Today, a cute boy told me I looked like a celebrity. Flattered,... - FML

By wishbone - 14/4/2009 20:41 - Canada

Today, a cute boy told me I looked like a celebrity. Flattered, I asked who I resembled. He responded by saying that I looked exactly like Ugly Betty. He was serious. FML

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DINOSAURS!!

Nice neighborhood

Goodbye Bill

By "BunnysKitty" - 10/7/2017 22:30 - United States - Columbia City

Today, I wanted to pack my lunch with some of my homemade meatloaf leftover from last night's dinner, but I couldn't find it anywhere in my fridge. Later in the evening, my boyfriend's parents invited us over for dinner. They served meatloaf. The meatloaf they stole from my fridge last night when they visited. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/8/2019 22:00 - Australia - Perth

Today, I desperately needed a mental health day, so I took the day off work and got some junk food and wine. A few hours later, I'm in hospital with gallstones and pancreatitis, needing an emergency surgery. My mental health day turned into multiple weeks off work, and a lot of pain. FML

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By Joe - 19/10/2009 04:32 - Cambodia

Today, whilst celebrating my birthday with my friends and family, I met a girl at the bar who seemed interested. She became very disinterested and left after my mother whispered in her ear "If you go home with my son make sure he wears a condom." FML

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By musicyman55 - 19/12/2009 07:48 - United States

Today, my girlfriend who I love very deeply dumped me two times, over the phone. The first time was to dump me. She then called me back a couple hours later explicitly to dump our friendship. I was just friend dumped. FML

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By Adulting - 31/10/2017 21:24

Today, I accidentally washed an entire box of macaroni and cheese with a load of laundry. I'm 25 and do not have kids. FML

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By itstillhurts - 21/12/2009 04:23 - United Kingdom

Today, I was down the pub with a mate and we got onto the subject of bar fights. I said I thought being glassed wouldn't actually hurt that much. My friend looks at me, calmly finishes his pint and then swiftly smashes his glass over my head. Turns out I was wrong. And we got kicked out. FML

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By Fat Bastard - 20/5/2019 04:02

Today, my son bought me some Slimfast for my birthday. FML

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By howembarrasing - 19/4/2009 20:49 - United States

Today, I went to the sandcastle contest at my local beach. While waiting in line for my hotdog, a man cut in front of me and demanded a cup of water. I called him a jack ass and was saying how people like him give us a bad reputation on the beach. I then see him running to his choking daughter. FML

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By gymgirl - 5/5/2011 13:47 - Hong Kong

Today, I learnt that eating McDonald's, Twisties, Chocolate and popcorn, then regretting it and going to the gym is a bad idea. I discovered how far vomit, on a moving treadmill, can be thrown across a room. FML

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By nice guys finish last - 20/8/2013 04:01 - United States - Smyrna

Today, a kid in class dropped his paper on the floor. I held on to my desk with one hand and reached for the paper with my other hand. I lost balance and tilted both my chair and desk over, nailing the floor as everything on my desk hit the ground with me. He picked the paper up himself. FML

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By Lucy - 6/3/2010 22:44 - United States

Today, water turned to wine. That is, my brother put wine in my hamster's water bottle. Very bad idea. FML

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By r1has - 12/9/2016 08:21 - Pakistan - Rawalpindi

Today, someone spilled ammonium hydroxide in ethanol solution in the lab, which smells like very concentrated urine. Since the experiment involved Bunsen burners, we couldn't turn on the fans. We had to work in a lab that smelled like Satan's piss for 2 hours. FML

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By Lua - 28/6/2016 17:09 - France - Laon

Today, my friends renamed my dog, “Dog Vader.“ Yes, my dog has asthma. FML

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By Nox - 6/1/2010 07:25 - United States

Today, my girlfriend accused me of not having any friends. So I sent out a mass text saying "Hey, what's up?" to prove her wrong. I didn't get any replies. FML

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By meowymomma - 25/6/2016 19:21 - United States

Today, I caught my soon to be husband screwing our wedding planner. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/3/2013 07:02 - United States - San Jose

Today, after working out at the gym, I went to grab my bag, and realized that my phone was missing. Panicking, I reached into my pocket, pulled out my phone, and dialed my mom's number to tell her I'd lost it. It took me until the last ring to realize what I was doing. FML

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By pokeOww - 13/9/2019 22:00

Dash!

Today, my brother thought it'd be hilarious to tease a group of Pokémon players. They thought it'd be hilarious to beat both our asses. FML

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By OutOfMyMind - 22/10/2013 00:12 - United States - Port Richey

Today, I tried Ambien for the first time. I now have to apologize to most of my exes for excessively rambling emails about getting together for some naked Twister. FML

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By babydoll - 12/10/2010 09:26 - United Kingdom

Today, I was traveling by bus. There were no spare seats, so I stood next to a seated lady. When she got off at her stop, I was amused because her bum made the shape of a mushroom on the seat. I went to sit on it. So I'm sitting there when I realise the seat is really warm... and wet. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/12/2010 21:55 - United Kingdom

Today, I spent ages looking for a parking space at the mall. I saw a couple walking out of the mall and decided to follow them and take their space when they left. After following them for a good ten minutes, I realised they were heading to the bus stop. FML

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By Sam - 25/6/2014 05:10 - United States - San Francisco

Today, as a recruiter, I had an interview with a promising candidate for an open position at my company. The interview was going well until the candidate interrupted me halfway through to take a selfie. FML

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By Lennie Mcfish - 9/4/2020 14:00

Drinking is bad for you, most of the time

Today, while at a party, my extremely drunk crush came up to me and told me she had a crush on me. She then wanted to have sex with me while she drunk, but since she was under the influence I didn't. Later, when I told her about it, she say denied the fact that she likes me. FML

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By Noah - 2/11/2016 14:24

Today, a friend pointed out to me that I bear a striking resemblance to Anne Frank. I'm a 16-year-old guy, and I'm inclined to agree with him. FML

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By meggs2209 - 12/1/2012 20:06 - United States

Today, Dell's tech support called to tell me that the laptop I sent to them was going to cost an extra $300 to fix, because of the shattered screen. When I mailed my laptop to them, the touchpad wasn't working. The screen was fine. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/4/2009 10:07 - United States

Today, I saw a girl I knew from high school at the DMV and she started leaning forward. I thought she was leaning into hug me. So I just began to hug her. She was actually trying to throw something in the garbage. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/6/2019 22:00

Today, I found a necklace that my parents had made for me. While looking at it, I realized my parents had spelled my name wrong. FML

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By Sheepiebeepie - 11/8/2017 04:30

NEVER JOKE ABOUT FLUFFY

Today, at the end of a 15 hour shift, my girlfriend and her friends played a "prank" on me by texting me from a random number saying my cat got hit by a car. I immediately burst into tears and lost it in front of my colleagues. My cat is fine. My relationship is the real joke. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/9/2018 01:30

Today, I was texting with my childhood crush late at night and we were exchanging secrets. I figured this was as good a time as any to tell her about my long-standing crush on her. Turns out she's a lesbian. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/5/2016 21:10 - United States - Southfield

Today, I found out it's possible to dislocate your jaw just by yawning. Now I'm in the ER, looking like a total psycho. FML

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By gross - 6/8/2015 17:28 - United States

Today, I asked my one-year-old to come and give mommy a kiss. She did and it was really sweet, until she tried to spit a piece of dog food into my mouth. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/6/2015 14:11 - United Kingdom

Today, my dad told me he had a present for me. It was his tooth, which he had pulled out a few minutes before. FML

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By Muscle - 6/3/2009 21:07 - Canada

Today, I flew home early from a two month trip to Europe to surprise my boyfriend on his birthday. When I got to his house with a home baked cake from scratch and a quilt with slik-screened pictures from my trip, his roommate answered the door and said "Oh sorry, he's out with his girlfriend." FML

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By jack - 27/8/2015 10:56 - United Kingdom - London

Today, due to medication I am taking that causes constipation, I have become all too accustomed to using a disposable rubber glove to dig crap out of my own butthole. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/11/2009 22:29 - United States

Today, I learned I have over $10,000 in debt, despite never owning a credit card. Apparently, my ex-roommate had been replying to the credit card offers I was receiving in the mail. That also explains my missing driver's license a few months back. FML

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By makeupsex - 14/2/2012 11:25 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend told me that the only reason he put me through so much heartache last year was because the make-up sex was awesome. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/11/2015 14:58 - United States - Niles

Today, my mother had to ask me when my birthday was, because she gets it confused with the day she bought our old car. FML

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By hcditfi5foygy - 23/7/2018 19:04

Today, my crush confessed their love for me, and I happily told them that I felt the same way. They looked uncomfortable, so I asked why. Apparently they'd been paid to prank me. FML

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By ILTali - 3/3/2009 23:00 - United States

Today, I was at a party and we were all playing Seven Minutes in Heaven. It was my crush's turn to spin the bottle so my heart started pounding. The bottle pointed towards me! Then my crush said, "With her it'd be 'Seven Minutes in Hell'. Just skip me." FML

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By humanalarmclock - 21/5/2010 04:40 - United States

Today, I realized my boyfriend only asks me to come spend the night when he needs me to wake him up in the morning. FML

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By Melissa Barrios - 15/7/2019 16:00

Today, my son, who has ASD, told a woman how gigantic her butt was. While trying to remind him that some things are not nice to say, he screamed that her butt is the "giantest butt ever," like it was an accomplishment. FML

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Top comments

By anonymousidiot | 0

#111901 - Wednesday 15 April 2009 1:50

Ugly Betty really isn't that ugly.

By vee_baby | 0

#111889 - Wednesday 15 April 2009 1:49

Ouchh.. ): Well, America is pretty when she's NOT playing Ugly Betty.. Maybe that was the only show he could remember her from.

Comments

By amaranthine_fml | 0

#111879 - Wednesday 15 April 2009 1:51

yeah, its possible be meant america fererra but just couldnt remember her name outside of ugly betty

By blland | 0

#111883 - Wednesday 15 April 2009 1:51

that sucks. you're better off without him.
YDI. FYL!

By vee_baby | 0

#111889 - Wednesday 15 April 2009 1:49

Ouchh.. ): Well, America is pretty when she's NOT playing Ugly Betty.. Maybe that was the only show he could remember her from.

By thefonse | 0

#111892 - Wednesday 15 April 2009 1:49

lmaoo howd u take that?

By totalbadass | 0

#111893 - Wednesday 15 April 2009 1:50

First. Sucks for you though.

By anonymousidiot | 0

#111899 - Wednesday 15 April 2009 1:52

Ugly Betty isn't that ugly

By anonymousidiot | 0

#111901 - Wednesday 15 April 2009 1:50

Ugly Betty really isn't that ugly.

By Katers22 | 0

#111902 - Wednesday 15 April 2009 1:51

Ugly Betty isn't even a celebrity. She's a tv character.

By Gtman | 0

#111907 - Wednesday 15 April 2009 1:52

well look at the bright side...you must have a great personality.

By Get_Naykid | 0

#111918 - Wednesday 15 April 2009 1:55

She's beautiful.