Miscellaneous: Today, I found a bell that had been tied into the tassel of my...

Nearly

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50

You deserved it 5

27/09/2021 06:27

Today, I have to get up and go to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56

You deserved it 102

Spicy

Unfriended

By thethrowawayplace - 15/10/2021 17:00

Today, my friend was watching a black guy getting yelled at by the cops on TV. He then decided to yell, "Wow, ni***** really don't know how to behave!" When I didn't react, he yelled it over and over, until I slunk into my room. He knows I'm part black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 677

You deserved it 110

Grind mindset

By MyStomachHurts - 15/10/2021 05:00

Today, my boss wrote me up for taking too many bathroom breaks. I tried calling in sick with a bad case of indigestion, but he told me to just power through it because, "it can't possibly be that bad." I have been in severe, persistent discomfort the whole damn day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 623

You deserved it 41

20/03/2009 17:40

Today, I found a bell that had been tied into the tassel of my ski hat by my twin sister as part of a longstanding prank war between us. I'm deaf and have apparently been jingling like an elf for over a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 145 575

You deserved it 12 399

Miscellaneous

Mama's boy

This Charming Man

Triage

01/01/2016 14:28

Today, a customer gave me hell because a high-spec game he bought wouldn't run on his ancient Windows XP PC. I ended up having to profusely apologize and refund him. Whoever coined the phrase "the customer is always right" should probably be shot, run over by a bus, then shot a few more times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 971

You deserved it 1 972

27/02/2009 08:39

Today, I was having phone sex with my boyfriend. About halfway through he went really quiet and started breathing heavily. I thought he was about to climax until I discovered he had fallen asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 555

You deserved it 15 123

TMI

By Anonymous - 28/07/2020 02:02

Today, my granny had the phone on loudspeaker, talking to a friend. When the conversation turned from the price of potatoes to ticks in hard-to-reach places, I fleed into the garden. First thing granny tells me once I’m back: The details of how that tick was all the way up in her friend’s husband’s crotch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 219

You deserved it 129

22/06/2015 03:08

Today, while taking a slow night at my waitressing job, I thought I heard the sound of crying coming from the kitchen. I rushed in, thinking something terrible had happened. Nope, the bus boy was just watching porn on his phone with no headphones. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 581

You deserved it 2 348

07/03/2015 19:09

Today, my little sister complained about a young boy in her class always pulling her hair. She asked when boys will stop doing it. My mom replied, "They won't, even when they're grown-ups," then looked over at my dad and shared a dirty smirk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 518

You deserved it 4 354

Almost made it

By anon9876542 - 20/08/2009 11:02

Today, I drank 1.5 litres of water. I didn't go to the bathroom for 9 hours. During my one-hour trek home on public transport, I was busting to pee but I managed to hold it. Walking 200 metres from my bus stop to my house was agony, but I still held it. When I got to my front door, I peed my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 063

You deserved it 45 368

Keep up!

By AstralLuna - 05/03/2021 08:01

Today, I, a demigirl struggling with her identity, have decided to change my name. When I told my dad in therapy (of all places) that I was a demigirl, he struggled to understand me. When I told my mom I was changing my name, she yelled at me and refused to call me it. And she wonders why I don't trust her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 576

You deserved it 959

Superficial World

By apparentlytoofat - 26/04/2020 05:00

Today, my husband said he thinks of me as more of a roommate than a romantic interest, and he’s wouldn't be that attracted to me unless I lose another 20 pounds. I was just celebrating that I’d lost 5 pounds already in April. Stress makes it harder to lose weight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 211

You deserved it 289

21/07/2011 23:46

Today, my three-year-old daughter rushed in, excited about her new baby brother or sister. She was so excited, I didn't have the heart to tell her men can't have babies, and I just have a beer gut. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 895

You deserved it 15 737

Dog hater?

By Elizabeth Haygood - 13/05/2021 04:01

Today, I had a phone interview for a better position at work. I've been training my puppy recently not to bark. I put on dog-calming videos while she was in the kennel. During the interview, my neighbor's dog started barking and my dog immediately responded back. My boss ended the interview. FML

I agree, your life sucks 941

You deserved it 138

New Man

By Hrothebert - 20/03/2021 02:00

Today, my widowed mother told me she's been seeing a guy for the last 5 months. No problem. But now she insists on calling him, "New Daddy." I'm 37 and she lives across the street. FML

I agree, your life sucks 889

You deserved it 67

18/08/2011 04:02

Today, my family decided it would be hilarious to catch the biggest moths they could and let them loose in my room. I'm terrified of moths and they thought it would be 'funny as hell' to watch me freak out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 719

You deserved it 5 090

24/01/2016 17:10

Today, I twisted my knee while cutting firewood with my grandpa. The pain was so crippling, I fell over screaming. His response? "Quit your bitching, I had my kneecaps blown off in Vietnam. They had to stitch 'em back on." He's never been to Vietnam, or even out of the country. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 486

You deserved it 2 248

Yeet the guy

By Lorbibo - 14/01/2021 17:00

Today, I was trying to set up a date with my boyfriend of two years, but he said he didn’t want to, and then to interrupted me to talk to his friends on Discord. FML

I agree, your life sucks 720

You deserved it 136

07/01/2011 00:26

Today, I fell and got a nasty cut above my right eye. The doctor in the ER sealed the wound with surgical glue. He also glued his glove to my eyebrow, and let glue run onto my eyelid. Not only do I have a scar and medical bill, I now have no eyebrow or eyelashes on my right eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 687

You deserved it 2 450

Serfs

By Impotante - 11/06/2021 02:01

Today, at work while everyone else was at lunch, my boss's sister-in-law called. Realizing I was manning the phones alone, she immediately asked, "Oh, is everyone of importance gone to lunch?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 826

You deserved it 60

25/08/2015 19:46

Today, I went on a first date with my crush. Right before the date, I noticed a monstrous pimple in the middle of my forehead. I covered it with make-up, but it was still visible. The guy spent the whole evening laughing at me and telling me that I look like an unicorn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 820

You deserved it 2 168

Alexa, play "Policy of Truth" by Depeche Mode

By is there a environmental scientist in the house? - 05/03/2013 08:48

Today, wanting to impress my date, I bullshitted her about how I was an environmental scientist. She got so impressed that she invited me over to her place. Not her home, her office. So that I could give her pointers on her current project. She's a real environmental scientist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 567

You deserved it 76 482

06/07/2012 06:52

Today, I was walking in Walmart with my dad. We walked past the deodorant aisle. My dad said, "Need any deodorant?" I said, "No thanks." He replied, "That was a hint." FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 713

You deserved it 32 781

11/07/2011 10:53

Today, trying to make a good impression and be helpful, I volunteered to look after my manager's cat while she moves house. The cat hasn't stopped meowing since he got here this evening, it's now 4 am and I have work in the morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 444

You deserved it 6 711

Annoying neighbors ruin everything

By so much for relaxing - 21/07/2021 06:01

Today, I decided to sit on the back porch for a while to enjoy the nice weather and relax. Unfortunately, one of my neighbors was outside too, having a very loud argument with his wife for about 45 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 820

You deserved it 64

Trust

By Anonymous - 03/10/2020 15:02

Today, my fiancée a year left me, a week after she told me she’s still talking to her ex. Her excuse for not telling me about this? Because, “You’ll make it a big deal out of it.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 123

You deserved it 117

20/04/2013 00:16

Today, my boss made me give a presentation to several senior company officials about the serious financial losses our division has made this year. Barely an hour later, my boss had palmed all the blame off onto me and gotten me fired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 723

You deserved it 3 369

Like the beginning of a porno

By Anonymous - 15/07/2020 23:01

Today, my girlfriends dared me to answer the door naked to the cute pizza delivery guy. He laughed it off and thanked me for the awesome tip. An hour later, police arrived because my nosy, frigid, couldn’t-get-laid-in-a-brothel neighbour reported me for public indecency. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 040

You deserved it 1 182

19/12/2013 13:12

Today, I was looking for a job. I was so desperate for gas money to drive around town that I had to steal $20 from my sister. She's only 10 years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 508

You deserved it 23 059

13/12/2013 21:41

Today, my boyfriend randomly decided to let me know that he believes there's really no such thing as cheating, unless both partners explicitly agree that the relationship is monogamous. And no, he wouldn't agree that ours is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 702

You deserved it 4 877

21/12/2014 01:16

Today, I had to find simple words to explain to the idiot I was tutoring that "1/4" is not of a greater value than "1/3" just because the denominator is bigger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 479

You deserved it 5 542

10/12/2015 18:45

Today, I had been stress-eating a lot of junk food during finals week at college. I was feeling worried about my figure, and lifted up my shirt to see myself in the mirror. My boyfriend, who I didn't know was watching, promptly said, "Whoa babe, it looks like the condom broke!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 907

You deserved it 3 306

30/07/2009 05:56

Today, I was running on a soccer field and accidentally dropped my gum from my mouth. No one had noticed so I picked it up and started chewing again. It was a different flavor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 455

You deserved it 87 680

09/09/2009 17:21

Today, I found out why my husband had wanted to wait until marriage to get it on. Last night was the first night of our honeymoon, and he informed me that he wasn't always Ben, but used to be Brenda. His 'penis' doesn't work and he had wanted to know I "truly loved him" before he had let me know. FML

I agree, your life sucks 202 066

You deserved it 21 704

24/10/2013 06:05

Today, while visiting my mother, she asked my son who his favorite parent was. As a growing boy, he chose his father. I don't mind, except she then asked, "So, whose side are you taking in the divorce?" My husband and I have no marital issues. My son refuses to believe us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 195

You deserved it 3 521

30/04/2016 00:11

Today, I was laying on the couch with a cast on my broken ankle. My brother thought it would be funny to shoot my cast with a high-powered pellet gun. It went straight through the cast and now I need to go back to the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 634

You deserved it 1 314

27/10/2012 11:53

Today, as I waited to fly home, a very attractive woman smiled and gestured towards the seat next to me. However, a hyperactive child and his mother barged past into said empty seats. The woman really hit it off with the guy behind, while I was stuck listening to a kid scream at Angry Birds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 411

You deserved it 2 060

05/12/2011 00:40

Today, I cleaned my toilet. I had forgotten it was white. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 218

You deserved it 49 030

22/01/2010 16:28

Today, I went to contest a parking ticket in court. I came out 3 hours later, all charges clear, to a new parking ticket on my windshield, for the same amount I just got cleared. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 389

You deserved it 30 825

25/01/2012 12:33

Today, my boyfriend told me he loves me. Instead of saying it back, I had a panic attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 308

You deserved it 17 631

12/07/2011 04:40

Today, I updated my facebook status to, "Party at my house this Friday. Like my status if you want to come." After about 3 hours I checked back to discover that the only person who'd liked my status was my grandma. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 437

You deserved it 10 487

As seen on TV

By Big break - 18/05/2020 14:00

Today, I finally got my big TV debut. After thousand of dollars in acting classes and years of waiting to become a professional actress, I got featured in a commercial. I will be rubbing toilet paper against my face for all of four seconds. Hurray, fame! FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 321

You deserved it 598

30/10/2010 05:41

Today, I went to see Paranormal Activity 2 with my boyfriend. In hopes of him putting his arm around me or holding my hand, I told him that I was very scared and pretended to cry a little. He told me to be quiet because I was ruining the movie for him. Then he moved seats. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 168

You deserved it 42 810

Clean-freak criminal

By Bryce - 13/06/2021 04:00

Today, some dumbass broke one of my car's windows to steal the pack of disinfecting wipes I just bought a few hours ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 672

You deserved it 39

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sarsuela 27

Send a private message

Sunday 21 February 2021 8:06

It is sort of cute too though, a little jingle makes people happy and you obviously wasn't bothered by being around it constantly.

Comments

sarsuela 27

Send a private message

Sunday 21 February 2021 8:06

It is sort of cute too though, a little jingle makes people happy and you obviously wasn't bothered by being around it constantly.