Miscellaneous: Today, during dress rehearsal before the show, I came in with...

By seussical65 - United States

Today, during dress rehearsal before the show, I came in with crutches pretending I broke my leg as a joke. I then threw away the crutches, laughed and then fell down some stairs. I am now in crutches with a broken leg. I was the lead. FML

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Miscellaneous

Understandable

Late term

How could you forget?

By Anonymous - United States - South Salem

Today, my boyfriend proposed: he told me the feeling he gets from being in love with me is the best feeling in the world, even better than the feeling he gets when he poops. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/10/2020 11:02 - United States - York

All that time I'm never getting back

Today, I ended up being wasting an entire week on a very important scholarship essay because I thought the requirements said “3500 words” when in reality, they said “3500 characters”. FML

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By blank13 - United States

Today, I went to Knott's Berry Farm with my girlfriend. After we got off of Supreme Scream, the ride attendant asked her, "How was it?" She pointed to me and said, "It's like sex with this man, my boyfriend; intense, then disappointing because it only lasts like 30 seconds." FML

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By Anonymous - Saudi Arabia

Today, I got caught masturbating, twice, by the same person. FML

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By Debra - United States - Bloomington

Today, I had the class clown of my preschoolers oversleep our daily 15-minute nap. Not wanting to spare any more class time on his disrupting jokes, I let the headache sleep. After another 10 minutes we called an ambulance. He had a stroke. FML

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By Username

Today, while trying to explain to my date that a small coffee would be fine, I said "I'm cheap and I'm easy". FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Sainte Genevieve

Today, I asked if my friend wanted to come meet my dog and give him a treat. We were walking to my back yard, her holding 3 hot dogs, when she said, "I think your dog is dead!" I said, "No, he's just old and sleeps all the time and won't wake up until you pet him because he's deaf." He was dead. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, while skiing on Mammoth Mountain, a man dressed in an Easter Bunny costume snowboarded into me and sent me flying. Not only did he hurt my wrist, he also threw an Easter egg at me, yelled "Happy Easter", and snowboarded away. FML

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By Harry - United States - Seattle

Today, I was walking in the street, and the next thing I know, I'm waking up in a hospital. According to witnesses, a guy came up and hit me over the head with a baseball bat. Apparently that's a thing that happens now. But it's okay, he had an excuse: he said he was drunk. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend of over a year looked at me and said, "Sometimes I just want to hit you." FML

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By Ew-dles

Today, I was finishing a bowl of ramen while watching a video. As I scooped up the last bits, I realized the clump of seasoning I had been saving for last was actually a dead fly. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I got stopped for shoplifting at a department store. They took me back to the security room and showed me the tapes. I was taking my own designer lipgloss that I had bought a month before out of my purse. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Denver

Today, I had my last orchestra concert and had a large solo. My dad came to watch and record it; however, the whole time he recorded another girl, thinking it was me. FML

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By iDisable - Australia

Today, my brother thought it would be funny to disable my iPod Touch for 45 minutes. After 45 minutes, I went to enter my password. I missed a number accidentally. 50 minutes to go. FML

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By childhoodupinsmoke - United States - Austin

Today, I realized that the comforting, unique scent of my mother in my childhood was actually the smell of the marijuana she smokes. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend gave me a bucket of Twizzlers for our 1 year anniversary because 'he knew I liked them.' He has no idea why I am so upset. FML

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By choker - United States

Today, I went to Walmart with my mom. At the check out line I was eating a bag of chips as my mom bought her stuff. I inhaled while eating and I started to choke. The cashier asked me if I was okay. My mom just waved her hand, and said, "Sometimes she does that for attention, ignore her." FML

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By will3000

Today, I was on my way to work behind a very slow car. At a red light, the lady came over and punched me in the face for following her too closely. We are coworkers and our desks are next to each other. FML

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By anonymous - United States - Honolulu

Today, I awoke to my husband talking to someone on the phone at 2am. I heard him say, "Baby you're making me hard." Immediately, I asked him who he was talking to. His response? "It's Jake, from State Farm." FML

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By daddyrobyn - South Africa - Johannesburg

Today, I met an important figure in my line of work who also happens to know my dad, Alan. Upon meeting said person, I let my social anxiety get the best of me and I greeted him by saying, "Hi! I'm your Alan!" FML

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By Anonymous

Today, my 3-year-old niece brushed my hair, making sure to be gentle so she wouldn't hurt me. When it was time to brush the front, she made sure to meticulously brush my mustache. I'm a woman. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/10/2020 23:01

Fake News

Today, I’m not sure what to call it, but I think I just got COVID-SWATted when a bunch of police turned up to my house after someone told them I was partying with over 50 people, breaking social distancing. In a one-bed flat, with barely enough room for 3 people to sit down at the same time. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, the speaker I ordered from the distant country of America arrived. This is after it was held up by local customs, who demanded I pay no small amount for the import duty. Upon unboxing, I found out it was actually made in my own country. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, it was my high school graduation. Because our school colors were red, black and white, and our principal looked somewhat like Hitler, the senior class prank was to salute him when he finished his speech. I was the only one. FML

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By SaMike - United States

Today, I took my girlfriend to the movies. She's pretty conservative and I decided after four dates to give her her first ever kiss. As I leaned in she violently sneezed and hit me in the nose with the hand she brought up to cover her face. I broke my nose and got blood down her cleavage. FML

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By HorrorByrd - Canada

Today, I went on the large bungee drop at the West Edmonton Mall waterpark. As I was falling, my bikini top came off. I had to wait for the bungee rope to stop moving and the life guard to release the ankle strap. FML

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By give me an F - United Kingdom - Corby

Today, was my first day as a male cheerleader in an attempt to flirt. The girls were stronger than me and it's now my job to be thrown in the air by girls. FML

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By nano123 - 17/4/2020 08:00

Played yourself

Today, I gave myself a hickey on my bicep just to know how it feels. I'm a 28-year-old virgin and yes, that's possible. FML

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By cherrycokeee - France

Today, my boyfriend of two years said he would finally take me somewhere romantic. I spent my day at a Star Wars convention. FML

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By occam's pube-razor - United States - Buena Vista

Today, I parked my car, went to pay for my spot, and returned to my car only to find a parking violation ticket tucked under the windshield wipers. This all happened in less than a minute. FML

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By sucks2suck - United States

Today, I told my parents I really missed them and wanted to come home for the weekend, I haven't seen them in months. They told me that was a bad idea and they couldnt fit me into their schedule. I asked what their plans were. They said they didn't have any yet. FML

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By corleon198425 - United States

Today, I was walking to work, when I slipped and landed on my tail bone. Worse still, my hot coffee went flying into my face. I currently can't see out of my left eye. FML

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By epistaxis - Australia

Today, I am staying with my grandmother and overheard her having phone sex. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I finally got my yearbook for senior year in high school. I started what everyone does, which is count how many times I appear in the yearbook. I stopped when I found a prominent photo of me, picking my nose in class. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was at the beach with friends and I fell asleep while I was tanning. When I woke up, everyone was laughing hysterically. I asked what was so funny, and one of my friends replies, "you farted so loud in your sleep that you woke yourself up." FML

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By telefucked - United States

Today, my parents switched phone companies, which changed the phone number. Two days ago, I dropped off over 15 job applications with my 'old' number on all of them. There is a waiting period before I can reapply anywhere. FML

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By bushy brows - United States - Prior Lake

Today, I recently gave birth to my daughter, and my husband and I both have dark hair and bushy eyebrows. We never thought it was a problem until our daughter was born with a dark, bushy unibrow. Now I'm too nervous to take pictures of her 'cause our family and friends laugh every time they see her. FML

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By Catscratch - United States

Today, I walked into the kitchen and saw a note my roomate posted. As I got close to read it I was attacked by a very pissed off cat. The note said "Left window open last night, stray cat got in. Watch out he isn't friendly." FML

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By Anonymous - Argentina - Villa Sarmiento

Today, I was giving my son a driving lesson. He blatantly ran a red light, so I told him to pull over to let me drive us home. As I walked over to the driver-side door, he instead locked me out and drove off by himself. FML

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By beat10 - United States

Today, I was fired for "customer dissatisfaction." I work in IT and have never met one of my company's customers. FML

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Top comments

By kristenlee | 3

#110731 - Tuesday 14 April 2009 20:04

Hope you didn't throw those crutches too far...

By Trix_Disorder | 20

#110740 - Tuesday 14 April 2009 20:07

Life's ironic like that.

COMMENTS

By kristenlee | 3

#110731 - Tuesday 14 April 2009 20:04

Hope you didn't throw those crutches too far...

NzxtZ06 | 0

#982235 - Tuesday 20 April 2010 4:54

idiot

MissDanish17 | 5

#985291 - Monday 26 April 2010 22:15

Really?

Toasty283 | 8

#5490617 - Tuesday 14 May 2013 1:51

Irony is great isn't it?

drummerp64 | 16

#5596457 - Wednesday 24 July 2013 22:17

I wonder if it was the Scottish play...

By SS60 | 0

#110735 - Tuesday 14 April 2009 20:06

that's what you get for being an ass, YDI

frolick123 | 0

#2670246 - Monday 13 June 2011 8:03

gods trying to tell u something mister thespian... haha remember god hates gay people :P

im not religious or homophobic so dont get ur panties in a bunch its a joke

ADOG2645 | 17

#6585862 - Friday 22 April 2016 4:26

How was op being an ass?

_Adog2645 | 24

#6695665 - Monday 26 September 2016 21:39

Hey, it's my old account

By Trix_Disorder | 20

#110740 - Tuesday 14 April 2009 20:07

Life's ironic like that.

samiwammy | 5

#3573325 - Friday 11 November 2011 21:41

MACBETH MACBETH MACBETH.

thanazon | 6

#6117931 - Thursday 13 November 2014 22:02

I just read that play on English class. It was amazing :D

By lmao212 | 0

#110742 - Tuesday 14 April 2009 20:07

hahaha...that sucks.

By lady4 | 0

#110746 - Tuesday 14 April 2009 20:08

LMAO.. YDI

By shaPOW | 0

#110753 - Tuesday 14 April 2009 20:10

a fake broken leg isn't a good joke.

SnaveNareik | 0

#561423 - Sunday 13 September 2009 22:59

It's a hilarious one :)

By alex_vik | 0

#110766 - Tuesday 14 April 2009 20:13

Moron, what would posses you to do that? YDI

By kelseysue92 | 0

#110767 - Tuesday 14 April 2009 20:13

it's theater...if someone had told you to break a leg this never would have happened!

By honest2dt | 0

#110775 - Tuesday 14 April 2009 20:15

Darling, You took the term "break a leg" to the extreme... LOL!!!

By ryan__h | 1

#110782 - Tuesday 14 April 2009 20:17

hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha....YRDI(you really deserved it)