Miscellaneous: Today, the phone kept ringing but there was only silence on the... - FML

By jina - Korea Republic of

Today, the phone kept ringing but there was only silence on the other line. The third time I yelled, "What the fuck is your F*ing problem asshole!? Get a life shithead!" and hung up. Then the pastor's wife called and explained that she mistakingly set her phone on mute. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21011

You deserved it

65012

Tweet

Share

There's no helping some people

This Charming Man

Backwards world

By Anonymous - Canada - Brampton

Today, I got into a fistfight with a complete idiot wearing a panda outfit. My face now looks like a real panda's. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34432

You deserved it

17572

Tweet

Share

By Idon'thave£12000

Could go either way, really

Today, I received a full scholarship to the university of my dreams in England. Being born into a fairly poor family, I've never received anything for free and I worked on my grades like a dog last semester to achieve this. However, the scholarship is only valid if the UK stays in the EU. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2433

You deserved it

177

Tweet

Share

By kstaa - Australia

Today, I was sitting on the train wondering what that putrid smell was. As I got off the train I realized there was vomit all over the back of my seat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29085

You deserved it

4508

Tweet

Share

By veevee - Australia

Today, I noticed my dishwasher wouldn't turn on. After shelling out $120 call-out fee, I was a little miffed when the technician walked in, pressed the 'unlock' function and walked out again. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9780

You deserved it

53016

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend informed me that since he's doing a project with a girl in his class and carpooling with her in the morning, she'll be sleeping over at his house. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40186

You deserved it

4783

Tweet

Share

By douchegamer - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, after an argument with my pianist girlfriend about how bad my favourite song would sound on the piano, she stormed out of the room crying, leaving behind a CD. It was the piano version of the song she'd made for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15117

You deserved it

78729

Tweet

Share

By stuck - United States - Bridgeview

Today, my boyfriend wrecked our car. Now I can't get to work in order to make the money we need to buy a new one. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32504

You deserved it

4649

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Today, I caught a ride with a coworker in their brand new mercedes. They spent the drive passionately talking about how it made them a better driver and all the people that say otherwise are idiots. After running three stop signs and nearly sideswiped a mini-van I decided to walk the last mile. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2103

You deserved it

155

Tweet

Share

By vibratorgirl - United States

Today, I left my parents house to drive 90 minutes back to college. As I was getting off the exit for my school, I realized I left my bright pink vibrator sitting on my dresser back at home. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23023

You deserved it

73704

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, due to my lagging browser, I accidentally "liked" a status my friend made about the deterioration of her relationship. Then, the computer froze, making it impossible to "unlike" it immediately. My friend won't accept that it was a mistake. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29936

You deserved it

5719

Tweet

Share

By mimi - United States

Today, I shat a magnet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14646

You deserved it

35646

Tweet

Share

By Cyberdeeder

Today, at the cinema, I sat next to a guy who couldn’t stand a minute without laughing or making comments about the film. FML

I agree, your life sucks

75029

You deserved it

20236

Tweet

Share

By Teenagegirl - Canada - Sherwood Park

Today, my mother told me it's okay to be a prostitute, as long as I make sure the clients pay a lot. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32264

You deserved it

4250

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Today, I worked a long shift at my job while feeling like crap, anticipating getting a promotion. As my boss was leaving work, he informed me that because I also go to college, the promotion was being given to another employee that I trained a month ago. This is the second time this has happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1989

You deserved it

171

Tweet

Share

By send help

Help!

Today, at the Japanese restaurant I work for, we have 95 reservations and three servers. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6321

You deserved it

389

Tweet

Share

By hoogimo

Today, after buying my girlfriend a $700 bracelet for Christmas, I hinted that I wanted a pair of Oakleys. She told me I shouldn't get her anything and that I should expect even less. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29234

You deserved it

8640

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United Arab Emirates - Dubai

Today, my mother described what her ideal daughter-in-law should be like. Half-way through her description, fishing for some compliments, I told her that such a girl would be way above my league. She sighed and emphatically agreed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23515

You deserved it

9716

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I heard my sister gagging in her room. She was doing it quietly, and I got pretty concerned, after hearing a lot about bulimia recently. I knocked, then heard a gasp, so I let myself in, only to see her on her knees and her boyfriend with his underwear around his ankles. FML

I agree, your life sucks

58360

You deserved it

24434

Tweet

Share

By Kelly

Today, my mom dropped me off at a friend's house. Upon leaving, my friend's mom said how much I looked like my mother. My mother then replied, "That's funny, she was adopted." This was the first I'd heard of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2269

You deserved it

135

Tweet

Share

By cupcake_butt - United States

Today, my 28-year-old brother who has been pranking me all my life, put a chocolate cupcake on my chair. I sat on it, with my white dress. On my wedding day. FML

I agree, your life sucks

71955

You deserved it

4376

Tweet

Share

By NewDrugs - United States - Charlotte

Today, I went back home after seeing the doctor, I told my boyfriend my new medicine might cause some mood swings. He immediately grabbed his phone and pretended to take a call, then rushed out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28158

You deserved it

3522

Tweet

Share

By ashbox233 - United States

Today, someone reckoned that I would never be in a relationship. So I made up this whole story about some made up guy named 'Nick' and posted stuff on my Facebook and Myspace that I'm dating him. Now all my friends want to meet him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8150

You deserved it

85362

Tweet

Share

By Z - Australia

Today, I played paintball with a bunch of friends. By the end of the day, my girlfriend and I were the only people left on the field. She shot me mercilessly, and I screamed like a little girl. 30 people watched, 4 people filmed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12744

You deserved it

24915

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boss finally pronounced my name correctly. My name was then followed by the words "You're fired." FML

I agree, your life sucks

29678

You deserved it

2565

Tweet

Share

By ebe

Today, my landlord, due to a past of being an asshole and now enhanced with dementia, suddenly jumped down my throat for parking incorrectly in the driveway, because there's no room for their two cars. He hasn't had two cars in a year. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1639

You deserved it

137

Tweet

Share

By FireoftheFuture - United States

Today, I had a giant Scantron test. After putting 10 answers, I noticed every single answer was A. I got freaked out and started putting random answers. Turns out every answer on the test was A. I failed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30890

You deserved it

55790

Tweet

Share

By JulieClaire

Today, while driving home I saw a few deer running beside me. I stopped to let them go in front. Instead, one face-plants, ramming into the side of my brand new car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30085

You deserved it

4768

Tweet

Share

By ewwww - United States - Oak Lawn

Today, I found out where the mysterious bites on my back keep coming from. It's not every day you find an earwig in your loofah. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41504

You deserved it

4295

Tweet

Share

By Tinkerer - United States

Today, my stepbrother found my diary and read it. He then told my boyfriend how I had a crush on another guy, and no longer liked him, causing my boyfriend to break up with me. That diary was from the third grade. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44772

You deserved it

3736

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I noticed that someone smeared "wash me" into the grime of my car. I decided to take it to get a wash. I pulled up, put my vehicle in neutral, and kicked back as it slowly started to move. You never realize how long it takes a sun roof to close until water is dumping on your head. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15752

You deserved it

60859

Tweet

Share

By great - United States

Today, I sat in my boss's office as he bitched me out for being "too sarcastic" to our customers. After nearly half an hour of him criticizing my "piss-poor attitude," he asked me what I was going to do to fix it. Without thinking, I said, "Your mom." Now I'm jobless again. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10499

You deserved it

74588

Tweet

Share

By ImprovTeacher

Today, I was teaching a small group of improv students. I asked one guy to do a monologue, and laughed to myself while he did so. I said, "Sorry, I'm just laughing at the way you're doing it." He then got upset and pointed out that he had a speech impediment. FML

I agree, your life sucks

665

You deserved it

2249

Tweet

Share

By Justin 'Cuntface' Bieber III - United States - Jersey Shore

Today, at the supermarket, a woman came up to me and said I looked just like her son, who was killed in Afghanistan. She tearfully asked if she could hug me "one last time". It was a little weird, but I let her. 10 minutes later, at the checkout, I realized she'd pickpocketed my wallet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35589

You deserved it

5250

Tweet

Share

By HOPE YOU GET PEGGED - Canada - Hinton

Today, my mom hosted a high-school reunion. I had to prepare dessert, while my brother cooked dinner. Being the absolute dickhead that he is, he switched the sugar with salt. All the desserts I made tasted like shit, everyone left, and I got grounded for my supposed prank. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26388

You deserved it

2391

Tweet

Share

By smellsofeggs - United Kingdom

Today, I was having a playful fight with my brother. I made the point that our dog likes me better than him. To this, my dog jumped onto the sofa, turned to me and vomited on my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28981

You deserved it

8461

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 1/5/2021 21:30

Leaving makes sense

Today, I finally left my bitch girlfriend with her son, who has difficulties and violence issues. Now everyone is telling me I should go back, because the kid needs a father, never mind that I’m depressed and in therapy for suicidal urges. Guess my mental health doesn’t matter. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1142

You deserved it

103

Tweet

Share

By shaunaaa - Australia

Today, I was in science class studying dead insects for biology. After packing away the jars, I noticed a red-back spider on the bench. Thinking it was missing from a jar, I picked it up. It wasn't missing. It was alive. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34249

You deserved it

5321

Tweet

Share

By anonymous - United States

Today, I won the lottery. My ex-girlfriend has the ticket. I just broke up with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54715

You deserved it

28332

Tweet

Share

By what sex life? - United States - Nashville

Today, while in the shower with my boyfriend, I tried to heat things up by washing his knob with my loofa. He couldn't stop laughing and eventually laughed so hard that he slipped and fell. He now has a bruised butt while I have a missing toenail from catching his fall. Ouch. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17138

You deserved it

2854

Tweet

Share

By mrssagdiyev - United States

Today, my husband decided to imitate Borat and shout "Very Nice! I Excite!" while having sex. He's also decided that it was ingenious and does it every single time, the entire time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36475

You deserved it

5417

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By gqduck | 0

#39928 - Wednesday 18 March 2009 11:03

What is up with the gratuitous swearing at strangers on the phone? Who does that?

By XxGivesMEhellxX | 0

#39851 - Wednesday 18 March 2009 9:41

wasn't there just one like this with someones grandma having a stroke?

COMMENTS

By aqua__marine | 0

#39830 - Wednesday 18 March 2009 9:29

there's already been one like this?

Reply

mcicycool | 0

#986193 - Wednesday 28 April 2010 5:39

I like the fact that the op censored only one of the curse words they used(:

Reply

qwertyuiopdead | 0

#1046315 - Sunday 27 June 2010 21:03

he was so pissed afterwards he ate a dog

By neonoodle | 0

#39839 - Wednesday 18 March 2009 9:35

anger management.

By XxGivesMEhellxX | 0

#39851 - Wednesday 18 March 2009 9:41

wasn't there just one like this with someones grandma having a stroke?

By Jimboom | 11

#39856 - Wednesday 18 March 2009 9:46

I'd watch out. She might have asked her husband to get god to smite you.

By 0 | 3

#39879 - Wednesday 18 March 2009 10:10

I think you ripped this from a recent FML...

By GameRater01 | 0

#39896 - Wednesday 18 March 2009 10:29

Sounds like someone is going to confession soon.

By lol_everyday | 0

#39899 - Wednesday 18 March 2009 10:33

you can show your anger out by not cursing you know......

By bitchplease69_fml | 0

#39902 - Wednesday 18 March 2009 10:36

I don't go to church so I don't really care. There's other churches so just go to another one.

By ohboyscott | 0

#39916 - Wednesday 18 March 2009 10:46

this is not a fucking fml FUCKER

By gqduck | 0

#39928 - Wednesday 18 March 2009 11:03

What is up with the gratuitous swearing at strangers on the phone? Who does that?