Today, I was carrying some luggage downstairs to put in my car... - FML

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was carrying some luggage downstairs to put in my car to head back to college. My brother told me my shoes were untied. He said he would tie them for me as I was carrying luggage. I fell down the stairs because he thought it would be funny to tie them together. FML

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The View

Expanding universe

Fake News

By Zoogangcapk - 1/1/2020 05:00

Double Impact

Today, I found out that my girlfriend is pregnant. The problem is that I don't know how to tell my wife... Who is also pregnant. FML

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By trailertrashyanditsucks - United States - Porter

Today, I heard my mom sobbing in the bathroom. Concerned, I went in to see what was wrong. I found her sitting on the toilet, pants down and a cigarette between her fingers. When I asked what was going on, she looked up at me and slurred that we'd run out of "shit-wipes." FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Twinsburg

Today, I was pulled aside by my father's new wife and told, "You're not your dad's favorite anymore and you need to stop acting like it." FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Ann Arbor

Today, my father described me as "the sort of sucker women marry then cheat on all the time." My mother agreed with him. FML

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Today, I saw my little brother drink from the milk carton, gag, and spit the milk back in. FML

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By massachusettsan - United States - Monomoy Island

Guitar Porn

Today, I got the same feeling in my chest when I orgasmed as when I hit a hard section in Guitar Hero. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Winona

Today, I got pulled off a hugely important project, all because I accidentally spelled "country" as "cuntry" in an email to our client. FML

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By relievedbutashamed

Today, I left a coffee shop abruptly to go to my car to let out some really bad and loud gas. My window was partly open because it's broken. A stranger was walking on the sidewalk in front of me. He looked terrified. FML

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By Mo. - 3/10/2020 01:13 - United States

Rock and a hard place

Today, I found out my postpartum pain is indeed because of a cyst. No, my doctors can’t drain it and relive the pain because of scar tissue. And yes, it hurts around my lady bits and in my butthole, because the cyst wraps around everything. It’s either wait it out in extreme pain or surgery. FML

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Today, I found out I'm going to have to come into the office on yet another weekend to plow snow. This wouldn't be so bad, if I actually got paid to work weekends. FML

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By BoohooBouquet

Today, my girlfriend got super paranoid when I received flowers, along with a card saying what a "lovely time" the sender had last weekend. My girlfriend decided this was proof I'd cheated on her. The card was signed "Vanessa," which is also her mother's name. Who stayed with us last weekend. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, while riding to the skate park, I noticed a gorgeous blonde walking towards me. She gave me a smile as I passed so I turned and looked behind me to get a second glance. I rode my BMX straight into a light pole in front of a pub patio full of people. She saw it all. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was riding my bike and swerved to avoid hitting a lizard. I ended up sliding into a bush and skinning myself, only to find my tires had still managed to cut the lizard to pieces. FML

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By Kat - France

Today, everyone thought that I was the one who farted in the lift. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. Why? Because apparently her friends have seen me hanging out with a hot girl, giving her long hugs and making her laugh. That "hot girl" is my sister, who got back from her study abroad a week ago. FML

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By Why

Today, I randomly got a boner while modeling a character's butt in animation class. FML

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By LukeyBoy - United Kingdom

Today, I was walking down the road when a twat on a quad-bike smashed into my leg. It seems that I should've been "walking on the right side of the pavement." FML

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By Noname - United States

Today, I bought some flowers. As I was checking out, the cashier asked, "Aww, these for your mom? How sweet." I responded they were for a girl I liked. She laughed and said, "Sorry..." FML

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By eaa145 - United States

Today, for my two-year anniversary I got my girlfriend a very expensive diamond necklace. She got me male enhancement pills. FML

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By failing - United States - Greenbelt

Today, my grandpa passed away. The only emotion my dad showed was anger, because my grandpa owed my dad money. Now he wants to take it from my grandma, like he's some sort of mobster. FML

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By i guess - United States - Hamilton

Today, my boss told our production department that we're not allowed to be happy. FML

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By Byepax - United States - San Francisco

Today, my mom found out I'm failing three classes. Now she won't let me go to a convention I bought passes for weeks in advance. Each pass was $45, and I bought 2 more for my friends. You do the math on that, because I apparently can't. FML

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By O - Sweden - Trollh?ttan

Today, I noticed that both my managers completely ignored me when I told them that I'm fully booked, and can't take any more clients. Both of them scheduled additional clients. At the same. Three people from different companies will show up at my office at the same time. Yep. FML

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By jwhizzle - Australia

Today, I found my "lost" bicycle in my best friend's garage. I've been having to catch two buses to get to work for the past few months. FML

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By aprouddaddy - France - Paris

Today, I was a bit upset to learn that my 13 year-old daughter had a boyfriend. When she noticed, she assured me that I shouldn't worry, because "it's just for sex anyway". FML

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By MrsRockyHorror - United States

Today, I seriously considered labelling myself as 'in a relationship' on Facebook, even though I haven't been in one since '92, so I can hide just how desperate I am. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Belleville

Today, I came home from the minimum-wage job I suffer through to support my now ex-boyfriend's ailing music career. It seems his time management skills suck almost as badly as his music, because I found him in my bedroom, licking whipped cream off my step-sister. FML

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By Sarah - United States - Pipersville

Today, a hobo shook me down for money on the street. He's my brother, who incidentally ran away from home over two years ago. FML

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By bam.93 - 14/4/2020 17:00

Creepy

Today, my supervisor asked me to help him for some modifications on an Excel sheet. I helped him for some stuff, but couldn't help him completely. He said to me, " Try to learn more about Excel, I want someone to satisfy my needs." FML

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By theropod - United States

Today, at 2 in the morning, a noisy work crew started up in the parking lot next to my apartment. What were they doing at that ungodly hour? Installing a light that now shines right into my window. FML

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By bride - United States

Today, I dreamed I was getting married. I was wearing a white dress, had incredible cleavage and perfectly done makeup. Just one problem. I'm a guy. FML

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By officekid

Today, a woman from my office called, asking who was in. Only one other woman was in the office. I couldn't remember her name, so I had to awkwardly guess random names while both women listened, obviously aware of what was going on. FML

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By Idontbelieveinmagic - United States - Las Vegas

Today, my dad refused to believe that the Animal Planet's mermaid mockumentaries were faked. Instead he got into a huge argument with me, claiming the government is covering up the existence of mermaids and must've threatened the producers to keep it quiet. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/10/2020 18:02 - United States - Randolph

All I have to is dream dream dream

Today, I dreamt I wet my pants in front of everyone. It wasn’t a dream. A toddler laughed at me. FML

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By sparky83000 - Canada

Today, at work on a construction site, my coworker dropped a small piece of metal from 4 stories, and it struck another worker. We quickly began to climb down to see if the person was OK, and the same coworker dropped a metal pole, and crushed my hand, two minutes after the first accident. FML

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By Ashleigh - Australia

Today, I installed an alarm app on my phone. Turns out, to unlock the phone and get the ringing to stop, I have to answer a maths question. It took me ten minutes to get it right. FML

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By fuckyouharddad - United States - Sacramento

Today, my 12-year-old sister watched Frozen. She's spent the last two hours playing the song Let It Go on high volume over and over, and in different languages. I now have a skull-splitting headache, and my dad just sarcastically told me to "let it go". FML

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By Anna - United States

Today, I called back a number I recently missed a call from. To my surprise, it was the number of my boyfriend's fiancé. I've been with him 4 years, he's been with her for 6. Turns out, not only is he a cheating jerk, but technically I'M the other woman. FML

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By wtf bro - 20/3/2020 07:00 - United States - Hesperia

King Dick

Today, after returning from some caveman type "men’s retreat" with his buddies, my husband is now refusing to cook or help out with the house and kids as it’s "women’s work." He also expects to be fetched beer on demand and referred to as "King" from now on. I don’t know rather to laugh or cry. FML

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By Rusty Armstrong - 17/8/2020 05:01

Thanks capitalism, I hate it!

Today, the prison program I work for has been shut down for months due to Covid, but my bosses have been having us sitting at our desks, doing nothing, in proximity to the inmates. I guess they'd rather pay us to be exposed than to stay safe. FML

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Top comments

By fylives | 0

#112968 - Wednesday 15 April 2009 10:19

He just wanted you to get down faster. :D

By piderman13 | 0

#112962 - Wednesday 15 April 2009 10:17

brothers are funny (;

COMMENTS

By Chra | 0

#112961 - Wednesday 15 April 2009 10:17

What a jerk D:

By piderman13 | 0

#112962 - Wednesday 15 April 2009 10:17

brothers are funny (;

By xClarkGable | 0

#112966 - Wednesday 15 April 2009 10:18

You didn't see that coming? YDI.

By fylives | 0

#112968 - Wednesday 15 April 2009 10:19

He just wanted you to get down faster. :D

Reply

lovely_day | 0

#1005013 - Monday 24 May 2010 6:38

lmao

By Jimboom | 11

#112983 - Wednesday 15 April 2009 10:28

YDI. Thats the oldest, most obvious thing to fall for... literally.

Reply

mypod66 | 0

#985272 - Monday 26 April 2010 21:30

and you actually trusted yor brother to tie their shoes

Reply

ThatOneTimeLord | 25

#5989059 - Thursday 26 June 2014 14:05

67, it might be possible that op's brother never did something like this, but found his perfect chance.

By nom_nom_nom | 0

#112984 - Wednesday 15 April 2009 10:29

lmfao #4

By czechitout | 0

#112986 - Wednesday 15 April 2009 10:30

that's mean! :(

By goathumpy | 0

#112987 - Wednesday 15 April 2009 10:31

To be fair...that is fucking hilarious.

By endless63 | 2

#113006 - Wednesday 15 April 2009 10:52

lol ... hopefully you didn't get seriously hurt in the process

By davetf | 1

#113007 - Wednesday 15 April 2009 10:52

yes that was funny!!!!