Today, my girlfriend and I went to a bar during Irishfest. When I returned to my girlfriend she was crying and told me that this guy pushed her. I confronted the guy and poured my beer on him who just happened to be the chief of police. He was trying to make room for a guy in a wheelchair. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I saw a drunk guy hitting on a girl sitting alone at the bar. She insisted that her boyfriend was there, but he didn't relent. So I went over and put my arm around her and asked "Who's this guy?" He walked away, but then I felt a tap on my shoulder. It was her boyfriend. He broke my arm. FML
Today, I went to a bar with a close friend. She got drunk and was feeling sick, so I carried her to my car to take her to her house. Some stranger accused me of drugging her and tackled me with her in my arms. She threw up on me, and he took off running without an apology. FML
Today, I punched a drunk woman who kept trying to force herself onto my husband. She turned out to be an off-duty cop. FML
Today, I met my girlfriend's dad. It didn't go well since unfortunately he’s the guy I had to remove from the club I’m the bouncer at, and had to report to the police for getting drunk, stroking himself over his pants and taking photos in the ladies toilets. FML
Today, I got bailed out of jail. I was there because I saw a girl being hit by her boyfriend. I rushed over to help only to have her hit me repeatedly. The cops came and she blamed her bruises on me. The boyfriend corroborated her story. FML
Today, I watched a drunk guy getting thrown out of a bar, then get tased on the sidewalk outside. He was our designated driver. FML
Today, a drunk in a wheelchair tried to fight me. I walked away as he kept hurling insults. He then rammed his chair into my legs, making me fall. I walked away again. Upon the second time, I got up and punched him dead in his face, knocking him backward. I was tackled to the ground for hitting him. FML
Today, I got questioned by the police. Last night I was at a party when a bully of a kid who happened to be an aspiring MMA coach and local fighter was picking on me, stole my alcohol and threw me out of the party. I heard he got stabbed by someone else he was picking on after I left. The police insist it was me. FML
Today, I got tackled by a bouncer in a club and handed to police for spiking my date's drink. It was an ice cube. I'd asked the barman for some ice cubes, which I put in both my drink and hers, and someone assumed I was slipping her a roofie and reported me. FML
Today, I decided to be responsible and call a cab to take my drunk ass home from the bar. As I climbed into the cab, I was quickly pulled back out and had the shit beaten out of me by a group of drunk guys who thought they needed the ride more. The police soon arrived and arrested us all. FML
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Top comments
mozrox 0
Uh... Is your girlfriend really that sensitive? Who the hell cries because someone moved them out of the way? YDI for having a pussy as a girlfriend.
jonnymohio 2
You and your girlfriend are both at fault. She, for being a crybaby drunk, and you for being a hothead drunk. Take some anger management classes.
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Comments (144)
Alkron 0
You got completely owned!!!
Mirequetz 6
Totally, serves you right for having a temper tantrum when your girlfriend obviously needs to take a pill, a cop wouldn't have "pushed" her, he probably just bumped her. I get moved out of the way constantly at crowded skytrain stations when a person in a wheel chair needs to get in.
RuralNinja 0
A cop wouldn't have pushed her? I want to know where you live, where all the cops are pure and just and never are corrupt or abuse their power. However, in this world, cops beat people up, make false arrests, harass people, etc... for no reason other than to stroke their own egos.
Mulada 0
Someone's been watching too many crime noirs.
RuralNinja 0
No, but I have had a friend that rolls his own cigarettes arrested for drug paraphernalia because he had, among other things, completely legal rolling paper (and rolling tobacco, which the cop conveniently ignored) and a small mirror in a walmart bag inside of his car when the cop pulled him over for doing 37 in a 35.
Mirequetz 6
RuralNinja... you watch too many shitty crime shows. Where I live, if a Cop puts a hand on you without just cause, they get fired and you can sue. If you do in fact live in a fantasy world where Cops can do whatever they want and reign supreme, I suggest moving. OMG THE MAN IS OUT TO GET YOU!
TheOptimist 0
The guy didn't know this man was a cop, or making room for a man in a wheelchair. I would have done something similar if someone pushed my girlfriend enough to make her cry.
panthersrule95 0
wow
anniemarie 0
hahaa
Simonn_fml 0
Your girlfriend's fault IMO.
wbrycem 0
Maybe if she wasn't such a whiny bitch this whole even could have been avoided.
iMuffinKat 16
It's OP's fault too. Just because someone pushed his gf (unless it was really hard and she got hurt) doesn't mean you get to pour your beer on them. You're not the untouchable King that everyone has to respect and worship. Sometimes accidents happen. Deal with it.
Exhumed 0
first
imkees 0
FIRST!! Bury Me Bitches!
cassiebear7652 7
Fail
anjtrg_1112 23
*seventh
wakawakawaka_fml 0
Damn. I had on just as this was put up and was perfectly prepared to get the first post, but alas, I wasn't signed in. .. oh, wait a minute. I don't really care. Anyways.. YDI.
Josher47 0
This is so fake
plexico 4
Ticket #1: Wasting beer Ticket #2: Aw, who cares, the rest are just misdemeanors.
Mata_Hari 0
That's true, alcohol abuse :o
mozrox 0
Uh... Is your girlfriend really that sensitive? Who the hell cries because someone moved them out of the way? YDI for having a pussy as a girlfriend.
humorizer 14
Aren't ******* what girlfriends are for?... Well that and breasts.
stevenJB 25
Maybe she DIDNT know that the guy was making room for the wheelchair dude
WittyMoron 22
My guess is that she was blind drunk and is in the "emotional drunk" category