Today, I bought a coral colored hooded sweatshirt, which my girlfriend... - FML

By khood - 14/4/2009 05:10 - United States

Today, I bought a coral colored hooded sweatshirt, which my girlfriend told me was "hot". I wore it to a baseball game tonight. When it got cold I put the hood over my head, only to hear everyone behind me laugh. The back of the hood said "Boy crazy". It was a teen girls sweatshirt. FML

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Serious times

Boozehound alert

Inspirational tale

By ummm eww - 12/6/2020 20:05

Disclosure

Today, my friend and I decided to have a "special intimate" moment together at his house. As soon as I start to really get into it, he said to me, "I sort of wanna do your mom." Way to kill the mood. FML

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By probably single - 29/5/2015 18:28 - Denmark - Gram

Today, my girlfriend bought two tickets for a cruise to the Bahamas. Too bad the second ticket isn't for me. I guess her ex-boyfriend will have a wonderful time with her. FML

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By Gray_Kitty - 17/9/2016 19:34 - United States - Omaha

Today, a woman came in to order lunch. She ordered a sandwich then asked for me to configure it precisely to her complicated desires. This took a whole 5 minutes, during the lunch rush. When I told her the cost, she decided it was too expensive and cancelled her order. FML

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By Anonymous - 31/7/2009 13:51 - United States

Today, I was pulled over for speeding. The cop was hot so I flirted with him as much as I could. But when he came back to the car he still gave me a ticket. Feeling desperate I said, "I thought you didn't give tickets to pretty girls." His response: "We don't." FML

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By Stressmess - 1/12/2009 00:19 - United States

Today, at 4am, I remembered that I had not studied for my Spanish exam. I panicked, jumped out of bed, and frantically began searching for my notebook. It wasn't until I destroyed my desk and woke up my roommate that I realized that I'm not enrolled in Spanish this semester. It was a nightmare. FML

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By - 30/1/2020 20:00

Someone else

Today, I was going down on my girlfriend when I noticed a hickey near her hip. I said, "wow, last night was crazy, I don't even remember doing that!". Without even interrupting the action, she simply said, "You didn't". FML

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By beerpong26 - 6/2/2009 19:54 - United States

Today, my girlfriend was about to give me a blowjob. When her lips met my penis, there was a huge static shock. I never got the blowjob, she is still laughing and I have ice on my penis. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/7/2016 13:39 - United States - Revere

Today, my brother set me up on a blind date. I've been single for years and he said she was a perfect match for me, so I was excited. Turned out the fucker was playing a prank. The girl was my sister, who was just as surprised as I was. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/8/2009 11:33 - Australia

Today, I woke up and called my boyfriend. We had amazing phone sex, even better because no one was home and we didn't have to be quiet. Afterwards, I walk out into the kitchen. My mum hadn't gone to work that morning. FML

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By biotch - 6/6/2009 23:46 - United States

Today, as a volunteer at the local daycare, I was with 3 and 4 year olds. They thought it would be funny to trip me and then jump on my back. I hit my elbow hard on the ground. A bunch of pre-schoolers beat me up. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/6/2009 07:17 - United States

Today, I saw myself in a 'girls gone wild' ad with another girl. So did my mom. FML

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By foolishgirl - 25/2/2009 18:41 - United States

Today, I emailed my boyfriend from work. Out of habit, I absent-mindedly entered my department into the "From" field. My boyfriend didn't notice when he replied. Now my entire department knows I want to "drop to my knees and suck him when I get home." And he plans to "finish on my face." FML

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By Sucker - 12/10/2009 19:31 - Canada

Today, after working another double shift because I want to buy my boyfriend a really expensive anniversary present, I get to his apartment to find him calculating in how many paychecks he'll be able to afford a Caribbean getaway. For himself. FML

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By 9inchsofty - 20/9/2018 14:00

Today, I took my truck through an automatic car wash. During the wash, the bristles on one of the automatic scrubbers ripped my metal antenna off of my car. The antenna was stuck spinning around in the scrubber, smacking and scratching the entire side of my car, top to bottom. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/9/2015 11:25 - Germany - Felsberg

Today, I heard my boyfriend telling a female friend that his ex was so gorgeous and out of his league that it made him feel inadequate, and so he now only dates within reach. She told him he's hot enough to have anyone he wants. 30 seconds later they were tongue-deep in each other's throat. FML

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By ahddib - 14/10/2010 02:13 - United States

Today, I started making love to my wife as soon as the kids were occupied. She just laid there the whole time and never responded, except for a few times to say "Ouch." FML

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By Henry - 6/2/2010 03:19 - United States

Today, I realized that the only food I have is four months' worth of nutrisystem food from when my parents went on the nutrisystem diet. I am not able to secure a job and buy my own food, so I have two choices: die of starvation or die of nasty nutrisystem food. FML

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By dfhgblsf - 5/4/2009 19:15 - United States

Today, I was having sex with a girl I had just met. After about 5 minutes in, she said she had to go to the bathroom. So we stopped and she went to the bathroom. After waiting around 10 min, I decided to check if she was ok. The window was open. She was gone. FML

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By Stalked - 15/11/2011 00:46 - United States

Today, I and a policeman confronted my psychotic neighbor who stole my cat because she thinks flea bites cause cancer. She refused to tell us what she'd done with the cat. I just spent $100 last month in vet bills, and my kids are crying for their pet. He's probably in pieces in her freezer. FML

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By michellemoyah - 25/2/2012 05:04 - United States

Today, I went to a dance with the boy I like. To my delight, he tried to pick me up. To my dismay, he couldn't. FML

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By Nick - 13/5/2009 22:20 - United States

Today, I finally beat the song "Through the Fire and Flames" on Guitar Hero 3. I then realized that it was the biggest accomplishment I've ever made in my entire life. FML

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By fulloshit - 28/11/2010 02:17 - United States

Today, I woke up with extreme stomach pains. After being rushed to the hospital and having numerous tests performed, I was told my intestines were over-stretched with stool. I'm essentially so full of shit it hurts. FML

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By frenchy - 6/2/2009 00:55 - United States

Today, my friends and I go to a bar and get wasted. I walk around and see a kid. I start yelling, "There's a child in this bar! There's a CHILD in this BAR!" She turns around. She was a midget. FML

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By JazzyandAlice - 20/9/2009 06:06 - United States

Today, I went to babysit eight kids under the age of ten, all by myself. After five hours of Hell, the parents finally came back from the ASU game. I got paid $5. FML

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By Husband to be....maybe - 9/6/2018 09:00

Today, I found out I was allergic to bees, the hard way, at my wedding. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/11/2010 16:33 - Australia

Today, while babysitting, I brought over some colouring-in sheets as an activity. I said that I should bring some Christmas-themed ones for next time. The little girl then turned to me and said "If there is a next time." I've been put on probation by an 8-year-old. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/2/2013 15:36 - United States

Today, I found a cup full of urine in the bathtub. No one in my family knows where it came from. This is the second time it's happened. FML

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By Samantha - 31/5/2009 12:44 - Singapore

Today, I turned 22. Instead of cutting my own cake, I stood by and smiled at a friend's belated birthday party. She celebrated her birthday two months ago. She decided to have her party on my birthday. No one remembered mine but everyone got her beautiful gifts. FML

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By thanksmom - 2/6/2011 09:27 - United States

Today, I was released from hospital after being in a car accident. I used the phone book to call people I know to get a ride home, as my wallet and cellphone were still in the wrecked car. I had called my mom to come get me, but her response was "I don't feel like it." I live with her. FML

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By yeahno - 12/9/2010 16:52 - United States

Today, I found out that the man who came into work yesterday, the man who tried to grope me from over the counter, the one who spat his drink in my face, the one who kicked me in the shins when he didn't like the way his food tasted, is a regular and I can expect him three times a week. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/4/2016 17:06 - United States

Today, I tried to power through work on a construction site after a couple of sick days. I can't do anything without constantly sucking on cough drops. And it turns out that excessive consumption of cough drops can have a laxative effect. FML

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By dancincherrychic - 25/10/2015 19:00 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was making sweet potato chips using my new slicer. I didn't mean to make a pinky finger chip as well. FML

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By Stormy - 27/2/2011 21:46 - United States

Today, I went to my first ever high school party with music, drinks, and dancing. Within a few minutes of taking my first ever shot of tequila, I was in the worst pain in my life. My parents were called and I had to be taken to the hospital. I'm alcohol intolerant. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/8/2011 05:44 - United States

Today, I zoned out in a coffee shop for about two minutes and was brought back to reality when a woman smacked me out of my seat. Apparently I was staring at her chest while zoned out. FML

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By cl512 - 18/9/2009 13:33 - United States

Today, I walked out of my college dorm to see that the intelligent person who locked their bike next to mine decided as an added security they would lock their bike to the rack, and to my bike. FML

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By anonymous - 6/9/2010 07:37 - United States

Today, after going on a blind date with a man I had met on facebook, we decided to go back to his apartment. All was going good until he took off his pants, only to reveal that he was wearing a diaper. FML

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By wtf dad - 3/3/2012 02:24 - United States

Today, my dad made me deliver a welcoming cake to our new neighbors. While I was making small-talk, I saw him climb over their backyard fence. A minute later, he climbed back over, with a plastic deck-chair in hand. I feel like an accessory to the pettiest theft in history. FML

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By WasZumTeufel? - 1/1/2013 00:55 - Germany - Kabel

Today, my boyfriend took me to his house and introduced me to his parents. He also showed me around his bedroom. I think he forgot to remove the dartboard on his wall, taped to which was a swiss-cheesed printout of one of my Facebook photos. FML

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By Kaite - 3/5/2018 01:30

Today, I was working at Subway when a middle-aged lady demanded that I give her a sandwich for free. When I refused, she took out a spray bottle of water and sprayed me in the face, like a cat. FML

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By - 4/3/2017 02:00

Today, I found out my boyfriend's parents consider me more of a clingy friend than a girlfriend. We have been together over 5 years. FML

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Top comments

By katiekaite | 0

#109983 - Tuesday 14 April 2009 12:07

HAHAHAHAHAHAH I think I love you. Definitely my new favorite FML. hahahahhaha :D

By Silhouette_fml | 0

#109993 - Tuesday 14 April 2009 12:12

Clearly you didn't inspect the sweatshirt enough when you bought it.

COMMENTS

By katiekaite | 0

#109983 - Tuesday 14 April 2009 12:07

HAHAHAHAHAHAH I think I love you. Definitely my new favorite FML. hahahahhaha :D

Reply

b182link | 0

#969413 - Saturday 27 March 2010 19:12

isn't coral like a pinkish color?

Reply

xoxolovemexoxo | 0

#1118247 - Wednesday 21 July 2010 7:10

111 yess

Reply

BauerMegan | 31

#5518015 - Sunday 2 June 2013 22:08

I definitely thought this was going to be a penis related FML.

Reply

izzie321 | 27

#5596836 - Thursday 25 July 2013 3:24

I'm pretty sure he only said Coral so he didn't sound like an idiot saying he got a pink sweatshirt not expecting it to be meant for girls.

By darronlee | 0

#109984 - Tuesday 14 April 2009 12:07

Reading is fundamental.

By danza_fml | 0

#109989 - Tuesday 14 April 2009 12:11

i agree with your girlfriend, that's hot :P

Reply

lextrack234 | 4

#2381404 - Thursday 21 April 2011 4:08

hahah

By alex_vik | 0

#109990 - Tuesday 14 April 2009 12:11

You failed to realize you were in the women's section? YDI

By Silhouette_fml | 0

#109993 - Tuesday 14 April 2009 12:12

Clearly you didn't inspect the sweatshirt enough when you bought it.

Reply

ben20262 | 7

#3032379 - Wednesday 3 August 2011 23:37

coral? you mean pink?

By mrshadattack | 0

#109995 - Tuesday 14 April 2009 12:12

Amazingly hysterical! :D

By Jimboom | 11

#110003 - Tuesday 14 April 2009 12:20

Ha ha! Pwned by your girlfried. :P

By dz_zb | 0

#110019 - Tuesday 14 April 2009 12:37

HAHAHA
ohhhhh that's a good one :D
thank you for putting something worth reading on FML =)

By cbrown89 | 0

#110029 - Tuesday 14 April 2009 12:45

seriously...coral color? how'd she manage to convince you it was hot? If I could convince my boyfriend coral was a hot color...oh man.... ;)

By ben26_fml | 0

#110032 - Tuesday 14 April 2009 12:48

ummm since i dont even know what color "coral" is, i would have known it wasnt for me
and how do you not look at the whole sweatshirt front/back before you buy it, and even after to make sure you get all the tags.
if you failed to see all these signs then you are a moron.

Reply

geekemo92 | 0

#2087068 - Wednesday 16 February 2011 2:04

it's a pink color.

Reply

piie | 0

#2304155 - Wednesday 6 April 2011 15:11

agreed. you are a complete idiot. first of all you let your girlfriend convinse you that wearing pink is hot. second of all you did not even bother to fully look at the swaetshirt you were buying. you might want to go look at the rest of your clothes and see what's on the back of them.

Reply

skye_tbfh | 18

#6447983 - Thursday 29 October 2015 19:33

you're calling him an idiot but you can't even spell "CONVINCE" LOL