them we weren't having sex until marriage. Thanks mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36067

You deserved it

11176

Tweet

Share

By eiregal2 - 15/4/2020 23:00 - Ireland - Cork

Butterfingers

Today, I somehow managed to slice open my thumb. The dangerous weapon that caused this to happen? Velcro. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1305

You deserved it

163

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 23/3/2016 01:36 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I was driving to work and I got a text from my girlfriend. She said she was breaking up with me. I was a little heartbroken, but I had to get on with my day. I got to work and my boss fired me. Turns out, my boss and girlfriend have been having an affair and she told him to fire me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32537

You deserved it

1584

Tweet

Share

By sicufovoshxbsjdk - 7/8/2010 02:22 - United States

Today, my grandma bought me a cemetery plot for my birthday. If that's not weird enough, it's about a 2 mile walk from where the rest of my family will be buried. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36171

You deserved it

2591

Tweet

Share

By RoastedbyNature - 21/5/2017 22:00

Basted High School

Today, my high school decided to practice graduation outside for 4 hours instead of inside, as well as serve lunch outside. Now everybody, including myself, is going to be sunburnt in their graduation pictures, because we were told practice was inside. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4385

You deserved it

374

Tweet

Share

By Triumvirate - 16/10/2010 05:26 - United States

Today, I learned that making an illegal U-turn right after you see a cop doing one will not stop said cop from ticketing you. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12627

You deserved it

41927

Tweet

Share

By Fish Breath - 3/6/2016 22:26 - United States - Bloomington

Today, as part of my job at a pet store, I helped our frat house president pick out goldfish for the new aquarium the big brothers are installing over summer break. And, once I'm initiated, I'll get to swallow one of the fish. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10947

You deserved it

4036

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 8/10/2019 18:00 - United Kingdom - London

To each their own

Today, taking a piss still gives me more pleasure than masturbation or sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1561

You deserved it

247

Tweet

Share

By argh - 20/3/2012 08:16 - United States - Houston

Today, I woke up to the faint memory of being drunk enough to draw dicks on my own face in permanent marker. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7078

You deserved it

33316

Tweet

Share

By sydneyp3435 - 11/6/2013 04:39 - United States - Boerne

Today, I started my job at a kids summer camp. The first little girl to arrive told me to close my eyes and open my hand because she had a "surprise" for me. Yep, a dead, decomposed sparrow covered in all sorts of bugs sure is a surprise. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46537

You deserved it

5640

Tweet

Share

By Fatty Fatty Fatso - 5/5/2013 00:41 - United States - Somers

Today, I learned that my mother counts my jeans as two pairs when she counts how many she's putting in for a load of wash. I've gotten that fat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26568

You deserved it

38996

Tweet

Share

By pist off - 5/3/2018 19:00

Classy.

Today, I felt rain on my face. I looked up and saw a man peeing off a hot air balloon. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4888

You deserved it

279

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 8/8/2015 05:18 - Canada

Today, I witnessed my dad wake himself from a nap with his own fart and start panicking in confusion. I guess I shouldn't have broken down laughing, because he demanded to know what I did to him. He didn't believe the truth and bitched me out for screwing around. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24415

You deserved it

2134

Tweet

Share

By nomorexbox - 26/4/2011 19:20 - United States

Today, I actually heard my 14 year old son muse to himself, "If I can drive drunk in Grand Theft Auto, how hard could it be in real life?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

44922

You deserved it

13417

Tweet

Share

By Alex - 11/6/2019 14:30

Today, I was working at my job at a bank. A couple was waiting in the lobby, and not being busy, I asked what they needed. They told me that they were applying for a loan, so I asked if it was for something exciting. It was to pay for their 12-year-old son's burial expenses. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2296

You deserved it

337

Tweet

Share

By Gioia - 30/4/2013 12:28 - Bulgaria - Vidin

Today, I was so nervous about a first date that trying to break a silence in the beginning, I asked, "So, you afraid of any insects?" No wonder I didn't get a second date. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39470

You deserved it

11703

Tweet

Share

By implantme - 11/5/2017 14:00

Give Me Novacaine

Today, I learnt that my tooth is cracking due to a crown that was put in this past October to prevent the previous crown from doing that. Cheers to an implant at 25 years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2963

You deserved it

225

Tweet

Share

By conbon123 - 29/4/2013 07:20 - United States - Beaverton

Today, my dog became scared of his own food bowl. He now barks for ages every time he sees it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40989

You deserved it

3426

Tweet

Share

By hcditfi5foygy - 31/8/2018 20:30

Today, I went to my dorm's community bathroom to do my business. After releasing the Kraken, as I was wiping, I accidentally let go of the toilet paper. Instead of the toilet, it hit the floor in the next stall. Someone was in there. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2312

You deserved it

509

Tweet

Share

By what... - 15/9/2013 18:47 - United States - North Port

Today, my boss took me to one side and said, "Cross me like that ever again, and you're fired." I have no clue what he was talking about, and he denies ever having said a word to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41508

You deserved it

2793

Tweet

Share

By yerface - 13/2/2009 03:52 - United States

Today, I told my mom I was excited my boobs were getting bigger. She told me that that's what happens when you get fat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40626

You deserved it

8646

Tweet

Share

By Oops - 13/9/2016 18:28 - United States - Portland

Today, I managed to stop my supervisor from falling into a trench, only for the ground to give way and for me to fall in instead. My supervisor didn't even notice. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11877

You deserved it

841

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 3/8/2012 14:52 - United States

Today, I took my first fare as a qualified taxi-driver. The pride soon diminished as I was forced to listen to my passenger give a greatly detailed description of his recent colonoscopy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21537

You deserved it

2429

Tweet

Share

By Imgonnahaveabf - 5/1/2012 12:06 - United States

Today, my parents got a new dog. It attacks me every time I laugh. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32297

You deserved it

3585

Tweet

Share

By Clorpy - 30/3/2018 07:00

#priceless

Today, I was at the Kings Avalanche game in Denver. Anže Kopitar scored a hat trick and people threw hats in. Someone ripped my own hat off my head and tossed it on the ice. It was a gift from my dead grandparents with my name stitched onto it. I’ve had it for 15 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5846

You deserved it

370

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 19/7/2015 04:36 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my girlfriend thought it'd be hilarious to secretly swap her and my mom's numbers in my phone, then sexually tease me before going to work. I found out about the prank when I texted my "girlfriend", saying I was going to fuck her so hard she wouldn't walk straight for days. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35924

You deserved it

4961

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 25/4/2015 07:30 - Canada - Delta

Today, I found out the name on my driver's license is incorrect. I don't know what's worse: the fact the government can't even copy a goddamn name correctly, or that it took me three months to notice, when a cop nearly arrested me for carrying a "fake" license. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31411

You deserved it

4843

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By TheMitmit | 0

#42390 - Thursday 19 March 2009 9:04

Reminds me of the time my sister said she used my toothbrush to clean the dog's teeth. Toothbrushes should be hidden from all family members in a special place only you know about...

By shykneejess | 0

#42423 - Thursday 19 March 2009 9:30

Ew, I probably would have thrown up, no joke. Wash your mouth out with baking soda and/or salt warm water to disinfect and prevent any bacteria from sprouting in there. The last thing you need is a type of fungus or mouth sores that could be prevented. Sorry to hear that happened... *Shivers...*. FYL

COMMENTS

By TheMitmit | 0

#42390 - Thursday 19 March 2009 9:04

Reminds me of the time my sister said she used my toothbrush to clean the dog's teeth. Toothbrushes should be hidden from all family members in a special place only you know about...

Reply

mariahrawks | 0

#989208 - Saturday 8 May 2010 0:13

Ew, that's grody. &
@two - she said it used to be HER'S whenever she visited her grandmas.

Reply

evry1luvspuns | 0

#3148540 - Saturday 20 August 2011 22:45

you must have been toerrified

By _pokeys | 0

#42397 - Thursday 19 March 2009 9:08

You brush your teeth with some random toothbrush you've found?

Reply

Alpaca_BAMF | 8

#5562237 - Tuesday 2 July 2013 14:19

No he used his own old toothbrush

By digitalangel | 0

#42400 - Thursday 19 March 2009 9:10

I started keeping my toothbrush separate from the rest of my family when it was discovered that my sister and my mother had been using the same one for weeks.

By shykneejess | 0

#42423 - Thursday 19 March 2009 9:30

Ew, I probably would have thrown up, no joke. Wash your mouth out with baking soda and/or salt warm water to disinfect and prevent any bacteria from sprouting in there. The last thing you need is a type of fungus or mouth sores that could be prevented. Sorry to hear that happened... *Shivers...*. FYL

Reply

emeraldchicky | 0

#2734894 - Wednesday 22 June 2011 6:54

Ewwww!!!!!!!!!!

By Tehalon | 0

#42429 - Thursday 19 March 2009 9:33

Dont worry about it, this will only improve your immunesystem!

By veren_enkeli | 0

#42440 - Thursday 19 March 2009 9:46

oh ew...just ew.

By green_199 | 0

#42471 - Thursday 19 March 2009 10:47

Your grammy's toes don't taste SO bad IMO

By stonerchu | 0

#42472 - Thursday 19 March 2009 10:48

gross...

By bitchplease69_fml | 0

#42480 - Thursday 19 March 2009 11:19

My teeth are rotting out of my head!

By bitchplease69_fml | 0

#42482 - Thursday 19 March 2009 11:21

Yeah!, AGREE w/ #5, read some George Carlin, BITCH!!! Swim in puke also. I mean.. Just PUKE. You anorexic. 're