Miscellaneous: Today, during dress rehearsal before the show, I came in with...

By seussical65 - United States

Today, during dress rehearsal before the show, I came in with crutches pretending I broke my leg as a joke. I then threw away the crutches, laughed and then fell down some stairs. I am now in crutches with a broken leg. I was the lead. FML

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Miscellaneous

This Charming Man

This is 100% accurate

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By Noname - United States

Today, I was walking through Macy's with my girlfriend. I stopped to admire a mannequin's ass, joking with my girlfriend like I was touching it. Then I slapped it. It wasn't a mannequin. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, my cat was in the bathroom with me because he loves toilets. Everyone was sleeping so I went pee but didnt flush. My cat jumped onto the seat and fell in. I had to lift him out and then wash him. He hates water though, so I was scratched by my cat who was dripping with my own pee. FML

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By stuckass - Pakistan

Today, our office had a mock audit before the real thing. I got warning note for not maintaining proper databases for last year's activities. I only joined a few months ago. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, a woman slipped on the ice in front of me. Instinctively, I caught her before she fell. Instead of thanking me, she whirled around and asked me if my *expletive* mother had taught me to grope women inappropriately. FML

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By Lentil - Australia

Today, I went over to my neighbours' to politely complain about their dog, which had been barking non-stop for hours. This issue has been going on for months, and I finally decided today, of all days, was the day to resolve it. When I got there, they'd just got home from giving birth at the hospital. FML

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By Anonymous - Ireland - Waterford

Today, I spent nearly half an hour trying to dispel my sister's belief that men have to strap down their penises before going jogging. FML

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By unmarried - Canada - Weston

Today, my fiancé received his divorce papers. Thanks to his procrastinating, his divorce is effective May 29th. We're supposed to get married on May 28th. FML

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By flipflop - United States

Today, I got married. I was so nervous right before I said my vows that, in the dead silence, I farted. Loud. My brother showed me afterwards, on tape, over and over and over again. FML

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By LexiBoBexi - United States

Today, my family and I went to the coast. Our dog was off the leash because we were the only people around. He was delighted to find a dead seal carcass and roll around in its remains. We then had a 3 hour drive home. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Jefferson

Today, I found out what it's like to drive seven hours home with a woman who just brutally rejected your marriage proposal. FML

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By Trumpet

Today, my mom called me again to whine about what she heard about Trump on the news. I don't like him either and often agree with her, but she does this every 20 minutes so she can update with me. She's done this since he took office. FML

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By shmarf - United States - Belton

Today, my girlfriend gave me my first ever blowjob and she surprised me by deciding to swallow. Or so I thought. When she came up to kiss me, she spat my man-milk into my mouth and almost pissed herself laughing when I freaked out and nearly threw up. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I poured my heart out to my girlfriend of two years expressing my feelings for her. She responded with, "I'm going to bed." FML

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By Dashofweak - United States - Mount Vernon

Today, I did the math and discovered that every year, I pay the equivalent cost of a luxury car to a college that can't even keep rats out of the dorms. FML

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By FangirlMess6 - United States

Today, I saw a man stuck in his car door by his jacket. I ran over to help him, and his wife hit me with her purse. FML

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By sonwhy - United States - Brookfield

Today, I found out that my son set up a telescope in the attic not so he could study astronomy like he told me, but so he could spy on the girl across the street. FML

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By eeewww

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend and he ejaculated without warning, shooting straight up my nostril. I accidentally snorted it, started choking, and then coughed it up in my mouth. FML

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By dangit - United States

Today, I went to interview with potential new roommates at a cooperative living house. I decided to bake cookies for everyone, and while touring the house, I forgot about the cookies and set off a small oven fire. All this after professing how responsible I am. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I thought I was home alone, so I started singing to my cat. After a half hour of this, I finally stopped. Then I heard applauding. I turned around to find my parents standing in my doorway. FML

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By sdasdflkjas - United States

Today, while the kid I was babysitting was in the bathroom, he called to me "I need some help in here." Worried I ran to the bathroom and asked him what was wrong. He needed me to wipe his butt. As if that weren't gross enough, just as my hand was under his butt, he pooped again and laughed. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I got a call from an angry parent telling me that I'm teaching her son and the other children in the class "wrong philosophies". This was all because I explained to the class that Michigan is divided into two parts. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was pulled over. The cop seemed very familiar. Turns out he was a relative of mine whom I haven't spoken to in a very long time. We had decent conversation and caught up. He still gave me a ticket. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my older brother and I were teasing our mom about her age. When we jokingly told her it was hard for us to watch our parents get old, she responded by saying "yeah, well, it's hard for me to watch my kids grow up and not have anyone who wants to marry them". FML

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By Anonymous - Switzerland

Today, I found out I'm allergic to the pills my doctor prescribed for coughing, which I really need because I ripped a muscle in my stomach. Now my whole upper body is covered in a terrible itchy rash. I also found out it will last for at least another week. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Hackensack

Today, I was taking my grandma shopping, when she pointed at a pair of thongs and told me if I don’t start wearing them I won’t get a man. I've been married for 4 years, gran. Thanks for paying attention. FML

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By lonethong15 - United States - Dallas

Today, my boyfriend told me he likes to do things the old-fashioned way, and that he wouldn't propose to me without my father's blessing. My dad died 3 years ago, and he knows it. FML

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By thermos - United States

Today, I had a sexy dream, woke up and started to masturbate quite vigorously. When I finished, I hopped off the top bunk naked to see my brother and his girlfriend laying in the bottom bunk. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I texted a girl I met at the bar last night. She accused me of being "fake" because she couldn't find me on Facebook, Instagram or Twitter, then threatened to call the cops on me. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me he loved me for the first time. He followed it with, "Want to try anal?" FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Goole

Today, I was feeling really down, so I texted my boyfriend, hoping to get some emotional support. He texted me back twenty minutes later, asking for nude pictures. FML

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By anonymous - Canada

Today, I was on a hot date. After we finished supper we went back to his place. My stomach started to feel upset so I politely asked where is bathroom was so I could "powder my nose". After ten minutes of agonizing diarrhea, I looked down and noticed he was out of toilet paper. FML

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By fuckstudentloans - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I ruined a $1,500 laptop with a 69¢ bowl of ramen noodles. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, my girlfriend sent me some nudes while I was at work, so I went into the bathroom to rub one out. When I was done, I realized there was no paper towels... or toilet paper... or soap... I'm really sticky right now. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/11/2020 08:03

Planned assault

Today, my boyfriend thought it would be wise to joke that we needed to postpone our reunion for another week. We haven't seen each other for almost 4 months, due to events out of our control. He thinks he's funny. He'll get punched when we do see each other again. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, while setting up for a party I was having, I put black lights into our bathroom for the cool bright, neon color you get when you pee. When I turn them on to see where I need to continue cleaning, I see many, small, yellow hand prints on the walls. I have a nine year old brother. FML

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By Anonymous - Netherlands

Today, after months of Tinder-ing, first dates and being rejected, I finally was able to hook up with a girl. We met, we kissed, we danced and I took her back to my place. She then promptly tried to make out with my roommate. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, it's my girlfriend's birthday. I presented her with an oil painting of her that I'd been working on for over a month, and she started to cry. I thought it was because she liked it, until she asked if she really looks that ugly and disproportionate in real life. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I asked my boyfriend what celebrity I look like. He thought long and hard, then said "Sarah Jessica Parker." I gasped and told him that I find her extremely hideous. He replied "So do I." FML

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By kyyle - United States - Chicago

Today, we were playing charades at school. My word was "head", so I pointed to my face. Nobody on my team got it. But they did guess, "Ugly?!" FML

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By copenhagen20 - United States

Today, I'm seven months into a twelve month deployment. I called my fiancée, and she dumped me. The worst part is that two days ago, I re-enlisted to go to a unit an hour away from her house. FML

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Top comments

By kristenlee | 3

#110731 - Tuesday 14 April 2009 20:04

Hope you didn't throw those crutches too far...

By Trix_Disorder | 20

#110740 - Tuesday 14 April 2009 20:07

Life's ironic like that.

COMMENTS

By kristenlee | 3

#110731 - Tuesday 14 April 2009 20:04

Hope you didn't throw those crutches too far...

NzxtZ06 | 0

#982235 - Tuesday 20 April 2010 4:54

idiot

MissDanish17 | 5

#985291 - Monday 26 April 2010 22:15

Really?

Toasty283 | 8

#5490617 - Tuesday 14 May 2013 1:51

Irony is great isn't it?

drummerp64 | 16

#5596457 - Wednesday 24 July 2013 22:17

I wonder if it was the Scottish play...

By SS60 | 0

#110735 - Tuesday 14 April 2009 20:06

that's what you get for being an ass, YDI

frolick123 | 0

#2670246 - Monday 13 June 2011 8:03

gods trying to tell u something mister thespian... haha remember god hates gay people :P

im not religious or homophobic so dont get ur panties in a bunch its a joke

ADOG2645 | 17

#6585862 - Friday 22 April 2016 4:26

How was op being an ass?

_Adog2645 | 24

#6695665 - Monday 26 September 2016 21:39

Hey, it's my old account

By Trix_Disorder | 20

#110740 - Tuesday 14 April 2009 20:07

Life's ironic like that.

samiwammy | 5

#3573325 - Friday 11 November 2011 21:41

MACBETH MACBETH MACBETH.

thanazon | 6

#6117931 - Thursday 13 November 2014 22:02

I just read that play on English class. It was amazing :D

By lmao212 | 0

#110742 - Tuesday 14 April 2009 20:07

hahaha...that sucks.

By lady4 | 0

#110746 - Tuesday 14 April 2009 20:08

LMAO.. YDI

By shaPOW | 0

#110753 - Tuesday 14 April 2009 20:10

a fake broken leg isn't a good joke.

SnaveNareik | 0

#561423 - Sunday 13 September 2009 22:59

It's a hilarious one :)

By alex_vik | 0

#110766 - Tuesday 14 April 2009 20:13

Moron, what would posses you to do that? YDI

By kelseysue92 | 0

#110767 - Tuesday 14 April 2009 20:13

it's theater...if someone had told you to break a leg this never would have happened!

By honest2dt | 0

#110775 - Tuesday 14 April 2009 20:15

Darling, You took the term "break a leg" to the extreme... LOL!!!

By ryan__h | 1

#110782 - Tuesday 14 April 2009 20:17

hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha....YRDI(you really deserved it)