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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I was having trouble blowing out the last of the several candles on my bedside table. Exasperated, I blew as hard as I could, which sent hot wax from the other candles shooting into the air, all over my face and into my eyes. FML

#6310101
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20572) - you deserved it (11018)

On 11/15/2009 at 4:23am - misc - by shiiiiit (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, a neighbour called to say my water tank burst. A colleague followed me home to help, took off his shirt so it wouldn't get wet and climbed through my window to get to the roof. My boyfriend unexpectedly came home as we were emerging from the bedroom. My colleague was still buttoning his shirt up. FML

#6309981
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44577) - you deserved it (5690)

On 11/15/2009 at 3:42am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I went to go see my boyfriend of over two years in a play. I knew that he'd be kissing his female opposite at the end of the show and I was okay with that. I snuck into his dressing room at intermission to find him "rehearsing" with her half naked. FML

#6309781
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41335) - you deserved it (2879)

On 11/15/2009 at 2:51am - love - by irishbitch (woman) -

Today, I parked my convertible in the 5 minute bay at the post office. When I came back out I noticed a bum in the front seat pretending to drive it. After shouting at him and pulling him out, he stumbled off. I was then slapped with a ticket for being parked longer than 5 minutes. FML

#6309231
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24982) - you deserved it (5421)

On 11/15/2009 at 1:08am - misc - by John (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I decided to wear a tight, long-sleeved shirt that showed off my body. As I was trying to roll up my sleeves, I realized how tight this shirt really was. It wouldn't budge past my elbow and I tugged to hard I ended up punching myself in the eye. I now have a swollen, black and blue eye. FML

#6308851
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7450) - you deserved it (32174)

On 11/15/2009 at 12:21am - misc - by Unknown - United States

Today, I found out that my coworker shared a laugh with the boss about setting the office desk on fire (which he actually did), while ten minutes later I was threatened with being fired because I made paper snowflakes and hung a few of them next to the computer. FML

#6308799
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23936) - you deserved it (2176)

On 11/15/2009 at 12:12am - work - by hanmart (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I sent a get well card to my friend. it wasn't until after I got home from posting it did I realise that the stamps I put on the envelope had the phrase "Let's Get Active" on them with drawings of people playing sports. My friend is in a wheelchair. FML

#6303407
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23827) - you deserved it (10959)

On 11/14/2009 at 5:26pm - health - by Insensitive (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, my boyfriend gave me a bucket of Twizzlers for our 1 year anniversary because 'he knew I liked them.' He has no idea why I am so upset. FML

#6303119
478 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15994) - you deserved it (42566)

On 11/14/2009 at 4:59pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

giganticbrain's comment : Fucking take them and be happy, asshole.

See all the comments →

Today, I saw a grasshopper in the urinal so I decided to pee on it. It jumped out, scared the hell out of me, and I peed all over myself. FML

#6302850
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7342) - you deserved it (68738)

On 11/14/2009 at 4:37pm - animals - by TheMichaelNixon - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I wore my cool new shirt with an oriental character on it to class. The Chinese TA burst into laughter and told me the shirt read, "I am a sad, pathetic person." FML

#6301645
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11100) - you deserved it (38081)

On 11/14/2009 at 2:48pm - misc - by Molly (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I asked a girl I like out. She ended up having an asthma attack because she was laughing so hard. I guess that's a no. FML

#6300869
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38581) - you deserved it (2588)

On 11/14/2009 at 1:38pm - love - by asthma_attacker (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my boyfriend of six years broke up with me for a girl he's known for less than 72 hours. Why? He wanted someone pure. I lost my virginity to him five years ago. FML

#6300717
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41324) - you deserved it (3833)

On 11/14/2009 at 1:19pm - love - by unengaged (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, in a big meeting, my secretary calls me saying that I have an important call waiting. I put the call through. It was my beautician, confirming my appointment to get rid of an ingrown hair. I hurriedly confirm and hang up to see everyone in the room giggling. The speaker phone was on. FML

#6300259
30 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21672) - you deserved it (6479)

On 11/14/2009 at 12:31pm - misc - by SpeakerPhone (woman) - France (Alsace)



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