Animals: Today, I heard my dad screaming in the hallway. Thinking he was...

By poopEVERYWHERE - 18/09/2009 14:27 - United States

Today, I heard my dad screaming in the hallway. Thinking he was having a heart attack I ran to the hall without looking where I was going. I slipped and slid towards my dad in what turned out to be a mass quantity of diarrhea from one of my two dogs. He was screaming because he stepped in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 965

You deserved it 4 343

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Same thing different taste

Splat!

By Anonymous - 11/05/2020 14:00

Today, I have a case of diarrhea. How did I find out? I got startled by my dog jumping up to greet me, and I shat all over the kitchen floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 554

You deserved it 215

By Anonymous - 11/10/2018 17:30

Today, my dog had diarrhea in his cage. While I was carrying his dirty bed downstairs to the washer, he ran by and tripped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 661

You deserved it 303

Almost there, we're almost there…

By Anonymous - 26/09/2020 08:02 - United States - Rockaway Park

Today, I was rushing to walk home because my stomach was upset. I dodged multiple people, getting closer and closer, got my front door open, got up my stairs, and then lost control of my bowels on the top step. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 367

You deserved it 104

By Anonymous - 11/11/2014 18:56 - United States - Dekalb

Today, I walked into my bathroom, only to find my dad passed out on the floor with his pants around his ankles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 095

You deserved it 3 061

By typical - 13/04/2013 23:49 - United States - Cheshire

Today, I fell down the stairs. My mom came running from the other room because she thought it was the dog. She rolled her eyes and walked away when she saw it was me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 246

You deserved it 4 155

Another fine mess

By wow - 16/05/2019 00:05

Today, I was walking my dog when he did his business. He then stepped all in it and coated his paws. As I was struggling with him, I slipped and landed butt-first into his steaming pile. My boyfriend nearly fainted from laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 784

You deserved it 341

Help!

By ukfan - 06/10/2010 16:01 - United States

Today, after bringing my dog back inside, he started whining. I thought it was because he wanted his toys, but he was really trying to say, "Help me," as a torpedo of diarrhea exploded out of him, leaving a trail down the hallway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 571

You deserved it 5 080

Skittish

By Anonymous - 18/07/2023 22:00 - Netherlands - Hardenberg

Today, my dad came home and wanted to grab a glass. It wasn't in direct sight so he slammed the cupboard door so hard, I peed my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 596

You deserved it 175

By GoDiarrhea - 04/03/2010 18:52 - Argentina

Today, I came down with sudden diarrhea while at taekwondo practice. I discreetly called my dad for a pickup, but on our way out, he told my instructor that I had to go because I was "shitting my pants with fear". He did this in front of all my classmates. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 466

You deserved it 2 854

Hurting over here

By wo-ow - 06/06/2014 23:09 - United States - Bronx

Today, I fell down the stairs and broke my leg. My dad helped me to the car so he could drive me to the hospital, but when he saw our neighbor, he went over and had a 15 minute screaming match with him over how his dog keeps shitting on our lawn, all while I sat in the car in agony. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 347

You deserved it 4 332

Ilovelife07 0

Friday 18 September 2009 20:09

best username

riplikethat 0

Friday 18 September 2009 22:05

"I slipped and slid towards my dad in what turned... blah blah blah" No shit.

Comments

burrito1 0

Friday 18 September 2009 20:07

lol

turtlebots 0

Friday 18 September 2009 20:25

Yo poop, I know you be slippin' in poop, and i'ma let you finish, but MY DOG JUST HAD THE BEST POOP OF ALL TIME. THE BEST POOP OF ALL TIME!

Ohnothingreally 0

Friday 18 September 2009 21:06

Lol Kanye West. But that's just nasty. Ew. D:

2345_fml 0

Friday 18 September 2009 22:35

This Kanye West crap needs to stop. Why is everyone changing every subject into what he said?

stardustskye 0

Friday 18 September 2009 22:41

because it's funny??

muchocaliente 0

Saturday 19 September 2009 0:21

hey guess what! You're first. But I'm first to be sexy. YDI for being a ****.

ladiidaa 0

Saturday 19 September 2009 0:29

Because people like to make old memes older and unfunny.

turtlebots 0

Saturday 19 September 2009 2:48

YO 2345, I KNOW U HATIN ON KANYE AND IMA LET YOU FINISH, BUT I AM GOD AND MY WORDS ARE GOLD!!

dnlphm94 0

Sunday 20 September 2009 0:54

@#60: What are you talking about?

DangerousBabee 0

Tuesday 22 September 2009 0:26

Lol i actaully laughed at this one xD

soccerfreak878 0

Wednesday 21 April 2010 11:22

Wouldnt u?

Ilovelife07 0

Friday 18 September 2009 20:09

best username

pancakes_n_syrup 0

Friday 18 September 2009 22:04

I was thinking that too! ha I saw her name and thought, wow, love the username over the FML :)

BakerMan_fml 0

Sunday 20 September 2009 11:22

I agree

tingting1 0

Friday 18 September 2009 20:09

so i'm guessing you slipped IN it? that's nasty .... :

riplikethat 0

Friday 18 September 2009 22:05

"I slipped and slid towards my dad in what turned... blah blah blah" No shit.

Shmeagle 0

Thursday 6 January 2011 5:56

Slip n' Slide style!

horsestarz 7

Monday 31 October 2011 21:07

No pun intended?

ElizabethNL93 20

Saturday 2 November 2013 4:32

3, what was your first clue?

_jdreaming 0

Friday 18 September 2009 20:10

gnr! that is freakin' hilarious!

blondbrunette916 0

Friday 18 September 2009 20:10

wow. hopefully it didnt get in ur mouth, nose ears, hear...etc. :o

happyvalleygirl 0

Friday 18 September 2009 20:10

massive quantity of diarrhea... bad image did you fall when you slipped?

chlorinegreen 27

Thursday 16 June 2011 23:45

did you not see that he said he slipped AND slid? that means he slip'n slide styled it!

_jdreaming 0

Friday 18 September 2009 20:12

I'm sorry but #6 what kind of question is that? Of course he fell when he slipped. smh

Vball6 19

Thursday 20 September 2012 21:37

You could slip without falling.

plexico 3

Friday 18 September 2009 20:17

Some people think it's funny But it's really hot and runny Diarrhea. In this case, it's all of the above!

f_my_flip_life 5

Friday 18 September 2009 20:18

LOL!!! I could totally picture this.

caancoha 0

Friday 18 September 2009 20:21

When you're climbing up a ladder and you feel something splatter...

Keywords

Poopoo peepee Love Embarrassing Miscellaneous Romantic Christmas Break-ups Annoying Money Gross Argument Ironic Awkward Friends Cute Haircut Lonely Holidays Relatable Work Bosses Capitalism Cars You're fired Health Covid Cheating Jealousy Kids Parenting

The Top

Today, my dad is freaking out because he thinks he's next on the list of targets the NYC CEO shooter has. Not because he himself is a healthcare-ruining CEO, but he's a pharmacist who gets death threats every week from patients he can't give medication to, due to insurance companies denying everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 535

You deserved it 82

Today, the girl I have a crush on came over to work on a project. My dad rushed into the room we were in, farted, and then ran out giggling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 642

You deserved it 5 884

The Top

Today, it's my birthday. I was heading back to my apartment and I heard noises behind the front door. Assuming it was the surprise party I'd hinted at, I flicked on the lights… as two heavy guys pushed past me. I was robbed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 560

You deserved it 2 324

Today, my girlfriend was finally in the mood, when all of a sudden I start hearing loud demands for Elmo. By the time I got the movie started for my son, my girlfriend was completely asleep, in her négligée. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 011

You deserved it 275

Today, my best friend and I watched the "OK Google" horror short film. It's about a ghost that controls a Google Home device. Right after the short ended, my Google Nest Mini came off the wall and stopped reacting. Neither of us was near it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 762

You deserved it 160

Today, the love of my life, who I’ve finally been able to date after so long, broke up with me. I met her parents for the first time and they don’t approve of me dating her due to our age gap. She’s 18 and I’m 36. Apparently they don’t understand that she’s a consenting adult and can make her own choices. FML

I agree, your life sucks 128

You deserved it 2 382

Today, I tried to get my golden retriever to stand in front of our church for a very short time to illustrate the point of a sermon. When I brought my dog up, he mounted the pastor's leg and began humping him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 198

You deserved it 9 704

Today, my girlfriend told me I don't make enough noise during sex. Then when we had sex again, I made the noises she wanted. She then broke up with me because, apparently, when I came, I screamed like a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 518

You deserved it 458

Same thing different taste

Splat!

Almost there, we're almost there…

Another fine mess

Help!

Skittish

Hurting over here

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