Love: Today, my girlfriend was driving me to her house against my will... - FML

Nearly

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25

You deserved it 1

27/09/2021 06:27

Today, I have to get up and go to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52

You deserved it 90

Spicy

Spicy

Unfriended

By thethrowawayplace - 15/10/2021 17:00

Spicy

Today, my friend was watching a black guy getting yelled at by the cops on TV. He then decided to yell, "Wow, ni***** really don't know how to behave!" When I didn't react, he yelled it over and over, until I slunk into my room. He knows I'm part black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 230

You deserved it 44

Grind mindset

By MyStomachHurts - 15/10/2021 05:00

Spicy

Today, my boss wrote me up for taking too many bathroom breaks. I tried calling in sick with a bad case of indigestion, but he told me to just power through it because, "it can't possibly be that bad." I have been in severe, persistent discomfort the whole damn day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 347

You deserved it 26

20/03/2009 05:08

Today, my girlfriend was driving me to her house against my will when I said, "Sometimes it's annoying that you always decide where we go because you drive." She replied, "Yeah, I wish I could be more of the girl in this relationship." FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 561

You deserved it 81 105

Batman

The smell detective is on the case

You BARBARIAN!

Ouch.

By Zaak - 25/03/2018 06:00

Spicy

Today, my neighbor, whom I've had a massive crush on but barely know, actually started flirting with me. Long story short, it ended with him getting a blowjob. I said, "We should make this a thing." He replied, "Yeah, a one-time thing." FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 523

You deserved it 6 449

04/05/2013 21:44

Today, my neighbours' whiny emo of a daughter got dumped by her boyfriend. In her infinite wisdom, she's chosen to cope by playing on her recorder the worst rendition of "My Heart Will Go On" that I've ever heard. It's been going on all day. Now I know why he dumped this idiot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 110

You deserved it 9 287

The client is always right

By Falcka - 12/04/2021 04:59

Today, I was waitressing at the diner and a guy ordered two eggs, one scrambled and one poached. He hurled his plate at me angrily because they "scrambled the egg he wanted poached and poached the egg he wanted scrambled." He stormed out without paying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 323

You deserved it 60

26/08/2019 00:01

Today, I caught my half-sister stealing money from her mother's purse. Rather than risk getting in trouble, she told her uber-conservative mother that I've been seeing a girl. So now, I'm grounded for being gay, and she gets off the hook for stealing because she outed me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 075

You deserved it 189

12/03/2010 16:55

Today, while celebrating at my friend's birthday party, I fell down a flight of stairs, got into a fight with my flatmate, and ruined my friend's outfit after drinking too much. I'm expecting I'll need to find a new place to live tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 656

You deserved it 32 053

22/05/2015 19:44

Today, I walked into my boss's office to ask for a raise, and walked out unemployed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 110

You deserved it 4 944

11/08/2012 23:47

Today, I was digging in my lawn, trying to ignore the suspicious glances coming from my nosy fuckball of a neighbor. When he asked what I was doing, I replied with dripping sarcasm, that I was digging up the schoolkids I killed last year. Fifteen minutes later, the cops he called arrived. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 095

You deserved it 9 547

09/03/2016 18:54

Today, at a family dinner, I found the courage to tell my husband's parents about my schizophrenia. They exchanged weird looks and then there was an uncomfortable silence. Then my father-in-law finally says, "Christ. The grandkids won't come out all nutty, right?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 305

You deserved it 2 065

03/03/2015 22:02

Today, after several sleepless nights full of crying, I went to my university's free help center. After telling the psychologist my problems and asking what to do, he looked at me blankly and said, "Uh, it's not depression, I guess. You should go out more and, like, party some more." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 539

You deserved it 3 316

05/11/2009 16:38

Spicy

Today, before having morning sex, my girlfriend for over a year whispers to me "Do that thing you did at the Halloween party". There was no morning sex as I reminded her that I was sick with the flu then and didn't go with her to the party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 950

You deserved it 2 793

20/06/2009 07:37

Today, I drove a drunk Venezuelan exchange student home after a prom party. Notable events: her puking on the way to the vehicle, her yelling in Spanish at the top of her lungs in the car, her puking out the window in the moving vehicle, and her crying because she felt bad for making me drive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 428

You deserved it 4 920

09/06/2011 19:04

Today, I noticed a disgusting odor that seemed to be radiating off my brother. When I asked him about it, he replied, "I think it's ball sweat. I haven't had a shower in a few weeks, so it's hard to tell." FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 234

You deserved it 4 116

29/03/2013 17:18

Today, my 19-year-old son told me his girlfriend is pregnant, and was diagnosed with an STD. He's sure that he's the father. He's also sure he doesn't have an STD, because he's a virgin. I had to give him the sex talk that his school never did, as well as explain to him that his girlfriend is a cheater. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 756

You deserved it 16 932

11/04/2009 16:12

Today, I was training for my new job at a restaurant. As part of training, they give you free food so you know what to reccommend, and the dish I got was really good. Eight hours later I saw it again while I was puking; I got food poisoning from my own place of work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 846

You deserved it 3 400

01/05/2013 18:41

Spicy

Today, my bathroom flooded. I frantically cleaned my apartment as fast as I could before the plumber arrived. Everything was finally clean when I let him in. It wasn't until after he finished that I noticed I'd left my anal beads in the shower. There's no way he didn't notice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 805

You deserved it 58 695

Nothing but red flags

By Jullii - 27/08/2021 08:01

Today, my ex of 5 years began dating the girl he told me was, “One of the guys”, “Don’t worry, she’s like a sister to me” and, “I would never see her that way.” We broke up a couple of days ago because my “paranoia” and “assumptions” about her were putting a “strain” on our relationship. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 184

You deserved it 125

12/05/2009 04:19

Today, I was taking a bath and needed shampoo. I leaned on the soap holder to get some and it came off the wall. Huge ants started pouring out running up the walls, down the walls, EVERYWHERE. I ran out of the bathroom screaming, completely naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 84 778

You deserved it 6 729

13/05/2011 01:09

Today, my girlfriend sent out a mass text to everyone on her contact list. She's getting married in a month. I didn't propose to her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 085

You deserved it 3 642

29/01/2010 15:33

Today, I was caught going on Facebook at work. I was called into my boss' office to be reprimanded, and while he was lecturing me on the importance of staying focussed and the misuse of company property, his computer beeped. It was his Facebook chat notifying him of a new message. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 169

You deserved it 5 259

The customer is always an ass

By Anonymous - 06/12/2012 23:50

Today, I was yelled at by a customer, who was upset over having waited twenty minutes for a waiter to come take her order. Maybe it would be understandable, if she was sitting in an actual restaurant, and not a serve-yourself coffee house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 303

You deserved it 1 611

23/11/2011 06:40

Today, when drunk, I became OCD about everything and spent 3 hours making sure that the books on my shelves were straight. I thought that being drunk was supposed to be fun. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 956

You deserved it 9 882

10/01/2017 14:39

Today, a guy I'm dating was supposed to come over. He would have if I haven't fell asleep while he was waiting for me to open the door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 786

You deserved it 3 391

17/03/2010 11:51

Today, I rear-ended a car while I was texting about the accident ahead which was causing all the traffic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 496

You deserved it 92 437

17/02/2014 22:41

Today, the parent of a student called to ask me about a homework assignment. At the end of the call, she told me that I seem to be losing my "Asian accent" from when she first talked to me in the summer. I was born in the US, grew up in NJ and speak perfect English. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 815

You deserved it 3 370

21/12/2009 00:26

Today, I texted my Dad to tell him I'm staying at my boyfriend's house and won't be home. Since I had predictive text on, my phone didn't quite get the word 'home' - the message I sent said, 'I'm staying at Will's, I'll not be good tonight.' FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 282

You deserved it 29 327

03/02/2016 15:44

Today, while on the tram with my friend, we ended up discussing religion. When we started talking about God, some guy asked us, in a serious tone, to "stop talking about me" because it was really starting to bother him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 659

You deserved it 2 446

11/09/2017 06:00

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend was sick for the fourth day in a row. I stopped by her house to check on her and bring some necessities, only to find her ex's truck in the driveway, and the sounds of some very intense love making coming from inside. I guess she's not that sick after all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 797

You deserved it 485

Deception

By Carlah - 17/03/2020 20:30

Today, I found out that the 19-year-old I've been seeing is really 26, with two kids and a pregnant fiancée. I'm only 17. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 006

You deserved it 412

06/01/2012 07:47

Today, I found out that my wife of 5 years has decided to change everything: job, clothes, hair style, car, and me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 169

You deserved it 3 045

22/09/2015 04:31

Today, I began taking a French language class. After completing and submitting some homework, I got a response. A response that was completely in French. I can't understand shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 031

You deserved it 3 588

12/10/2017 16:00

Today, my partner took a shower while in the middle of cooking something. My eyes are still burning from the smoke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 788

You deserved it 270

12/07/2012 20:35

Today, I nailed every single move in my routine at a gymnastics competition. I then finished off with a perfect split, letting out a fart loud enough to wake up a kid in China. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 474

You deserved it 3 354

13/05/2011 05:45

Today, I was sitting in the lecture hall. A girl walked by to get to her seat and her dress got caught on the handles, lifting it up. She didn't notice but I did, so I tried to take it off the handles. She turned around to see me holding her dress up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 377

You deserved it 8 406

21/02/2010 17:16

Spicy

Today, I was waiting downstairs at my boyfriend's house as he got ready to go. His mom came over and said she was so glad her son had met me, that I made him really happy. I smiled thinking how nice that was of her to say. She then continued, "Still, he tells me anal is a no?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 265

You deserved it 3 668

Delayed

By Anonymous - 05/10/2021 07:59

Today, the psychiatrist who I've been relying on to evaluate my condition to give me some real help, who I've been waiting on my appointment with for three months, suddenly rescheduled me until February next year. Why? Because she's "not working that day". I can't afford to see anyone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 866

You deserved it 65

03/08/2009 11:45

Today, I had misplaced my cell phone. I decided the best course of action would be to dial the number from my house phone and wait for it to ring to locate it. Somebody answered when I called. It wasn't the wrong number and I had a brief conversation with the man that stole my phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 358

You deserved it 3 761

30/06/2013 23:00

Today, my shoe fell apart a few minutes after I got to work. I called my boyfriend and asked him to bring me the "pretty black pair" in my closet. What did he bring? Black stilettos. I'm a waitress with an eight hour shift. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 411

You deserved it 32 005

23/10/2011 20:35

Today, I told my boyfriend I wouldn't be able to get any time off work to go to Mexico with him, and that we'd have to get our tickets refunded, and reschedule. He said not to bother, and that he already had someone else in mind to take with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 607

You deserved it 5 537

12/11/2015 04:11

Today, not only did someone steal my bike, they also managed to get wasted and drunkenly ride my stolen bike through my new screened-in front porch, destroying it and the bike. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 703

You deserved it 1 452

02/04/2009 01:17

Today, I bitched out my grandmother, who lives with my family, for being lazy and laying in bed until 6-7pm for the past month. When I was done, she told me she had been diagnosed with cancer and was depressed because of it. Nobody had bothered to tell me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 307

You deserved it 100 782

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Friday 20 March 2009 12:35

eh, i thought i had everything worked out with my girlfriend and we would choose where to go/what to do 50:50 but for some reason after a while i stopped doing my part. she reminded me that i need to make plans more or else she'll feel like she's doing all the work and you don't like her enough to take charge. so, you deserve it. i deserve it. improve yourself.

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Friday 20 March 2009 13:02

who needs to wear the "pants" get naked and be equal

Comments

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Friday 20 March 2009 12:26

Just stand up for yourself. It's not about being the "guy" or the "girl" in a relationship, it's about not being such a pushover.

Sgt_Schadenfreud 0

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Friday 20 March 2009 12:31

Wear some trousers in the relationship you goddamn woman.

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Friday 20 March 2009 12:35

eh, i thought i had everything worked out with my girlfriend and we would choose where to go/what to do 50:50 but for some reason after a while i stopped doing my part. she reminded me that i need to make plans more or else she'll feel like she's doing all the work and you don't like her enough to take charge. so, you deserve it. i deserve it. improve yourself.

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Friday 20 March 2009 12:39

A little something about women: If you are a pushover, she'll find a bad boy to mess around with, so she can feel like a woman. If you act like a bad boy and boss her, she'll find a new "boyfriend material" guy. You need to slowely put the pants on, or cut your losses if you are unhappy wearing the skirt.

LedBasedPaint 8

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Tuesday 5 November 2013 16:28

You just described a situation in which the man can never win.

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Friday 20 March 2009 12:41

i know how she feels. my ex-boyfriend NEVER drove us around. he was older than me, and didn't even have his permit.

ekdfml 20

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Sunday 27 April 2014 6:24

same here...he's now 20 and he still doesnt have his license or even a permit

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Friday 20 March 2009 13:02

who needs to wear the "pants" get naked and be equal

DarkPrince_fml 0

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Wednesday 14 April 2010 3:35

^^^^^^ epically true

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Monday 27 September 2010 20:09

omg love ur pic hahahahaha

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Wednesday 16 January 2013 2:54

Well said.

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Friday 20 March 2009 13:08

Tell your man to step up then and grow some balls if he wants to wear the big boy trousers. If he waits around waiting for someone to ask him where he wants to go then he is going to be waiting around a long time. In this world if you don't ask or speak up then you don't get anything!

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Tuesday 5 July 2011 8:01

I believe the expression is to "grow a pair"

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Friday 20 March 2009 13:10

ahahaha, WHIPPED... she sounds like a feisty woman *rawr*

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Sunday 20 May 2012 7:27

So do you.

Good_old_Grim 8

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Friday 20 March 2009 13:18

I dunno, sounds kinda cool actually. Most of my relationships end because I get tired of always being the one to figure out what and how to do.

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Friday 20 March 2009 13:23

#3 lmao