Today, during dress rehearsal before the show, I came in with...

By seussical65 - 14/4/2009 13:48 - United States

Today, during dress rehearsal before the show, I came in with crutches pretending I broke my leg as a joke. I then threw away the crutches, laughed and then fell down some stairs. I am now in crutches with a broken leg. I was the lead. FML

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Miscellaneous

Boozehound alert

Deep-seated resentment

Lockdown is driving us down

By Elis - 1/3/2009 08:49 - United States

Today, my mom bought me a t-shirt from the store. It has the U.S. Marines logo on it and says "Marines' Girlfriend". I'm a straight 16 year old boy and my mom only reads and speaks Spanish. FML

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By ELLI - 2/10/2017 04:30

Today, all of my friends showed up an hour late for my 18th birthday party because they decided to go get dinner without me. FML

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By Redhairchick - 6/11/2016 07:08

Today, I got severe diarrhea while out dancing with friends. On my way home, I got hit with the urge again. I couldn't find an open toilet and I had to resort to relieving myself in an alley. FML

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By Disturbed - 30/12/2009 20:27 - United States

Today, I just found out that my brother in law and his wife frequent a swingers establishment that me and the wife have visited. Which is OK I suppose (providing we never see each other there) but he told me his parents go there too. FML

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By Username - 13/9/2010 23:19 - France

Today, I found out my grandmother doesn't wear underwear when she bent over in front of me in her inappropriately short nightgown. FML

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By AquaKelly - 24/12/2014 01:48 - United States - Newark

Today, I set a trap to catch a mouse that ran across my foot. Not only did the trap shut on my finger twice, but I watched the mouse run over the trap without it snapping shut. I guess I have a new roommate. FML

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By ThosePoorKids - 30/5/2018 01:30

Is Leatherface next?

Today, I heard my brother and sister-in-law discussing whether they should name my soon-to-be-born niece Annabelle or Samara. My nephews are named Jason, Freddy and Chucky. See the pattern? FML

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By wtf - 30/5/2012 21:34 - United Kingdom - Staines

Today, I met up with my dad after having worked abroad for the past six months. Apparently, during that time he's had a mid-life crisis or been snorting a few too many turds, because he's now some sort of hippie calling himself "Memnoch of Pleiades". FML

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By FunGhoost - 20/2/2015 13:35 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I woke up to a phone with most of my female contacts missing. I think I'm dating a psycho. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/10/2013 03:00 - United States - Decatur

Today, my parents favoritism towards my brother really shone through when we moved house and he got the nicest and by far biggest room. I wouldn't mind, but my brother is in college overseas and never comes home. FML

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By C. Kronick - 11/2/2009 05:24 - United States

Today, my boyfriend started affectionately calling me "Burt Reynolds" because I wax my upper lip. FML

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By firstdate - 24/1/2010 19:32 - United States

Today, I was on my first date with my crush. When I saw her, I greeted her with, "Hey, sweetheart." She's convinced I said, "Hey, retard." FML

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By luni - 26/6/2011 21:17 - United Kingdom

Today, when my boyfriend said it was time to play with his baby, I figured he was talking about me. He meant his Xbox. FML

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By Volume_control - 10/11/2009 14:41 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were having it off in his den, I screamed at the height of my climax, and from the family room came the roaring laughter of my boyfriend's brothers. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/9/2014 21:37 - Sweden - Ume

Today, I tried to pull the old "bucket of water above the door" prank on my brother, but the bucket didn't fall when he opened the door. He noticed it, took it down, then pinned me to the floor and waterboarded me with the ice-cold water. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/8/2019 22:00

Today, I threatened to break up with my boyfriend over the Trolley Games in Toontown Rewritten for trying to sabotage my scores. We're 24 and 26. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/9/2014 13:58 - United States

Today, I went to use the porta potty at the construction site I work at and found two homeless people having sex in it. I almost got fired, because my advisor blamed me. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/1/2012 19:22 - United States

Today, as I was driving in reverse, I hit my boyfriend's mom's car. I met her for the first time while giving her my information. FML

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By Discouraged despite my effort - 15/12/2016 18:27

Today, I told my future MIL that we couldn't see her on Christmas because I have to work that day passing out gifts to elderly patients, but that I would call off work to travel to see her any day after. That isn't good enough, so she asked my fiance to spend Christmas without me. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/5/2013 12:40 - Australia - Mooroolbark

Today, the doorbell rang. I saw my incredibly overbearing mum's car outside, so I stayed quiet and tried to sneak upstairs. As I crawled through the hallway, commando style, I realised the door blinds were still out for cleaning. If scowls could kill, I'd be roasting in Hell right now. FML

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By beaverfever - 6/8/2014 16:45 - Poland - Kolobrzeg

Today, I wore a tank top for the first time in a few years. It turned out even worse than the last time. I got insulted by several people over my "Never say never" upper chest tattoo, which I got years ago, before the words ever became associated with a certain douchy Canadian pop "singer". FML

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By Anonymous - 25/4/2015 03:23 - United States

Today, my little sister filled the huge house I spent over a week building in Minecraft with TNT. She then demanded I give her all the money in my wallet, or she'd blow it all up. She's now $86.25 richer, and my parents think it's too hilarious to make her give me my money back. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/4/2009 21:40 - United States

Today, for the first time ever, a woman saw my penis. I am 30 years old. The woman was my doctor. She snorted to cover a laugh and apologized. FML

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By redmethod87 - 8/4/2009 16:08 - United States

Today, I took my dog to the puppy park to meet girls. I met one very attractive girl, she loved my puppy, and she asked for my number. As she took out her phone, my dog defecated on her feet. She was wearing sandals. FML

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By jaderie - 21/4/2012 09:26 - Australia - Sydney

Today, my mum bought a phone. Since teaching her how to text, I have received 27 messages, repeatedly saying the word "penis". FML

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By Nice 2 inch - 27/6/2011 12:16 - Canada

Today, my grandpa told us he wanted to fit in. His idea of fitting in is streaking in a park at 4:00 pm. FML

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By awalc - 20/12/2011 17:48 - United States

Today, I woke up with Skittles super glued to my forehead. FML

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By PleaseDontHateMe - 20/9/2016 16:42 - Canada - Stony Plain

Today, I tried to impress a girl by draping my arm over the back of her chair. I ended up elbowing her in the nose. FML

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By theregoesmyspermcount - 2/8/2009 22:45 - United States

Today, my 250 lb ex-Marine dad announced he was going to start randomly punching me in the crotch, without warning, to "improve my reflexes." FML

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By Anonymous - 21/8/2011 20:18 - United States

Today, I married the man of my dreams. At the after-party, my psycho grandma stood up, called for quiet, and engaged in a long rant about how this was "the beginning of the end" and advising everyone that the secret to a successful marriage is "cheating, plain and simple". FML

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By driver - 6/1/2010 14:55 - United States

Today, I went to the DMV to renew my license. When I gave the woman behind the desk my name and social security number she looked confused. She then called over her manager, who did the same thing. Getting nervous, I asked what was wrong. Apparently according to the state of Illinois I'm dead. FML

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By bored - 12/9/2019 00:02

I Just Don't Know What To Do With Myself

Today, I found a deck of Uno cards. Being extremely bored, I decided to put them in order. I now know EXACTLY which cards I'm missing. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/4/2013 05:07 - United States

Today, in my rush to do my hair and get to work, I managed to trip over my dog, hit my eye on the counter, and sprain my ankle. I arrived at work with a black eye and a painful limp. My boss didn't care, and fired me for showing up late. FML

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By Depressed - 8/3/2009 21:58 - United States

Today, I called up the boy I like to ask him on a date. He said "Haha, thats a pretty good impression Chris. Next time pick someone less ugly and maybe I'd think this is real." He thought I was his friend prank calling him. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/2/2017 16:00 - United States - Lewistown

Today, I am sick of watching my friend's dog while she is on vacation. In four days, this dog has shredded my mattress, peed on my couches, chewed my kitchen chairs, and attacked my dog while she slept. My friend won't answer her phone, but she does update Facebook non-stop. Ten days to go. FML

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By youcould'vejusttoldme - 11/5/2017 21:00 - United States - College Station

Today, my roommate started packing up for when we move out in August. Thirty boxes later, I realized she's leaving me with only a dishtowel and a skillet while she traipses through Europe for the summer. She even packed the silverware. And the curtains. FML

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By Cody - 30/12/2009 09:35 - France

Today, I was at a job interview at McDonalds. All was going well until the manager told me that I'd have to remove the piercing that I have on my eyebrow. I didn't think that my mole would be so confusing. FML

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By awkwardpanda - 27/1/2017 20:00

Today, I performed for the first time at someone's wedding. When the music started, I heard a click. Slowly, I felt my strapless bra drop lower and lower due to my non-existent breasts. The hook on my bra had broken at that very moment on stage. FML

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By LarissaT18 - 2/2/2014 16:13 - United States - Reynoldsburg

Today, the highlight of my day was when I figured out that my little brother's toy dump truck could actually dump stuff out. I'm 18. FML

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By jane - 9/10/2009 14:04 - Australia

Today, I was pretending to be a monkey for a "documentary". The branch snapped and I fell out of the tree and onto a car roof. It was after school, I fell onto the dean's BMW. The video was on facebook before I regained consciousness. FML

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Top comments

By kristenlee | 3

#110731 - Tuesday 14 April 2009 20:04

Hope you didn't throw those crutches too far...

By Trix_Disorder | 20

#110740 - Tuesday 14 April 2009 20:07

Life's ironic like that.

COMMENTS

By kristenlee | 3

#110731 - Tuesday 14 April 2009 20:04

Hope you didn't throw those crutches too far...

NzxtZ06 | 0

#982235 - Tuesday 20 April 2010 4:54

idiot

MissDanish17 | 5

#985291 - Monday 26 April 2010 22:15

Really?

Toasty283 | 8

#5490617 - Tuesday 14 May 2013 1:51

Irony is great isn't it?

drummerp64 | 16

#5596457 - Wednesday 24 July 2013 22:17

I wonder if it was the Scottish play...

By SS60 | 0

#110735 - Tuesday 14 April 2009 20:06

that's what you get for being an ass, YDI

frolick123 | 0

#2670246 - Monday 13 June 2011 8:03

gods trying to tell u something mister thespian... haha remember god hates gay people :P

im not religious or homophobic so dont get ur panties in a bunch its a joke

ADOG2645 | 17

#6585862 - Friday 22 April 2016 4:26

How was op being an ass?

_Adog2645 | 24

#6695665 - Monday 26 September 2016 21:39

Hey, it's my old account

By Trix_Disorder | 20

#110740 - Tuesday 14 April 2009 20:07

Life's ironic like that.

samiwammy | 5

#3573325 - Friday 11 November 2011 21:41

MACBETH MACBETH MACBETH.

thanazon | 6

#6117931 - Thursday 13 November 2014 22:02

I just read that play on English class. It was amazing :D

By lmao212 | 0

#110742 - Tuesday 14 April 2009 20:07

hahaha...that sucks.

By lady4 | 0

#110746 - Tuesday 14 April 2009 20:08

LMAO.. YDI

By shaPOW | 0

#110753 - Tuesday 14 April 2009 20:10

a fake broken leg isn't a good joke.

SnaveNareik | 0

#561423 - Sunday 13 September 2009 22:59

It's a hilarious one :)

By alex_vik | 0

#110766 - Tuesday 14 April 2009 20:13

Moron, what would posses you to do that? YDI

By kelseysue92 | 0

#110767 - Tuesday 14 April 2009 20:13

it's theater...if someone had told you to break a leg this never would have happened!

By honest2dt | 0

#110775 - Tuesday 14 April 2009 20:15

Darling, You took the term "break a leg" to the extreme... LOL!!!

By ryan__h | 1

#110782 - Tuesday 14 April 2009 20:17

hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha....YRDI(you really deserved it)