Today, my sister told me she didn’t want me in her wedding pictures because I looked fat in my bridesmaid's dress. FML

by samikai523 / 04/18/2011 at 4:25pm / United States (Indiana) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was carefully drawing blood from a drunk who'd threatened to kill me if I hurt him, when another drunk behind me decided to take a piss on my leg. FML

by waterdog / 04/18/2011 at 4:12pm / United States / Work

Today, I finally started my job as an in-home caregiver. The man I was hired to care for died two hours after I made it to his house. FML

by nurseITHINKNOT / 04/18/2011 at 3:24pm / United States (Louisiana) / Work

Today, my boyfriend of two years told me I was being too obsessive. This is the guy who has gone through my phone two separate times and deleted all of my male contacts. FML

by alissa_roar / 04/18/2011 at 1:54pm / United States / Love

Today, my 5 week old puppy decided to sleep between my head and the headboard of my bed. I sneezed and my puppy got so scared it caused him to pee on me. FML

by Wendie / 04/18/2011 at 12:10pm / United States (California) / Animals

Today, I was fired from my job. Apparently getting shot is no valid reason to stay home. FML

by davka / 04/18/2011 at 11:09am / Work

khaya's comment : Stab wounds only accepted. Company policy, don't fight it.

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Today, I woke up at my boyfriend's house. I had a shower while he went downstairs. As I went to say goodbye to him, his mother muttered "slut" while pouring him orange juice. FML

by sllaggy / 04/18/2011 at 5:34am / Intimacy

Today, I thought it would be funny to tickle my daughter's foot, which she hates. One bloody nose, multiple scratches and 4 toe-shaped bruises later, she's the one laughing. FML

by B / 04/18/2011 at 4:09am / United Kingdom (Essex) / Kids

Today, I got a call from a girl I was seeing. She said that she was falling for someone else, but she still liked me and couldn't decide what to do. Being the romantic (idiot) I am, I told her that she should do what would make her happiest, thinking that she would pick me. She didn't. FML

by HFCS / 04/18/2011 at 12:53am / Canada (British Columbia) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was cutting a little boy's hair at the hairdressers where I work. While cutting his bangs, I noticed his forehead was surprisingly warm. When I asked him if he felt OK, he threw up all over my gown. I think he had some broccoli today. FML

by stickyhair / 04/18/2011 at 12:46am / United States / Kids

Today, I was finally having sex with the man of my dreams, and then he fell asleep on top of me. FML

by Anonymous / 04/17/2011 at 11:12pm / United States (South Carolina) / Intimacy

Today, I started my first day of work at my new job. They had a section in the parking lot for employees only, so I parked there. Apparently, my boss didn't recognize my car, and had it towed. FML

by sdgsfvbkuhkj / 04/17/2011 at 7:18pm / United States (Florida) / Work

Today, I got a postcard from my boyfriend who is on vacation in the Caribbean. He's breaking up with me. FML

by dumped / 04/17/2011 at 5:12pm / South Africa (Gauteng) / Love