Today, I bought a coral colored hooded sweatshirt, which my girlfriend... - FML

By khood - 14/4/2009 05:10 - United States

Today, I bought a coral colored hooded sweatshirt, which my girlfriend told me was "hot". I wore it to a baseball game tonight. When it got cold I put the hood over my head, only to hear everyone behind me laugh. The back of the hood said "Boy crazy". It was a teen girls sweatshirt. FML

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Rock, hard place

British Broadcasting Corporation

Time for the ER

By lockedoutbabysitter - 9/3/2010 17:19 - United States

Today, I was babysitting. Being kind, I went to grab their mail, while their 4 year old ate lunch. He locked me out, wrecked the house, and let me in right when he saw their car two hours later. I didn't get paid. I paid them. FML

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By mother to be - 4/8/2014 13:20 - United States

Today, while talking to my sister, I explained to her that the reason I hope I end up having a girl is I want my daughter to love me the way I "used" to love my own mother. I didn't mean to say it in the past tense. My sister told my mom. She's planning my baby shower. FML

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By Order of the Dangling Testicles - 28/1/2014 20:28 - United States - Astoria

Today, I moved back into my dorm. My ex-girlfriend, and the guy she left me for, now cohabit next door. Now I get to hear them screwing while I try to do my homework. FML

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By gonavybeatarmy - 31/5/2012 05:28 - United States - San Diego

Today, I almost got kidnapped. Again. FML

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By fack - 29/7/2015 14:41 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was relaxing in bed with an arm kind of behind my head, when I noticed a huge spider resting on my armpit. My sister said my screaming sounded like a "witch being burned to death" for all of 5 seconds before I realized the "spider" was just my armpit hair. FML

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By f4444 - 21/12/2015 05:38 - United States - Highland Park

Today, the guy I thought I was exclusive with admitted that the only reason he comes over is because no one else will sleep with him. FML

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By deaddoggy - 2/3/2016 20:46 - New Zealand - Palmerston North

Today, I took my 17 year-old dog, who had been my best friend my entire life right from when I was born, to be euthanised. I had booked in advance. The vet ambled in all spritely and cheerfully asked, "Just here for a checkup, aye?" FML

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By newswithabitofbite - 28/8/2014 10:31 - Australia - Richmond

Today, while walking to work, I found out what it feels like to be hit in the face by a rolled up newspaper thrown from the window of a moving car by a paper boy doing his rounds. It hit hard enough to give me a black eye. FML

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By toast - 25/3/2009 16:33 - United Kingdom

Today, I repaired a boiler for a wealthy guy in a big house. While there, I fixed a leaking tap for free. When I went to go, the man slipped something into my shirt pocket and said "have a drink on me." When I got to my truck, I discovered that he'd given me a tea bag. FML

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By distracted - 16/9/2012 07:00 - Canada - Victoria

Today, I went out for lunch with a guy I hadn't seen in a couple of months. He seemed to be staring at my chest quite a bit, but I wasn't too bothered by it. Turns out there was still an XL sticker on my shirt. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/9/2014 14:08 - United States

Today, I wrecked my car because my mom texted me, telling me not to text and drive. FML

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By guest - 18/11/2011 05:54 - Canada

Today, I moved into a lovely basement suite. Unfortunately, the 12 year old upstairs plays violin. She also plays baritone. She said she alternates each day. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/3/2011 02:49 - United States

Today, my girlfriend of 3 years confessed that at first, she'd only dated me to get her friend jealous, and that even now, she "only kind of liked" me. I bought a ring only a few days ago, and was planning on proposing to her. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/9/2009 18:27 - United States

Today, My girlfriend and I were watching tv when suddenly one of our phones start going off. We both have the same phone and they were next to each other. She picks up the phone and reads the text message, "I wish you were here! I'd fuck you silly" She gets pissed and runs out. It was her phone. FML

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By Sabre777 - 17/8/2019 22:00

Today, while as a therapist, a client made an audible fart and pointed out that she had done so. Shortly after, she wrinkled her nose as she savored the odor. She began to discuss her significant trauma issues. Before I could respond, her fart wafted over to me, making any mature response pointless. FML

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By sickofthesmelltoo - 28/2/2013 10:56 - Australia - Fitzroy

Today, my friends confronted me and told me that they no longer want to visit my house because my dog smells really disgusting. I didn't have the heart to tell them that the smell is actually my parents, who have been trying to "save water" by only showering once a fortnight. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/12/2011 11:55 - United States

Today, my boyfriend informed me that the mother of his children, from whom he is not divorced yet, is moving back into his house because she broke up with her boyfriend and has nowhere to go. FML

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By Sod's Law in action - 17/3/2018 01:30

Today, I turned up to my job interview ready for any question, with impeccable references and previous work experience. Then I saw that one of my interviewers was the lady I accidentally hit with my bicycle last week. She still has stitches in her cheek. No job for me. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/2/2011 06:12 - United States

Today, I sat across from a cute boy in my English class. I thought it was cute when he winked at me, so I laughed and winked back. I didn't understand why he shot me a dirty look, until I later found out he has eyelid spasms. FML

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By sneezeattack - 14/5/2012 05:27 - United States - Aurora

Today, my boyfriend got so happy when he thought he'd finally given me an orgasm. I was covering an urge to sneeze. FML

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By fml - 20/5/2010 21:32 - Canada

Today, my dad screamed at me, called me a monster, told me he wanted me to move out, and that I better start looking for an apartment. Why? I slammed the microwave door. FML

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By cmart_9 - 29/10/2013 04:24 - United States - Clayton

Today, my girlfriend got a detention for public display of affection. We go to different schools. FML

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By dumbfounded - 8/5/2016 12:14 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I had to calm down an angry customer who claimed one of my employees had "traumatized" her dog. Apparently her dog is really OCD and my employee didn't line up the dog bed at the right angle. She threatened to report us to the BBB. How do these morons even exist? FML

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By Doggotmytongue - 12/2/2013 21:50 - United States - Peoria

Today, a cute girl asked if my dog was available for a date on Valentine's Day. Thinking I was in luck, I asked if I should come along. She said no. My dog has better game than I do. FML

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By Nick - 3/12/2012 04:03 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, I came home from the hospital diagnosed with high blood pressure. It's caused by stress. My wife had a very long talk with my son about it. All the kid has been doing for the past 2 hours is scream at his Playstation. I'd rather be at the hospital. FML

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By miley098 - 2/11/2011 16:37 - United Kingdom

Today, I came home from school, only to find I was locked out. The cars were all there, but no one was in. It wasn't until I heard continuous banging from my parents' window that it clicked. They locked me out for over an hour in freezing weather just to have sex. FML

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By jitterbug - 2/1/2015 05:36 - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, when my roommate asked me what was wrong, I told him that something I ate was making me feel sick. He works 10+ hours a day, and I didn't have the heart to tell him that the putrid smell of his feet was making me nauseous. FML

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By not anymore - 30/10/2015 23:29 - United States - Monroe

Today, I made a Facebook post about my upcoming driving test. My grandpa said he knew I would succeed, prompting my idiot boyfriend to reply "For sure, she really knows how to suck seed ;)" followed by him liking his own comment. FML

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By semischweet - 1/9/2019 20:00 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I learned why you should never to use Sean Connery's voice when asking your girlfriend to sit on your face. FML

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By Depirama - 28/2/2014 21:26 - France - Bron

Today, I confessed my love for the girl I like, on the forum she moderates. She responded by banning me. FML

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By 123roomielover - 26/1/2011 17:40 - United States

Today, I woke up to my new roommate staring at me, just a few inches from my face. She then told me how easy I would be to kill in my sleep. Then she stood up, naked from head to toe. FML

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By weep weep weep - 12/3/2012 03:04 - United States

Today, after months of teaching my parrot to speak, he finally demonstrated his abilities. I accidentally set off my smoke detector, and he's been wailing like a dying banshee ever since. FML

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By R - 28/10/2009 22:29 - United Kingdom

Today, at work we were gathered to be told some bad news. One of our colleagues would be taking indefinite leave because his wife had dropped their newborn baby. I accidentally laughed at the image. FML

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By divorce? i think so - 21/7/2012 02:12 - Canada - Markham

Today, I found my husband's journal, and along with it the real reason he took so long to show up to our wedding rehearsals last year. According to the journal, it was because he was too busy wooing a married mother of five and sticking his "slut-banger all up in that fat booty." FML

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By policeopenup - 11/7/2009 19:38 - United States

Today, my girlfriend threw me on the couch as I walked in the door. I butt dialed my mom in the process. My girlfriend took off my pants and we got to business. After about 30 seconds of hearing what was going on, my mom thought something was wrong and called the cops to my apartment. FML

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By AnAngryyGiraffe - 6/12/2016 04:46 - United States - Chatsworth

Today, after dropping my phone in the toilet, I left it dismantled outside in my backyard to dry hoping it could be saved. I forgot about the phone as well as the sprinklers that were scheduled to go off. FML

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By popeye - 25/2/2010 15:18 - United States

Today, I was trying to take the cap off a can of spray cooking oil. It was really stuck so I pulled extra hard. It flew off and I punched myself in the head. I also sprayed myself in the eye with it. The lump on my forehead and my swollen shut eye make me look like Popeye, but I'm a girl. FML

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By panos016 - 15/7/2011 13:51 - United Kingdom

Today, after 14 rice-filled days in China, I came back home. What's for lunch? Rice. FML

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By Wowfmylife - 19/8/2009 03:59 - United States

Today, my ex showed up at my door with chocolates and flowers. I've liked him since I was 13, starting dating him when I was 15. He proposed when I was 22. I am now 24, and yesterday was our wedding day. He didn't show. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/5/2017 04:00

Today, I was sitting at a lunch table with some of my coworkers when one of them decided to put out his cigarette on the table and missed. I now have a nice burn mark on my hand. Did he say sorry? No. "Your hand shouldn't have been there." FML

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Top comments

By katiekaite | 0

#109983 - Tuesday 14 April 2009 12:07

HAHAHAHAHAHAH I think I love you. Definitely my new favorite FML. hahahahhaha :D

By Silhouette_fml | 0

#109993 - Tuesday 14 April 2009 12:12

Clearly you didn't inspect the sweatshirt enough when you bought it.

Comments

By katiekaite | 0

#109983 - Tuesday 14 April 2009 12:07

HAHAHAHAHAHAH I think I love you. Definitely my new favorite FML. hahahahhaha :D

Reply

b182link | 0

#969413 - Saturday 27 March 2010 19:12

isn't coral like a pinkish color?

Reply

xoxolovemexoxo | 0

#1118247 - Wednesday 21 July 2010 7:10

111 yess

Reply

BauerMegan | 31

#5518015 - Sunday 2 June 2013 22:08

I definitely thought this was going to be a penis related FML.

Reply

izzie321 | 27

#5596836 - Thursday 25 July 2013 3:24

I'm pretty sure he only said Coral so he didn't sound like an idiot saying he got a pink sweatshirt not expecting it to be meant for girls.

By darronlee | 0

#109984 - Tuesday 14 April 2009 12:07

Reading is fundamental.

By danza_fml | 0

#109989 - Tuesday 14 April 2009 12:11

i agree with your girlfriend, that's hot :P

Reply

lextrack234 | 4

#2381404 - Thursday 21 April 2011 4:08

hahah

By alex_vik | 0

#109990 - Tuesday 14 April 2009 12:11

You failed to realize you were in the women's section? YDI

By Silhouette_fml | 0

#109993 - Tuesday 14 April 2009 12:12

Clearly you didn't inspect the sweatshirt enough when you bought it.

Reply

ben20262 | 7

#3032379 - Wednesday 3 August 2011 23:37

coral? you mean pink?

By mrshadattack | 0

#109995 - Tuesday 14 April 2009 12:12

Amazingly hysterical! :D

By Jimboom | 11

#110003 - Tuesday 14 April 2009 12:20

Ha ha! Pwned by your girlfried. :P

By dz_zb | 0

#110019 - Tuesday 14 April 2009 12:37

HAHAHA
ohhhhh that's a good one :D
thank you for putting something worth reading on FML =)

By cbrown89 | 0

#110029 - Tuesday 14 April 2009 12:45

seriously...coral color? how'd she manage to convince you it was hot? If I could convince my boyfriend coral was a hot color...oh man.... ;)

By ben26_fml | 0

#110032 - Tuesday 14 April 2009 12:48

ummm since i dont even know what color "coral" is, i would have known it wasnt for me
and how do you not look at the whole sweatshirt front/back before you buy it, and even after to make sure you get all the tags.
if you failed to see all these signs then you are a moron.

Reply

geekemo92 | 0

#2087068 - Wednesday 16 February 2011 2:04

it's a pink color.

Reply

piie | 0

#2304155 - Wednesday 6 April 2011 15:11

agreed. you are a complete idiot. first of all you let your girlfriend convinse you that wearing pink is hot. second of all you did not even bother to fully look at the swaetshirt you were buying. you might want to go look at the rest of your clothes and see what's on the back of them.

Reply

skye_tbfh | 18

#6447983 - Thursday 29 October 2015 19:33

you're calling him an idiot but you can't even spell "CONVINCE" LOL