Kids: Today, I met my boyfriend's family for the first time. I was...

By grem - 13/04/2009 23:27 - United States

Today, I met my boyfriend's family for the first time. I was playing with his little sister by grabbing her arms and spinning her around. On one turn, she started screaming in pain. It turns out I dislocated both her shoulders. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 650

You deserved it 69 404

Kids

Vulture

Bottom of the list

Heaven knows I'm miserable now…

By karmafails - 01/05/2012 16:17 - United Kingdom - Addlestone

Today, I was at the supermarket when I saw an elderly lady slip on a wet patch of floor. I ran over to help, and I almost fell too before steadying myself. Then some pimply cockmunch of a teen decided to kick my legs out from under me and walk away while laughing his balls off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 196

You deserved it 2 348

By Anonymous - 20/09/2013 21:00 - Hungary - Szeged

Today, my girlfriend came over to visit me and my brother at our apartment. I left for just five minutes to fix us lunch. When I got back, she was making out with my brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 680

You deserved it 3 968

By BaconGirl - 08/07/2016 06:00

Today, it has been my lifelong dream to work with animals. My dream sorta came true. I now work at the slaughterhouse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 173

You deserved it 1 988

By Hmmwtf - 10/12/2009 10:38 - Australia

Today, I didn't get promoted, but the guy who showed up to work drunk a few weeks ago did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 966

You deserved it 3 043

By Jumanji - 12/12/2008 06:05 - France

Today, I opened my laptop in the train to watch a good film I had downloaded. Of course, it was a fake and the whole carriage was allowed to watch and hear five seconds of butt licking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 916

You deserved it 11 966

By Madagascar - 19/12/2009 10:18 - Australia

Today, when my boyfriend and I were becoming intimate, his cat decides to jump onto the bed and lie right in between us. He then informs me that he wanted to stop to "preserve his cat's innocence." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 810

You deserved it 4 866

Private Catholic school?

By Anonymous - 14/03/2021 23:01

Today, I had to write an argumentative essay about the morality of homosexuality. The prompt actually uses the phrase "the dangers of homosexuality." I'm bisexual. FML

I agree, your life sucks 863

You deserved it 203

Assumptions

By Blue Lemon - 13/12/2020 20:01

Today, I was at a job interview and thought the guy interviewing me was a bit of a perv because he kept staring down at my cleavage. Afterwards, I realised what he was really looking at: the wire in my bra had popped out and had been poking right through my shirt like a dagger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 020

You deserved it 240

By Workworkwork - 30/04/2019 12:00

Today, I’m trying to scrape $65 together to get the cheapest glasses possible. My partner is equally upset because she wants a Macbook to replace her working laptop. I’m only looking because I’m getting headaches from how old my current lenses are. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 034

You deserved it 223

My eyes!

By Anonymous - 25/05/2021 18:01 - Canada

Today, I was on the phone with an Apple advisor, who helped me back up data to my computer using remote assistance. As we did, every file transferred showed up with a real-time preview. All of a sudden, the nude selfies I forgot about rolled in. He immediately shouted, “OH WOW.” It wasn’t a good “wow” either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 383

You deserved it 842

Oh no, she's back

By Anonymous - 19/08/2021 18:01 - United States - Little River

Today, I learned that the respondents on the Suicide Hotline recognize me, and not fondly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 778

You deserved it 165

By still broke and jobless - 17/09/2015 20:24 - United States

Today, I saw a missed call on my phone. Thinking it was one of the multiple jobs I applied for, I called back. Turns out it was just a debt collector. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 800

You deserved it 2 544

By WalkingTalkingCarrot - 27/06/2011 02:15 - United Kingdom

Today, my 15 year old brother, visiting me for the weekend, thought it would be a great idea to switch my expensive moisturiser for fake tan cream. I'm going to work in 12 hours. I'm fluorescent orange. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 938

You deserved it 5 098

By T-Guy - 03/07/2011 03:01 - United States

Today, my girlfriend told me she wanted to spice up our sex life, so we went and had sex in the park. We had 30 minutes of "spice", just to spend seven hours in jail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 253

You deserved it 50 744

By jlol - 05/03/2015 14:32 - United States

Today, my teacher reached over to hand me a paper. I thought it would be funny to flinch and say, "Dad, please don't hit me". Unfortunately, he didn't think it was a joke, so I got questioned by the on-campus officer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 931

You deserved it 47 610

By fannylover - 18/02/2010 20:12 - United States

Today, I finished my classwork and my homework early. Since we weren't allowed to leave the room, I decided to draw. My teacher noticed and gave me detention for "goofing off" when I should be doing my work. When I told the teacher I was already done, they gave me a second detention for "attempting to defy them". FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 024

You deserved it 3 008

By ScrewedOver - 02/01/2010 00:09 - United States

Today, is January 1st. Last night, I threw a party. Only 3 people came. Luckily, one of the people who came was the love of my life, I had been hoping to get a midnight kiss from him. Unluckly, he decided to get back with his ex-girlfriend. At my party. They were liplocked almost the whole time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 213

You deserved it 4 513

By lopsided - 14/12/2014 07:56 - United States - Gainesville

Today, I was informed that my uneven facial features make me seem "untrustworthy." Glad to know my unchangeable physical appearance doubles as a character flaw. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 465

You deserved it 2 693

By lk07 - 03/11/2018 05:00

Today, I got severe diarrhea in a public bathroom. I told my 6-year-old to stand directly outside the stall where I can see her shoes. She proceeded to inform everyone who came in that "Mommy has diarrhea." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 680

You deserved it 310

By wtf - 26/08/2012 05:03 - New Zealand - Invercargill

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me by picture, during a game of Draw Something. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 277

You deserved it 2 398

By Anonymous - 03/04/2018 15:00

Today, after 38 years of never meeting my dad, and paying a private investigator thousands of pounds over several weeks of searching, I found him living 2 floors down in the same block of flats. He’s the grouchy downstairs neighbour I’ve hated for 6 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 965

You deserved it 441

By dumbassbuffet - 11/11/2011 15:53 - Canada

Today, I cut my penis on a desk fan. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 712

You deserved it 83 894

By lance - 10/04/2010 05:00 - Australia

Today, I was pulled over by a cop and was fined $210 for making an illegal u-turn. When the cop finished writing my ticket and hopped in his car, he made the same u-turn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 717

You deserved it 7 446

By Anonymous - 11/06/2011 00:14 - United States

Today, I was swimming at the water park, when out of nowhere a lifeguard bombed into the pool, grabbed me, and hauled me to the surface, running his hands over my chest in the process. Apparently, the way I swim makes it look like I'm in my drowning death throes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 165

You deserved it 7 678

By Anonymous - 11/07/2011 04:48 - United States

Today, I got a text message from my ex from about a year ago, asking if my 4-day-old son was his. I don't know what's sadder - the fact that he thinks a gestation period can last 11 months, or that he's more willing to step up to the plate than the baby's actual father. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 787

You deserved it 9 418

By tinaburrito - 26/01/2010 21:33 - France

Today, I found out my bank account was in the negative because my work gave me a check that didn't clear. I went to my bank to get a statement of charges so my job could reimburse me. They told me requesting a statement costs 8 dollars, which I don't have because my account is in the negative. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 153

You deserved it 2 632

Big brain bug

By Anonymous - 09/07/2012 20:15 - Canada

Today, my mother was leaving the house to attend her sister's funeral. Just as she was walking out the door, my brain experienced the most horrific shart imaginable, and I uttered through my reassuring smile, "Have a blast." FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 162

You deserved it 25 272

By soulaar - 02/10/2015 14:22 - Vietnam - Dong Nai

Today, I was sitting outside in a pair of shorts. After about 15 minutes of getting weird looks from people, I realized my cock was sticking out of a hole that wasn't in my shorts when I put them on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 606

You deserved it 5 333

Nice try

By hkbaer - 27/09/2019 22:00 - United States

Today, my dad tried to charge me $3000 for a car that my dead grandma, his mother, left to me in her will. I have to live with this asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 010

You deserved it 106

By TheMysteriousTsundere - 03/11/2018 15:30

Today, my dad threw out all my food because a fly landed on a loaf of bread still in its package. He claims the bread and everything else that touched it is "contaminated". That was all the food I had for the rest of the month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 807

You deserved it 145

By Anonymous - 06/03/2011 05:18 - United States

Today, we had to discuss our heritage at school. When I told the class that I am German, Japanese, and of the Jewish faith, the teacher loudly laughs at the "irony." Something like this happens whenever I tell people my background. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 896

You deserved it 5 520

By annabellatrix - 14/09/2015 18:20 - Hungary

Today, a pervert was visibly playing with himself right next to me on the train. Then on the bus. Then on the other bus I changed to in order to lose him. At least somebody's interested. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 505

You deserved it 2 378

By OperaLover - 12/09/2011 19:00 - United States

Today, I learned that the building I just moved into contains both a drummer and an opera singer. Both are very dedicated to their craft and practice frequently. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 058

You deserved it 3 447

Better out than in

By flying13 - 03/11/2010 07:27 - United States

Today, I was on a bench enjoying the sun, when a guy comes and sits next to me. Next thing I know, he lets out a loud fart, then looks my way with pride. I stare back in shock. He then says to me, "Yeah, that just happened," and walks off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 424

You deserved it 13 260

By ambrosia - 16/08/2019 00:01

Today, I saw my boyfriend cutting the crusts off his peanut butter and jelly sandwich. He’s 24. FML

I agree, your life sucks 649

You deserved it 1 795

By sophie - 13/04/2011 16:36 - United States

Today, my teacher told me I wasn't pretty enough to play the princess part in the play. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 712

You deserved it 5 747

By fmylife7721 - 03/07/2011 05:51 - Canada

Today, I jokingly told my girlfriend that sperm kills acne, she laughed and said "so that's how you got rid of yours so fast" then continued to text all her friends and tell them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 818

You deserved it 47 664

By Notorch - 23/05/2012 15:53 - United Kingdom - Cheltenham

Today, I went to see a once-in-a-lifetime moment when the Olympic torch passed through my town. I waited for 3 hours only to get a bruise from a man shoving me out of the way at the exact moment it went past. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 474

You deserved it 2 504

Missing the point

By Anonymous - 04/01/2021 07:58

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because I checked his phone. The reason I did so was to get his mum’s number so I could arrange to send her his Xmas present in a parcel, as a surprise as I wouldn't be with him. He found out when he asked me how I managed it, and I told him honestly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 039

You deserved it 289

By amy1023 - 26/11/2009 10:18 - United States

Today, I complained to my boyfriend that I was stressed out. He asked me then "What do you have to be stressed out about?" I work 50 hours a week and go to school full time. I ask him what was stressful about his day, he told me that his "kill/death ratio went down on Call of Duty". FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 666

You deserved it 8 173

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prttyyngthng 0

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Tuesday 14 April 2009 10:23

That's one HELL of a first impression.

mogan_fml 0

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Tuesday 14 April 2009 10:23

the shoulders are supposed to stay IN the sockets? oh, oh dear.

Jonesy_fml 0

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Tuesday 14 April 2009 10:23

Well, at least now you know how to play with little kids...

RyGan 0

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Sunday 23 May 2010 8:34

Fail 

Zoeeee1234 0

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Monday 23 August 2010 6:45

ahahahah funny

christyxbee 15

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Saturday 17 September 2011 19:18

Good God. The poor child!!

Kamon97 23

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Monday 20 January 2014 6:40

Are you some kind of fucking retard OP? You're supposed to be gentle with kids and use common fucking sense -.-

prttyyngthng 0

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Tuesday 14 April 2009 10:23

That's one HELL of a first impression.

mogan_fml 0

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Tuesday 14 April 2009 10:23

the shoulders are supposed to stay IN the sockets? oh, oh dear.

mathhater 0

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Thursday 29 April 2010 22:29

LOLOL!!!

circayouandme 0

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Tuesday 14 April 2009 10:25

OMFG ha ha ha. At least you know you've got your strength.

katiekaite 0

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Tuesday 14 April 2009 10:27

I did that to my cousin once. My uncle won't let me touch her now, and she hates me.

Kamon97 23

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Monday 20 January 2014 6:39

Good

deathbybutterfly 0

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Tuesday 14 April 2009 10:27

how hard were you spinning her?!

mf_fml 0

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Tuesday 14 April 2009 10:30

great job!

squirm 0

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Tuesday 14 April 2009 10:32

that would make a marvelous great impression. way to go!

DisturbedDriver 0

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Tuesday 14 April 2009 10:34

Is this chick a she-hulk something?!

airandfingers 0

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Tuesday 14 April 2009 10:38

God, my first impression when dealing with kids is to be really gentle with them.. Apparently, some people think they're freaking toys. My fiance's brother-in-law always plays with his 1-year-old by tossing him into the air and spinning him around.. It can get dangerous, they're not puppies.

shortymcsharon 0

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Friday 19 June 2009 4:51

you don't treat puppies that way either

blo0_starZz 0

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Friday 1 October 2010 10:43

yeah, 1st impression. ur kid is 1 yrs old? not exactly the 1st impression. if the kid lyks it, do it only if ur sure u wnt drop him ; its a lot of fun 4 them & they luv u more & faster ;)